【写作小分队】轰炸写作~526~!!!

miss绿光 · 发表于 2012-4-10 00:40:17

一直没有开始写作，沉没成本不再追究。每日一套，坚持。
4月10日101022 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The advice from grandparents has no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 5o years.

Due to the dramatically rapid development of the whole world, it is accepted that the cotemporary ideas and notions which are prevalent and reasonable during that period probably become obsolete in few years, let alone in a long time.Based on this perception, the assertion is put forward that the advice from grandparents is no longer helpful for their grandchildren because the changes could be world-shaking. As far as I’m concerned, however, I am on the opposite side of the claim and my stand will be testified to a great extent by the following.

First of all, the grandparents, because of their ages, experience a lot, letting them know how to do the right things and how to avoid conducting errors. Such experience and rationality grandparents possess is of great value to their grandchildren by directing proper and exact solutions to what they are in trouble with. Furthermore, it is experience that often counts most when we make decisions in either emergency or ordinary situation. Take my grandfather, who was a solider during the Anti-Japanese War in China, as an example. Once my family went vacation to the mountains in regions far away from home, during which we are puzzled how to go downside when the sunset would occur. As a little girl then, I was too scared to keep calm and my parents had conflicts with my grandfather about the choice of paths. My grandfather managed to persuade my parents by stating his experience that he had went through mountain ways when he was a soldier, and finally, we arrived at the bottom of the mountain safe and sound before the sunset.

Additionally,the truth, whatever it is, never fades with time passing and age can never serve as the criteria to judge the value of one’s opinion. Changes take place every second in every corner in the world, though, many elder people achieve the feat. Nearly seventy, Ronald Reagan was still selected to be the president of the United States. Another famous person who won the Nobel Prize at the age of only 35, Yang ZhenNing kept studying in the physics area and he was awarded King Faisal International Prize at 2001, at which time he was already 79 years old.Taking these facts into account, how can we refuse to take our grandparents' advices just because the changes are huge during the 50 years?

Admittedly,some opponents of my view hold that older are the people, more conservative they become. The extent of the conservation, however, has little to do with the value of the grandparents’ final decisions. Bare decisions are made merely according to how much deciders are conservative or aggressive; in fact,grandparents are rational enough to take all beneficial perspectives and potential risks into consideration, which probably led to the truth eventually.

5o years maybe a long time for humans’ life span; it is, however, just an instant in the historical endless flow. Therefore, although there are dramatic differences between the world in this second and that 50 years ago,grandparents’ advices, which includes their whole-life experience and the truth they found, can still show us the bright way to the right end.

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没高级词汇，拖沓（写G作文习惯这么多字了，怎么减？），感觉说服力也不强…还请大家帮忙啦~
由于第一次写，写了挺久，中途也有道了~Anyway，请大家给我看下我主要的问题在哪里~我赶紧集中突破之~
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从word粘贴过来格式很恐怖啊……我修正了一些要是还有难看的地方大家多担待点~

Suri在奋斗 · 发表于 2012-4-10 06:47:08

沙发，最早的啦

Suri在奋斗 · 发表于 2012-4-10 06:50:15

我作文考的时候是4.5，自己纠错本领很糟糕
给绿光亲一个网址哈
句酷批改网，把作文倒腾进去，有系统的纠错和评分
绿光这篇90哦
我本想给你截图过来看，但怎么都不会弄，╮(╯▽╰)╭
绿光亲自去看看
btw,也推荐给yiayia过，他说很不错啦

199249712 · 发表于 2012-4-10 08:11:24

亲爱的我也想要这个网址T.T

miss绿光 · 发表于 2012-4-10 12:36:42

谢谢Suri呀~感动^^争取用最后的几天通过练习达到一个好的水平~

晨依Jacqueline · 发表于 2012-4-10 14:34:15

欢迎绿光~~哇哇一起rock T writing~

miss绿光 · 发表于 2012-4-11 11:16:22

第一次写综合，一下子就会被发现语言有多烂了><，每一段都是反驳咋写出花儿来？咋把听到的东西用好的语言paraphrase？努力！
辛苦给我改的人了…
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为方便给我改的人，我把TPO软件的reading部分截图了^^（如果有word版本的话别笑话我哈）
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The issue is about whether the certification that wood companies receive can benefit the company in Unites States eventually. The reading passage holds the view that such certification cannot achieve the goal while the professor in the lecture stands on the totally opposite side.

The passage first mentions that so much advertising are performed to American consumers that American won’t count on the eco-certification label. The passage completely neglects that, however, American treat various kind of advertisement in different ways. American customers can distinguish the advertisements that are made merely for the company’s sake from those that are made by the certification institutions. What’s more, American customers are confident in the independence of those certification institutions. In fact, the certifications made by the independent certification institutions, especially which hold international trust, are favored by American customers.

Secondly,the passage points out that American customers are unlikely to choose those products with certification labels because the eco-certified wood will be more expensive than the uncertified and because American customers are price-oriented to a great extent. Thoroughly opposed to the opinion, the professor in the lecture clarifies that American customers are not only count on price when they choose merchandises, which just occurs when the price of one product is higher or lower than other products of the same category obviously. That is to say, if the difference among the products is not too apparent to ignore,such as less than 5 percent, American customers will take other factors into consideration.On the other hand, American customers value protection of environment remarkably, which probably leads them to buy products with certified labels.

At last, in the world of boom development, it is vital to protect own business from invasion of foreign competitors. If many American customers intend to buy those eco-certified products but there has no supply for those product domestically produced, they have to buy foreign products. To go furthermore,foreign products will crowd in the United States market. Apparently, in the passage, the claim, that it is not always convincing to keep up with the development in the rest of world since American wood companies don’t market most of their products abroad, cannot stand because the focus is the foreign rivals rather than the foreign customers.

Crystaljoy · 发表于 2012-4-11 22:37:45

占座~~~~ 明天要来拜读绿光亲亲的作文~~~

miss绿光 · 发表于 2012-4-11 23:30:37

单数日我就写JJ啦~辛苦给我改的人了！
生理痛于是我墨迹了好久才写出了这个，时间果断超死了…不通顺的地方见怪！写完以后没力气再看了，但是估计写的比较晦涩，感觉长句子有点多，长短句结合的不好。。。观点也不知道行不行。。辛苦了~

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Agree or disagree? Colleges or universitiesshould offer students a better job preparation before they start working.

Faced with the trend to fiercer competition around the world, how to enter the career as a relatively competitive and qualified applicator has been raised into heat discussion. The claim, that students should be provided a better job preparation by colleges or universities before the students begin working,gains some support while burdens some critics as well. From my perspective,however, I support such provision due to the following three aspects.

First of all, better job preparation can definitely contribute to the improvement in competitiveness of students, which benefits both their application and their whole career. Take my university, which holds different kind of programs for job preparation for different grades of students frequently, as an example. In my university, departments, especially the business department, highly value the job preparation and often invite outstanding ones who have already become successful in their career to share experience with students, because it is accepted that every student will enter the wok eventually, which triggers the importance of preparation before going to work. Therefore, my university has a lot activities that attract students to take part in and thereby to improve their comprehensive abilities. In terms of the class I’m in, those job preparations teach us a lot.Based on the significant impacts brought about by the job preparation, I am in favor of such program unswervingly.

In addition,it is undoubted that such preparation raises the reputation of colleges or universities since all students desire to enter schools who offer more platforms for them to improve themselves. Because of the excellent job preparation, my university not only benefits students but also raises reputation of itelf. Every student, when come to capture information about my university after the college entrance examination,expresses his or her satisfaction on face as soon as the student knows the policy in my university towards pre-job training, which is more positive compared with that of other universities. Furthermore, the parents who accompany their children coming to consult also are impressed and thereby they tell other parents about this advantage of my university, raising reputation among different social circles. Therefore, job preparation is required for the college’s or university’s sake.

Admittedly, it is reasonable to consider the rising cost brought by the preparation and wonder whether the incremental cost is worthy investing. That claim, however, ignores that fact that cost should never serve as the paramount factor in our decision making since the outcome is what we need to acquire and which we obtain to move forward. Taking the pragmatic benefits better job preparation offers into consideration,I approve improvements to be taken into practice.

There is some potential sides effects, though, every coin has two sides and better job preparation can exert more benefits without question. Therefore, after balancing the benefits for the students and the schools, and potential worry about the rising cost, I insist on the preparation of better jobs before students go to work, which sheds light on the roads where students and schools are stepping on.
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为神马从word粘贴来的格式词汇就经常连起来了~呜呜~不过已经用空格摁开啦~嘻嘻！再谢谢给我批改作文的人~善良的人儿们~

miss绿光 · 发表于 2012-4-11 23:37:43

鸟儿谬赞了……作文不好的，写的好慢的><，才憋出来这些，别被骗啦，哈啊哈~

【写作小分队】轰炸写作~526~!!!

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