第一篇不要留面子的批啊

jessiebetty

题目 39

Responsibility for preserving the natural environment ultimately belongs to the individuals, not government

The author claims that individuals have the responsibility for preserving the natural environment rather than the government. The argument involves an conflict between the government and the individuals. It gives us a either-or choice about the duty to conserve the environment. But in my opinion, neither take precedence over the other, both government and individuals contribute to the honored obligations.

       First, we are all familiar with the saying "everyone deserves the obligation to preserve the environment around us." As it is known, public advertising and other ways have been used to punctuate the environmental idea into our lives. Just as the ads say, each simple thing such as picking up gabbages, consuming less energy and saving more water will lead to a better life.

       Second, the government actually plays a privital role in conserving the nature. The environmental problems are in deed the ones in large scope. Simply depending on an individual’s power will not solve the problem. Common sense tells us that every individual acts to his own benefits, so nothing can guarantee individuals will destroy the nature or waste resources to maximize his profits. Now the importance of the government has been recognized .Government will make a long-term plan according to the specific problems and impose the duty on the individuals regardless of the reluctance of others.

       Third, the best way to preserve the environment is combine the power of government and the duty of individuals together. We all know that the pollution has become word-wide, international cooperation among each nation has been necessary. Governments take a leading role in regulating the behavior of wasting and polluting in an overall perspective. Moreover, individuals form the basic elements of carrying out the plan.

      In sum, we can never conclude that which part is more important than the other. Because integrating the duty of individuals into the planning of government can provide us a surprise result, efficient combination will be the best way to preserve our natural environment.

LMG1

感觉例子有点单薄。说到政府的作用，我举了下面的例子：

Germany is well known for its tremendous efforts contributing to the global battle for the environment. Tourists usually are so impressed when they just arrive in a German city by the process involved in reducing garbage volume, detailed guidelines in recycling and people’s enthusiasm for environment protection. By imposing the Green Dot system, which requires retailers and manufacturers to pay for significant fees for any packaging of the products, German government successfully put packaging on diet and reduced one million tons of garbage annually generated by packing. By properly sorting and recycling garbage, the country was also able to save large amount of the shrinking natural resources such as forests. There is even a saying that Germany got its forests from garbage.

抛砖引玉大家别吐我口水呀。

geneX

LMG1's sample is much better and more vivid.

Jessie's language is somehow awkward and leave an impression that you were trying to stuff things into your fixed frame which might not fit the topic exactly...

laihong

以下是引用jessiebetty在2006-7-12 22:28:00的发言：

题目 39

Responsibility for preserving the natural environment ultimately belongs to the individuals, not government

The author claims that individuals have the responsibility for preserving the natural environment rather than the government.语法错误。 The argument involves an conflict between the government and the individuals.这里的表达不对（这里是方式的冲突还可以） It gives us a either-or choice about the duty to conserve the environment. But in my opinion, neither take precedence over the other,语法错误 both government and individuals contribute to the honored obligations.

       First, we are all familiar with the saying "everyone deserves the obligation这个没有被证明。 to preserve the environment around us." As it is known, public advertising and other ways have been used to punctuate the environmental idea into our lives. Just as the ads say, each simple thing such as picking up gabbages, consuming less energy and saving more water will lead to a better life. 没有支持前面的理由obligation

       Second, the government actually plays a privital role in conserving the nature. The environmental problems are in deed the ones in large scope. Simply depending on an individual’s power will not solve the problem. Common sense tells us that every individual acts to his own benefits, so nothing can guarantee individuals语法错误 will destroy the nature or waste resources to maximize his profits. Now the importance of the government has been recognized 用词不对.Government will make a long-term plan according to the specific problems and impose the duty on the individuals regardless of the reluctance of others.

       Third, the best way to preserve the environment is combine 语法错误the power of government and the duty of individuals together. We all know that the pollution has become word-wide, international cooperation among each nation has been necessary.废话。 Governments take a leading role in regulating the behavior of wasting and polluting in an overall perspective. Moreover, individuals form the basic elements of carrying out the plan.

      In sum, we can never conclude that which part is more important than the other. Because integrating the duty of individuals into the planning of government can provide us a surprise 词法错误result, efficient combination will be the best way to preserve our natural environment.

首先语法词法需要进一步完善；其次，写作中，例子的选用还欠缺；还有，逻辑关系的论证不得体。