Alex达不到29就是无。节。操。。。

jasonliu119

Nowadays, more and more complains complain that the students who graduated from colleges or universities are too immature to fully competent their jobs. Their complaints, as I concerned, medicate that universities or colleges should make more efforts to teach students some skills that will be beneficial to their future life. So, it is the time for colleges to offer subjects to their students. Only do they learn the theories in universities or colleges.



With the increasing fierce （这里用increasin修饰形容词，可以的么？？？）competition, interpersonal relationship is critical to every student who enters a society. Today’s students are generally weak in social skills. For example, many students do not know how to use copy machine. （复印机？这与社交能力social skills有什么关系？）If students could know those mummers earlier, they can avoid some unnecessary barriers.） Therefore, I believe students should learn basic mummers before them entry to society.



Additionally, students can acquire not only theory but also skills when colleges or universalities combine the theory with real mummers（我没看过原题，mummer是哑剧的意思吧？这里莫非有别的意思？） before students are ready to step into companies. For instance, they need to learn how to make presentations perfectly or how to negotiate with customers. I convince that it would be better for students to systematically learn skills form courses, because students can discuss with teachers and learn theories in classes. Through that way, students can combine skills with theory more effectively.



Finally, universities should provide students opportunity to foster their social skill such as teamwork ability or leadership. It is the best way that is to offer relative courses. （这前一句说开课，后一句说分组，这里有点跳跃吧？加点过渡好吧？）In the climate of serious competition, the best way to approach certain new projects is to assemble a group of people into a team.



In the view of e factors presented above, universities had better provide some course for students’ further development. After all, the students’ experience in universities is generally not enough for the coming challenges.

chasedreamabc

3.10 独立

For many students would be in trouble with their schoolwork. Some people would ask classmates for help or find a professional tutor for help. In my opinion, finding a professional tutor is the ideal way to solve this problem.

Firstly, theprofessional tutor is professional. As basketball for Jordan, the professional tutors devote to assist students to climb the mountain of studying. Many tutors or wherever they belong is truly experienced in the way of tutorship. In their work, many-side problems around them and their should fix it in time. Your litter trouble is just like a drop in the ocean. They have had meet thousands of people like you yearly and in the end the trouble wouldbe work out

After taking about thehow professional the tutor is, I will state my second reason. For the tutor, their salary is positively correlation with their students' score. Hence, the student would be trust this institution. The students want to get higher point, and the tutor wants toget more money, this is mutual benefit. For instance, the professional agency likes New Orient, even if it is not an institution about tutorship;but it is a symbol in the Chinese academic world. Apparently, their teacher is truly impressive in academic; the student would become excellent as well.



To saving money, we could choose to ask classmate for help. Not only saving money for family but also cement friendship. However, the classmate is just a kid and their answer is not truly correct. Your taking is becoming a chat just like a joking dialogue. There would not have truly answer before the teacher announce.



To sum up, I choose to find a professional tutor to help student to solve the problem about the schoolwork

Crystaljoy

3.10 独立

我来啦~~~狠狠批你~~~嘿嘿

For many students would be in trouble with their schoolwork.（这句话没没有主语了。要么去掉for，要么would前加，they）Some people would ask classmates for help or(while others) find a professional tutor for help. In my opinion, finding a professional tutor is the ideal way to solve this problem.

Firstly, the professional tutor is professional. (You ARE humorous, Alex = = )As basketball for Jordan, (这是神马。首先，as后面接句子；其次，前后怎么联系起来了？)the professional tutors devote to assist (assisting。Devote to 加Ving ) students to climb the mountain of studying.（这是比喻还是？） Many tutors or wherever they belong is（删去。 are） truly experienced in the way of tutorship. In (During) their work, many-side problems around them (various problems arise constantly) and their (they) should fix it (them) in time.(In the eyes of such professional tutors , ) Your litter (minor) trouble is (turns to be) just like a drop in the ocean. They(，as they 可以前后连接起来) have had meet thousands of people（different students including the very kind） like you yearly and in the end the trouble would be work out(, thus the problem would be worked out perfectly.)

After taking about the how professional the tutor is, I will state my second reason （,that is,……  最好开头亮明观点）. For the tutor, their salary is positively （in）correlation with their students' score. Hence, the student would be trust this institution.（这个因果关系太模糊啊，不理解啊。）The students want to get higher point, and（meanwhile） the tutor wants to get more money, this is mutual benefit. For instance, the professional agency likes New Orient（New Oriental 纽交所上市的公司你还敢这么创造么哈哈）, even if it is not an institution about tutorship; but（，）it is a symbol in the Chinese academic world.(这个例子是什么意思。什么中介喜欢新东方？) Apparently, their teacher is truly impressive in academic; the student would become excellent as well. （这段从头到尾你都没有中心观点句是不是，这么写让读者感到眩晕。A piece of suggestion: 可以用中心句-原因-举例-总结rewrite这个观点）


To saving money, we could choose to ask classmate for help. Not only saving money for family but also cement friendship. （not only but also 前后结构不对称）However, the classmate is just a kid and their answer is not truly correct. Your taking is becoming a chat just like a joking dialogue. There would not have truly answer before the teacher announce. （救命，这段完全不知你所云。。。我倒是很想看看中文版）


To sum up, I choose to find a professional tutor to help student to solve the problem about the schoolwork（好像都没有提到school work，总觉得论证不能够自然推出这个结论。）



我我我不知道怎么建议，因为这篇我大部分没太理解。下次先写提纲，例子多扣题，每段多点题吧~~~加油~！

chasedreamabc

鸟儿前辈说的太对了，这篇自己写完都不知道自己写的什么，特别的纠结。。。下来这篇一定好好再处理一下

chasedreamabc

3.12 独立

Many people select rich person as their friends. However, I do not choose a person as my friend if he or she has much more money than me. There is a serious question of two people want to be friends if they do not have the same economic level. Consequently, I do not maintain two people be good friends if one people have more money than the other.



The most obvious reason of two people cannot be good friends if one person has more money than another is they have different personal experience. Owing to the different experience, seldom can they have the same topic to communicate. Because of the less communication, their friendship will lose until they cannot be good friends.



In addition, the two people if one has much money than the other do not have parity statue in their friendship. The basic factor of becoming good friends is the two people have the same statue. None pretension and humble are the lowest requirements when two people can be good friends. What is more, as friends, people must consider the others’ feeling at first, but if one has more money than the other, he or she may just think himself or herself, regardless of his or her friends’ .For example, I know a person Jim ,who was just a white-collar in a small company ten years ago. At that time, we were the same about the money, and he was generous and friendly if someone would need help. Everyone wanted Jim to be its friends. But now, he becomes wealthy when he owns a private corporate. His characteristics are closeness and mean. He is very aggressive for others who do not have more money than him. Henceforth, we cannot be good friends after he has more money than me. So, people do not become good friends if they have different large of money.



Finally, friends should be a similar view, but two people have different large of money that they do not have the same points, even have a opposite idea. In China, we always say: if we do not have the same views, we are not friends.



In conclusion, people cannot be good friends if they do not have the similar economic level. Although someone may consider money cannot hinder for friends. I also believe money is a basic consideration that two people want to be good friends. In other words, people cannot be good friends if one has more money than the other.

越人歌

我来啦，不好意思前面一直不知道ALEXABC是谁，问了别人才明白的，来得晚了点不要拍我啊
红色错误，蓝色疑惑，高亮精彩
Many people select rich person as their friends. However, I do not choose a person as my friend if he or she has much more money than me (I have). There is a serious question of two people want to be friends if they do not have the same economic level这句话感觉很奇怪，应该是要在want to be friends 前面加一个 who 的吧，这样比较通一点，额，其实我也不确定. Consequently, I do not maintain two people be good friends if one people have more money than the other.



The most obvious reason of two people cannot be good friends if one person has more money than another is they have different personal experience. Owing to the different experience, seldom can they have the same topic to communicate. Because of the less communication, their friendship will lose until they cannot be good friends 额，诡异的感觉又粗线了，这句感觉是chinglish了.



In addition, the two people if one has much money than the other do not have parity statue in their friendship. The basic factor of becoming good friends is the two people have the same statue. None pretension and humble are the lowest requirements（这里我觉得还是用is the lowest requirement 比较合适）when two people can be good friends. What is more, as friends, people must consider the others’ feelings at first, but if one has more money than the other, he or she may just think of himself or herself, regardless of his or her friends’ .For example, I know a person Jim ,who was just a white-collar in a small company ten years ago. At that time, we were the same about the money, and he was generous and friendly if someone would need help. Everyone wanted Jim to be its (???) friends. But now, he becomes wealthy when he owns a private corporate（这句时态有点奇怪，是不是改成这样好一点 he became wealthy after he started a private corporate）. His characteristics are closeness and mean（这里体现出一点变化的感觉吧，因为前面说他慷慨，这里突然变成吝啬了）. He is very aggressive for others who do not have more money than him. Henceforth, we cannot be good friends after he has more money than me. So, people do not become good friends if they have differentlarge
（amount）of money.这一段的例子不是很有说服力，这个人这么势利不代表别人也这样



Finally, friends should be a similar view, but two people have different large of money that they do not have the same points, they may even have opposite ideas. In China, we always say: if we do not have the same views, we are not friends.



In conclusion, people cannot be good friends if they do not have the similar economic level. Although someone may consider that money cannot hinder for friends. I also believe money is a basic consideration that two people want to be good friends. In other words, people cannot be good friends if one has more money than the other.

词汇量很丰富啊，逻辑也比较清楚，美中不足的是语句比较生涩一点，可能是受GMAT argument 的影响，经常有车轱辘话说来说去，虽然外国人应该不是很排斥这个，但是练习嘛还是精益求精一点好，是吧

PS：这个题目我个人感觉确实比较难写，挺实际的一个问题，但是很容易就写极端化了，一肚子的言论表达不出来的感觉，半个小时写出一身冷汗啊

chasedreamabc

The burst of technology is a main characteristic of modern society. Some people deem that technology will discourage children's creativity as it is a general truth that technology facilitate our daily life and emancipate people from drudgery such as basic calculating and manual work. Others holding optimistic views like me advocate that technology's evolving is more beneficial than harmful towards children's innovativeness with three main reasons list below.

At first, some technology as a product full of creativeness embodies apparent inspiring features which would evoke and explore children's curiosity even guide young people to figure out their hidden mechanics. Numerous technologies can be taken as such innovation-triggers. Take three dimensional digital technologies as an example. With help of this elaborate tool, animation or motion movies with vivid effect can great arouse children' interest and inspire their imagination about the exotic world. With same reason, some people may argue this technology will restrict children's imagination since every child might contrive their individual Aviator in their mind. However, I consider the favorable impact overweight the negative ones, given the fact that, human being can imagine since the day they were born but aviator manifest a great leap in realize these fantastic imaginations and encourage next generation to produce more creative ideas. Some other technology, like solar energy technology is a good example to show children how powerful can human's brain be. When observing a solar energy watch working, children might be encouraged to create another solar energy driven machine to fix problems elsewhere. Riding on the base of current technology, children in the future can even proceed toward a more creative world given sufficient resources.

In addition, the development of technology stimulates people to attempt new things. This attempt and exploration are usually accompanied with imagination and creation. For instance, to fulfill the dream of exploring the universe, space scientists have done large numbers of experiments and researches for developing satellite and spacecraft technology, which prove to be wonderful creations and innovations for understanding more deeply our universe. Considering that, technology brings more access to explore and create for new things.

Finally,with technology progressing children can be more possible to be encouraged and benefited from various product of innovation. These innovation works out of technology evolution largely evoke and facilitate to explore children's intelligence as long as children keep observant, as those pessimistic might overestimate the negative effects.

In sum, technology cannot do harm to children's creation, but rather enhance and improve it, for technology itself is the product of creation, and it promotes children’s exploration and imagination. It also brings a lot of issue to be discussed and solved with creative spirits

婷婷connie

才写完啊？我昨天找了好久啊
改好了贴在这~
The burst(因为是支持科技的，所以可以用flourish)of technology is a main（prominent） characteristic of modern society. Some people deem that technology will discourage children's creativity as it is a general truth that technology facilitate our daily life and emancipate people from drudgery such as basic calculating and manual work. Others holding optimistic views like me， advocate that technology's evolving（evolution） is more beneficial than harmful towards children's innovativeness with three main reasons list below.(这句话这个改写 会更好：advocate that advantages of technology's evolution overwhelm disadvantages of it.)

At first(TO begin with,at first 用的人太多了), some technology as a product full of creativeness embodies apparent inspiring features which would evoke and explore children's curiosityeven guide young people to figure out their(their指代不明)hidden mechanics. Numerous technologies can be taken as such innovation-triggers. Take three dimensional digital technologies as an example. With thehelp of this elaborate tool, animation or motion movies with vivid effect can great arouse children's interest and inspire their imagination about the exotic world. Withthesame reason, some people may argue this technology will restrict children's imagination since every child might contrive their individual Aviator(飞行员？这个是比喻吗？) in their mind. However, I consider the that favorable impacts overweight the negative ones. given the fact that, human being can imagine since the day they were born but aviator manifest(注意变形) a great leap in realizing these fantastic imaginations and encourage next generation to produce more creative ideas. Some other technologies, like solar energy technology is a good example to show children how powerful can human's brain be. When observing a solar energy watch working, children might be encouraged to create another solar energy driven machine to fix problems elsewhere. Riding on the base of current technology, children in the future can even proceed toward a more creative world given sufficient resources.

In addition, the development of technology stimulates people to attempt new things. This attempt and exploration are usually accompanied with imagination and creation. For instance, to fulfill the dream of exploring the universe, space scientists have done large numbers of experiments and researches for developing satellite and spacecraft technology（ for advances in the satellite and the spacecraft ）, which prove to be wonderful creations and innovations for understanding more deeply our universe. Considering that, technology brings more accesses to explore and create for new things.

Finally,with technology progressing children can be more possible to be encouraged and benefited from various products of innovation. These innovation works out of technology evolution largely evoke and facilitate(这些词在上文已经用过了，boost and gear up ) to explore children's intelligence as long as children keep observant, as those pessimistic might overestimate the negative effects.

In sum, technology cannot do harm to children's creation, but rather enhance and improve it, for technology itself is the product of creation, and it promotes children’s exploration and imagination. It also brings a lot of issue to be discussed and solved with creative spirits(这句话有点多余）

conclusion:

1.冠词，主谓一致性掌握不够

2.每一段的TS过长。第一个主段和第三个主段不成比例啊

3.词汇很不错哦~

总的来说，还是值得学习的，呵呵！

chasedreamabc

今天事情好多，拖到现在还是很匆忙的写完，对不起给我改的那位了，所以这篇周一改好就OK了。自己也是想了好久，没什么太好例子支持

Which is better , to focus on one project and then go on to another or to work on two or more projects at the same time？Answers vary widely. Some people prefer the first choice while others agree with the second one. Generally speaking, I hold the same belief as the former. There are a couple of reasons to support my opinion.



First of all, focusing on one specific project at a time makes better results. Let’s take a doctor as an example. If he operates on two patients at the same time, it is impossible to avoid errors. As we know, once he mistakes, what he will face maybe terrible consequences such us patients’ death, huge amounts of compensation or unemployment. On the contrary, if the doctor just takes care of one patient at a time , the results will be the opposite .



Subsequently, to concentrate on one single thing also can improve one’s accuracy. For example, once I was doing my math’s homework while my sister was watching TV series. The plot caught my eye so deeply that I even didn’t want to blink. Later, I almost forgot my homework and moved closer to the television with the paper in my hand.  As a result, I failed to read each question carefully enough which led to many mistakes. The next day , I found that I only answered half of the questions correctly which was a total surprise to my math’s teacher. Fortunately, he encouraged me to get rid of this bad habit and never be absentminded again when studying instead of punishing me. Thanks to him , I learned a significant lesson and I always concentrate on one thing at a time no matter how hurried I am and how hard the work is . At last, my accuracy increased from 50% to 98% which helped me make rapid progress in math test.



To sum up, unless we focus on one task and take it seriously, success will be closer.

晨依Jacqueline

4月6日独立 晨依修改~
Which is better , to focus on one project and then go on to another or to work on two or more projects at the same time？Answers vary widely. Some people prefer the first choice while others agree with the second one.(我觉得这两句有点小重复呢、)Generally speaking, I hold the same belief as the former(+one/idea?). There are a couple of reasons to support my opinion.(个人觉得开头有点小啰嗦、)

First of all, focusing on one specific project at a time makes better results. Let’s take a doctor as an example. If he operates on two patients at the same time, it is impossible to avoid errors.(弱弱地说一句Alex是肿么想到这个例子的、horrible~~) As we know, once he mistakes, what he will face maybe(may be分开) terrible consequences such us(as打错啦) patients’ death, huge amounts of compensation or(并列and?) unemployment(这个地方我觉得是三个result不是特别并列，第一个是说病人的死亡，然后两个是说的医生的，感觉说的不是很明确。我不知道怎么表述我读的时候的感觉，你读读看，不过汉语意思挺顺的。). On the contrary, if the doctor just takes care of one patient at a time , the results will be the opposite .

Subsequently, to concentrate on one single thing also can improve one’s accuracy(one's accuracy有点奇怪哦，可不可以强调一下是project的). For example, once(,这里我有个疑问就是once和while这样用在一起好么?我不知道这样对不对，就只加了一个逗号，水平有限啦、请Alex斟酌下~) I was doing my math’s homework while my sister was watching TV series. The plot caught my eye so deeply that I even didn’t want to blink. Later, I almost forgot my homework and moved closer to the television with the paper in my hand.  As a result, I failed to read each question carefully enough which led to many mistakes. The next day , I found that I only(是不是放在answer后面比较好呢?) answered half of the questions correctly which was a total surprise to my math’s teacher. Fortunately, he encouraged me to get rid of this bad habit and never be absentminded again when studying instead of punishing me. Thanks to him(Thanks for him/Thanks to his suggestions) , I learned a significant lesson and I always concentrate on one thing at a time no matter how hurried I am and how hard the work is(这个地方和前半句的时态不大一致呢，要不要加一个now啊之类的词语~) . At last, my accuracy(同前面一样~) increased from 50% to 98% which helped me make rapid progress in math test.

To sum up, unless(unless不是if not的意思嘛、意思不太合适，句式不太合适，either) we focus on one task and take it seriously, success will be closer.(我觉得这个样子说有点奇怪呢，success will follow会不会好一点，供Alex参考~)