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TWE035 Plx correct!

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楼主
发表于 2006-9-11 22:23:00 | 只看该作者

TWE035 Plx correct!

035:  Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television.

        I think quite many people, especially youngsters, have ever been in a concert for at lease once. I tried once ages ago, but it was really memorable for me and now I can still remember the scene very clearly. Though it costs me a considerable amount of money, I still think it is worthy to go to support my idol. In my opinion, attending a live performance is definitely more enjoyable than watching the same event on television in terms of sensation, atmosphere and audience impact that can really make me gratified. In this essay, I shall enumerate the reasons to support my viewpoint.

        First of all, the audio and visual enjoyment is certainly the most satisfactory in a live performance. I do not think everyone has a professional sound output system at home. So when we are in a on-the-spot concert, we can enjoy the best audio effect -- the instant sound created by a certain kind of musical instrument or your idol’s voice through the most professional amplifier – without being affected by the quality of your own speaker. On the other hand, visually speaking, what can be better than really seeing the performer by you eyes? Therefore, I’m sure the sensational enjoyment that a live performance brings to the audience is the greatest.

Secondly, in a live performance, audience feels that they are participating, rather than simply sitting and watching. In this way, a special atmosphere is formed. For instance, there is a group of people gathering to enjoy their idol’s performance. The mood is joyful and exciting and the atmosphere makes all the audience influenced by it and engrossed in the performance. The audience is affected by a group impact and the feeling gets higher and higher. In addition, there is a mutual connection and communication between the performer and the audience. When the performer shows off his or her talents or skills brilliantly, the audience claps their hands. When the singer asks everybody to sing and dance together, everyone just forgets about everything and responds. And that is its specialty. You can only enjoy the spectacular and peculiar perception when you are in a live concert. Apparently, you cannot clap you hands or ask for an encore at home. Participation of audience is one of the most substantial components of a live performance, making the performer concentrated in the presentation. As result, the audience can certainly get the best enjoyment.

In short, live performance is just very different from the one on television show in light of both audio and visual enjoyment in an enjoyable environment. If you want to have a great time, a live performance is undoubtedly your choice.

沙发
发表于 2006-9-12 14:39:00 | 只看该作者

Let me give some comments:

1.LZ的"I think"用得有点多。写T文章,不要有太多的这类太主观的词汇,比如i think, i believe...应该写的客观些。

比如:I do not think everyone has a professional sound output system at home。这句话可以改成,not every one has a professional....

2.以前好像也学过,文章最好不要用问句的方式来表达你的意思。比如第二段的倒数第二句,为什么不直接把你的意思用肯定句表达呢?这一点我记不得在什么地方看过的,反正我自己写文章都不怎么用问句去表达自己的意思...

3.Some errors:  As result-> As a result; in light of -> in terms of (I prefer this. Up to u). 文章有些地方有些繁了,试着精简下...

4.第三段,我建议分成两段,或者简短一些。你想象下,你是喜欢看两段简短的文字还是一段长长的文字呢?建议第三段可以分成:getting together和mutual connection这样两个中心意思的段落。

呵呵,只是一些简单的意见,希望对你有帮助...

 

  Come on, fight!
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