【写作小分队】鸟儿Cjoy的作文贴~~To be more logical~~~

Crystaljoy

天天三十分，练习写作文~

即健脑，又练手，还能拿高分~


鸟儿的作文记录，求狠拍！！！



写作小分队： http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-661450-1-1.html
大家一起来Rock Toefl 吧！！！

Crystaljoy

2月17日 独立写作 2010.3.6NA
Some people believe that people should follow their ambitious dreams and goals even they are not realistic; others believe that people should focus on achieving realistic goals. What’s your opinion and why?


Everyone chases dream, no matter it is big or small. Some people dream realistically of handsome salary affordable for a comfortable apartment in the city, a happy family with a healthy child; while some dream ambitiously of big fortune or success as if they were dreaming a day dream in the eyes of the former. But I do believe that we should dream big, work hard, then let dream lead us to all the best.

On one hand, holding a higher goal than one's actual capability, a person can be motivated to work even harder, to achieve the best. As nobody can figure out the personal limit unless he fails to fulfill the task. It is the ultimate dream that drives him to catch every opportunity to test the limit of his potential. Reflecting my experience in the long jump competition, compared with focusing closely, every time I stare at a target far away I will correspondingly jump further. Because all my concentration goes to the very point that I aim at, extraordinary energy will flood my blood as engine to drive me there. Obviously, though it might run risks to chase such a high goal, which means more failure than success in the end, I spare no effort to go for it, thus excavate all my potential ability which I have ignored before.

On the other, realistic dream does not make as great contributions as novel dream does to the development or progress in society. Since we are not always satisfied with the current situation, we most carry fantastic dream, a dream of something new, something different. For instance, human beings are so curious about the moon that they create beautiful legendary including the Chang E's Fly to the Moon, which is really realized in reality through The Apollo Moon Landing Project and the like thousands years later. In fact, many inventions such as light, telephone, computer, robot etc. result from fantastic dreams by scientists at the very beginning. In this reason, crave for something unrealistic and work on it, you may make a difference finally!

It's true that realistic dream can easily satisfy oneself and thus make life less adventurous, as one will become comfortable after achieve what he wants. This is not to say that he should resist the more exciting appeal calling to him. As the old saying goes, man struggles for upwards while water flows downwards. It's reasonable to harbor such ambitious dream and go for it!

daisyの小夢想

先顶一下~~今晚写完作文回头改^^~~~

Crystaljoy

2月20日 2011.8.21NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? There is never a reason to be rude (impolite) to another person.

Have you ever been yelling at someone else because of anger but regret a moment later? We constantly do such self-contradictory behaviors and always attribute it to others' faults rather than ourselves’. Actually, taking different perspectives of the matter itself into consideration, existence is reasonable, thus there is never a reason to be rude at another person.

Initially, rudeness adds fuel to rather than put out the already burning flames. Most of time, people would like to choose rudeness as a sign of power when deal with disputes. However, the human nature ---never admit failure---drives the counterpart even more discourteous. That's what commonly happens on the street when strangers get involved in a traffic accident, as well as at home when a couple shout at each other crazily. As a result, a tiny unmeant miss or misunderstanding turns out to be a bloody clash which creates enemies and separates spouses. As the saying goes, if quarrel works, what use is the policeman? What else can we do if being yelled at except for the same response? I think, sensible actions should be taken before situation getting desperate.

As for the most proper way to handle disputes, communication is my top concern. I believe that where there is existence, there is a reason. As people cultivate various thinking patterns due to specific backgrounds, and all kinds of personalities in the distinct processes of growing up, how can you crave for no difference when handle problems? For instance, I have five roommates who come from different places in China, with varying dialects, tastes, hobbies, and such life styles, disputes turn up between us from time to time. Once I suggested buying a washing machine to make it easy to do house work, but received strong disagreements from two of us. At first, we were really upset and got angry with they two, then we came out a worse idea---make it without listening to their opinions. But thanks to one friend who advised me to have a heart-to-heart talk with these two mates, I finally fully understood their worries. After solving all the doubts they presented, everyone became supportive of buying a washing machine. Therefore, if you cannot persuade yourself to be tolerant to others, try communication instead of impoliteness, which means you are already on the bright path out!

In sum, being rude is never effective in handling disputes, as rudeness brings up only hatred which makes the situation worse. Only by communication can we become tolerant to and even supportive of a different opinion from another person.

Crystaljoy

快开学了，明天要出去跟朋友聚聚，然后添置些新东西~
所以2.11作文终于没有拖延到第二天写，希望跟我一组的那个未知的小孩今天晚上也能早早交工，我睡前就改好不影响ta明天看~

Crystaljoy

2月21日 2010.8.28NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Since people care public recognition more than money, they will work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given.


I partly agree with the statement that since people care public recognition more than money, they will work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given.

It's true that people will suffer a lot for lacking public recognition, which is invaluable to a person. Money, however, is indispensable to daily life as well, especially for the young. Whether one will strive for recognition without money is based on what his current economic condition is really about.

For the young who struggles for a brilliant future by himself, the importance of money cannot be overstated. This is because a responsible young will consider a lot about financial security for his future family before getting married, such as a decent job, a modest apartment, even a comfortable car and so on so forth. Besides, he must prepare some savings for unpredictable occurrences. Sometimes, it may be a lucky offer from a dreaming university aboard, a great amount of tuitions and expenditure need to be paid. Then money means go aboard or stay at home. Sometimes, it may be an unluckily disaster, for instance, his mother breaks down and in dire need of a technical surgery which costs a lot. Then money means life or death. Therefore, providing a sense of security, money is a fundamental element in daily life, and the basic or preparation of other goals.

For the wealthy person who has enough money to cover expenditure, he should work harder for public recognition rather than earning. As high recognition from others can add much to the inner happiness, with some contributions to society whether big or small, one's life turns out to be more happy and meaningful. For instance, many successful businessmen listed on the Forbes Rich such as Bill Gates, Buffet, Li Jiacheng etc. share the same hobby, that is to donate. Obviously, their fortune will generate larger and larger with the boomy business running, but a trillion dollars in the bank means nothing if they don't receive public recognition. Also, some common people like my mother, though not very wealthy, is really like to donate and to give a hand to others in need of help. The public recognition she derives from such kindness without asking for return, let alone money, can make her even more satisfied with life. In this stage of life, recognition does bring about a spiritual happiness that money can never provide.

From the discussion above, it's unreasonable to draw a hasty conclusion that people should abandon money for public recognition at any time in any circumstance. On balance, to make money at young and work for recognition in later life would be the best choice for me.

Aviva0307

2月20日 2011.8.21NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? There is never a reason to be rude (impolite) to another person.

Have you ever been yelling at someone else because of anger but regret a moment later? We constantly do such self-contradictory behaviors and always attribute it(指代behaviors? 单复数) to others' faults rather than ourselves’. Actually, taking different perspectives of the matter itself into consideration, existence is reasonable, thus there is never a reason to be rude at another person.（事情都有很多方面的，存在即合理，所以，永远没有理由对别人不礼貌。——把“事情有很多方面的”，改成“对同一件事，每个人都有自己的立场和观点”，我个人觉得更容易理解些。句子：Actually, existence is reasonable. Everyone has his/her own perspective and situation in a matter. Thus, there is never a reason for us to be rude to another person.）

Initially, rudeness adds fuel to rather than put out the already burning flames. Most of the time, people would like to choose rudeness as a sign of power when deal with disputes. However, the human nature ---never admit failure---drives the counterpart（谁的counterpart?）even more discourteous. That's what commonly happens on the street when strangers get involved in a traffic accident, as well as（会不会有traffic accident和a couple shout同时发生的意思啊？建议用‘or’）at home when a couple shout at each other crazily. As a result, a tiny unmeant miss or misunderstanding turns out to be a bloody clash which creates enemies and separates spouses. As the saying goes, if quarrel works, what use is the policeman? What else can we do if being yelled at except for the same response? I think, sensible actions should be taken before situation getting desperate. (这句话在文中什么作用，不太明白。sensible actions是指要怎么做？个人建议 I think, being polite is very important before the situation getting desperate. 结尾最好能回到题目讨论的主题polite的问题上来。)

As for the most proper way to handle disputes, communication is my top concern. I believe that where there is an existence, there is a reason. So every person’s behavior is somewhat reasonable. (把“存在即合理”跟“人”联系起来，否则理解跨度有点大)As people cultivate various thinking patterns due to specific backgrounds, and all kinds of personalities in the distinct processes of growing up, how can you crave for no difference when handle problems? For instance, I have five roommates who come from different places in China, with varying dialects, tastes, hobbies, and such life styles, disputes turn up between us from time to time. （For instance, I have five roommates who come from five different places in China, with varying dialects, tastes, and hobbies. Such different life styles of us turn out to cause disputes between us from time to time.）Once I suggested buying a washing machine to make it easy to do house work, but received strong disagreements from two of us (my roommates). At first, we were really upset and got angry with they (these) two, then we came out a worse(前面没说bad idea, 这个不应该是比较级啊) idea---make it（指代不明） without listening to their opinions.（最好表现出礼貌与不礼貌对事情结果的差别。例如：At first, we behaved very impolite by pretending not listening when the two roommates talking with us. Therefore, my suggestion suspend for a long time） But thanks to one friend who advised me to have a heart-to-heart talk with these two mates, I finally fully understood their worries. After solving all the doubts they presented, everyone became supportive of buying a washing machine. Therefore, if you cannot persuade yourself to be tolerant to others, try communication instead of impoliteness, which means you are already on the bright path out!

In sum, being rude is never effective in handling disputes, as rudeness brings up only hatred which makes the situation worse. Only by communication can we become tolerant to another person and even support a different opinion from him/her.

Crystaljoy

谢谢Aviva!!! 这么多中肯的建议，受宠若惊了~~~
单复数错误，指代不清晰，逻辑不连贯，很感激你对我的作文像对待G的语法题一样认真~
第二段结尾表述不明的那个句子，其实是我本来想尝试承上启下的方法，T的评分标准不是要衔接自然么~ 谁知，创新失败了。
谢谢你!!!

晨依Jacqueline

红色部分是错误，蓝色部分是不确定的，黄色部分是写的超赞的！

I partly agree with the statement that since people care public recognition more than money, they will work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given.(开头很简洁，观点明确，good!个人还是倾向能把观点换成题目的同意表述，而不是和题目完全一样)

It's true that people will suffer a lot for(from)lacking public recognition, which is invaluable to a person. Money, however, is indispensable to daily life as well, especially for the young. Whether one will strive for recognition without money is based on what his current economic condition is really about.

For the(建议改成a，the young好像感觉是复数呢)young who struggles for a brilliant future by himself, the importance of money cannot be overstated. This is because a responsible young will consider a lot about financial security for his future family before getting married(这个地方意思我明白，但是感觉有点Chinglish呢), such as a decent job, a modest(?)apartment, even a comfortable car and so on andso forth(这个地方晨依不知道，查了一下好像有各种说法，and的位置也都不一样,不大确定这个地方). Besides, he must prepare some savings for unpredictable occurrences. Sometimes, it(it refers to what?)may be a lucky offer from a dreaming university aboard(abroad), a great amount of tuitions and expenditure need to be paid. Then money means goingaboard(abroad) or staying at home. Sometimes, it may be an unluckily(unlucky) disaster, for instance, his(这里不建议用his，毕竟中间还有两句没有提到he的，感觉指代得有点突兀，要往前面找找才能想起来he是谁) mother breaks down and in dire need of a technical surgery which costs a lot. Then money means life or death.(这句话中文意思是对了，但是有点奇怪的感觉呢a choice between life and death to him不知道我这样改和你原来要表达的意思一样不一样)Therefore, providing a sense of security, money is a fundamental element in daily life, and the basic or preparation of other goals.

For the wealthy person who has enough money to cover(his) expenditure, he should work harder for public recognition rather than earning. As high recognition from others can add much to the inner happiness, with some contributions to society, whether big or small, one's life turns out to be more happy(happier) and more meaningful. For instance, many successful businessmen listed on the Forbes Rich such as Bill Gates, Buffet, Li Jiacheng etc.share the same hobby(个人觉得hobby这个词用在这里不是太正式啊，倒是没有错误，你斟酌下~), that is to donate. Obviously, their fortune will generate(generate是一个使动词，所以这里可以写成被动形式will be generated…) larger and larger with the boomy business running, but a trillion dollars in the bank means nothing(是不是有点绝对啦?) if they don't receive public recognition. Also, some common people like my mother, though not very wealthy, is really likes to donate and to give a hand to others (who are)in need of help. The public recognition she derives from such kindness without asking for return, let alone money, can make her even more satisfied with life. In this stage of life, recognition does bring about a spiritual happiness that money can never provide.

From the discussion above, it's unreasonable to draw a hasty conclusion that people should abandon money for public recognition at any time in(under?)any circumstance.On balance, to make money at young agesand work for recognition in later life would be the best choice for me.


好喜欢鸟儿姐姐的作文！看作文的时候能recall好多好多的高级词汇和新颖表达~赞一个！
例子举得很好，既充实又恰当，还有总结句非常精彩！

Crystaljoy

谢谢晨依~昨天写完的早，自查了很多遍，原来依然有这么多不妥之处，感激死了~
我觉得你的每一个建议都很好！！！我再琢磨琢磨~