我该不该放弃国内的生活，选择尾随老公出国呢?拜托大家给我出点主意

Qme

我觉得lz心中应该有了选择，也许是需要别人的肯定。其实人生一直都在经历这种类似的选择，相信自己的选择，选择了就永远不要后悔。看lz的描述感觉挺艰难的，呵呵，不过，祝福lz~~

satturn

为什么大家一定觉得在美国下一代就一定会好呢。那些青少年问题国外不是比国内更加严重吗？比如吸毒、犯罪，初中女生怀孕等等。。。。知情人可以解释一下。

wwto

16楼的同学不应该用特例说明这个问题，如果真要举例子，为啥不把bill gate，warran buffet给当个例子举出来呢？或者说说国内的青少年问题（如果真能逃过幼儿园那一砍刀才能成为青少年哦！），国内吸毒犯罪初中女生怀孕的事情绝对不少，高中生出来做服务行业的也都多了去了不是？国外的月亮不一定圆，但是国内的月亮也不一定比国外圆，凡事要客观，要有亲身调查体验，然后才能正确地分析。

REgirl07

大部分在国外的下一代，主流进不去，回国又“不适应”，里外不是人，很尴尬。

-- by 会员 zbb88 (2010/6/22 14:24:04)

That is absolutely true.  Regarding your kids, the real decision is not whether or not they can get a western education or live in the U.S. for a while, the decision is whether or not you want your kids to be Americans?  I have many ABC friends whose parents initially came here just to work.  After their kids were born, they naturally sent them to American pre-schools, then K-12, then college...essentially raising a second generation that barely understands the Chinese language or culture.  Of course, there are parents that send their kids to Sunday Chinese schools, but those lessons are soon forgotten because becoming mainstream here means becoming less Asian and more American.  

Even multinational corporations want to hire Chinese locals for jobs in China now days, so there is almost no chance of foreign born kids returning to China.  They will have to forge their own path in a white dominated society and try to find their own identity (and trust me it isn't easy.  They are not Chinese, but they are not quite full-blown American either.  They are just stuck in this mythical paradigm of the model minority).  They will have to shoulder everything good or bad that comes along with living in a different country.  Immigration is not as simple as "getting a better job" or "getting a better education".  It means plucking your roots from one country and starting over in a different place.  I think it was easier at the turn of the century when people were so poor and had little to lose.  Now days it means giving up a lot more for a life that may or may not be better, and for one that you may or may not necessarily want.  

I think this is what many people don't get.  When they think about moving to a different country, they only think about reasons such as "oh the environment is less polluted there" or "oh the schools are better there".  While those things are mostly true, living at a place is not like an a la carte menu, from which you can just pick the things you like.  Immigration comes in a package.  Are you willing to accept the cultural difference and isolation?  Are you willing to give up the convenience you have now?  Are you willing to raise your kids as citizens of another country, and have your future generations completely cutoff from your homeland?  You better be, because all those come with the nicer air, the more stable job, and all the benefits.  Just make sure you think through it.

Dryfish

大部分在国外的下一代，主流进不去，回国又“不适应”，里外不是人，很尴尬。

-- by 会员 zbb88 (2010/6/22 14:24:04)

That is absolutely true.  Regarding your kids, the real decision is not whether or not they can get a western education or live in the U.S. for a while, the decision is whether or not you want your kids to be Americans?  I have many ABC friends whose parents initially came here just to work.  After their kids were born, they naturally sent them to American pre-schools, then K-12, then college...essentially raising a second generation that barely understands the Chinese language or culture.  Of course, there are parents that send their kids to Sunday Chinese schools, but those lessons are soon forgotten because becoming mainstream here means becoming less Asian and more American.  

Even multinational corporations want to hire Chinese locals for jobs in China now days, so there is almost no chance of foreign born kids returning to China.  They will have to forge their own path in a white dominated society and try to find their own identity (and trust me it isn't easy.  They are not Chinese, but they are not quite full-blown American either.  They are just stuck in this mythical paradigm of the model minority).  They will have to shoulder everything good or bad that comes along with living in a different country.  Immigration is not as simple as "getting a better job" or "getting a better education".  It means plucking your roots from one country and starting over in a different place.  I think it was easier at the turn of the century when people were so poor and had little to lose.  Now days it means giving up a lot more for a life that may or may not be better, and for one that you may or may not necessarily want.  

I think this is what many people don't get.  When they think about moving to a different country, they only think about reasons such as "oh the environment is less polluted there" or "oh the schools are better there".  While those things are mostly true, living at a place is not like an a la carte menu, from which you can just pick the things you like.  Immigration comes in a package.  Are you willing to accept the cultural difference and isolation?  Are you willing to give up the convenience you have now?  Are you willing to raise your kids as citizens of another country, and have your future generations completely cutoff from your homeland?  You better be, because all those come with the nicer air, the more stable job, and all the benefits.  Just make sure you think through it.

-- by 会员 REgirl07 (2010/6/22 16:16:08)

这两位说的太好拉！
绝对是事实，BBC和ABC都这样
排除那些重大事故或者变化而移民的，那些只是为环境，孩子教育着想而移民的父母眼光不够深... 偷渡的不算

rena77

其实最好的理想状态是:
地球是平的,不管是在美国住还是在中国住都很随意,在中美之间走动时就像从一个省到另一个省.生活轻松自如,两边的好处都能享受..就不用这么纠结了

LZYL

上周好忙，没空回复大家的关心的确，如ningchunlong所说，我要出去绝对不是一两年出去晃晃的打算，付出的代价太大，我已经过了可以那么随性生活的年龄，毕竟生活是真实且现实的。

LZYL

其实，我没觉得我很纠结于家庭和事业之间的权衡，对我来说家庭绝对是最重要的。我可以去放弃现在拥有的，但是很难要父母也为我们去付出。有时候，我觉得自己不是为自己而生活，而是为上下两代去生活，这可能是独生子女的悲哀。当然大家也可能觉得我矫情了～～

LZYL

我和你老公基本上一模一样的背景了，为了老婆transfer回香港工作，已经非常后悔！基本上事业就没啥盼头了。更加不要说回大陆工作。强烈建议你出国工作一下，对比一下，知道个差别然后再选择。总比你继续“蹉跎岁月”强。那么多人希望有个出去体验的机会，都在努力奋斗，你眼前就有一个，却在犹豫，希望日后你不会朗诵至尊宝的台词来调侃自己。
说自己已经有了朋友圈，有了体面的工作，我觉得都是借口。朋友圈是与生具来的吗？到哪里不能认识朋友？工作上，你努力奋斗有了事业，难道你老公的事业是天上掉下来砸他头上的馅饼？做选择要看大局。如果双方满足于这样蹉跎下去，那就别出去了。
另，11w刀足够在美国支撑一个不错的家庭了，说不定比你在北京活得还体面(具体要看你在美国哪个城市)。觉得自在就把父母也接过去，不爽了就回国。我不觉得你们会因此而失去什么。你们现在起码还有两个options，如果他回国了，就没有选择的余地了。
过来人，仅供参考！

-- by 会员 wwto (2010/6/21 8:06:10)

可能您一直在国外，不知道现在国内找一份差强人意的工作有多困难，更何况一还是个年龄30+的女人，所以如果我去了美国，基本上就没回头路了，不太可能再回国了，因为失去了我现在的工作，我们回国都供不起国内的房贷和养孩子。所以如果我去了美国，也是同样没有选择的余地了。BTW，我想问问虽然您可能为了老婆回到香港感到有些后悔，那您老婆是同样感到后悔和内疚，还是感到幸福？

confidence08

很多情况因人而宜，LZ想想自己到底最想要什么，不要给自己太多压力了，车到山前必有路，选择哪条路都有哪条路的走法，只要你心里能接受改变，说不定又是一片新的天空。我们这一代的人，似乎都是这样，一遇到事情，想的会特别多，所以烦恼也特别多，犹犹豫豫，加郁闷，最后做了选择，也不开心，还经常担心会后悔。像父母他们那一辈，也可能是机会不多，可选的OPTION也不多，所以有什么，就干什么，干什么，就尽量去努力干好什么，其实发现在努力的同时，一些从未想到的机会也自然就冒了出来。