AA106请大家批改,24号考试,火烧眉毛啦!急急急

mentulau

第一次写,关于字数,书写规则,技巧一概不详,就看了一下新东方教材.恳请板板批改!先谢过啦!

In the argument ,the arguer purports that by providing a gym ,the town authority could  reduce the expenture of the town’group health insurance coverage by roughly 50% and thus accomplish a balanced town budget.To justify this advice , the arguer render certain statistics that those who exercise regularly are hospitalized less than half as  often as those who don’t exercise.After close scrunity,we could find that the conclusion lacks credibility for several critical flaws.

 

 In The first place,the town’s business manager based the claim on the certain ststistics that “recerch ” indicates that who exercise regularly are hospitalized less than half as often as those who do not exercise.However, the town’s business manager ignore whethere the research is representative to this argument or not.we do not know whether the characters of the sample surveyed in the research is similar to those of Saluda’s municipal employee .For exsample ,the research selected some people aged over 50,but the average age of the Saluda’s municipal employee is under 40-year-old.thus,the result of the research is unvalid in this argument.

 

In the second place, the town’s business manager assume that Saluda’s municipal employee will always go to gym for exercise ,if   a well-equipped gym is provided.However, the town’s business manager overlooked the possibility that the majority of Saluda’s municipal employee do  like watching movies,attending a concert ,and holding a party ranther than enjory exercise.in the other hand,the excellent gym is nothing to most  Saluda’s municipal employee.

 

Last but not least , for further support of the claim the town’s business manager point out  that by providing a gym ,the town authority could  reduce the expenture of the town’group health insurance coverage by roughly 50% and thus accomplish a balanced town budget.However,even if the town’group health insurance is partly deducted, the deficit of the town budget myebe is so huge that the reducing is not enough.

 

To sum up ,the conclusion lacks credibility because the statistics cited in the argument do not grant srong support to the assertion.To make the argument more logical,the argument  need provide more concrete data regarding research result,the habits of the Saluda’s municipal employee, and the condition of town’s budget.Without this ,I will suspend my judgement about the credibility of the recommendation.