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【写作小分队】易雨水巷的作文贴~求大地震式的轰炸~thx

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21#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-4-26 16:31:58 | 只看该作者
4.26

101030 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are now easier to become educated than in the past.

As the modern society develops, there is a debate over whether or not people get access to become educated more easily than in the past. Individuals from every walk of life, hold distinct opinions. Some arrest that people living in the past are more likely to be
educated due to less distracting entertainments. With the reference to the contrary, I am back up the statement that modern people are easier to become educated because advanced technologies make more knowledge available, more and more people got opportunities to study as well as entertainments are one of studying methods themselves.
To begin with, advanced technologies now provides more information than in the past, which do broaden our horizon of the word.A good example is not far to seek.Computers have a significant impact on education. We can get access to internet which means massive information.Therefore, we can learn a lot from these the latest news, currents events and even the past valuable message. In this process, we benefit a lot and improve our own knowledge. Apart from that, nowadays, thanks to the modern technologies, internet schools make the distant education possible. In brief, people today are more likely to be educated due to a massive information environment offered by advanced technologies.
In addition, almost everyone has the right to be educated today. As everyone knows, in the ancient days, women were not allowed attend school. They were supposed to stay home and did some houseworks such as waving, cooking and so forth. But education right nowadays is equal between boys and girls.Girls enjoy studying in a primary school, high school and college as long as they want to be educated. Except women, children in poor families were also not allowed to attend school due to the high education fare as well. Whats worse, these unlucky children had to work to assist their parents to raise the whole family. At that time, education is the right of aristocracy.In contrast, primary education are usually free in many states. No one could rob the education right of the others.
Last but not the least, people can learn from entertainments as well. Admittedly, some people are addicted to entertainments like computer games and drop out of school. Nonetheless, a majority of individuals profits from entertainments both relaxing and knowledge. Take the television for an example, virtues of kindness, diligence and so on can be learned from soap operas.
To sum up, take the three advantages into consideration, there is no denying that human beings who live a life in contemporary society get access to become educated more easily than in the past.

22#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-4-26 21:07:29 | 只看该作者
4.26 TPO22

In the reading, the professor completely refutes what stated in the reading passage. It is said in the reading that ethanol is actually a goog alternative to gasoline. However, the writer arrests that the the ethanol is not a good replacement.

First of all, the speaker thinks that ethanol not add global warming. Because the ethanol is made of plants like corns, the growing plants in fact remove carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. In contrast, the reading passage believes that the burn of ethanol as a fuel emit carbon dioxide. So,the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading.

Second, the speaker discusses food for animals is not reduced by the the production of ethanol. It is said in the lecture that what is used to produce ethanol is not eaten by animals like sulfide. Contradicting what is stated in the reading passage that the production of ethanol will decline corns are used as animals food.

Finally, the professor in the lecture raises the issue that ethanol's price will be cheaper in the future. And the government's tax subsidies won't be always need. What's more, as the need for ethanol increasing, the production subsequently being added up which will lead to the drop of price while the writer in the reading asserts that ethanol's price is a disadvantage without the help of the government. This is the point where the listening disagrees with what is demonstrated in the reading.
23#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-4-26 22:52:50 | 只看该作者
4.24  

紫色为根据喵喵建议修改  大幅修改O(∩_∩)O~
101210 NA Which do you prefer, finishing oneproject before starting another or doing two or more projects at the same time?


As far as we are concerned, people from all kinds of walks(短语用错了改为every walk of life /all walks of life have different attitudes toward weather oneshould finishing one project before starting another or doing several projectsmeanwhile. The discussion is so heat that both two sides assert their ownopinion. When asked about this issue, I stand up for the former one. Hence, Ipresent two reasons for why I prefer finishing one project before startinganother.

First of all, concentrating
(+ on) one project will bring a better consequences,since one are(is) likely to be distracted if he or she doing two or moreprojects at the same time. Just as the ancient saying goes, "there is noone can do two things at the same time." We can learn from the proverbthat, one would better focus on one thing before he or she starts out another.Take myself as an example, professor Chang together with professor Li handed(前后时态要一致) out us twoassignments and asked us to hand in before the deadline 1st, Oct.  Ithought I was capable to cope with them at the same time. However, theconsequence turned out that I was totally wrong. I was puzzled by these twoassignments, since one of them is something about economy and the other isrelevant to psycology(psychology).  What'sworse, as the deadline approaching, I was too annoyed to know how to calm downand concentrate on one thing. Nevertheless, I had to hand in my homework on time.Hence, I jotted my drafts both quickly and roughly.Professor Chang and professor Li consulted with me separately but gave me thesame suggestion that I should focus on one thing one time.(这段举例说明自己无法按时完成老师的作业反向论证了下段的论点)【我也感觉如此啊,想不出例子来很痛苦啊  整段修改 First of all, concentrating on a projectwill bring a better consequences, since one is likely to be distracted if he orshe doing two or more projects at the same time. Just as the ancient saying goes,"there is no one can do two things at the same time." We can learnfrom the proverb that, one would better focus on one thing before he or shestarts out another. Take my professor Li for an example. She always told us herown experience to prove that focusing on one project is one of the guarantee ofa good consequence. Her famous report about How medium-sized and smallenterprises survive in a fierce competitive society , which is thought ofhighly by experts, ascribed to her devoting herself in the only research aboutit.

Apart from that concentrating one project does good to abetter essay, it means a higher efficiency as well. That's to say, finishingone project before starting another can accelerate the path to an end. A good example is not far to seek.  rofessor Chang together with professor Liu handed out us two assignments and asked us to hand in before the deadline1st, Oct. My roommate, Ying Gao, did the two assignments one by one and I startedout the two projects at the same time. The result was that she accomplished thetwo assignments on 21st, June, while I handed in my poor essays on thedeadline, 1st, Oct. I thought I was capable to cope with them meanwhile ina short time. However, the consequence turned out that I was totally wrong. Asthe deadline approaching, I was too annoyed to know how to calm down andconcentrate on one thing. Nevertheless, I had to hand in my homework on time.Hence, Ijotted my drafts both quickly and roughly. From this experience, I was impressed on the fact thatone is without question ought to not overestimate oneself and not attempt to do moreprojects at the same time.


To summarize, since finishing one project before starting another can bring usa better essay as well a high efficiency,  
I must bestupid if I still do two or more projects at the same time.【这句去掉换成 I do prefer accomplish one project before carryingout another to doing two or more projects meanwhile(不光是为了写essay,在总结的时候不要把自己的例子写进去,缩小了题目的普遍性。)
24#
发表于 2012-4-27 09:29:07 | 只看该作者
4.26 综合修改
4.26 TPO22

In the reading, the professor completely refutes what (are) stated in the reading passage. It is said in the reading that ethanol is actually a goog(good)alternative to gasoline. However, the writer arrests that the the ethanol is not a good(convincing) replacement.

First of all, the speaker thinks that ethanol(does) not add global warming. Because the ethanol is made of plants like corns, the growing plants in fact remove carbon dioxide in the atmosphere(as they absorb the carbon dioxide as part of nutrition). In contrast, the reading passage believes that the burn of ethanol as a fuel emits carbon dioxide. So,the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading.

Second, the speaker discusses food for animals is not reduced by the the production of ethanol. It is said in the lecture that what is used to produce ethanol(with plants cellulose part which are ) is not eaten by animals like sulfide. Contradicting what is stated in the reading passage that the production of ethanol will decline corns are used as animals food.

Finally, the professor in the lecture raises the issue that ethanol's price will be cheaper in the future. And the government's tax subsidies won'twill notbe always need. What's(what is) more, as the need for ethanol increasing, the production subsequently being added up which will lead to the drop of price while the writer in the reading asserts that ethanol's price is a disadvantage without the help of the government. Besides, as studies show if the production of ethanol could be 3 times greater, its cost will drop by 40%This is the point where the listening disagrees with what is demonstrated in the reading.

Conclusion: 1.水巷的听力细节不够,readinglistening 的比例大致是2:1,要注意把握好~

         2.写作时不能写连写
25#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-4-27 09:56:52 | 只看该作者
回去好好研究,加强听力谢谢婷婷^_^
26#
发表于 2012-4-27 16:04:40 | 只看该作者

4.26独立修改

4.26

101030 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are now easier to become educated than in the past.


As the modern society develops, there is a debate over whether or not people get access to become educated more easily than in the past. Individuals from every walk of life(all walks of life是否合适) hold distinct opinions. Some arrest(assert) that people living in the past are more likely to be educated due to less distracting entertainments. With the reference to the contrary, I am back up the statement that modern people are easier to become educated because advanced technologies make more knowledge available, more(分句More) and more people got (get)opportunities to study as well as entertainments are one of the studying methods themselves.
To begin with, advanced technologies now provides more information than in the past, which do broaden our horizon of the word(world).A good example is not far (easy?)to seek. Computers have a significant impact on education. We can get access to internet which means massive information (is available).Therefore, we can learn a lot from these the latest news, currents events and even the past valuable messages. In this process, we benefit a lot and improve our own knowledge. Apart from that, nowadays, thanks to the modern technologies, internet schools make the distant education possible. In brief, people today are more likely to be educated due to a massive information environment offered by advanced technologies.
In addition, almost everyone has the right to be educated today. As everyone knows, in the ancient days, women were not allowed to attend school. They were supposed to stay at home and did some houseworks(不可数吧) such as waving (washing), cooking and so forth. But education right nowadays is equal between boys and girls (But boys are girls nowadays have equal opportunities to receive education).Girls enjoy studying in a primary school, high school and college as long as they want to be educated. Except women, children in poor families were also not allowed to attend school due to the high education fare as well. What’s worse, these unlucky children had to work to assist their parents to raise the whole family. At that time, education is the right of (for) aristocracy. In contrast, primary education are usually free in many states. No one could rob the education right of the other’s.
Last but not the least, people can learn from entertainments as well. Admittedly, some people are addicted to entertainments like computer games and drop out of school. Nonetheless, a majority of individuals profits from entertainments both relaxing and knowledge.(总觉得这句话有问题) Take the television for (as )an example, virtues of kindness, diligence and so on can be learned from soap operas.
To sum up, take the three advantages into consideration, there is no denying that human beings who live a life in contemporary society get access (are easier)to (介词)(get access to education) become educated more easily than in the past.

By the way, is the word"entertainment" countable or uncountable. I guess when you say several types of entertainments you can say it is countable but when you say several times of entertainment it is uncountable. This is just my feeling for your reference.
27#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-4-28 20:37:27 | 只看该作者
4.28
20110402NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should be more focused on the development of graduates than on the fame of professors when choosing university.

As everyone knows, high school students usually get into a dilemma about how to pick out a proper college to attend. Some assert that high school students are supposed to concentrate on the graduates' development to take a college for if graduates in a university have good future, they will be educated well as well. Nonetheless, from my perspective, the fame of professors ought to play a more important role in choosing university and my reasons are as follows.

First of all, the high fame of professors in a school is also means a better educational environment.  Just as the saying goes "A fine fowl perches only on a fine tree and a virtuous minister serves only a virtuous master." Excellent professors often populate in excellent universities. That is to say, if high school students go to colleges which consist of well-known professors, they will be thrown in an environment that is full filled with academic atmosphere and divergent resources. This contributes a lot to one’s development. Admittedly, graduates' development has a huge impact on the following students, as if their development indicates the followings’ future. However, in my opinion, individuals in an awesome environment, generally speaking, grow up to be excellent graduates. If so, how come we do not choose a university according to the fame of its professors?

In addition, good educates usually can ensure good educators. Professors, as you can imagine, play a significant role in students' growth. To some length, it is professors in universities that lead you to be a good boy or not. Professors in colleges enjoy a high fame in society as well as their fields and under their education, students are more likely to be a very famous and respective people like their adore professors. A good example is not far to seek.  rofessor Shang, one of the best psychologists in my country, teaches in the Peking University. What is more important, a majority of his students is successful both in prestige as well as career.

To sum up, from my point of view, there is no denying that when pointing out college, students should be more focused on the fame of professors than the development of graduates. After all, high fame of a university’s professors in general means a better educational environment and a guarantee of good graduates.
28#
发表于 2012-4-29 23:26:00 | 只看该作者
sorry啊,今天到北京才安定下来,这就改哦
4.28
20110402NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should be more focused on the development of graduates than on the fame of professors when choosing university.

As everyone knows, high school students usually get into a dilemma about how to pick out a proper college to attend(这个省去也不改变意思). Some assert that high school students are supposed to concentrate on the graduates' development to take a college for(改成because if graduates in a university have good future, they will be alsoeducated well as well.(这么写吧,要不然感觉怪怪的) Nonetheless, from my perspective, the fame of professors ought to play a more important role in choosing university and my reasons are as follows.

First of all, the high fame of professors in a school is also means a better educational environment.  Just as the saying goes "A fine fowl perches only on a fine tree and a virtuous minister serves only a virtuous master." Excellent professors often populate in excellent universities. That is to say, if high school students go to colleges which consist of well-known professors, they will be thrown in an environment that is full filled with academic atmosphere and divergent resources. This contributes a lot to one’s development. Admittedly, graduates' development has a huge impact on the following students, as if their development indicates the followings’ future. However, in my opinion, individuals in an awesome environment, generally speaking, seldom是不是少了个词?grow up to be excellent graduates. If so, how come we do not choose a university according to the fame of its professors?

In addition, good educates usually can ensure good educators(这句话没有很好地概括本段大意). Professors, as you can imagine, play a significant role in students' growth. To some length, it is professors in universities that lead you to be a good boy or not. Professors in colleges enjoy a high fame in society as well as their fields and under their education, students are more likely to be a very famous and respective people like their adoreadoring professors. A good example is not far to seek.  rofessor Shang, one of the best psychologists in my country, teaches in the Peking University. What is more important, a majority of his students is successful both in prestige as well as career.(再加上一个结论会更完整)

To sum up, from my point of view, there is no denying that when pointing out college, students should be more focused on the fame of professors than the development of graduates. After all, high fame of a university’s professors in general means a better educational environment and a guarantee of good graduates.

Conclusion:雨巷基本上都没有错误,模板用得很好,好帅的说!

         还是写三个主段吧,这样字数上就占优势了。

         逻辑上还要加强些哦,加油啦~
29#
发表于 2012-4-30 09:06:01 | 只看该作者
As the society is full filled with fierce competition, individuals may inevitably encounter difficulties and get into troubles(重复,删了吧). Under this circumstance, one requires friends to help himself or herself go through the hard time. I mean that I extremely think I think that the statement is extremely ridiculous by claiming that the statement is ridiculous that choosing friends that could have fun with us is more significant than making friends that will be helpful especially when we are in need. My view can be greatly substantiated by following discussions.(与其否定观点,不如给肯定的)

To begin with, a friend in need is a frien
d indeed. This is an ancient proverb and it indicates that a real friend is the oneto whom you can turn for help. A good example is not far to seek. When preparing for today's TOEFL test(别扭),once I was so frustrated and even thought about to give up during my preparation of the TOFEL examination. I could not bear the disappointing fact that I always forgot the words I had learnedin mind(没必要) before. One day, my considerate friend, JiaJia, learned that I was warped with the countless English words. Then she not only encouraged me to hold on but also did me a favor to deal with these enormous words.  At that time , every morning , the first sentence she greeted to me was not "Good morning" but "Come on, baby.You can make it!" Apart from that, she companied me to recite these word by designing particular word card, as well. Thanks to her help, I finally sit here to accomplish my exam. In contrast, LeiLei, my another friendanother friend of mine, who went shopping with me every weekend before I determined to take a TOEFL test, left me alone and even did not say a comfortable word.(不确定这个可以这么用) Therefore, a real friend will help a lot, while you can not counton a friend that could only have fun with.(例子占的篇幅太多)

In addition, friends that will help you when you fall into troubles, will enhance our society's trust to other people.enhance the harmony of our societyWhen a friend gives a hand to an individual, the individual will spare no effort to do a favor to his or her another friend who is in need(太绝对,when someone obtain a help from a friends, it is probably that he or she may give a hand to another friend who is in a difficult situation). Thus, the favor is passed on one by one and a more beautiful world is built up.(这两段篇幅不合理,而且这段一下子立意太高了,有点牵强)

To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, that making friends helping us when we are in need is friends indeed and could raise the trust of the world, I strongly assert that it is less important to choose friends that could have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you are in need.(最好正着写,more important)
30#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-4-30 22:16:27 | 只看该作者
%>_<% 今天依旧只写了2个主体段还木有例子!还写了1个小时!停了一天不写作文,更不会写了!
4
30110805 NA If a friend of yours has problems inlearning a certain subject, and you happen to be very good at it. Do you thinkthat your friend should ask help from you or from a professional tutor?

When learning a certain subject, sometimes onewill encounter difficulties. How would you deal with this circumstance? Turn toyour friend who is adept at this subject or have a professional tutor? Whenasked, people from divergent backgrounds hold different ideas. Some areinclined to have a professional tutor for the reason that it won't bother theirfriends. Nevertheless, for my standpoint, I extremely urge my friend to ask mefor help as long as I have a good knowledge of this subject. Then my reasonsare as follows.


To begin with, in my opinion, I am supposed tohelp my friend who is faced with several problem in studying a subject. Just asthe saying goes" A friend in need is a friend indeed." I am in hopethat I could be the one to whom my friend can turn when he or she is introuble. From my perspective, if I make friends with one, I will be ready tospare no effort to get him or her out of troubles. Hence, if one of my friendsmeet with problems when learning a subject and I am exactly good at it, Isincerely expect that I can do something to help him or her rather than leavinghe or she to have a tutor.


In addition, I could offer my friend somebenefits such as a better communication, no extra fee and the same academicassistance. First of all, my friend will be easier to consult these problemswith me rather than a strange tutor. After all, we are so familiar thatcommunication is convenient and efficient. What is more, while a professionaltutor requires a lot of money, I am willing to help my friend without any fee.All I want to do is just help my friend get out of troubles instead of earning moneylike a tutor. Last but not the least, since I am very good at this subject, Iam capable of providing my friend with the same academic contribution the sameas a professional tutor. Hence, my friend need not worry about I could not likea professional tutor assist him or her to cope with these problems.

In brief, since I am available in above-mentionedaspects, how come I agree with that my friend should ask help from aprofessional tutor as opposed to me when she or he has problems in learning acertain subject?
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