【写作小分队】sang的作文贴，求狠拍！

sang824 · 发表于 2012-5-4 18:18:22

5.4 独立

It is undeniable that money plays an indispensable part in our everyday life and supplies us all life can offer. However, when it comes to the issue whether the main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status, it becomes a controversial one because people have different background and values. As far as I’m concerned, I strongly refute the idea that money is more important than social status.
To start with, money can only provide us with material enjoyment in contradiction with social status, offering us spiritual enjoyment. People dies and their wealth will finally disappear, however, it is their social status remain immortal. Mother Teresa, who spend her whole life time assisting people who need help, poor as she was, she was remembered by people all over the world and her spirit has a profound influence and never ceases growing with us. Chopin, who even cannot afford an apartment through his lifetime, composed plenty of classical compositions which inspire thousands of people to move forward when confronted with difficulties. The examples above best demonstrate the importance of social status, there is no excuse to make money the major purpose for people who have jobs.
Secondly, it is not uncommon that when someone succeed in obtaining social status, wealth and approval follow in succession. The founder of Apple, Steve Jobs, created the apple company just at the mere ambition to change the world. As a result, not only did his products enjoy gigantic popularity among people all round world, but also did he become one of the most affluent people in the world.
Last but not the least, money functions as something that satisfies our human being, in this way, we should by no means work just for money and make us the slaves of money. People who work intending to earn money as much as possible as can carelessly neglect the beauty and happiness of life. Nothing can be compared, with the joyful smile from their children’s face, the praise from their parents or even the leisure time when a family stay together around the table or in front of the television. Never let money get in your way of enjoying the happiest moment in life.
In conclusion, in view of social influence and personal reputation, we can never emphasize too much on money. Each individual is supposed to make efforts to attain social statue rather than wealth.

sang824 · 发表于 2012-5-4 18:22:47

5,4综合

The reading passage mentions three theories endeavoring to determine how the ”Great houses” in twelfth century A.D were used before. However, in the listening part, the professor strongly contradicts each proposal by stating sufficient evidence.
To start with, the professor casts doubt on the application of residence by indicating that although the outside look of these houses seems suitable for residential, the inside part shows strong evidences against it. On the one hand, the house has only few fire places, which were an indispensable placement for each family, even the largest room has a fire place which was just suitable for a family with 10 members. On the other hand, the lack of gigantic room also illustrate the viewpoint against the passage.
Moreover, the statement of storing food supplies cannot satisfy the professor either, by pointing out that excavation shows no evidence of maize or even maize container, the professor weakens the statement above. Furthermore, he also mentions that maize and remaining of big containers were found on the floor, a situation totally contradicts the proof of keeping food.
Last but not the least, the passage states that the houses also have a function as ceremonial center. On the contrary, the professor challenges the proposal, saying that more other material than broken pots were found in the houses, most of them were building material such as sand and stone, a preservation of residual construction material when building was also a strong proof against the assumption.

晨依Jacqueline · 发表于 2012-5-5 09:07:10

红色为错误，蓝色为修改建议或疑惑，高亮为精彩。
The reading passage mentions three theories endeavoring to determine how the ”Great houses” in twelfth century A.D were used before. However, in the listening part, the professor strongly contradicts each proposal by stating sufficient evidence.

To start with, the professor casts doubt on the application of residence by indicating that although the outside look of these houses seems suitable for residential(residents/dwelling; residential是adj.用n.或者v.ing比较好), the inside part shows strong evidences against it. On the one hand, the house has only few fire places, which were an indispensableplacement(?) for each family, even the largest room has a fire place which was just suitable for a family with 10 members. (这里我听的是there were fireplaces for only around ten families. )On the other hand, the lack of gigantic room also illustrate(s)the viewpoint against the passage.

Moreover, the statement of storing food supplies cannot satisfy the professor either, by pointing out that excavation shows no evidence of maize or even maize container, the(.The是不是改另起一句了...)professor weakens the statement above. Furthermore, he also mentions that maize and remaining of big containers were found on the floor, (这个地方我觉得是不是写反了，应该是没有在地上发现更多的散落的玉米、没有更多大号容器的痕迹)a situation totally contradicts the proof of keeping food.

Last but not the least, the passage states that the houses also have a function as ceremonial center. On the contrary, the professor challenges the proposal, saying that more other material than broken pots were found in the houses, most of them were building material such as sand and stone, a preservation of residual construction material when building was also a strong proof against the assumption. (我觉得这一段还可以补充一点点细节，比如说这个山是个垃圾堆啊或者说pots都是建筑工人喝水用的等等。)

【CONCLUSION】很棒的语言表达，很精彩的文章，美中不足是听力的细节不是很准确。

sang824 · 发表于 2012-5-5 10:21:22

红色为错误，蓝色为修改建议或疑惑，高亮为精彩。
The reading passage mentions three theories endeavoring to determine how the ”Great houses” in twelfth century A.D were used before. However, in the listening part, the professor strongly contradicts each proposal by stating sufficient evidence.

To start with, the professor casts doubt on the application of residence by indicating that although the outside look of these houses seems suitable for residential(residents/dwelling; residential是adj.用n.或者v.ing比较好), the inside part shows strong evidences against it. On the one hand, the house has only few fire places, which were an indispensableplacement(?) for each family, even the largest room has a fire place which was just suitable for a family with 10 members. (这里我听的是there were fireplaces for only around ten families. )On the other hand, the lack of gigantic room also illustrate(s)the viewpoint against the passage.

Moreover, the statement of storing food supplies cannot satisfy the professor either, by pointing out that excavation shows no evidence of maize or even maize container, the(.The是不是改另起一句了...)professor weakens the statement above. Furthermore, he also mentions that maize and remaining of big containers were found on the floor, (这个地方我觉得是不是写反了，应该是没有在地上发现更多的散落的玉米、没有更多大号容器的痕迹)a situation totally contradicts the proof of keeping food.

Last but not the least, the passage states that the houses also have a function as ceremonial center. On the contrary, the professor challenges the proposal, saying that more other material than broken pots were found in the houses, most of them were building material such as sand and stone, a preservation of residual construction material when building was also a strong proof against the assumption. (我觉得这一段还可以补充一点点细节，比如说这个山是个垃圾堆啊或者说pots都是建筑工人喝水用的等等。)

【CONCLUSION】很棒的语言表达，很精彩的文章，美中不足是听力的细节不是很准确。

-- by 会员晨依Jacqueline (2012/5/5 9:07:10)

谢谢晨依！听力是遗漏了很多诶..还是不会记笔记，一记就来不及遗漏很多..掩面55

miss绿光 · 发表于 2012-5-5 10:35:38

It is undeniable that[注1] money plays an indispensable part in our everyday life and supplies us all life can offer. However, when it comes to the issue whether the main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status, it becomes a controversial one because people have different background and values [这句话让我感觉sang是考过G的孩纸,但是这句话在T里面有"废话"嫌疑,最好不要]. As far as I’m concerned, I strongly refute the idea that money is more important than social status.

To start with, money can only provide us with material enjoyment in contradiction with social status , offering us spiritual enjoyment[in contradiction with有修饰enjoyment的嫌疑,会造成表意不清,可以改为:material enjoyment; In contradiction, social status offers us spiritual enjoyment.更加简洁与清晰,]. People dies and their wealth will finally disappear, however, it is their social status remain immortal. Mother Teresa[赞例子!!!!], who spend her whole life time assisting people who need help, poor as she was[经典优秀表达!好!], she was remembered by people all over the world and her spirit has a profound influence and never ceases growing with us [这句话and的并列有点别扭,时态也不是很一样.可以改为: she was remembered by people all over the world, with her spirit influencing the world profoundly and never ceasing growing with us. 或者在第一个and前加上逗号,使前后两个时态隔离开]. Chopin[例子好!], who even cannot afford an apartment through his lifetime, composed plenty of classical compositions which inspire thousands of people to move forward when ~~confronted~~ confronting with difficulties. The examples above best demonstrate the importance of social status, [怎么重要呢?可以再次呼应前文,加:which brings us tremendous spiritual enjoyment that money can never create], there is no excuse to make money the major purpose for people who have jobs.

Secondly, it is not uncommon that[注1] when someone succeed in obtaining social status, wealth and approval follow in succession. The founder of Apple, Steve Jobs, created the apple company just at the mere ambition to change the world. As a result, not only did his products enjoy gigantic popularity among people all round world, but also did he become one of the most affluent people in the world[后半句不要求倒装] .
Last but not the least, money functions as something that satisfies [有点累赘,可以直接: functions to satisfy] our human being, in this way, we should by no means work just for money and make us the slaves of money. People who work ~~intending~~ to earn money as much as possible as[三个as了,最后一个可以去掉] can carelessly neglect the beauty and happiness of life. Nothing can be compared, with the joyful smile from their children’s face, the praise from their parents or even the leisure time when a family stay together around the table or in front of the television. Never let money get in your way of enjoying the happiest moment in life.

In conclusion, in view of social influence and personal reputation, we can never emphasize too much on ~~money~~ [是social status吧?] Each individual is supposed to make efforts to attain social statue rather than wealth.
personal opinion:
这三个论点我最喜欢的也是我觉得最有说服力的是第一点.将比较贯穿始终.后两个观点就没有像第一个观点那么鲜明了~尤其是第一段的例子,超棒!
另外,sang同学估计看过好句35~好多里面的表达^^运用的很好~
注1:我考完G以后也特别喜欢写这种句子,但其实非常不简洁.在G里面我是有点凑字数的感觉,但是T不太喜欢这种.还有你第一段里的controversial,出题人会觉得,我出的题本来就是两面都可以写的,当然controversial,要不都一面倒有啥可出的?
回到it is....that的句型,其实第一处可以改为: undeniably;第二处可以改为: Not surprisingly.这两个放于句首,又简洁,又明了!

sang824 · 发表于 2012-5-5 12:58:15

It is undeniable that[注1] money plays an indispensable part in our everyday life and supplies us all life can offer. However, when it comes to the issue whether the main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status, it becomes a controversial one because people have different background and values [这句话让我感觉sang是考过G的孩纸,但是这句话在T里面有"废话"嫌疑,最好不要].As far as I’m concerned, I strongly refute the idea that money is more important than social status.

To start with, money can only provide us with material enjoyment in contradiction with social status , offering us spiritual enjoyment[in contradiction with有修饰enjoyment的嫌疑,会造成表意不清,可以改为:material enjoyment; In contradiction, social status offers us spiritual enjoyment.更加简洁与清晰,]. People dies and their wealth will finally disappear, however, it is their social status remain immortal. Mother Teresa[赞例子!!!!], who spend her whole life time assisting people who need help, poor as she was[经典优秀表达!好!], she was remembered by people all over the worldand her spirit has a profound influence and never ceases growing with us [这句话and的并列有点别扭,时态也不是很一样.可以改为: she was remembered by people all over the world, with her spirit influencing the world profoundly and never ceasing growing with us. 或者在第一个and前加上逗号,使前后两个时态隔离开]. Chopin[例子好!], who even cannot afford an apartment through his lifetime, composed plenty of classical compositions which inspire thousands of people to move forward when ~~confronted~~ confronting with difficulties. The examples above best demonstrate the importance of social status, [怎么重要呢?可以再次呼应前文,加:which brings us tremendous spiritual enjoyment that money can never create], there is no excuse to make money the major purpose for people who have jobs.

Secondly, it is not uncommon that[注1] when someone succeed in obtaining social status, wealth and approval follow in succession. The founder of Apple, Steve Jobs, created the apple company just at the mere ambition to change the world. As a result, not only did his products enjoy gigantic popularity among people all round world, but also did he become one of the most affluent people in the world[后半句不要求倒装] .
Last but not the least, money functions as something that satisfies [有点累赘,可以直接: functions to satisfy] our human being, in this way, we should by no means work just for money and make us the slaves of money. People who work ~~intending~~ to earn money as much as possible as[三个as了,最后一个可以去掉] can carelessly neglect the beauty and happiness of life. Nothing can be compared, with the joyful smile from their children’s face, the praise from their parents or even the leisure time when a family stay together around the table or in front of the television. Never let money get in your way of enjoying the happiest moment in life.

In conclusion, in view of social influence and personal reputation, we can never emphasize too much on ~~money~~[是social status吧?] Each individual is supposed to make efforts to attain social statue rather than wealth.
personal opinion:
这三个论点我最喜欢的也是我觉得最有说服力的是第一点.将比较贯穿始终.后两个观点就没有像第一个观点那么鲜明了~尤其是第一段的例子,超棒!
另外,sang同学估计看过好句35~好多里面的表达^^运用的很好~
注1:我考完G以后也特别喜欢写这种句子,但其实非常不简洁.在G里面我是有点凑字数的感觉,但是T不太喜欢这种.还有你第一段里的controversial,出题人会觉得,我出的题本来就是两面都可以写的,当然controversial,要不都一面倒有啥可出的?
回到it is....that的句型,其实第一处可以改为: undeniably;第二处可以改为: Not surprisingly.这两个放于句首,又简洁,又明了!

-- by 会员 miss绿光 (2012/5/5 10:35:38)

谢谢绿光的意见~~的确好像还没从G作文走出来哈哈，全想拼字去了..
就一句话要想几个观点还要正反论证感觉脑子完全不够用啊啊啊..

sang824 · 发表于 2012-5-5 16:49:19

5,5 综合
The listening and reading passage provide contradict opinion about the issue whether communal online encyclopedias, which allow any Internet user to replace the existing material with new one, are more valuable than traditional one. The reading passage asserts three weaknesses about the communal online encyclopedias. However, the professor casts these argument into doubt based on following three reasons.

To start with, the professor considers it is too general to state that communal online encyclopedias often lack academic credentials, as the reading passage mentions. She states that even traditional encyclopedias never come close to an accurate level. By providing an access for everyone to correct the errors easily, communal online encyclopedias actually play an overwehlemoverwhelming part.

Secondly, the professor points out two strategies according to the argument, indicating that communal online encyclopedias offer hackers an opportunity to corrupt information, to adjust to the hackers’ concern. For one thing, they can put crucial article in a special formant that no one is allowed to destroy or change. For another, special auditor can be hired to monitor the change and eliminate the unnecessary reconstruction of information.

Last but not the least, the reading passage also asserts communal online encyclopedias supply gigantic useless information about topic, which may distract children when they doing school research. On the contrary, the professor refutes the idea by illuminating that traditional encyclopedias have a much limited space for people to find materials they really interested in, in this way, the communal online encyclopedias have better come to people’s satisfactory because they provide a diversified and most advanced message.

chasedreamabc · 发表于 2012-5-6 20:00:07

The reading passage mentions three theories endeavoring to determine how the ”Great houses” in twelfth century A.D were used before. However, in the listening part, the professor strongly contradicts each proposal by stating sufficient evidence.

To start with, the professor casts doubt on the application of residence by indicating that although the outside look of these houses seems suitable for residential, (. 逗号不连接两个句子)the inside part shows strong evidences against it （指代的有点远了）. On the one hand, the house has only few fire places, which were an indispensable placement for each family, even the largest room has a fire place which was just suitable for a family with 10 members. On the other hand, the lack of gigantic room also illustrate the viewpoint against the passage.

Moreover, the statement of storing food supplies cannot satisfy the professor either, by pointing out that excavation shows no evidence of maize or even maize container, the professor weakens the statement above. Furthermore, he also mentions that maize and remaining （remaining，是adj.）of big containers were found on the floor, a situation totally contradicts the proof of keeping food.

Last but not the least, the passage states that the houses also have a function as ceremonial center. On the contrary, the professor challenges the proposal, saying that more other material than broken pots were found in the houses, most of them were building material such as sand and stone, a preservation of residual construction material when building was also a strong proof against the assumption.

PS: 听的很细，值得我学习。层次清楚。就是最后一段，先把听力的内容列出来，再比较和阅读的不同，是OG的标准写法

sang824 · 发表于 2012-5-6 22:16:14

The reading passage mentions three theories endeavoring to determine how the ”Great houses” in twelfth century A.D were used before. However, in the listening part, the professor strongly contradicts each proposal by stating sufficient evidence.

To start with, the professor casts doubt on the application of residence by indicating that although the outside look of these houses seems suitable for residential, (. 逗号不连接两个句子)the inside part shows strong evidences against it （指代的有点远了）. On the one hand, the house has only few fire places, which were an indispensable placement for each family, even the largest room has a fire place which was just suitable for a family with 10 members. On the other hand, the lack of gigantic room also illustrate the viewpoint against the passage.

Moreover, the statement of storing food supplies cannot satisfy the professor either, by pointing out that excavation shows no evidence of maize or even maize container, the professor weakens the statement above. Furthermore, he also mentions that maize and remaining （remaining，是adj.）of big containers were found on the floor, a situation totally contradicts the proof of keeping food.

Last but not the least, the passage states that the houses also have a function as ceremonial center. On the contrary, the professor challenges the proposal, saying that more other material than broken pots were found in the houses, most of them were building material such as sand and stone, a preservation of residual construction material when building was also a strong proof against the assumption.

PS: 听的很细，值得我学习。层次清楚。就是最后一段，先把听力的内容列出来，再比较和阅读的不同，是OG的标准写法

-- by 会员 chasedreamabc (2012/5/6 20:00:07)

综合是六楼那篇......

sang824 · 发表于 2012-5-6 22:16:30

5月9日11.8.5 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better for your friend to ask you for help (suppose you are good at the subject) than to turn to a tutor when he finds it hard to pass an examination.

So important our friends are that they share happiness and sorrow with us, set up goals and struggle with us and, most importantly, give us a hand when we are in need. However, whether it is a good option to ask friends for help when he finds difficulties passing an examination? As far as I am concerned, tutor is the better choice when comforted such problems.

To start with, no matter how good friends are at the subject, their academic skill can never compare with a tutor. Tutor always hold a general network of the knowledge and knows which part of conception is of great significance. When they ask the tutor for help, a tutor is readily to guild them an apparent way and tells them to which part they have to pay special attention. In this way, it is useful for them to make best use of the limited time preparing for the examination. Furthermore, based on tutor’s accumulated experience and profound comprehension to the subject, it is not difficult to find out students’ weakness and correct their mistakes. For on thing, turning to a tutor for assistance can accelerate the process to solve the problem. For another, students are able to build a deeper understanding and impression to certain subjects.

Moreover, it is risky to ask friends for help, especially when they have lots of assignments and experiments to handle with, which is often the case for each individual. Taking friends’ time may, on the one hand, make them involve into unnecessary disturbance, on the other hand, it is also possible that your hard works are totally in vain because of all the important concepts, your friends have no idea what the most efficient way to review is. On that note, friends are not suitable for you to conquer an examination.

Admittedly, turning to friends is convenient because they are easy to be found without making an appointment. It is also unnecessary to worry that they may look down upon you or blame you for your poor knowledge and academic attainment. Nevertheless, it is the tutors that take responsibility to drug students’ out of their problems and assist them with greatest passion and enthusiasm. Thus, it is never too exaggerate to assert that asking tutor for help when one finds difficulties in passing an examination is troublesome and inappropriate.

In conclusion, in order to make best use of limited time to pass an examination without adding trouble to your friends, the best method is to turn on a tutor. Only in this way can they get rid off their difficulties as soon as possible.

【写作小分队】sang的作文贴，求狠拍！

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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