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9.6 独立修改
抱歉啊 lz 来晚了 我一有网就来了
蓝色good 黄色需修改 红色我改的 绿色建议批注
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime.
There is a general discussion nowadays on whether we can solve the most important problems in today’s world in our lifetime. Those who object to this opinion[前面一句说的是whether，并没有形成一个opinion，其实这里可以直接while some believe...others...这样反而更简洁]argue that the problems in today’s world are too complicated and difficult to be solved. They believe that human intelligence is limited even though people get better education than the past. But people who advocate this opinion think it is possible because of the developing technology. Personally, I agree with the latter one as the following reasons.【立场明确】
First, as the technology development[develops]， more and more problems can be solved much easier [more easily]than the past. And I’m sure solving the problems in today’s world is just a matter of time, we should have faith in that. Yuan Longping, a famous agriculture scientist, develops the method of growing cross breeding rice and helps people all of world[all people in the world] get away from starving[starvation].This is a good example showing that we have the ability and the possibility to solve the important problems in the world.[建议说一下，starvation 是one of the most important problems]
Moreover, global organizations do a fantistic job to help people to live a better life. Global organizations always come up with effective solutions and laws to protect the benefits of all people. For instance, department of education [department] claims that teachers should focus on helping teenagers find their own interests and passions rather than ask them to get a higher score. In this way, teenagers will have more time to explore what are they[they are]really interested and find their passion to do what they really like. According to a latest research on the internet, it says teenagers who find there [their] really[real] interests are[can] more easy [easily]to get success than those who are forced to get a high score.[有个很大的问题，审题中，lz貌似把重点放在能不能解决当今世界中很多important的问题，但是我觉得重点应该是能不能在lifetime内解决这些问题。可以讨论下]
Last but not least, all people want to live a colorful and happy life. Only solve[if they have solved] the most important problems of the world can they live happily. In other words,[all] people all want to make contributions to the world and help the world more beautiful. For example, scientists will make their efforts in[to]finding[find] solutions to prevent our planet from pollution; ordinary people will take a bus instead of driving their own cars in order to save the resources; doctors will try their best to treat their patients. All people do their best in every specific area to make a better world.[建议突出因为人们的贡献，所以有可能在lifetime内解决很多重要问题]
From what has been discussed above, I could safely draw a conclusion that people will solve the most important problems in today’s world not only because the high developed technology, but also the[that]people feel the responsibility to help solve the problems.
【总的来说，最大的问题就是到底题目的重点在哪儿？
tips： 1.一定要注意语法，如从句中what...应该用陈述句语序
2.要注意词性，比如easy 这个词 是adj，形容名词可以，但是形容副词的应该是easily
3.建议lz用词多样化一点，比如more and more 这些词尽量用别的词替换，因为以前好像有个童鞋给我提出过这个问题，我觉得在练习中多作替换，对整体文章会有好处】
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发表于 2012-9-9 21:13:45
