【写作小分队】易雨水巷的作文贴~求大地震式的轰炸~thx

stones4

总结概括句我都用红色钩出来了，不是错误的意思哦~这样方便我们更好的develope



As  the modern society develops,  it is more hard for a company to survive in a force competition environment.  Under this circumstance, the investment for a company is apparently to be significant. Then a statement comes up to the surface that the most important investment for a company is to spend money on improving  its employees’ skills. And I without doubt stand up for this declaration with the following reasons.给力的开头！

To begin with, capable employees will be more likely to create more profits for a company. As everyone knows, a company consists of employees and therefore the employees' ability has a close relationship with the company's development. Generally speaking, employees will be appreciate for the company pay money for their cultivation and are willing to devote themselves to their work.和上下句的关系不是很直接的干嚼···Hence, the company with a capable, grateful and hard-working employees will going to more competitive in the force society in the long run. A good example is not far to seek. Ao Mei  a very famous advertisement company, offer frost这个词在这里是什么意思opportunities every year什么机会，补充完整一下话不要说一半 and in return, its workers try their best to make a brilliant tomorrow for the firm. Taken these profits into consideration, there is no denying that the company is supposed to sponsor the improvement of its employees' skills.

Another reason why I believe that the most important investment is to spend money on improving skills of its employees is that a good boss without an excellent team will not to be successful in the long run.  A competitive society strength the team-work and individuals frequently need others' help. 虽说没什么问题，但是后面这个短句接的略奇怪，语言的平衡感？So does a company. In other word, only a firm try to enhance its employees’ skills usually can it survives a force environment. For example, Steve Jobs once was a very arrogant person and ignored others' contribution. As a result, the board made a decision to dismiss him. A couple of years past and a new Jobs came back to the Apple Company, who is now a person that attends to his employees. In brief, a successful company needs a boss who takes care of his employees.

Admittdly, employees may take other jobs after they become more competitive. After all, there are so many examples to remind us of this fact. However, it is not always a bad thing that employees change their work.  A company should be confident that although these employees may not work for the company, they will also be grateful for the period they spend with the company as well as especially for what they learned from their former jobs. To illustrate, Niu Gensheg, the boss of Meng Niu, worked for another famous milk company, Yi Li. In 1998, Yi Li got into toubles and it is Niu GenSheng that helped Yi Li go through the hard time. Do not worry and just spend money on improving skills of employees.这句话好多余···

To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons,  which sometimes correlates with each other to generate an integrate whole and thus become more convincing than any single one of them, I may be comfortable to say that I agree that the most important investment for a company is to spend money on improving skills of its employees.





小tips

语法和词汇依旧没什么问题。

大体上是很OK的，比昨天丰满很多，举得例子都很好，BUT

不用每段都举例子的，要详略得当。比如你昨天的数据和句子就用的很好，这个也可以上的啊。有一个小窍门，同样是例子，但是可以写假设和想象的东西，比如imagine that a person what what what，最后加一个总结this case is not rare，in reality，···承上启下接总结

作者本身写作水平还不错的加油哈，

叫我石头就好

易雨水巷

5月3日09.10.31 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.
In our life, we may have to move to a certain new place because of education, career and as forth. Some people may feel sad to separate from their old friends. However, from my perspective, in spite of the loss of old friends, it is not always a bad thing to move to a new city or a new country and my reasons are as follows.
To begin with, a new city or a new country enables us to broaden our horizon of the world. A new city or a new country may allow us to experience different culture and divergent traditional festivals. A good example is not far to seek. Last year I left my hometown Shandong Province and moved to Taipei as an exchange student in National Cheng Chi University. One of the impressed phenomena is the night market culture, which is extremely different from my hometown, where we go to bed early and rarely eat roadside snacks at night.
In addition, we can make new friends in a new environment. When moving to a new place, one is supposed to be make friends with the native as opposed to wasting time on missing his or her old friends.  New friends will help one to get to know and adopt the new place. These new friends accompany you like your friends as well. Hence, there is no need for us to worry about being lonely in an absolutely new city or a new country.
Admittedly, it is a pity to leave old friends when moving to a new city or a new country. However, departing old friends not means that we lose them. That is to say, we can keep in touch with each other by writing letters, sending e-mails and giving each a call frequently. In brief, with the technology developing fast, there is no obstacle for us to get in touch with our old friends. Furthermore, distance will not fade a real friendship. Under this circumstance, we should be confident in maintaining our relationship with our old friends. For example, Lily and Lucy are good friends, although Lily now in London and Lucy lives in New York.
In conclusion, taken what I mentioned above, I actually disagree with the statement that is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends, because in my opinion, moving to a new city or a new country will give us a chance to learn a different world and we can make new friends as well as keep in touch with our old friends.

易雨水巷

5.3 TPO4


The reading passages presents threes reasons for the dinosaurs were endotherms. Nevertheless, the professor in the lecture asserts that the statement in the reading is not convincing and then contracts it from three aspects.

To begin with, the professor thinks that the dinosaur fossils discovered in polar regions do not prove that polar dinosaurs were endotherms. In light of the lecture, the climate in the polar regions were much warmer than today. At that time, the temperature was suitable for the dinosaur to hibernate. This is one of the points where the listening couts doubt on the reading.
In addition, while the reading expresses that the above positioned legs provides an evidence for dinosaurs were endotherms, the listening clams that the position of the legs may be used to support a large heavy body instead of allowing dinosaurs to run.
Last but not the least, the professor in the listening material disagree that the bone structure serves to prove that dinosaurs were endotherms. From the professor's perspective, there are also growth rings indicates that the animals grow slowly.

maylovehe1

The reading passages presents threes reasons for the dinosaurs were endotherms. Nevertheless, the professor in the lecture asserts that the statement in the reading is not convincing and then contracts it from three aspects.
--> 清晰，明了


To begin with, the professor thinks that the dinosaur fossils discovered in polar regions do not prove（个人认为考虑一下被动，化石在极圈附近被发现不能被认为或者证实．．．） that polar dinosaurs were endotherms. In light of the lecture, the climate in the Polar Regions were much warmer than today. At that time, the temperature was suitable for the dinosaur to hibernate. This is one of the points where the listening couts　（counts） doubt on the reading.

--> 　Ｉthink here we should discuss that if every details should be concluded into paragraph.


In addition, while the reading expresses that the above positioned legs provides an evidence for dinosaurs were endotherms, the listening clams that the position of the legs may be used to support a large heavy body instead of allowing dinosaurs to run. (Should here be mention relations between running and be regarded as such type of animals? Btw, I think you have mentioned the key points here)


Last but not the least, the professor in the listening material disagree(disagrees) that the bone structure serves to prove that dinosaurs were endotherms. From the professor's perspective, there are also growth rings indicates that the animals grow slowly. (as per my understanding, it indicate growth rings which unlike other 哺乳动物, also only if growth happens, can provide consistency of body temperature. Since dinosaurs have this special function, sometimes be wrongly considered as endotherms, actually it is not )

-- > 一句话交待整个教授推倒逻辑似乎有点少，童鞋可以考虑加入一点内容，这样把教授的推导逻辑加入文章当中可能会显得充实一些．



总结：　
语法不错，表达清晰简练，让人一目了然

继续加强，可能是多写一点教授得出结论的supporting,会更好些



昨天听得，今天有点忘了内容了，我们再温习一下吧

易雨水巷

5月4日10.8.28 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status.

Have you ever thought about the reason why you go to work? Some may hold the views that they have jobs to earn a social status. Nevertheless, from my perspective, money is the main purpose for people who have jobs and my reasons are as follows.

To begin with, people with a job earn money to support the family. There is no doubt that money plays a significant role in raising a family. Hence, how can we get the money used for meeting our basic requirements? Of course, the answer is to work. Just like an old Chinese saying goes," No vain, no pain." That is to say, only by working hard can we deal with our basic needs. To illustrate, people will be starved to death, if they do not have a job to attain money. Cultivating a baby motivates parents to find a better job as well. For example, my father used to be a teacher in a primary school with a low salary. He made a determination to step into the economical field when my brother and I were born. If my father did not have a job, my brother and I may drop out of school because of the high education fees.

In addition, generally speaking, if one works hard to earn money, he or she may embrace a more delicate life. I mean that without money, it is difficult for someone to live a better life.  A good example is not far to seek. Baggers, who do not have a job, live a bad life. They even beg for a bowl of rice. However, in my opinion, as long as they have a job, let long to have a delicious Chinese food, it is not hard for them to go to the theater to relax.

Admittedly, a good job may bring people a high social status. Nonetheless, from my stand of point, a good job always means a high salary and it is the money earned by working that ensures a high social status instead of the job itself. For instance, Bill Gates deserves a high prestige in modern society, to large part, because he is one of the richest men in the world. Many people want to work for the Software and hence it seems that they be rich the same as Bill Gates.

In a nutshell, taken all I have mentioned above in consideration, I strongly stand up for the statement that money plays a more important role in purposes for people who have jobs than social status.

易雨水巷

TPO4
In lecture, the professor thinks that the three theories about the use of the Chaco "great houses" mentioned in the reading material is all not convincing and gives his reasons in detail.

To begin with, the writer says that one of the theories is that the Chaco great houses were used for people to live. However, in contrast, the professor in the listening holds the views that this theory is not convincing. Although Chaco structures appear similar to the "apartment buildings" in Taos, the inside of the Chaco houses is not suitable for people to live. According to the lecture, if the houses can holds hundreds of people, there will be enough fire place for these people's daily cooking. However, the fire place only can meet 10 family's needs of cooking. And there is not enough room for people to live in these houses.

Secondly, in light of the listening, there is not enough evidence to support the theory that Chaco great houses were used to store maize. Chaco houses not contain maize container and the maize can be stored on the floor. This is where the lecture counts doubt on the reading material.

Last but not the least, the reading expresses that these houses were ceremonial centers because of these broken pots. On the contrary, the listening questions this theory that the broken pots are not good evidence for the statement that Chaco houses are used to celebrate ceremony. It is said in the listening that materials of houses include sand, stone and so on which are far instance form Chaco.

易雨水巷

谢谢石头和maylove

nika1228

5月3日 独立写作修改~~~
真的抱歉，网络一直有问题，登不上CD，发晚了，多多包涵啦，我是抱着学习的态度改水巷的作文的~多数都是建议，不是错误

In our life, we may have to move to a certain new place because of education, career and as forth. Some people may feel sad toseparate from their old friends. However, from my perspective, in spite of the loss of old friends, it is not always a bad thing to move to a new city or a new country and my reasons are as follows.

To begin with, a new city or a new country（新的城市和国家能让我们如何和如何,好像不太恰当，建议moving to a new city or a new country）enables us to broaden our horizon of the world（其实也不算错误，就是总感觉有点不够native,世界的视野？）. A new city or a new country (这里也是啦，主语的问题)may allow us to experience different culture and divergent traditional festivals. A good example is not far to seek（又学到了，比for example生动多了，以后借鉴之）. Last year I left my hometown Shandong Province and moved to Taipei
as an exchange student in National Cheng Chi University. One of the impressed phenomena is the night market culture, which is extremely different from my hometown, where we go to bed early and rarely eat roadside snacks at night.
In addition, we can make new friends in a new environment. When moving to a new place, one is supposed to be make friends with the native as opposed to wasting time on missing his or her old friends.New friends will help one to get to know and adopt (作者是想表达adapt to的意思吧？可以用”fit into” or “be suitable”)the new place. These new friends accompany you like your friends as well. Hence, there is no need for us to worry about being lonely in an absolutely new city or a new country.

Admittedly, it is a pity to leave old friends when moving to a new city or a new country. However, departing old friends not means that we lose them. That is to say, we can keep in touch with each other by writing letters, sending e-mails and giving each a call frequently. In brief, with the technology developing fast, there is no obstacle for us to get in touch with our old friends.
（感觉这句更像是前一句的论点，是不是放在that is to say 前面，逻辑上更合适一点儿）Furthermore, distance will not fade a real friendship. Under this circumstance, we should be confident in maintaining our relationship with our old friends.（个人认为这句可以省略，有点多余，或者可以放到本段最后，来做一个小结。）For example, Lily and Lucy are good friends, although Lily now in London and Lucy lives in New York.（lily & lucy的例子倒是可以具体一些，具体到how they use the current technology to maintaining their distance friendship）
In conclusion, taken what I mentioned above, I actually（这个词还是有点表转折的意思，建议换成totally） disagree with the statement that is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends, because in my opinion, moving to a new city or a new country will give us a chance to learn a different world（culture） and we can make new friends as well as keep in touch with our old friends. (最后一段意思很完整，并且简单概括了三个分论点，很亮！之所以标蓝，是因为我觉得整个一段只用了一句话，有点长，建议稍作修改一下)





Con：

水巷思路清晰，语法、拼写错误均不存在，并且字数绝对的够，都是我要学习的。

建议：1 加强长短句的使用，能使文章读起来更流畅

2 加强同义替换词的使用，比如moving to a new city or a new country这个高频出现的短语，可以换一些同意表达，能够体现作者的词汇量~（其实我做的也不好呢）

一起加油加油~

stones4

5月4日
10.8.28 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status.

Have you ever thought about the reason why you go to work? Some may hold the views that they have jobs to earn a social status. Nevertheless, from my perspective, money is the main purpose for people who have jobs and my reasons are as follows.越来越简明而要了，漂亮。Music君的建议很好啊···

To begin with, people with a job earn money to support the family. There is no doubt that money plays a significant role in raising a family. Hence, how can we get the money used for meeting our basic requirements? Of course, the answer is to work. Just like an old Chinese saying goes," No vainpain, no paingain." That is to say, only by working hard can we deal with our basic needs. To illustrate把这里换成like会漂亮一点因为后面又example了，这里充当的比较小的补充而已, people will be starved to death, if they do not have a job to attain money. Cultivating a baby motivates parents to find a better job as well.这两句话用and连接起来吧For example, my father used to be a teacher in a primary school with a low salary. He made a determination to step into the economicaleconomic field when my brother and I were born. If my father did not have a/change his job, my brother and I may drop out of school because of the high education fees.

In addition, generally speaking, if one works hard to earn money, he or she may embrace a more delicate life. I mean that, without money, it is difficult for someoneone to live a betterjoyful life.  A good example is not far to seek. Baggers, who do not have a job, live a bad life. They even beg for a bowl of rice. However, in my opinion, as long as they have a job, let long to have a delicious Chinese food, it is not hard for them to go to the theater to relax. 补充完整一点，生活质量不高

Admittedly, a good job may bring people a high social status. Nonetheless, from my stand of point, a good job always means a high salary and it is the money earned by working that ensures a high social status instead of the job itself. For instance, Bill Gates deserves a high prestige in modern society, to large part, because he is one of the richest men in the world. Many people want to work for the Software and hence it seems that they want to be rich the same as Bill Gates.

In a nutshell, taken all I have mentioned above in consideration, I strongly stand up for the statement that money plays a more important role in purposes for people who have jobs than social status.


相比前几天，漂亮多了







我也要进步！

多余的我就不说了

Herisson0509

In lecture, the professor thinks that the three theories about the use of the Chaco "great houses" mentioned in the reading material is all not convincing and gives his reasons in detail.

To begin with, the writer says that one of the theories is that the Chaco great houses were used for这里加个many people to live. However, in contrast, the professor in the listening holds the views that this theory is not convincing. Although Chaco structures appear similar to the "apartment buildings" in Taos, the inside of the Chaco houses is not suitable for people to live. According to the lecture, if the houses can holds hundreds of people, there will be enough fire place for these people's daily cooking. However, the fire place only can meet 10 family's needs of cooking. And there is not enough room for people to live in these houses.

Secondly, in light of the listening, there is not enough evidence to support the theory that Chaco great houses were used to store maize. Chaco houses not contain maize container and the maize can be stored on the floor. 这句理由表达得不够充分.In fact , the maize are on the floor. There are no traces of maize containers. So, the great houses werenot used for storage.This is where the lecture counts doubt on the reading material.

Last but not the least, the reading expresses that these houses were ceremonial centers because of these broken pots. On the contrary, the listening questions this theory that the broken pots are not good evidence for the statement that Chaco houses are used to celebrate ceremony. It is said in the listening that besides broken pots, materials of houses also include sand, stone and so on which are far instance form Chaco.这段缺少了食物里发现pots那一点。你可以看着听力文本对一下再听一遍试试。



我的建议：水巷可以去找个模版研究研究

听力需加强内容过于少了
再接再励 加油