喵总的作文贴！！跪求大家拍砖=。=

chasedreamabc

Have you ever faced such a difficult problem which you cannot solve by yourself? Have your parents always help you to finish （help sb. do sth.）your assignments without your(you) asking? Have you are bothered by personal troubles you could have done, but you do not to do (do) so by your own? Recently (ETS,更喜欢currently), an obvious phenomenon enters intoour sight—parents are too lovingness（love）their children so that the kids could not deal with his （前面是kids）own problem without anyone help. That is terrified for a person to living in the(a) society by himself.（a person不一定是M）For me, there is no doubt that parents should encourage children to do the work on their own.



My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that standing on children’s own feet is not more important than nothing. With a strong ability, he could face any pressure and puzzle with a light footstep and a confident smile. As an example can prove this truth, when a person becomes an adult at eighteen years old, his parents have no responsibility to feed him anymore. What he just should think about is how to live in this society. If he can solve physiology needs by himself. He could do other things he want（+s）to do. But if he is grew up with his parents who help him to do his work all the time. This person cannot keep up with the step of live（of+名词，动名词）immediately. Clearly, dealing with problem by oneself without parents’ help is definitely necessary.



At the same time, it should be emphasized that parents are not whole （all）of the world in our lives. We have friends, brothers, sisters and colleagues. Making a close relationship with them could be more effective and convenient than deal anything with parents. Instead, it can improve our communicative ability and teamwork spirit. Steve Jobs is a good instance for this point. Why he was fire by his companion in his own company at the end of 20th century. As far as I know, it is because of his bad temperature.（有点罗嗦） Finally, he realized his fault and returned to the company, and then the most famous technological communication company—Apple comes （came） into our sight. That can be clearly known that importance of friends are much useful than parents.



At the first thought, （快结尾了怎么还是初一想）some opponents might claim that parents are the best protector than anyone else. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. Actually, this thought is not a mistake. But how funny a couple of old parents protect their grown baby. Not only they cannot live as long as their children, but also they need their children to take care of them （语法指代children，逻辑指代parents）when they are very old. That is to say the couple cannot help their children to do the work all the time.（TS隐藏的太深，引言较多）



Taking into account all these factors, we（我们，parents？）may safely draw the conclusion that encourage children to do the work by themselves with their own methods is the best way to let them grow up.

喵喵了个咪

5月8日TPO9



The lecture is mainly discussing that the hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine has many problem to instead the internal-combustion engine, challenging what are stated in the reading passage that this new kind of engine has many advantages to replace the old one.



First of all, the speaker thinks that even hydrogen is not easy be depleted, it needs a pure liquid state. So that it should be kept a very cold environment at minus 253 degrees. In contrast, the reading passage the author just considers about petroleum will run out. So, the lectures totally disagree with the view made in the reading.



Second, the speaker discusses the hydrogen-based fuel cells factory actually would produce the pollution during process of the engine production, Contradicting what is stated in the reading that new energy used by the new engine will reduce the pollution.



Finally, the speakers raises the issue that the material using into the machine is very expensive, but the engine cannot work normally without this material. This point disagrees with the point that fuel-cell engines is economical for people to save money demonstrated in the reading.



So, the contents in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker and the speaker has totally different ideas on the topics made in the reading.

喵喵了个咪

5月8日11.9.16 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should choose the same career as their parents. Use specific examples to support your answer.

Currently, with the increasing number of university students, choosing an occupation is a great social problem. Many parents want their children to choose the same career with themselves, So that they can make a guide for their children. Nonetheless, for me, nothing is more significant than the interest of children.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that a proverb says the interest is the best teacher for a person. If someone falls in love with one area of science, he would make a big advantage to our society. Han han is a good example to support this point. If he does not love literature, he would not create such great novels and essays. From the other point of the view to say, his parents may not command his choice. Otherwise, he would not have the achievement which he has now.

At the same time, it should be emphasized that parents’ behavior not only limits their children to choose career, but also limits the children’s talent. Everyone has sparkly point. And finding what you are good at is an important part for exercise one’s talent. If Thomas Edison’s parents order him to be a businessman, we cannot know what is the bulb and so do the telephone. That is to say a person’s talent should not be confined by others.

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that parents have more experience than children, so they can make better choice than children do. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, experience is a kind of ability which improved with one’s age. It may not suitable for different person. Clearly, parents’ experience may lead to a different result which they do not expect.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw conclusion that parents should not limit children to choose their own career.

易雨水巷

5月8日11.9.16 NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should choosethe same career as their parents. Use specific examples to support your answer.

Currently, with the increasing number ofuniversity students, choosing an occupation is a great social problem. (我不晓得这样说会不会好点儿哇with the number ofgraduates increasing quickly, finding an proper occupation gradually becomes aserious social problem.)Many parents want theirchildren to choose the same career with themselves, So that they can make aguide for their children. Nonetheless, for me, nothing ismore significant than the interest of children. (from my point of view,children are supposed to choose their career according to their interest insteadof just following their parents’ steps. 我害怕跑题， 所以总是想着尽量还原题目。。。。)

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that aproverb says the interest is the best teacher fora person （貌似这个可以去掉）. Ifsomeone falls in love with one area of science, he would make a big advantageto our society. Han han （Han Han 中文名字前两个大写） isa good example to support this point. If he does not love literature, he wouldnot create such great novels and essays. From the other point of the view to say, hisparents may not command his choice. Otherwise, he would not have theachievement which he has now.

At the same time, it should be emphasized that parents’ behavior not onlylimits their children to choose career, but also limits(这个limits是不是可以退了？)thechildren’s talent. Everyone has sparkly point. And finding what you are good atis an important part for exercise （exercising）one’s talent. If ThomasEdison’s parents order him to be a businessman, we cannot know what is the bulband so do the telephone. That is to say，a person’s talent should not be confined by others. （这段 被children’s person’s one’s这样的东东覆盖了， 可以换成of 结构的( ⊙o⊙ )哇 ）

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that parents have more experience thanchildren, so they can make better choice than children do. Persuasive as it seems to be, aclose analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, experience is akind of ability which improved with one’s age （with, age我在有道上查了一下，好像直接用with age 就可以）. It may not （+be） suitablefor different person. Clearly, parents’ experience may lead to a differentresult which they do not expect.

Taking into account all thesefactors, we may safely draw conclusion that parents shouldnot limit children to choose their own career.

To 喵喵：
读下来很顺畅， 高亮是精彩，都已经标出来了，但是有几个方面哦
1. 其实题目木有说是父母让孩子选择和他们一样的职业额。。。。虽然一般情况下是这样。。。
2. 字数明显不足，虽然满足了ETS的基本要求300+
各种加油~\(≧▽≦)/~啦啦啦

Crystaljoy

5月8日TPO9



The lecture is mainly discussing that the hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine has many problem（s） to instead (replaceinstead不是V) the internal-combustion engine, challenging what are stated in the reading passage that this new kind of engine has many advantages to replace the old one.



First of all, the speaker thinks that even(干嘛让步？删去) hydrogen is not easy（to） be depleted, it needs a pure liquid state. So that it （so that不能单独成句吧？这里it指代不清晰。改成which ，可以直接就近指代前面刚才提及的liquid state）should be kept （in）a very cold environment at minus 253 degrees. In contrast, (in) the reading passage the author just considers about (that因为后面是个句子) petroleum will run out. So, the lectures totally disagree（s） with the view made in the reading.



Second, the speaker discusses the hydrogen-based fuel cells factory actually would produce the pollution during process of the engine production, Contradicting （,contradicting to）what is stated in the reading that new energy used by the new engine will reduce the pollution. （真简洁！为了增加字数，建议再考试少用这么精炼的概括句。develop一下小细节，让句子数目大于等于3. ）



Finally, the speakers raises the issue that the material using into (used in) the machine is very expensive, but the engine cannot work normally without this material. This point disagrees with the point (statement 换一个) that fuel-cell engines is economical for people to save money（， as） demonstrated in the reading. 或者前面改成statements demonstrated in the reading.



So, the contents in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker and the speaker has totally different ideas on the topics made in the reading.



整体: 真的真的进步好大！

建议：
我们是时候研究研究满分范文，准备一两个综合的精彩模版了~
表观点的，总结的之类的同义词也准备几个来回替换。
考试把时间省出来写听力内容，检查语法。

喵喵了个咪

8月3日 独立

Currently, more and more children come into the college to improve their skills for a good work in the future. However, in the university, the students might not practice their work skills every well, because their parents often do everything they can do for their children to make sure that children need not to suffer from any trouble. Nonetheless, for me, nothing is more evident than that failure is the mother of success. The children would not grow up with the parents help.


My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that one person could practice himself in dealing with troubles only when facing the problems. If he does not facing the problems, he may not know how to communicate and cooperate with others. There is a greatest example for this point. Steve Jobs, the ex-CEO of the Apple, was expelled by his own company, just because he cannot deal the personal relationship with his employees. After left his company, Steve Jobs just recognized his fails.


At the same time, it should also be emphasized that independent working is the most important quality for a person to live in the society. If a person does not have this quality, he could not finish the work which his company assigns to him. And no people is willing to help him like his parents. There are lots of young person in our society like what I just said. They have high education background, but they cannot complete the assignment of their job. So that encouraging children to do their work independently is necessary.


At the first thought, some opponents might claim that parents help children to do their work can make the assignment finish perfectly. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, the mistakes and troubles for a person could not avoid. We should make a right attitude to face them. If we always find someone else to help us, not only we could not learn a lesson from the problem, but also we could not grow up.


Obviously, all the evidence confirms an undoubted conclusion that encouraging children to do their work independently is necessary for their road of growing. Making mistakes is not terrible. However, the worst thing is a person just want to seek help from others but not to find way by himself.

gre呀gre

8.3 独立

我是错误君 我是没错但是改了更好君 我是段落结构意见君 我是精彩部分君

Currently, more and more children come into the college(colleges) to improve their skills(窝觉得加上specialized更好) for a good work in the future. However, in the university, thestudents might not practice their work skills every（very吧- -） well, because their parents often doeverything they can do for theirchildren to make sure that children need not to suffer from any trouble.Nonetheless, for me, nothing is more evident than that failureis the mother of success（有点chinglish了，failure teaches/breeds success）. The children would not grow up with the parents（parents’） help.

My main reason, pervasiveand persuasive, associates with the point that one（a）personcould practice himself in dealing with troubles only when facing the problems.If he does not facing the problems, he may not know how to communicate andcooperate with others. There is a greatest example for this point. Steve Jobs,the ex-CEO of the Apple, was expelled by his own company, just because he cannot（这里应该用could啦，人已经没了） deal thepersonal relationship with（deal with我没查到可以分开用啊，应该是deal with the employees’ relationship会好一点吧？） his employees. After left his company, Steve Jobs just recognizedhis fails.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that independentworking is the most important quality for a person to live in the society. If aperson does not have this quality, he could not finish the work which hiscompany assigns to him. And no people（no one） iswilling to help him like his parents （加上did不会引起歧义）.There are lots of young person in our society like what I just said. They havehigh education（educated）background, but they cannot completethe assignment of their job. So（不要再用so来总结啦！改成therefore或者hence什么的吧！） that encouraging children to dotheir work independently is necessary.

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that parents helpchildren to do their work can make the assignmentfinish（finished） perfectly. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis wouldreveal how flimsy it is. In fact, the mistakes and troubles for a person couldnot avoid（be avoided）. We should make a right attitude to face them. If we always find someone else to help us, not only wecould not learn a lesson from the problem, but also we could not grow up.（题目说的是家长和孩子帮助的问题，我觉得这里应该把we换成children才对，这样更加切题）

Obviously, all the evidence confirms an undoubted conclusion thatencouraging children to do their work independently is necessary for their road（road其实很少用作途径来讲啊，换成way或者access会更好吧）of growing. Making mistakes is not terrible. However, the worst thing is （加上that，表语从句的连接词不能省略）a person just want to seek help from others but not to find（a）way（什么way呢？不够具体啊，换成solution会不会更好呢？） by himself.

写的挺好的，但是总感觉少了一段呢，一般都是三个理由啊，这里才两个，反驳不算啊，反驳+立论才算是一个独立的理由呢，其实我也经常写两个理由的作文，但是鹤鹤说还是三个理由更好，所以加油吧~

超级无敌小鹤鹤

但是鹤鹤说还是三个理由更好，所以加油吧~

-- by 会员 gre呀gre (2012/8/5 2:22:20)

也不是说两个一定不对，但是两个很容易出现“这个也好，那个也不错”的情况，题目如果明确问你哪个更好之类的，那就最好比较明确的去说其中一个观点

喵喵了个咪

8.20 独立 your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.



For most people in our society, they bustle about their life. They work harder and harder in order to have a brilliant material condition in contrast with each other, so that they have little time to enrich their social life such as be a volunteer. However, do these matters really make people happy in their daily life? In my opinion, the realistic satisfaction from one’s job cannot compare with the spiritual fulfillment.



First of all, one person takes lots of social activities can bring him so much happiness when he is helping someone really needs assistance. Just one phenomenon can prove this argument. In our society, if a person has more money, he is more willing to donate some funds for the people who need money. He builds new hope school, donates to the hospitals. All of this can be sure that spiritual fulfillment can bring more happiness than realistic satisfaction to people.



Secondly, when we are helping someone who is poor, we can realize how precious and how hard to earn the great lives we now have. When I am a undergraduate student, I have take part in an organization of volunteers, and I have went many social welfare institutions such as welfare center for children and gerocomium. These experiences make me feel more happiness from my whole life. That is what my job cannot gives me.



In some opponents point, they might claim that people can earn money from his job to buy anything he wants. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, happiness is nothing to do with money. People can use money to buy foods, clothes, luxuries and so on, emotions cannot be brought by money, of course include happiness.



Taking into account all of these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that one’s job cannot have more effect on his happiness than his social life does. Because money is not everything.

蝴蝶渡海

For most people in our society, they bustle about(bustle about是忙碌的意思，用在这里感觉有点不太贴切) their life. （感觉这里用上and作为一个并列使语言更简练一点）They work harder and harder in order to have a brilliant material condition in contrast with each other, so that they have little time to enrich their social life such as be a volunteer. However, do these matters （these matters是指哪个？）really make people happy in their daily life? In my opinion, the realistic satisfaction from one’s job cannot compare with the spiritual fulfillment.



First of all, one person takes lots of social activities can bring him so much happiness when he is helping someone really needs assistance. Just one phenomenon can prove this argument. In our society, if a person has more money, he is more willing to donate some funds for the people who need money. He builds new hope school,(应该加上连词否则句式错误了) donates to the hospitals. All of this can be sure that spiritual fulfillment can bring more happiness than realistic satisfaction to people.



Secondly, when we are helping someone who is poor, we can realize how precious and how hard to earn the great lives we now have. When I am a（an） undergraduate student, I have take(taken) part in an organization of volunteers, and I have went many social welfare institutions such as welfare center for children and gerocomium（这个单词什么意思？）. These experiences make me feel more happiness from my whole life. That is what my job cannot gives（give） me.



In some opponents point, they might claim that people can earn money from his job to buy anything he wants. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is.（改成Although persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy this notion is好点吧） In fact, happiness is nothing to do with money. People can use money to buy foods, clothes, luxuries and so on, emotions cannot be brought by money, of course include happiness.（emotions cannot be前面缺少了连词，run-on句型了）



Taking into account all of these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that one’s job cannot have more effect on his happiness than his social life does. Because money is not everything.（这句感觉过于中式了，我不知道具体如何改，我去问了一下鹤鹤它提供了一种改法Money can bring you many things, but, it does not mean everything.）

总结一下
1喵总的作文整体错误不是很多，句式使用连贯，但是有些用法过于的单调了，缺少那种让人眼前一亮的感觉。
2这篇我有点疑惑的地方是job过程中产生的是spiritual fulfillment还是social life能产生精神满足呢？你的开头没有表达很清楚。文章的最后一段回归到了money is not everything，但是Job能影响人们的happiness，是仅仅通过money的方式么？我觉得还可以扩充更多的东西呢