[讨论]近期考试作文修改组(6.30/7.7的CDer进)

德克的猪

近期考试的同学,因为时间紧急,没有时间互批

所以把作文发到这里来,我有空改

注意:我在这里的修改中会有不少的同义词,这样有助于迅速增加大家的写作词汇量

lixiaosr

题目： Is it better to enjoy your money when you earn it or is it better to save your money for some time in the future? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Throughout the history, money, no doubt, is tremendously important in people's daily life.As is so often pointed out, money is not only a method to live- it is a way to satisfy people's desires.For the sake of that ,numerous  people spare no effort to earn money.  However, after making them , how should we treat them? Enjoy money or save money? After giving a serious thinking, I adamantly agree with the idea that saving money for some time in th future. The following reasons will confirm my perspective.

 

For one thing, just as Meniscus, one of the greatest philosopher and educator, once comment, " our life is filled with a multitude of accidents, we must prepare money for dealing with them. In effect, in many case, saving money means saving lives. To explain this idea, I should like to draw on my own experience. When I was in my fresh year at college, I experience a traumatic incident that I will never forget for the rest of my life. It was a Sunday afternoon, when I was in my dorm room , hanging out with some of my college friends. Out of sudden, I felt a overwhelming pain as if I was kicked hard in that particular spot. I almost passed out. My friends were horrified by my pale face and beads of sweat cascading from my forehead. Then they sent me to the nearest hospital. However, as is well- known to everyone, treatment needs money. In my country, if you do not have money, you will receive no treatment. Luckily I had save 10 thousand dollars for last decade.If there were not for money, I would be died. who can say that saving money is inferior t enjoy the money?

 

Moreover, saving money can bring salutary impacts on our career.  My father is a perfect case in point. Three years ago he was manager of Ching, a famous Chinese restaurant. With ever increasing experience about how to manage a restaurant well, he was eager to open his own restaurant. At that time, the money he saving proved to be vital importance. Owing to this money, his dream came true,.Furthermore, he became the most distinguished manager in his field.

 

To sum up, based on the evidences above, hardly can I agree the idea that people should enjoy the money when they earn it. I believe that saving can bring much more beneficial influence on your lives.   

sinuo8014

30号考...

题目 同意与否 大学生活是人一生中最好的时光

没用传统的写法 比较叙述性..猪猪这样会不会简单?

Even today ,whenever i recall  the memory about my college life , i can not stop crying.The dirty deeds we did with my freinds to the prefessor which always give us low grades; the first boyfriend i made in my whole life; the best moment of  we  our best friends lay on the roof of dormitory  ,just seeing the stars in the sky and talking all night ; the song we sang together  during the graduation and so on.From my college life ,i not only own the excell friendship but also the momery that nothing more valuable. I can site a seas of  very things about my college life and i bet you can do it either or even more than me.It is undeniable that this pireod is the most memorible part of my whole life and i will store it untill the day i die. For this perspctive ,i frimly  believe that the college years are the best time in a person's life .
Another example of me .When i was teenage, the thing i most anticipate is go away of my parents' home and live alone.I dream that  i could have my own kitich so that i could entertain with my friends by cooking myself. I can handle the time by myself when to go to study,choose  the TV programme i prefer .Even go bed after 12 there is no one will yelling to me or use as a threat  to reduce my leisure money.Most of people which at my age have the first independence expriences when they are in college,and a few of them rent outside college because they feel  in that sense, it seems like they  had  a real home in the soaciety  firstly not just the one parents gave them.Just like them, the feeling of that, i can not describ in literatue , at the moment i have the key of the rent house ,the only thing i want do is cry out as loud as i can  ' it is the best time of my life!'.The life in college show me the freedom which not me but most people eager to .
Above all,are not this college years the best time in a person's life ?

德克的猪

lixiaosr

Throughout the history, money, no doubt(as no doubt), is tremendously important in people's daily life. As is so often pointed out, (earning,如果说money is a way,这种说法很牵强,应该改成一个动名词) money is not only(我更喜欢merely) a method to live-(破折号后面可以不打空格)it is a way to satisfy(satisfy还可以用gratify) people's desires. For the sake of(替换的有:in terms of/in the light of) that ,numerous  people spare no effort(endeavor) to earn money.  However, after making them(不要同时出现两个代词,这里应该明确的指出:after earning large sums of money), how should we treat(对待钱?这里说utilize/spend比较好) them? Enjoy money or save money? (That is a question.) After giving a serious thinking, I adamantly agree with the idea that saving money for some time in th future(I, after contemplating, adamantly…..). The following reasons will confirm my perspective.

 

For one thing, just as Meniscus, one of the greatest philosopher and educator, once comment(commented), " our life is filled with(be filled with=teem with) a multitude of accidents(这个不好,做人哪有那么倒霉?), we must prepare money for dealing with them(in case of the unpredictable future, money, indubitably, stands in the list of the must-prepare things). In effect(这个东西在这里是什么意思?), in many case, saving money means saving lives. To explain this idea, I should(我个人还是觉得would比较好) like to draw on my own experience. When I was in my fresh year at college(In my first year in college), I experience(过去时) a traumatic incident that I will never forget for the rest of my life(I experienced a traumatic incident-so horrible was it that in the rest of my life I will never ever forget it). It was a Sunday afternoon, when I was in my dorm room, hanging out(首先,我觉得hang out这里不太好,可以说having fun,不过,为了使文章有细节,最好写playing the poker game “Hearts”) with some of my college friends. Out of sudden, I felt a(an) overwhelming pain as if I was kicked hard in that particular spot. I almost passed out(Seeing me almost passed out,) My friends were horrified by my pale face and beads of sweat cascading from my forehead. Then they sent me to the nearest hospital. However, as is well-known to everyone, treatment needs money. In my country, if you do not have money, you will receive no treatment(In our country, if ones does not have enough money, unfortunately, s/he will not receive a treatment in time.我建议过,说人的时候,最好不要用you). Luckily I had save(分词形式) 10 thousand dollars for last decade. If there were not for money, I would be died (I would be died?这个错误也太低级了:I would, indubitably, die). (这里要有一个链接的东西,比如:Then)who can say that saving money is inferior t enjoy the money? (我个人觉得,这个例子的太劣质了:没有细节,没有病症的名称,没有描绘出当时的惊险,连用词都错了- traumatic是外伤,创伤的意思.).

德克的猪

up

lixiaosr

 第二片新鲜出炉了Reading fiction is more enjoyable than watching movie.

As is so often pointed, competition is one of key words of this world. Currently, people, in effect, are under extremely intense pressure. For the sake of not being crumble for such stress, people are eager to find some entertainments to relax themselves. As a consequence of it, reading fiction and watching movies became smash hits. However, which, you may wonder , is better? Fiction or film?I, after a serious thinking, adamantly support the movies. The following reasons will confirm my perspective.

 

For one thing, watching movies, obviously, is a much more convenient and easier way to relax ourselves. To prove this point, I will take my father, a salesman of Nokia, as a example. Every night, after a long, difficult day at work, hardly can he be vigorous enough. In most cases, he just wants to lie down on the sofa without any works of thinking. Apparently, fiction is impossible to meet his demand. Nevertheless, movies never fail to satisfy him. With the press fo a button on his remote controls, he can enjoy his favorite movie program. 

 

Furthermore, watching movies is not only a method of relax- it is a chance to socialize with friends and families. To explain this idea, I should like to draw on my own experience. Every Sunday, I like inviting some of my good friend to my apartment to enjoy the famous Hollywood blockbusters, such as God Father or 007. Meanwhile, we talk a lot about the movies. “which role is more handsome or guessing the end of the movie"are our popular topics.  Owing to such activities, our relationship are developed and we know more about others.

 

Yet for all that, reading fiction is not all gloom and doom, it still has islands of excellence. When one reads a novel, he is in a position to let his imagination run wild. Relying on that, one can receive enjoyment.

 

To sum up, yes, reading fiction has its own merit, compared to watching movies, it has too much disadvantages. I believe that watching movies is a better way for people to enjoy their lives. 

lixiaosr

顶

NOBODYILI

我也报名！！

武汉的七月二十八～

喜死我了有德克批改～

先占个位子，练了口语就来～

谢谢拉～

parapluie

我～～7.28 北京～

不知道有哪一组能容下我呢：（

popray

7号考试，今天刚刚开始写作练习，方志书到用时才恨少呀。猪猪请多指点！

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

Yesterday's evening paper mentioned that 30,000 more people were planning to apply for a higher education this summer, brining the total number of applicants to nearly 600,000. The news discovers the fact that more and more people today are interested in college or university.

 

One of the main drives for such activity is relevant to the employment. According to a research by a human resource market analysis company, the opportunity for a job candidate to win the application is in positive relation to his/her academic background, especially in those high-tech industries such as IT and chemistry engineering. Therefore, it is easy to understand that, with the return of securing a good occupation, people are willing to apply to college or university as an investment.

 

At the same time, it is also true that some people who might already have an admirable position or a reasonable pay re-enter the school for post-graduate program, like a MBA for example. I would explain the phenomenon by crediting the school as a second environment to set up the social network. It is highly possible that the future career partner might come from your classmates, or the next customer might just live next door to your dormitory. I would like to share a living example of myself that my counter partner in the head quarter office graduated from the same university as mine.

 

Although career preparation is one of the most significant motives for education, there are quite a lot of people looking for their live partners in the classroom. Last week, I have attended a wedding of my best friend who discovered the true love during the school year, and he whispered to me that the university may be the last opportunity in your whole life to dream about the pure love.

 

In summary, people go for high education for various goals - some out of career point of view, others for private reasons. I believe most of them can be achieved since high education has such a high “return on sales”.

半个小时内很困难的写完，后边用了15分钟又修改了一下。