王大叔的作文贴

wanggang0411 · 发表于 2013-8-15 14:36:58

8月15号独立写作题目:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Young people today more likely to give time and effort improving the world than young people were at the past.
正文:
When it comes to the question whether young people today are more likely to give time and effort improving the world than those in the past, some people believe that it is true, while other people stands on the opposite side. From various factors considered, I believe that several factors in nowadays do give more opportunities for today's young people to improve our world.
First, I believe that the quality of life nowadays should be considered the essential basement for the creation and improvement, and the reason is quite simple that when the basic requirements such as food and security have been full filled, people could have more energy to consider other things such as improving our world. In contrast, if some young people are still struggling on the bread earning, how can they have time to consider other things? I saw this phenomenon on my parent's young age, since the family need more people to work outside to earn bread, my parents go to work very young, and they have no chance to even think about improving the world, the most important thing is earning bread. Thus, considering our current situation, we could provide more resources not only the food but also our supports to our young generation to give more time and chance to think about how to improve this world.
Second, the fast development of technology has given our young generation more ways to know this world and to get knowledge to improve this world. From the television, young people could acknowledge that there are still lots of poverty in this world, not only in our country but also on somewhere in this world. When they got such information, I believe the motivation to improve the world, to save the poor people in this world, and to be a volunteer to help other people will spring. And on the other side, the technology gives people more ways to get the knowledge they need to make their idea come true.
Admittedly, there were many great people in the history improved our world a lots in their young age, but I still believe that along with the evolvement of human beings today's circumstance would give more support to our young generation to know this world and to improve this world.
From all factors mentioned above, I believe that our world will become better and better by the efforts of the generation and generation of ourselves.

laneesherry · 发表于 2013-8-17 05:09:44

迟到了真是不好意思！

蓝色是个人意见和建议
红色是强烈建议修改的地方

When it comes to the question whether young people today are more likely to give time and effort improving the world than those in the past（文章中除非逼不得已最好不要原题照抄，楼主可以试着去变一下词性或将某些词换成同义词）, some people believe that it（前面是疑问句，此处的it指代不清） is true, while other people stands on the opposite side. From various factors considered, I believe that several factors in nowadays do give more opportunities for today's young people to improve our world.

First, I believe that（支持性说理句为了保证其客观性最好不要出现“I”“we”这样的词，在不影响主旨的前提下建议删去）the quality of life nowadays should be considered the essential basement for the creation and improvement, and the reason is quite simple that when the basic requirements such as food and security have been full filled, people could have more energy to consider other things such as improving our world.//本句到此处才结束，一共占了三行，建议适当断开，长短句结合。In contrast, if some young people are still struggling on the bread earning, how can they have time to consider other things? I saw this phenomenon on my parent's young age, since the family need more people to work outside to earn bread, my parents go to work very young, and they have no chance to even think about improving the world, the most important thing is earning bread. Thus, considering our current situation, we could provide more resources not only the food but also our supports to our young generation to give more time and chance to think about how to improve this world.（最后这里建议加多一句话绕回主旨，起到点题的作用。）

Second, the fast development of technology has given our（同上，不建议在支持性说理句中出现主观词） young generation more ways to know this world and to get knowledge to improve this world. From the television, young people could acknowledge（之前没有见过acknowledge的这种用法，读起来有些奇怪，如果楼主认为没有问题的话就无视掉这一点吧） that there are still lots of poverty in this world, not only in our country but also on somewhere in this world. When they got such information, I believe the（同上，不建议在支持性说理句中出现主观词） motivation to improve the world, to save the poor people in this world, and to be a volunteer to help other people will spring. And on the other side, the technology gives people more ways to get the knowledge they need to make their idea come true.

Admittedly, there were many great people in the history improved our world a lots in their young age, but I still believe that along with the evolvement of human beings today's circumstance would give more support to our young generation to know this world and to improve this world.（本段只有一句说理句，论据不足有些说理不清。是写的时候时间不够了吗？建议进一步扩充下或删去。）

From all factors mentioned above, I believe that our world will become better and better by the efforts of the generation and generation of ourselves.

整体印象：
楼主似乎倾向于使用长难句，有些地方读起来不是很顺畅，建议长短句适当结合。
正文部分分观点说理时，主题句有待精炼（不过这一点我也很难做到位啦说实话
总的来说读起来还是有一些chanlish的感觉，建议多背一些新概念等好文章的段落。总之请继续加油~~~

wanggang0411 · 发表于 2013-8-20 18:02:48

8月20号独立写作题目:
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.

正文:
When it comes to the question which way of relax do you prefer? some people prefer to watch a movie or read a book, while others like to do some exercise, and I'm the person who is prefer exercise much more than other ways of relax, hereunder is the reasons.

The first and most important reason why I prefer exerciese is that I take care my health much more than other aspects. As a common sense that long time sitting could cause many types of problem on ones' heart any other sides of human body, so physical exercise could give chance to strength human's heart and other organs, and Work out is one of exercices that I extremelly like. I have been to the Gym frequently since 5 years ago. When I feel frastrated I go to the gym, and when I feel tired on my back and eyes after hours reading and working, for sure, I go the gym. In the gym, not only my mind has been refreshed, but also my whole body has been strengthed.

In contrast, the reason why I dont' like to watch a movie or read a book for relaxing is that it's really harmful for people's eyes. From a survey in China, 75 percent of student in middle or high school wear glasses, and the reason is quite simpe, abusing eyes. How could we ask a student to relax by watching a movie or reading a book after he or she has already spent almost the whole day to study? So a better alternative is physical exercise, the eyes will be relaxed, the mind will be refreshed, the body will be strengthed, and thus the health will be garanted.

Of course, some people prefer watching a movie or reading a book to relax, because they believe all these types of relax have benefits such as increasing knowledge, keeping mind calm down. On these points, I agree with them, however, I would concern more on physical health, since a healthy body is essential condition for all human activities.

From all reasons mentioned above, I do hope more and more people could join the party of exercise to strength their body and fresh their minds.

wanggang0411 · 发表于 2013-8-21 15:09:00

占位...........

vincytao · 发表于 2013-8-21 15:44:58

粘过来改的东西都没了，传文档吧~

wanggang0411 · 发表于 2013-8-21 15:55:11

vincytao 发表于 2013-8-21 15:44
粘过来改的东西都没了，传文档吧~

谢谢批改, 提到的问题,我下次一定注意, 加油!

wanggang0411 · 发表于 2013-8-28 23:08:30

8月28 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the opinion:
People who cannot accept the criticism from others will not be successful at working in a group.

正文:
When it comes to the question whether it is difficult for someone to success if he or she reluctant to accept the criticism from others, some people hold the confirmative attitude, while others believe it is quite arbitary to hold such opinion, and on this question I agree with the latter opinion.

First, the people who cannot accept the criticism from others normally hold very high self-confidence, which plays a determinative role for someone's succeed, just like the result from survey about positive persenality, the self-confidence ranks the first, and we can see such feature almost in all successful people no matter who he or she is, actor, scienties or entreprenuer, because he or she believes that there is no barrier could block the way.

Second, from a book that I recently read, I just got a new vision that people who is willing to fight will other people normally hold very strong responsibility, and could bear high pressure in a harsh environment, while the people who is reluctant to fight with other people and normally accept other people's opinion, and in turn makes compromise more easily will also more likely to give up when difficult problem placed in front of them.

Admittedly, some will say that it's hard for people to grow if he or she cannot accept the criticism,on this point I agree with them but only partly, because people who looked like accept the criticism does not necessarily mean that he or she does accept it, maybe just superficially, and in contrast, people whol looked very aggressvie and never accepts any other different opinion does not necessarily mean that he or she never thinks or accepts the idea, maybe by the reason such as keeping the position or any other reasons, he or she cannot show such attitude on the immediately.

Therefore, from all reasons mentioned above, I believe we should not make judgement arbitarily, and more factors should be considered such as the action he or she has done after the criticism.

wanggang0411 · 发表于 2013-8-29 17:43:00

8月29日综合 TPO23 talking about the possible hypothesises of population decline of specific trees.

正文:
The passage lists several possible reasons, such as beetles, bears and climate change, that cause the decline of populations of the yellow cedar, while the lecture gives several anti evidence to argue that all such reasons raised by passage are not adequate to explain the phenomenon.

The first explaination raised by passage is about beetles which could eat the wood and leaf of yellow cedar. However, the lecture competely disagrees with this explaination by rasing an protection mechanism hold by healthy yellow cedar--toxic chemical could be generated and would kill beetles after they eat the wood or leaf.

The second hypothesis the passage refers is about bear which could eat the tree bark, and in turn critically weaken the tree. Refuting this explaination, the lecture points an flaw that although there is no bears in the islande which is also the habitant of the yellow cedar, the populations also declined.

The final hypothesis addresses on the gradual changes of climate which could make the growing root of yellow cedar to suffer damage of cold weather. However, the research refered by the lecture shows that the populations of yellow ceder with lower and warmer elevation declines faster than those with higher and colder elevation, and therefore seriously weakened the argument of climate change.

wanggang0411 · 发表于 2013-8-29 23:14:34

8月29日独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement？The most important investment for a big company is
to improve the efficiency and proficiency of its employees.

正文:
When it comes to the question what is the most important for a big company to invest, some people believe the efficiency and proficiency of its employees should deserve high priority, while others concern more than these two aspects and believe in current century a big company should hold open vision on today’s environment, and I'm the person who agree with these visionary people.

First, from my personal experience, I believe that the company's development strategy should deserve high priority in today's emergence market, and the company should invest considerable part of profit on the investigation of finding market opportunity, because the earlier a company finds a new area, the higher the profit it could earn, and the companies which enters the area latterly will find it is difficult to seizure customers from pioneer, and even if they spend high cost to improve proficiency and efficiency of their employees, without high profit marketing strategy the companies are still uncompetitive compared with those market leader. Therefore, the efficiency and proficiency of employees really ranks lower in such situation.

Second, in the high technical development time, the companies which create innovative products normally make higher profit than their follower. Google, the first internet search engine provider, Amazon, the first online sells operator, Palpay, the first online payment service provider, and Apple, the leader of world to improve user experience. All of these most successful company invest most of their capitals on the development of innovative products and in turn becomes the leader of each area. Therefore, we can see what the most valuable field is in such fast developing world. Is it the proficiency or efficiency of the labors? No.

Admittedly, some people would argue that without efficiency and proficiency the company will difficult to keep its advance position. However I will ask these people that is it so important on such issue? Look Nokia, the leader of mobile in the past, I believe the efficiency and proficiency of its employees are quite higher than other companies or at least not lower than other companies, but what about now? Under the lack of innovation and mistake of marketing strategy this company is on its lowest valley of company's history.

Therefore, just as all reasons mentioned above, if I were the leader of a big company I would rank innovation and marketing strategy much higher than the efficiency and proficiency of employees.

laneesherry · 发表于 2013-8-31 01:53:27

蓝色是个人意见
黄色表示赞

The passage lists several possible reasons, such as beetles, bears and climate change, that cause the decline of populations of the yellow cedar, while the lecture gives several anti evidence to argue that all such reasons raised by passage are not adequate to explain the phenomenon.

The first explaination raised by passage is about beetles which could eat the wood and leaf of yellow cedar. However, the lecture competely disagrees with this explaination by rasing an protection mechanism hold by healthy yellow cedar--toxic chemical could be generated and would kill beetles after they eat the wood or leaf.（应该有的点基本回答到）

The second hypothesis the passage refers is about bear which could eat the tree bark, and in turn critically weaken the tree. Refuting this explaination, the lecture points an flaw that although there is no bears in the islande （文章提到的是有一个岛屿上没有棕熊，这样特指the的话很容易让人误会是文本里提到的那个地方）which is also the habitant of the yellow cedar, the populations also declined.

The final hypothesis addresses on the gradual changes of climate which could make the growing root of yellow cedar to suffer damage of cold weather. However, the research refered by the lecture shows that the populations of yellow ceder with lower and warmer elevation declines faster than those with higher and colder elevation, and therefore seriously weakened the argument of climate change.(本段应该有的点基本达到）

本文用词富于变化，结构也很清晰。注意一下听力中的细节的话应该是一篇不错的作文

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