Alex达不到29就是无。节。操。。。

探险者

5.2 独立

As the development of economic globalization，many companies enlarge their investments to get（make更常用） more profit. Corporations invest much money in each area, such as real estate, gold, stock market. Broadly speaking, I support that a company spends its capital（capital更多表示资产的意思，用spend不太常见，建议用expenditure） on improving skills of its employees. It benefits for（这个for是多余的，benefit本身做“对什么有好处”是及物动词）the company. No matter a profit is a long-distant plan or at now（感觉这个用法很奇怪，如果是为了现在可以说for the present）. My reasons are as follows.

At the first place, a company improves skills of its employees that can raise the productiveness（貌似这个句子表达的意思怪怪的。That是想表示以至于吗？建议修改： A company, which improves skills of its employees, can raise the productiveness.）. For example, at before(这个用法像chinglish，建议改为during the past few years), workers used five hours to finish a subject. However, the company increases the skills of the employees now. Only （within）one hour do they finish the same work（如果不加within的话，那么正常语序是They finish the same work one hour.这在语法上不正确）. Although the company spends much money on improving skills of the employees, the corporation saves time which products more productions to earn money. For a period the investment can be regained as long as company produces enough goods.

In addition, when employees own high level of skills, their company possesses top competitive power in the market. Each company wants to enhance its competitive（enhance的是竞争力，而competitive是个形容词） to increase the ration（ration是定量，配给的意思，用在这里似乎不太合适。） of owning a market（这有中式英语感觉，如果是市场占有率，那么market share）. So the important step is improving skills of employees of the company. The works(workers) who adopt advanced skills can produce high qualitied(high-quality) goods which sell good. Thus, the advanced skills of employees are the most important thing of a company.

Finally, the method of a company, which chooses improving skills of its employees, is a minimal risk investment. As we all known(know), the price of real estate may decreases, otherwise finical crash of 2008 would not happen, so did gold investment. But a company invests the employees om（on） improving skills of its employees is an intelligent way（这句话语法错误，is的主语是谁？改为： The company’s investment on improving employees’ skills is intelligent.）. Once improving employees skills, they create much valuable.

Om(On) the whole, a company can choose may（many）ways（这里讲的不是way，不是投资方式，而是领域，建议改为areas或者fields） of investments. Whereas improving employees' is the most important behavior for a corporation. It can creates（can情态动词，动词原形，create） more valuable（后面貌似少了宾语，否则没有比较对象，more valuable profit than that from other ways） than the profit of other ways.

1.楼主的思路还是蛮清晰的，说理也比较到位

2.上下文的衔接还可以，但是那些linkers可以替换一下，用更高级的一些词

3.楼主的文章有几处有中式英语的感觉，这很不地道，建议多看CNN等。还有一个美国人写的185范文

4.注意基本的语法，可以适当使用好的动词和一些长句子。

婷婷connie

婷婷 你好好 哈哈哈

-- by 会员 瓜瓜不瓜 (2012/5/3 14:24:46)

嘻嘻，不明白？
不过还是自恋地说一句，过奖啦~

chasedreamabc

婷婷 你好好 哈哈哈

-- by 会员 瓜瓜不瓜 (2012/5/3 14:24:46)

嘻嘻，不明白？
不过还是自恋地说一句，过奖啦~

-- by 会员 婷婷connie (2012/5/3 22:34:45)

婷婷，在我的帖子里，公然和别人版聊....哼，哼哼.....

chasedreamabc

5.3 独立
Currently, some people maintain that one moves to a new city or a new country may loss its old friends. So people do not think it is a good thing to a new place. However, I believe that moving to other areas is a prefect thing which one cannot loss old friends. My reasons are as follows.



At the vert beginning, long distance cannot break down real friends wherever one lives. True friendship will not change no matter how far the distance is between friends, although it becomes more flexible to see each other. On the contrary, old friends can travel the new zone that may improve the emotion. For example, my friend John, who is my best friend, was my neighbor in Xi'an. Two years ago, he moved to Shanghai where he worked. All people consider that long distance is a problem for us to communicate, whereas it is not a issue. Usually, I go on a journey in shanghai and he does a good guide. Thus having a friend far away from not means the lose of the one. The other way around, it makes your friendship more valuable.



In addition, people who moves to a new city or a new country enable make more friends in the place, meanwhile, keeping in touch with old friends. As the development of new technology, more and more medias emerge which are helpful for a long-distance communication. Such as telephone, email and MSN. They can keep in touch with one's old friends through these modern technologies. I still remember that when I was a child, I lived with my grandma in a small village and played with a girl called Amy. We almost stayed at a beautiful garden together every day. I cried sadly when I leaved that village just because I deemed that I would lose Amy, but fortunately, I still keep in touch with her by emailing and calling utile now and our memory is a evaluation for me. So in my opinion, one will not lose its friends because of the length distance.



Admittedly, it is also true that moving to another place will lost part of one's old friends, but to be honest, friends that one lost are not its true friends, in contrast, friends that one always keep in touch are one's true friends, because the deep friendship will not be destroyed for distance. Since moving to another place is also helpful for people to identify the true friends.



In summary, people need not worry about move to a new place will lose old friends. Inversely, they should glad that they make progress in communicate skill by making new friends and can keep in touch with their true friends.

chasedreamabc

5.3 TPO4 综合
综合还是很不上路啊....

According to the lecture,dinosaurswere not supposed to be endotherms.This contradicts the point in the reading that dinosaurs were greatly likely to be endotherms.

First of all,the speaker argues that fossils discoveries in polar regions can't tell that dinosaurs were endotherms.By contrast,the reading believes that the fossils discovered give a proof of dinosaurs used to live in polar regions, which indicates that they could maintain a temperature well in such harsh weather.From the speaker,the climate in polar regions may be much warmer before.Even if not, dinosaurs could immigrate to other inhabitants or do a bletheration.

Also,the speaker raises the issue that the leg position of dinosaurs doesn't represent high energy,which is different from what is stated in the reading that the leg position of dinosaurs strongly suggests that dinosaurs were en-therms.The speaker tells us that leg glowed underneath the body in order to support more weight because dinosaurs usually have large sizes.

In addition,the speaker rebuts the reading by emphasizing that there is a growth ring in the body of a dinosaur as well as the Harversian canal.
This totally opposes the viewpoint made in the reading material that Harvestman canals allow body to grow quickly, which is the sign of entherms.In order to illustrate her point, the speaker provides us the instance that the growth ring would inhibit rapid growth and there is a evidence that dinosaurs growled slowly during the cooler period.

Therefore, the speaker has  totally different opinions from the points made in the reading.
According to the lecture,dinosaurswere not supposed to be endotherms.This contradicts the point in the reading that dinosaurs were greatly likely to be endotherms.

First of all,the speaker argues that fossils discoveries in polar regions can't tell that dinosaurs were endotherms.By contrast,the reading believes that the fossils discovered give a proof of dinosaurs used to live in polar regions, which indicates that they could maintain a temperature well in such harsh weather.From the speaker,the climate in polar regions may be much warmer before.Even if not, dinosaurs could immigrate to other inhabitants or do a bletheration.

Also,the speaker raises the issue that the leg position of dinosaurs doesn't represent high energy,which is different from what is stated in the reading that the leg position of dinosaurs strongly suggests that dinosaurs were en-therms.The speaker tells us that leg glowed underneath the body in order to support more weight because dinosaurs usually have large sizes.

In addition,the speaker rebuts the reading by emphasizing that there is a growth ring in the body of a dinosaur as well as the Harversian canal.
This totally opposes the viewpoint made in the reading material that Harvestman canals allow body to grow quickly, which is the sign of entherms.In order to illustrate her point, the speaker provides us the instance that the growth ring would inhibit rapid growth and there is a evidence that dinosaurs growled slowly during the cooler period.

Therefore, the speaker has  totally different opinions from the points made in the reading.


According to the lecture,dinosaurswere not supposed to be endotherms.This contradicts the point in the reading that dinosaurs were greatly likely to be endotherms.

First of all,the speaker argues that fossils discoveries in polar regions can't tell that dinosaurs were endotherms.By contrast,the reading believes that the fossils discovered give a proof of dinosaurs used to live in polar regions, which indicates that they could maintain a temperature well in such harsh weather.From the speaker,the climate in polar regions may be much warmer before.Even if not, dinosaurs could immigrate to other inhabitants or do a bletheration.

Also,the speaker raises the issue that the leg position of dinosaurs doesn't represent high energy,which is different from what is stated in the reading that the leg position of dinosaurs strongly suggests that dinosaurs were en-therms.The speaker tells us that leg glowed underneath the body in order to support more weight because dinosaurs usually have large sizes.

In addition,the speaker rebuts the reading by emphasizing that there is a growth ring in the body of a dinosaur as well as the Harversian canal.
This totally opposes the viewpoint made in the reading material that Harvestman canals allow body to grow quickly, which is the sign of entherms.In order to illustrate her point, the speaker provides us the instance that the growth ring would inhibit rapid growth and there is a evidence that dinosaurs growled slowly during the cooler period.

Therefore, the speaker has  totally different opinions from the points made in the reading.

喵喵了个咪

改TPO4

According to the lecture,dinosaurswere not supposed to be endotherms.This contradicts the point in the reading that dinosaurs were greatly likely to be endotherms.

First of all,the speaker argues that fossils discoveries in polar regions can't tell that dinosaurs were endotherms.By contrast,the reading believes that the fossils discovered give a proof of dinosaurs used to live in polar regions, which indicates that they could maintain a temperature well in such harsh weather.From the speaker,the climate in polar regions may be much warmer before.Even if not, dinosaurs could immigrate to other inhabitants or do a bletheration(这个貌似没有提).

Also,the speaker raises the issue that the leg position of dinosaurs doesn't represent high energy,which is different from what is stated in the reading that the leg position of dinosaurs strongly suggests that dinosaurs were en-therms.The speaker tells us that leg glowed(grew) underneath the body in order to support more weight because dinosaurs usually have large sizes.

In addition,the speaker rebuts the reading by emphasizing that there is a growth ring in the body of a dinosaur as well as the Harversian canal.
This totally opposes the viewpoint made in the reading material that Harvestman canals allow body to grow quickly, which is the sign of entherms.In order to illustrate her point, the speaker provides us the instance that the growth ring would inhibit rapid growth and there is a evidence that dinosaurs growled slowly during the cooler period.

Therefore, the speaker has  totally different opinions from the points made in the reading.

总体来说还不错，问题是模板句占的篇幅有点多，显得听力的细节不够。可以适当的缩减下模板和阅读部分的内容。

还有个问题就是标点后一定要加空格，否则按错词计算。会扣分的。

Herisson0509

Currently, some people maintain that one moves to a new city or a new country may lossits这里不应该用its吧指人啊 old friends. So people do not think it is a good thing to move to a new place. However, I believe that moving to other areas is a prefect thing which one cannot loss old friends. My reasons are as follows.

At the vert beginning 不懂不懂求讨论, long distance cannot break down break down有很多意思但是在这里找不到合适的意思啊还是用lose 吧real friends wherever one lives. True friendship will not change no matter how far the distance is between friends, although这里不应该转折吧because it becomes more flexible to see each other. On the contrary, old friends can travel to the new zone that 这个that 是指代travel 吗还是指什么 如果你本意指朋友的话最好紧跟friends may improve the emotion. 但是这句话还是有问题我这样改你看看怎样On the contrary, old friends who often visit can inprove their emotion. For example, my friend John, who is my best friend,可以简化掉my best friend, John, was my neighbor in Xi'an. Two years ago, he moved to Shanghai where he worked. All people consider that long distance is a problem for us to communicate, whereas it is not a issue. Usually, I go on a journey in Shanghai and he does a good guide. Thus having a friend far away from有from的话后面要跟名词的 not means the lose loss of the one. The other way around, it makes your friendship more valuable.

In addition, people who moves to a new city or a new country enable enable 好像是enable sb to do sth换成can吧make more friends in the place, meanwhile, keeping keep 和前面那句保持一致in touch with old friends. As the development of new technology,more and more medias media已经是复数了emerge which are helpful for a long-distance communication.如果这个句子不怎么改动的话emerge 最好放句末吧我知道你那个定语从句是修饰media的但是中间夹了别的词就比较容易产生歧义从严谨的角度出发以后都尽量就近指代吧婷婷建议我给你改成这样我觉得还挺不错的the world has witnessed a skyrocketing number of media which are helpful for the long-distance communication. Such as,such as telephone, email and MSN. Such as 最好是用在句中或者前面加“,”They can keep in touch with one's 前面有they了就换成their old friends through these modern technologies. I still remember that when I was a child, I lived with my grandma in a small village and played with a girl called Amy. We almost stayed at a beautiful garden together every day. I cried sadly when I leaved that village just because I deemed that I would lose Amy, but fortunately, I still keep in touch with her by emailing and calling utile until now and our memory is a evaluation 这个词用在这不懂啊如果是表记忆是财富的话用wealth就行啦求讨论for me. So in my opinion, one will not lose its friends because of the lengthlength是名词far distance.

Admittedly, it is also true that moving to another place will lost part of one's old friends, but to be honest, friends that one lost due to the distance are not its true friends, in contrast, friends that one always keep in touch with are one's true friends, because the deep friendship will not be destroyed for distance. Since moving to another place is also helpful for people to identify the true friends.

In summary, people need not worry about moving to a new place will lose old friends. Inversely, they should glad that they make progress in communicate是动词communication skill by making new friends and can keep in touch with their true friends.


alex  重点注意
1.所用词的词性
2.一些语法问题
下次写的时候要重点审查 对不确定的词语查查词典 以防下次犯错
你还有一段才考试 加油 这些都不是问题 只要你努力去用心去对待
加油

Herisson0509

我有好多questions要跟你discuss啊 紫色是我提出的疑问
1. First of all, it is always top of the list of my viewpoints that the friendship is tough enough to resist the long distance.（是表达友谊是足够坚韧,能抵抗远距离？这个有点中式，待求证）这样的表达不正切题麽
2.Moreover, the recent communication and transporation（transposition）这里我是想表达通信和交通啊 are extremly extremely（extremely）convenient also provides adequate justification for my opinion（怎么感觉就是好奇怪，1.for，2.主从，so 找个英专的判断一下）你画的蓝色部分是没有错的但also前面的有些错误我和鸟儿讨论了一下改成这样了 the extreme convenience of recent communication and transporation also provides adequate justification for my opinion.
3.Friends can use all sorts of ways to contant这个是交流啊（constant）, like（such as）Internet, telephone as such. such as 可以换like…as such用的.
4.They can talk happily and see each other like friends are around（都不在一起的了，怎么see each other呢，语法上，like作为介词，后面出现be动词，那一句话就出现多个动词了吧）我少写了几个词把你弄凌乱了这样你明白了么They can talk happily and see each other through the Internet as if friends are around.
5.sometimes in holiday we go to a place for playing together.（这句没有表现本段的TS，沟通方式）这句一开头就让你误会了
6.However, this（严格说来，this，that都不能单独做主语的）鸟儿说可以你在哪里看的不可以给我看看吧alone does not provide sufficient support to claim that

chasedreamabc

The focus of the reading material and the lecture is whether the communal online encyclopedia is outweighing the traditional papery encyclopedia. The reading material suggests that there are several disadvantages existed in communal version. While the speaker in her lecture clearly does not agree with what the reading material suggests.

To begin with, the speaker points out that the communal online encyclopedia is easier to be revised if some errors are discovered. On the contrary, many mistakes can be lasted in traditional papery version for a long time. This apparently challenges the points made in the reading material. According to the reading material, there are more errors existed in the communal version because the participators are lack of academic credentials. In addition, in accordance with the speaker, the contents of communal online encyclopedia can be settled as read-only format, which is not allowed to be revised without permission. What's more, a group of editors mainly focus on monitoring the security online can basically resist the hackers' attacks. Instead of leaving natural omissions provided for hackers to make use of, the communal version can effectively solve the security problems online. !

Furthermore, the speaker also doubts the writer's viewpoint by asserting that the traditional papery encyclopedias are always lack of spaces, which mainly cause the problem of just including the limited topics compared with the communal version. The latter ones cover a variety of topics that reflects all kinds of people's opinions.

In the end, the writer claims that the over-broad themes make confusion for people to distinguish what are the truly important contents.

sang824

The focus of the reading material and the lecture is whether the communal online encyclopedia is outweighing the traditional papery encyclopedia. The reading material suggests that there are(建议删除that there are,简洁) several disadvantages existed in communal version. While the speaker in her lecture clearly does not agree with what the reading material suggests.

To begin with, the speaker points out that the communal online encyclopedia is easier to be revised if some errors are discovered. On the contrary, many mistakes can be lasted in traditional papery version for a long time. This argument apparently challenges the points made in the reading material. According to the reading material, there are more errors existed in the communal version because the participators are lack of academic credentials.(觉得这样表述不简洁，可以直接challenges the points made in the reading material,indicating that more errors existed in the communal version because the participators are lack of academic credentials.

In addition, in accordance with the speaker, the contents of communal online encyclopedia can be settled as read-only format, which is not allowed to be revised without permission. What's more, hiring a group of editors mainly focus on monitoring the security online can basically resist the hackers' attacks. Instead of leaving natural omissions provided for hackers to make use of, the communal version can effectively solve the security problems online. !

Furthermore, the speaker also doubts the writer's viewpoint by asserting that the traditional papery encyclopedias are always lack of spaces, which mainly cause the problem of just including the limited topics compared with the communal version. The latter ones cover(latter one covers) a variety of topics that reflects all kinds of people's opinions（interests）.

In the end, the writer claims that the over-broad themes make confusion for people to distinguish what are the truly important contents.(这句话放在最后好突兀..不知道要表达什么，建议加在第三点中，用一个对比即可)

Conclusion: abc的语法错误很少，值得学习
                     感觉用句很谨慎，可以尝试一些简洁的说法