【写作小分队】鸟儿Cjoy的作文贴~~To be more logical~~~

晨依Jacqueline

明天再想吧~快点睡觉觉去啦
晚安哦~~

Crystaljoy

有点不像托福的文章吧~~~感觉越写越诡异，当练练笔好了~

2月24日 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place.

“How life progresses!” My granny often highly praises the immense changes taken during this century. I totally understand her sincere gratitude towards the improvement of life quality due to the development of science and technology. But whether it is the most significant improvement, I think, is till open to discuss.

The improvement of science and technology has indeed aided humans in perusing higher quality of life, and benefits it brought about are numerous. As is seen, many diseases that used to be considered fatal, such as heart-attack, cancer and aids, now could pose less threat to human's health due to the medical progress. Also, armed with advanced producing line, manufacture industry generates more wealth as a result of mass production under technical quality control. Lots of families are equipped with microwave oven, auto washing machine etc., such convenient domestic appliances greatly lessen the workload of a housewife. Obviously, it is science and technology that have made our life easier and more enjoyable.  

However, we cannot claim that the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place, because problems accompanied by constantly show up. With the help of hi-tech equipments, we dig out coal and oil from underground at an ever-growing speed. The problem caused by technology---shortage of natural resource---can only be solved by technology. Thus we still need more advanced one to seek new energy resources in order to fulfill the human’s living needs. In addition, wars and conflicts between countries become more and more dangerous and devastating, as in Iraq, tens of thousands of innocent people lost their life because of hi-tech weapons of mass destruction. And the improved quality of life also gives rise to many new diseases in various kinds, some of which haven't been conquered in current scientific standards. For this, how can you assume that the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place?

In conclusion, the improvement of science and technology is a means, not an end to the improvement of the quality of people’s lives and we are always on the way.

Serena0710

“How life progresses!” My granny often highly praises the immense changes taken during this century. I totally understand her sincere gratitude towards the improvement of life quality due to the development of science and technology. But whether it is the most significant improvement, I think, is till open to discuss.

The improvement of science and technology has indeed aided humans in perusing higher quality of life, and benefits it brought about are numerous. As is seen, many diseases that used to be considered fatal, such as heart-attack, cancer and aids, now could pose less threat to human's health due to the medical progress. Also, armed with advanced producing line, manufacture industry generates more wealth as a result of mass production under technical quality control. Lots of families are equipped with microwave oven, auto washing machine etc., such convenient domestic appliances greatly lessen the workload of a housewife.(如果lessen是动词的话，那是不是逗号前后两句直接要有个连接词捏~~) Obviously, it is science and technology that have made our life easier and more enjoyable（强调句用得妙！）.  

However, we cannot claim that the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place, because problems accompanied by constantly show up. With the help of hi-tech equipments, we dig out coal and oil from underground at an ever-growing speed. The problem caused by technology---shortage of natural resource---can only be solved by technology. Thus we still need more advanced one to seek new energy resources in order to fulfill the human’s living needs. In addition, wars and conflicts between countries become more and more dangerous and devastating, as in Iraq
, tens of thousands of innocent people lost their life because of hi-tech weapons of mass destruction. And the improved quality of life also gives rise to many new diseases in various kinds, some of which haven't been conquered in current scientific standards. For this, how can you assume that the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place?

In conclusion, the improvement of science and technology is a means, not an end to the improvement of the quality of people’s lives and we are always on the way.

Crystaljoy

Serena 你真善良~ 我，我羞涩了！

Crystaljoy

I'm Back~~~~

Crystaljoy

3.10 综合 TPO24

According to the reading passage, new discovery on the dinosaur fossils reveals the likelihood of presence of blood vessels, red blood cells and collagen matrix inside. However, skeptical about the inadequate supporting evidence, the speaker makes statements against them through deep and fundamental analysis.

To begin with, the professor points out the fact that the blood vessels can be residues of something else except the soft substance, say bacteria colonies which capture the hollows in the bone and leave many organic materials behind. This casts doubt on the first assumption in the reading that soft substance is necessarily responsible for traces of the blood vessel.

Besides, the speaker rejects the claim in the material that spheres containing iron must be remains of red blood cells. He also raises another possible explanation accountable for presence of spheres, namely some pieces of minerals, for many other primitive animals do not have blood cells in the fossils examined.

In the end, the lecture and the reading give contradictory opinions on the sources of collagen. Normally, the speaker says, the life span of collagen cannot last for more than 1000 years, thus it's unreasonable to relate it with animals living in 70 million years ago. It must originate from recent sources like human skin during the process of handling dinosaur bones rather than from bone tissues themselves as addressed in the reading material.

Crystaljoy

3月11日110827 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

Taking actions sooner than later can be a good way out, admittedly, for people who are struck between yes or no question, a headache that kills both time and energy. For most time, however, impatience can only lead to improper behavior or worse situation, and following reasons will be given to prove it.


First of all, following instant ideas may be neither sensible nor wise in the long run.  Born in a technology dominated and information explosive modern world, we generation turn to be impatient to every thing slow. For example, you hurry for a important appointment and are unwilling to waste a minute in waiting for the traffic light to turn green, so you choose to take the risk. We may imagine the follow-up scene--- a traffic jam or accident will put on, otherwise you are stopped by the police with a handsome fine---which takes you much more than one minute actually. People have various impulses in daily life, such as breaking up with friends, quitting the job, even committing crimes and so on, but the one who should take the consequences of the instant deeds is nobody but himself.


Besides, as the saying that Rome was not built in one day goes, all great achievements worth our long time chasing. One story of mine has taught me the importance of patience. I always dream of travelling to Taiwan with friends, and afford the whole trip with pocket money we save, as I have boasted to my mother years ago. But every time we go shopping, we cannot resist the temptation of fancy clothes, we buy useless things, we attend entertainment, we even use credit card---stealing money from future---to satisfy immediate desire. Of course, we fail in the end. The alarm is obvious: we should resist instant desires and chase long-term gratification.


In conclusion, taking actions without second thought would harm others, even constrain your process toward success. We should all be better off if more patience is harbored in the heart.

jasonliu119

Taking actions sooner than later can be a good way out, admittedly, for people who are struck between yes or no question, a headache that kills both time and energy. For most time, however, impatience can only lead to improper behavior or worse situation, and following reasons will be given to prove it.


First of all, following instant ideas may be neither sensible nor wise in the long run.  Born in a technology dominated and information explosive modern world,（很好啊） we generation turn to be impatient to every thing slow. For example, you hurry for a important appointment and are unwilling to waste a minute in waiting for the traffic light to turn green, so you choose to take the risk. We may imagine the follow-up scene--- a traffic jam or accident will put on, otherwise you are stopped by the police with a handsome fine（handsome可以形容fine的么？？？）---which takes you much more than one minute actually. People have various impulses in daily life, such as breaking up with friends, quitting the job, even committing crimes and so on, but the one who should take the consequences of the instant deeds is nobody but himself.


Besides, as the saying （goes放在that前吧，倒装一下。——a saying goes that是固定搭配了）that Rome was not built in one day goes, all great achievements worth our long time chasing. One story of mine has taught me the importance of patience. I always dream of travelling to Taiwan with friends, and afford the whole trip with pocket money we save, as I have boasted to my mother years ago. But every time we go shopping, we cannot resist the temptation of fancy clothes, we buy useless things, we attend entertainment, we even use credit card---stealing money from future---to satisfy immediate desire.（这里后面的几个we都省略吧，否则太罗嗦了；省略后就是排比了） Of course, we fail in the end. The alarm is obvious: we should resist instant desires and chase long-term gratification.（觉得这个实例中的“诱惑”与题目的“耐心”之间的联系要更加明显地指出——写多几句吧）


In conclusion, taking actions without second thought would harm others, even constrain your process toward success. We should all be better off if more patience is harbored in the heart.

文章句式变化多端，实例充分具体。
不过我觉得论述方面要加强。
说白了所谓论述就是在你的实例和题目中间搭个桥梁。加油！！！

Crystaljoy

To Jason,

谢谢你哦~
handsome fine 确实我自创的啦~~ 有handsome salary一说
第二个例证举的不好啊，感觉写到第一点去了。

晨依Jacqueline

那个综合、我还真不知道该怎么改呢
-------------------------------
According to the reading passage, new discovery on the dinosaur fossils reveals the likelihood of presence of blood vessels, red blood cells and collagen matrix inside. However, skeptical about the inadequate supporting evidence(这个地方是不是一个语法？我觉得读起来有点小奇怪), the speaker makes statements against them through deep and fundamental analysis.

To begin with, the professor points out the fact that the blood vessels can be residues of something else except the soft substance, say bacteria colonies which capture the hollows in the bone and leave many organic materials behind. This casts doubt on the first assumption in the reading that soft substance is necessarily responsible for traces of the blood vessel.

Besides, the speaker rejects the claim in the material that spheres containing iron must be remains of red blood cells.(我觉得这里可以写一下他是怎么反驳的，比如说含铁红色球状物在其他没有血红细胞的动物化石中也有发现。原文是Well, the problem is that scientists found identical reddish spheres in fossils of other animals found in the same place. That includes fossils of primitive animals that did not have any red blood cells when they were alive.)He also raises another possible explanation accountable for presence of spheres, namely some pieces of minerals, for many other primitive animals do not have blood cells in the fossils examined.

In the end, the lecture and the reading give contradictory opinions on the sources of collagen. Normally, the speaker says, the life span of collagen cannot last for more than 1000 years(时间好像不对呢100 thousand), thus it's unreasonable to relate it with animals living in 70 million years ago. It must originate from recent sources like human skin during the process of handling dinosaur bones rather than from bone tissues themselves as addressed in the reading material.



这是我第一次修改综合，不知道怎么改，一直在听那个听力，然后又去搜了一下原文。我感觉鸟儿姐姐写的要点基本都对了，关系和句式什么的当然也没话说，所以没改出什么东西来……