【写作小分队】易雨水巷的作文贴~求大地震式的轰炸~thx

易雨水巷

祝水巷考出好成绩！呵呵！

-- by 会员 jasonma2046 (2012/5/11 16:55:43)

O(∩_∩)O谢谢 尽力啦

易雨水巷

易雨水巷

先补上5.12的综合 一会儿去写5.12的独立要写完了给人家改哇~~~~(>_<)~~~~
TPO12
The reading material talks about that Jane Austen is the subject of a professional painting from three aspects. However, in the listening, the professor thinks the statement in the reading is not at all convincing. And he gives his reasons in detail.
First of all, the reading asserts that the Austen's family's approve of the usage the painting is one of the evidences. Nevertheless, the professor demurs to this assertion. He believes if it was really like what said in the reading, Austen would have been died for 70years.This is the first point where the listening contradicts the reading.
In addition, the narroator in the listens refutes the author's view and declares that the protrait can resembles teenagers in Austen's family. There is no enough evidence indicates that it is Austen instead of a nice of her.
Thirdly, in light of the listening, in fact, only the styles matches with the date and the rest is late. At that time, Austin was 27 years old as opposed to a teenage in the painting. This is the last point where the listening is different from the reading.
In conclusion, the listening casts doubt on the reading, which indicates the reading is open to doubt.

超级无敌小鹤鹤

The reading material talks about that Jane Austen is the subject of a professional painting from three aspects. However, in the listening, the professor thinks the statement in the reading is not at all convincing. And he gives his reasons in detail.

First of all, the reading asserts that the Austen's family's approve of the usage of the painting is one of the evidences. Nevertheless, the professor demurs to this assertion. He believes if it was really like what was said in the reading, Austen would have been died for 70years at that time and thus none of her family members actually saw her. So it is impossible for them to make sure that the girl in the painting was just Austen. This is the first point where the listening contradicts the reading.

In addition, the narroator in the listens refutes the author's view and declares that the protrait can resembles teenagers in Austen's family. There is no enough evidence indicates that it is Austen instead of a nice of her.[建议再听一下，这一段内容偏少~~~ 偶觉得这段有两个点要说明：1.她们家人很多，所以有可能是她亲戚的；2.many experts believe that。。。。。。。]

Thirdly, in light of the listening, in fact, only the styles matches with the date and the rest is late(额？鹤鹤表示没看懂。。。). At that time(when Legg started selling canvases), Austin was 27 years old, which is just opposed to a teenage in the painting. This is the last point where the listening is different from the reading.

In conclusion, the listening casts doubt on the reading, which indicates the reading is open to doubt(连着两个doubt排排站~~有点小重复了哦~~).

总的来说还是不错滴~~不过这篇文章第二个点的听力可能把握的不是很完美哈~~~  建议对照着听力部分的原文再重新思考一下下哈~~~

易雨水巷

5月12日 先自己把拼写错误用word 给改了改10.2.13 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People who cannot accept criticism will not succeed working in teams.
Faced with criticism, what will you do? Acceptit? Ignore it or be angry? People from divergent backgrounds may hold differentviews about this issue. Someone regard criticism as a hostile and even losetheir temperature sometime. However, from my perspective, one is supposed to betolerated with criticism and hence correct their defects, since team work playsa significant role in a competitive society.  
To begin with, one's not accepting criticism does harm to his or her relationships.That is to say, people hardly want to make acquaintance with those who even cannot tolerate criticism let alone to work together with them. A good example canbe found in this case. Lucy is so arrogant and self-centered that few in myclass expect to be divided into one group with her. Once, Lucy together with mewas asked to do a chemical experiment. She added the carbon dioxide into the containerin spite of my suggestion. What is wore, although the result turned out thatshe was total wrong, she did not to listen my criticism and even ascribes theresult to my fault. Ultimately, I accomplished the experiment by myself.
In addition, learning from criticism can help you be more excellent. Generally speaking,criticism results from our faults or weakness. It is learn from criticism thatwe are supposed to that really matters. This process can help us to makeprogress. Jobs is one of the best examples. As far as I am concerned, Jobs wasonce dismissed by the Apple board because he always ignored others’ advice.Nevertheless, after this lesson, Jobs were respected by everyone in his companyand succeed working with his colleagues to design a series of excellentproductions such as iphone, ipad and so on. This alls can be owned to hiscorrect attitudes towards criticism.
Admittedly, some criticism may be ridiculous. For instance, Lily is aconsiderate volunteer but one of her friends criticize that it is a waste oftime to take care of the old in house school. Of course, criticism like thisshould not be taken into account. In other word, we ought to tell the criticismand accept the useful one and meanwhile derive the entirely wrong one.
To sum up, since accepting criticism can benefits a lot especially when workingin teams, why do we still be criticized to criticism?

易雨水巷

TO 鹤鹤，
    thx for 鹤鹤批改了 我再听几遍再改改

易雨水巷

5月13日 揉脸 拼写错误依旧很多额哭哭 自己先改了 11.12.9 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life.
（补充：觉得更准确的表述是 Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.）
How are you doing? Faced with such a question,what is your answer? If everything goes well with you, your sense of happinesscomes from your job or your social life? In my opinion, social life mattersmore than the jobs when it comes to happiness. My standpoint can be substantiallyback up by the following reasons.
First and foremost, generally speaking, arich social life means a good time spent with family or friends.  One will hardly feel lonely with an abundantsocial life. A recent research conducted by Psychology Research Center revealsthat those who usually go shopping with their intimate friends, attend a partyor just have a picnic with their family is more happier than those who not.
Besides, one’s job maybe not his or herinterests, which can throw one into a unhappy situation and one can resume bylive a happy social life. In other word, one probably takes a job just due tothe reality that he or she has to make a living. Under this circumstance,people hardly feel satisfying and they often release themselves through socialactivities. A good example is not far to seek. My cousin, Robert works for achemical company to support his family. Sometimes, he was so tired withconsulting with the customers and got into a blue mood. In this case, he wouldlike to relax himself with his family or friends. For instance, he may accompanyhis wife to attend a party or playing basketball with his friends. That is tosay, his rich social life get him out of bad emotion and feel happy again.
Admittedly, one may feel good when he orshe perfectly accomplish an difficult assignment. Nevertheless, this is not anenough evidence for the statement that a job could put more influence on one'shappiness than a social life. I mean that, this phenomenon can only indicatethat a job can bring happiness sometimes. The foundation factors of happinessare more closely associated with social lives. A figure according to a researchcarried out by Perking University says that in term of the key factor ofhappiness, 70% picks out social life as their selection, whereas, only 5%asserts that vocation is the point.
In a nut shell, taken what I have mentionedinto account, we can easily conclude that a social life have more impacts onhappiness rather than a job.

sang824

揉脸 拼写错误依旧很多额哭哭 自己先改了 11.12.9 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life.
（补充：觉得更准确的表述是 Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.）
How are you doing? Faced with such a question,what is your answer? If everything goes well with you, your sense of happiness comes from your job or your social life? In my opinion, social life matters more than the jobs when it comes to happiness. My standpoint can be substantially back up by the following reasons.

First and foremost, generally speaking, a rich social life means a good time spent with family or friends.  One will hardly feel lonely with an abundant social life.(前面这两句话建议用联词连接) A recent research conducted by Psychology Research Center reveals that those who usually go shopping with their intimate friends, attend a party or just have a picnic with their family is are more happier than those who do not.

Besides, one’s job maybe not his or her interests, which can throw one into an unhappy situation and(这里感觉转折关系的联词更恰当) one can resume by living a happy social life. In other word, one probably takes a job just due to the reality that he or she has to make a living.(张红岩那本书上说是尽量避免he or she,用they更好一点) Under this circumstance,people hardly feel satisfying and they often release themselves through social activities. A good example is not far to seek. My cousin, Robert works for a chemical company to support his family. Sometimes,he was so tired with of consulting with the customers and that(用so...that的结构) got into a blue mood. In this case, he would like to relax himself with his family or friends. For instance, he may accompany his wife to attend a party or playing play basketball with his friends. That is to say, his rich social life get make him get out of bad emotion and feel happy again.
Admittedly, one may feel good when he or she perfectly accomplish an difficult assignment. Nevertheless, this is not an enoughpersuadable evidence for the statement that a job could put more influence on one's happiness than a social life. I mean that,(感觉这个that在这像个不完整的句子，而且that套that有点混乱呢) this phenomenon can only indicate that a job can bring happiness sometimes. Thefoundation basic factors of happiness are  more closely associated with social lives. A figure according to a research carried out by Perking University says that in term of the key factor of happiness, 70% picks out social life as their selection, whereas, only 5%asserts that vocation is the point.

In a nut shell, taken taking what I have mentioned into account, we can easily conclude that a social life have more impacts on happinessrather than a job.




Conclusion:
总体来说结构什么都很不错。
注意小错误啊亲，单复数，a/an的问题。
可以适当丰富用词吖嘿嘿。
     

探险者

5月12日10.2.13 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People who cannot accept criticism will not succeed working in teams.
Faced with criticism, what will you do ? Accept it? Ignore it or be angry? People from divergent backgrounds may hold different views about this issue. Someone regard(regards) criticism as an hostile and even lose their temperature(temper,脾气)sometime（sometimes是有时。Sometime是将来的某个时刻，应该不合适吧）. However, from my perspective, one is supposed to be tolerated with（觉得这里直接用tolerate就行）criticism and hence correct their defects, since team work plays an significant role in a competitive society.  
To begin with,  one's not accepting（好别扭啊，建议：rejecting criticism）criticism does harm to his or her relationships. That is to say, people hardly want to make acquaintance with those who even can not tolerate criticism， let alone to work together with them. A good example can be find（found，被动语态） in this case. Lucy is so arrogant and self-centered that few in my class expects  to be divided into one（the same） group with her. Once, Lucy together with me was asked to do an chemical experiment. She added the carbon dioxide into the container in spite of my suggestion. What is wore（worse）, although the result turned out that she was total（totally） wrong, she did notto listen （to）my criticism and even ascribes（时态前后不一致，ascribed） the result to my fault. Ultimately, I accomplished the experiment by myself.

（觉得这个例子中的加入carbon dioxide一处过具体，可以说成她不听你的建议进行操作，导致了wrongdoing）
In addition, learning from criticism can help you be more excellant. Generally speaking, criticism results from our faults or weakness. It is learn（做主语，用learning。）from criticism that we are supposed to that really matters. This process can help us to make progress. Jobs（建议Steve Jobs，否则可能有误解） is one of the best examples. As far as I am concerned, Jobs was once dismissed by the Apple board because he always ignored other’s advice. Nevertheless, after this lesson, Jobs were respected by everyone in his company and succeed（succeeded in）working with his colleagues to design a series excellent productions（products） such as iphone, ipad and so on.（为什么乔布斯由于无视他人建议被开除后，反而受到everyone的尊重？）This alls（？？） can be owned to his correct attitudes towards criticism.
Admittedly, some criticism（criticisms） may be ridiculous. For instance, Lily is a considerate volunteer but one of her friends criticize（criticizes） that it is a waste of time to take care of the old in house school. Of course, criticism like this should not be take（taken） into account. In other word, we ought to tell the criticism and accept the useful one and meanwhile derive the entirely wrong one.
To sum up, since accepting criticism can benefits（benefit） a lot especially when working in teams, why do we still be criticized to（不太理解）criticism?

总结：

1.楼主，一定要注意拼写问题啊，打字要多练练手，在写的过程中对拼写就多用些心，否则这样的错误太多也会影响评分的。几个单词在这里标注，就不在文章里改了：ridiculous，criticism，criticize，different，perspective，experiment，container，arrogant，tolerate，relationship，weakness，generally，speaking，excellent，volunteer，school, acquaintance, hostile。这些都是打字的问题，建议每次都用word检查一下，自己再多练练，尤其是错的词。

2.注意基本的语法：被动语态（过去分词）、时态前后一致、主谓一致、修饰形容词的是副词。

3.很多次在文中重复，比如criticism，可以替换成近义词。可以说成别人的评价等等。

4.建议加强例子的逻辑性，并且和主题的对照程度要加强。逻辑性很好，句式可以多变变。

易雨水巷

5.14 TPO15
The reading material talks three measures used to prevent cane toads' spread in Australia. However, the professor in the listening passage contradicts the reading and claims these measures are unsuccessful and cause environment damage.
To begin with, the professor explores that the national fence in the reading functions a little. Young cane toads are able to get through the national fence and flow one side to another as a stream. This is a point where the professor refutes the writer.
In addition, the listening casts doubt on the advantage of volunteers. The professor holds a view that these untrained volunteers are likely to destroy toads and it is a danger. Anyway, in light of the lecture, it is difficult for untrained volunteer to gather toad eggs.
Thirdly, the reading asserts the spread of the can toads can be prevented by a disease-causing virus. Nevertheless, on contrary, the speaker asserts that the virus will do harm to Australia's environment. It will destroy the population of cane road. It is a disaster for cane road, one of the native species of Australia.
To sum up, the professor casts doubt on the writer from three aspects. This also indicates what is mentioned in the reading is open to doubt.