请大家拍砖，上次作文考了21分， 想找出原因

caopp

建造一所高中在你的community  比较好处和坏处

Recently the issue of constructing a high school in my community has posed amount of people. Nowhere has this issue been debated like in my community. Those who object to this issue argue/criticize that the construction will disturb their normal life style and also bring many problems such as air pollution and the annoying noise. On the contrary, those who support this issue claim/maintain that this will lead to the area economic development and give the children convenience to go to high school in this district. In my opinion, the merits of this event overweigh the disadvantages.

 

From the previous experience, it is true that no matter what purpose of construction is, it brings some unpleasant effects such as the air pollution, the noise in surrounding and the inconvenience of walking through that constructing area. For example, last year neighboring area of my house was bought by a real estate company and would be made to a large residential district with many new condos. Soon, the nightmare began. The building was created continuously, even in the whole night. Thus, the inevitably successive noise was generated and made me not have a effective sleep at night. I was dizzy and low-efficient in the day time. Also, the other side effect, dirty air, deteriorated health of people in community and some old people infected the throat disease.

 

       Although I can not deny that there are disadvantages for the new building construction,
        there are many undeniable merits. First, a new high school will supply great convenience for both parents and children. Until now, there is no high school in our community, so children have to walk a very long way to go to a nearby school. This leads children to spend a lot of time on the road between home and school. Moreover, the family members of the school children will get a relief. If children are busy for the studying, then the grandparents or parents need to send meals for kids to school. Thus, almost whole family members have to engage in the things around children. A new high school will release these people from caring for students. Also, there is such possibility to improve children’s study, for parents and children can communicate with teacher frequently then.

 

       Besides, there are also other benefits. Education is a kind of industry, which can drive many other industries such as the food industry blooming surrounding the school, the stationery industry which sells the studying tools for students, and etc. These industries not only give students convenience, but also give the community dwellers life convenience. For example, people do not need to take the bus to go shopping, and instead go to nearby shops. In addition, this school will attract many families which have school children to reside in nearby area, increasing the house price in our community and people’s investment to our area.

 

       From the discussion of comparison above, we can safely conclude that the good points of the issue surpass the defects in an great extent. This event will furnish convenience for students in our community and liberate family members of the school kids. Besides, this also can improve the economic condition in nearby area. So, I will support to build a high school in our community.

silentBFF

I guess that should be grammar problem.
That's all

weiyufeifei

First, it's about your idea:

In the third paragraph, you already mentioned the great convenience a community high school may bring to the residents and

 in the fourth paragraph, you mentioned the convenience again. But the topic sentence for this paragraph is other benefits, I think it's better for you to highlight the possibility of creating more work chances.