【写作小分队】鸟儿Cjoy的作文贴~~To be more logical~~~

超级无敌小鹤鹤

其实我们XDF的老师的建议是一般情况下不要写折中观点的文章，因为这样的文章比较难把握重心~~ 其实折中观点的文章转换一下就可以，前两段写A好，第三段针对A不好B好的地方做一个让步嘛~~

maylovehe1

Money and social status are like our left and right hands which(偶觉得which 应该放在被修饰的名词后面作定语从句) are indispensable to our career, to some extent. Some people believe that we work for money, considering its power in such a money-dominant society, while others argue that we should resist to the utilitarian thought and, instead, strive for high social status. In reality, I believe that the best approach to (to access) successful career lies between these two extremes.

First and foremost, a responsible man must work hard and make money to support his family for a better well-being. Although money does not mean anything(not….any..有点双重否定表肯定,个人建议为everything), it solves lots of realistic problems that he may encounter in his life. For example, his aging parent is in dire need of a surgery, then money can save life; his beloved child is accepted by his longing Harvard Business School but a great amount of tuition fees are required, then money can help him chase dream. However, if one day he was (decide)to give up his job on an impulse, he would unable to cover the expenditure on food, clothes, housing, transportation and so on so forth.

Besides making money, as human being, we should also endeavor for social status. A man with a high social recognition is said to be not only more influential but also much happier than a normal guy. Take Steve Jobs of the Apple Inc. for an example, with the belief that our life was too short to live others dreams, he became the pioneer of the personal computer revolution and customer electronics. His amazing story motivated millions of young people to make a difference in the world through extremely diligent work. To him, life was so precious to doddle around without any achievements, and he tried his best to achieve an influential social status. Or what the meaning of a career is really about?(这句话有点多,我一时没有明白用意)

However, making money and acquiring social status are not mutually exclusive. Those who are penniless will only end up limiting their own progress and eventually lose the power to protect their family. Also, holding a trillion dollars in the bank means nothing if one has no social status in this world. The key to a happy and successful career is a double-sided philosophy, involving fortune both physically and mentally.

In a nutshell, we cannot come to a hasty conclusion that whether money or social status should be the final purpose of our hard-work, as either is indispensible to a brilliant career.

思路清晰,条理清楚, 自愧不如,不敢多阅, 鸟儿真心很强大!

Crystaljoy

啊~ 有点过奖了啊~

捂脸。

Crystaljoy

5.6 TPO6


Obviously, the lecturer disagrees with the saying in the passage about several backwards of communal online encyclopedia, a modern resource to be found on the Internet. She is of the view that online encyclopedia pays only a small price compared with lots of advantages it has brought about so far.


At the very beginning, the professor acknowledges that this brand new encyclopedia is imperfect to some extent, but also reminds us of its convenience to correct errors once appeared, compared with the traditional printed encyclopedia whose mistakes may be remained for decades. However, the author blames the ill-informed nonspecialists who lack of academic credentials for the large sums of inaccurate contribution on the online encyclopedia.


Then, with regard to the issue of hacker, the speaker continues to emphasize two approaches adopted to protect the online encyclopedia from being ruined: One is to fix some format in order to ensure the crucial fact reliable; The other is to employ special editors to limit the changes to the original texts. This is in direct contradiction with the great concerns in the reading on the safety of information.


Additionally, according to the passage, the topics in the communal encyclopedia are too wide but shallow, containing wrong sense of proportion. In the opposite, the lecturer cites the evidence of limited space in traditional encyclopedia for its coverage of few topics, and deems it a dis advantage which can not reflect the user's real interests.


In sum, the professor illustrates three reasons to cast doubt on the statements in the reading passage concerning the weakness of the online encyclopedia.

探险者

麻烦问一下楼主，5.20的机经和5.12的相同吗？是不是都是咱们群共享的那个小马机经？
多谢了

超级无敌小鹤鹤

开始无比欢畅的作文批改时间~~~

Obviously, the lecturer disagrees with the saying in the passage about several backwards of communal online encyclopedia, a modern resource to be found on the Internet. She is of the view that online encyclopedia pays only a small price compared with lots of advantages it has brought about so far. (啊啊啊！！！好喜欢鸟儿姐姐的开头有木有！很自然有木有！很独特有木有！)

At the very beginning, the professor acknowledges that this brand new(new brand) encyclopedia is imperfect to some extent, but also reminds us of its convenience to correct errors once appeared, compared with the traditional printed encyclopedia whose mistakes may be remained for decades. However(What is more, 这儿用转折感觉还不如用递进更好~~因为前后两句话其实是站在同一条船上支持online滴~~), the author blames the ill-informed nonspecialists who lack of academic credentials for the large sums of inaccurate contributions(额，为神马找到鸟儿姐姐的一个小错误我居然很邪恶的好开森好有成就感。。。哈哈~~ 估计是鸟儿姐姐太完美了！) on the online encyclopedia.


Then, with regard to the issue of hacker, the speaker continues to emphasize two approaches adopted to protect the online encyclopedia from being ruined: One(one) is to fix some formats in order to ensure the crucial fact reliable;(好像还没见过这一类的用法~~所以我也不是很确定可不可以这么用，所以我觉得用and替换掉比较安全，避免错误！) The(the) other is to employ special editors to limit(monitor,感觉这儿用monitor更好~~) the changes to the original texts. This is in direct contradiction with the great concerns in the reading on the safety of information.


Additionally, according to the passage, the topics in the communal encyclopedia are too wide but shallow(), containing wrong sense of proportion. In the opposite, the lecturer cites the evidence of limited space in traditional encyclopedia for its coverage of few topics(这个地方鹤鹤想了好久~~ 感觉narrow coverage of the topics可能更好一点~~ 两者的区别是，of结构修饰的是coverage，将narrow放到前面，可以直接强调coverage很窄，显得更加直接；而且在意思上，一个是few topic的coverage，一个是topic的coverage很narrow~~ 哈哈~鸟儿姐姐可以体会一下下~~~),and deems it a disadvantage which can not reflect the user's real interests.


In sum, the professor illustrates three reasons to cast doubt on the statements in the reading passage concerning the weakness of the online encyclopedia.

我觉得修改鸟儿姐姐的作文太太太有帮助鸟！鹤鹤学到好几个新的表达和用法呢~~~
这篇文章一如既往的完美~~~ 不过我觉得鸟儿姐姐对于长句的使用有点多了~~尤其是超级大长句~~其实有时候不妨长短结合哈！

Crystaljoy

麻烦问一下楼主，5.20的机经和5.12的相同吗？是不是都是咱们群共享的那个小马机经？
多谢了

-- by 会员 探险者 (2012/5/6 16:01:09)

传说4.28,5.12,5.20都是同一套预测机经，只是后面的把前面考过的那套换掉了。

赞们群里现在有三份不同来源的，内容大同小异，哪家预测准众说纷纭啊。都下载了，然后根据自己复习进度看吧~

我们的写作作业时按照XDF点题班划的机经重点。口语作业是每天一个TPO+一个话题分类。

Crystaljoy

To 鹤鹤:

你超级cute有木有？

建议都很棒都木有？

谢谢乖~还有你的google大帅！

探险者

求鸟姐5.8作文哦

Crystaljoy

抱歉啦~ 交晚了~ 本来想模考写，结果拖了两天才模。拖延症又犯了，~~~~(>_<)~~~~