[求助]作文一直不好，写一篇请高手指点,谢谢！

cmclgmet

我水平不是很高。很多都是在重复题目。谢谢NN!

9. The following appeared in the opinion column of a financial magazine.
“On average, middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. Since the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade, department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. Furthermore, to take advantage of the trend, these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumer.”

In this argument, the author reached the conclusion that due to the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade，department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. The basis reason for this recommendation is that the number of middle-aged people expects to increase in the future. Another reason given to support the argument is that middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services. While the argument has some merits, however, it commits some logical mistakes which are addressed below.

       In the first place, the author claims that because the middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store, while the for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent, so department stores should pay more attention to the middle-age consumers. But the claim fails to consider the absolute value of the expenditure. For example, if the middle-aged consumers on average spend 3.9 dollars at the stores products and services a week and younger consumers spend 2.5 dollars a week, then the sales of department stores might not increase significantly. Moreover, the claim also relies on an assumption that the total expenditure of middle-age consumers is at least as much as that of younger consumers. But the author provides no evidences in support of the assumption. In short, any decision aimed at addressing the problem must be based on the more thorough investigation in order to gather more accurate statistics.

       In the second place, the author provides no evidence to support the assumption that the expenditure of middle-aged consumers more than that of younger consumers in the future. The author must provide evidences to prove the trend will continue in the next decade. But, the current situation is insufficient to convince me that the assumption is valid and accurate. In contrast, should the situation actually change? In this way, the expenditure of middle-aged consumers will less than that of younger consumers. Then adopting the proposal might result in a decrease in the sales of the department stores.

       On the whole, the author reached the conclusion is misleading and invalid. To make the argument logical acceptable, the author should give the absolute value of expenditure. To better evaluate the argument, the author needs to substantiate that the expenditure of middle-aged consumers will more than that of younger consumers in the next decade.

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-9-8 12:49:59编辑过]

rio

以下是引用cmclgmet在2007-9-7 13:50:00的发言：

我水平不是很高。很多都是在重复题目。谢谢NN!

9. The following appeared in the opinion column of a financial magazine.
“On average, middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. Since the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade, department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. Furthermore, to take advantage of the trend, these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumer.”

In this argument, the author reached the conclusion that due to(because) the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade，department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. The basis reason for this recommendation is that the number of middle-aged people expects to increase in the future. Another reason given to support the argument is that middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services. While the argument has some merits, however, it commits some logical mistakes which are addressed below.

       In the first place, the author claims that because the middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store, while the for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent, so department stores should pay more attention to the middle-age consumers. But the claim fails to consider the absolute value of the expenditure. For example, if the middle-aged consumers on average spend 3.9 dollars at the stores products and services a week and younger consumers spend 2.5 dollars a week, then the sales of department stores might not increase significantly. Moreover, the claim also relies on an assumption that the total expenditure of middle-age consumers is at least as much as that of younger consumers. But the author provides no evidences in support of the assumption. In short, any decision aimed at addressing the problem must be based on the more thorough investigation in order to gather more accurate statistics.

       In the second place, the author provides no evidence to support the assumption that the expenditure of middle-aged consumers more than that of younger consumers in the future. The author must provide evidences to prove the trend will continue in the next decade. But, the current situation is insufficient to convince me that the assumption is valid and accurate. In contrast, should the situation actually change? In this way, the expenditure of middle-aged consumers will less than that of younger consumers. Then adopting the proposal might result in a decrease in the sales of the department stores.

       On the whole, the author reached the conclusion is misleading and invalid. To make the argument logical acceptable, the author should give the absolute value of expenditure. To better evaluate the argument, the author needs to substantiate that the expenditure of middle-aged consumers will more than that of younger consumers in the next decade.

你为什么不比较人数呢?

也许中年人很少,年轻人很多

cmclgmet

谢谢！