ChaseDream
搜索
返回列表 发新帖
查看: 1678|回复: 6
打印 上一主题 下一主题

[求助]作文一篇,求大牛指点 TWE010

[复制链接]
楼主
发表于 2007-5-19 12:28:00 | 只看该作者

[求助]作文一篇,求大牛指点 TWE010

"When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success." Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

There is nothing substitute for hard work..” It is universally accepted that hard work is indispensable to success. Although some people also mention luck as a prerequisite to accomplish, I insist that when people succeed, it is only because of their hard work for not only is it vital to attainment, it is also the only way that leads to real success.

Hard work is to success what water is to fish. Without hard work, one is not able to have even the least possibility to achieve one’s goal. Also, it seems that if one spares no effort to obtain one’s goal, he will be successful under any conditions. A good case in point is the great musician Beethoven. In spite of deaf ears and poor health, Beethoven devoted himself to music. Eventually,   he became one of the supreme musicians ever, and the example is not rare. As a result, basic to being successful is hard work, and in most cases one can achieve his aim only by hard work.

What is more, hard work is the unique access to “real success”. Although some people may view success as material attainment: wealth, a big house, or an exorbitant car, successful people see it differently: they define success as a sense of achievement. They enjoy the course of hard work, and are satisfied with whatever result it might bring. In their opinion, they are successful in that they obtained a lot from the procedure. Suppose that one individual becomes wealthy as a consequence of winning a lottery or a bet. Happy and fortunate as he might be, he is not successful in that he did not work hard to succeed. In conclusion, one gains a sense of achievement in the process of hard work and that is virtually the most desirable one can ever have.

Despite all that have been listed above, some people are against my point of view, they even quote the example of Bill Gates to support their idea. They may be right in a sense, but they fail to see that Bill is just an exception. The society in whole abounds with the example of people that struggle to succeed with little luck. In addition, Bill is considered fortunate as a result of his grasp of the opportunity of the computer boom. Without hard work, all his efforts would be in vain.

In brief, as the saying goes: “Those who aim at great deeds must suffer greatly.” Hard work provides people with the only road that leads to success because it is essential to success and it will give them real success. 

 

 

 


[此贴子已经被作者于2007-5-19 12:33:26编辑过]
沙发
发表于 2007-5-19 17:58:00 | 只看该作者
写得不错!
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2007-5-20 12:52:00 | 只看该作者

呵呵谢谢 感觉上2,3段的结尾部分有点生硬,例子也不具体,请问有什么办法避免么?

地板
发表于 2007-5-20 13:00:00 | 只看该作者

``本来我是想改改``

但是可以改动的地方实在不多

这样的作文得个4分的中上等是没有问题的

5#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-5-20 17:21:00 | 只看该作者
那大哥能给讲讲总体来说有哪些不足么,如果想得更高分的话
6#
发表于 2007-5-20 18:04:00 | 只看该作者

有一些词汇的重复,这个要注意

用词最好不要重复

比如hard work重复了几次,这个是可以用assiduous striving替换的

7#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-5-20 23:28:00 | 只看该作者
奥 还是词汇量的问题 谢谢啦
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

Mark一下! 看一下! 顶楼主! 感谢分享! 快速回复:

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

近期活动

正在浏览此版块的会员 ()

手机版|ChaseDream|GMT+8, 2025-11-29 03:33
京公网安备11010202008513号 京ICP证101109号 京ICP备12012021号

ChaseDream 论坛

© 2003-2025 ChaseDream.com. All Rights Reserved.

返回顶部