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lavenderws

tony4824 发表于 2015-7-31 02:21
独立写作麻烦看下 Topic
In order to become financially responsible adults ,children should learn t ...

很明显的是：不知道如何展开观点和论证观点；话都比较重复。
需要学习好的解题思路＋论证方法＋写作素材的输入。


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In order to become financially responsible adults ,children should learn to manage their own money at their young age .

With the remarkable progress of people's living standard, how to spending－spend the money seems to be a dispensable part of people's lives. As we know,adults should learn how to manage thier money. But when it is comes to whether the children should manage their money or not, people get into a dilemma.I think not only adults , but children should learn how to spend their money in a more effective way, which will teach children to be more independent, and more responsible for themselves.

Firstly, children can find it is hard for their parents to earn money by learn how to manage their own money, which will teach them to be more responsible for themselves. By teaching them how to manage their own money, children will find it is not easy for their parents to work and earn money so that they can be more polite and thankful to their parents , which will make them to be a more reoponsible adults later.－－这个论证没有展开哦～ 只是在重复观点哦

In addition, by learning how to manage their own money, children will pay more attention to the products that they will buy, and their will make a chioce about it.－－they will learn how to weigh things and make wiser chocies. For instance, if a child want to buy a toy, a book and a CD at the same time, but he can only afford one of them, so he will try to find which it most important for him to buy instead of asking his parents to buy all to him. When he become an adult, he already gain the ability to make a slection about how to choose a more important things to do it first instead of having no idea about what to do and asking someone else for help. So this behavior will help him to become a financially responsible adults.

Last but not least, even though some people might say that it is hard for the children to learn how to manage their money since they are at thier young age. But I think this can make them pay more attention to their life that worth cherishing. And they can be more responsible when they become an adult.

To put in a nutshell, it is useful for children to manage their own money at a young age, since they will be more financially responsible in later life.

fadeday

感谢分享！               

slave918

正在练习body paragraph,所以只写了中间两段。自己修改了一些拼写和语法了已经，多谢。

Agree or disagree:
Always telling the truth will is the most important consideration in any relationship between people.

First, exhibiting candour is goanna really hurt your friends, families, and your lover. Honesty is really cold, and not considerable for the people that you really care about. Of course you don't want them to be painful about your honesty. For example, one of my friends, Evan, is a gay. A few years ago, he was really reluctant about whether to share his authentic felling with his parents. He wanted his parents' support, but his parents were totally traditional. His mother also had heart disease, making her fragile in front of surprises. Anyway, my friend told it, but in a painful process. His parents just couldn't take that abject fact. His mother went hospital for 3 months and his father went into a deep depression. Although they accepted that truth in the end, this faimily made huge sacrifice. Thus, I learned from this story that always telling the truth is not the most important consideration in a relationship.

Second, love is the most important consideration in a relationship, not honesty. When you truly care about someone and want to bring him or her happiness, you will understand honesty is not the tool to make such effect. Only love can make the interaction between people harmony and happy. For instance, I have a friend, named Jack. He has been really good to me for many years. He is one of my real friends and I also care about him. However, sometimes trying to protect him, I have to make some white lie. Once he invited me to go to a dinner with him, but I didn't want to go because I enjoyed playing computer game recently. Of course, I shouldn't exhibit the candour and said the truth. I told him I was very busy, since I had a lot of works to do. If I told the truth, we might not be as close as we are now. Thus, honesty not means caring. People shouldn't always tell the truth.  

tianxiadiyiquan

Some people think that it is an important part of a child's education to go on a field trip(for example,museums),other people think a child's time is better spent learning in a classroom at school.Which do you prefer?
Nowadays, the education of the youngsters has become increasly significant not only for the child and youth themselves as well as their parent but also for even the entire society as the youth has become the hope the the whole nation and is well-related with the future of the nation even the entire globe. Hence, naturally, even the strifle concerning which kind of teaching methodology is better, the schooling in a narrow classroom or the parenting throughout a tarafic trip is also been argued.
As far as I am concerned, the parenting during the spelendid trip is , definately, weigh more than the other way. First and foremost, youngsters can easily experience the journey at ease just for the sake of the involvement of their parents, which will create a relaxed atmosphere for them to be integrated in the journey. As a result , they may learn knowledge more efficiently. On the other hand, to be a member of a schooling, in which force-feed the students is always a part of the teaching, the creativity could be dampened and the imagination might be constrained. That is to say, compared to the trip with the participation of the parents, the test-oriented education weigh less weight.
Additionally, to travel with parents, which is a well-aquainted way for the youth, will benefit them upon the soundness of their psychology. On the contrary, studing in a classroom will be harmful for the well-being of their mental due to the existance of the peer pressure, the test pressure and the homework pressure and so on so forth.
Finally, it must be a fact that students in school must get touched with masses of compulsory courses , which might be disgusted by them, which in turn demostrates that the time devote to the courses that are really stimulating or interested by the youth must be constrained. The abound of the umemployment rate in China with the well-spread of tertiary education has somewhat revealed that the increase of the compulsory course represents the homogeneous of the education itself, which will virtually do harm to the future of the graduates. On the other hand, travel with parents will create children such a chance for them to get touched with knowledge that they are really absorbed in, which will add to the difference between the graduates. As a result, more specialists can be touched in the society with the decrease of the homogeneous which is good for the decent of the employment level.
楼主可以帮忙看一下这篇文章哪里有问题吗？多谢

liteng2125

希望NN指点迷津！
题： Do  you  agree  or  disagree:  students  who  keep  their  rooms  neat  and
organized  will  be  more  likely  to  succeed  than  students  who  do  not.

Recently there is a popular topic among students:is the habit of keeping the rooms neat and organized related to success? The answers vary from one person to another. Some hold that this habit is beneficial for success, while the others do not think so. From my perspective, students keeping their rooms clean and organized are more likely to be successful than the ones who do not have the habit. My viewpoint is based on following reasons.

In the first place, students keeping their rooms clean and well organized tend to do things in  good order. They will bring this habit into their work and study, which allows them to work and study efficiently. Thanks to the habit of making things in order, students are more likely to achieve a goal step by step, instead of wasting time thinking and confusing. My friend Jeff serves as a perfect example. As an university student, Jeff,after getting up in the morning, used to sweep the floor of the dormitory, open the windows to get fresh air, and put the books together on his desk. With this habit even today, Jeff becomes the manager of a investment bank , the success attributes to his scheduled lifestyle for the simple reason that the works in a investment bank are so complex that you have to finish them in good order . It seems clear to me that the habit of keeping things in order increases the possibility of success.

Second, a student who often cleans up his or her room is usually self-disciplined and self-discipline is an essential character shared by almost all successful people. And cleaning the rooms is a good start for students to overcome laziness. For instance, my brother Ted was lazy and always left home with his room messy. This weakness was everywhere in his life, work and study, which made him fail to pass the exams and delayed his promotion. When he realized the importance of getting this weakness away, Ted started from making his room tidy. Though boring and tiring, he insists on the habit for several months and becomes more diligent and hardworking in his life, which allows him to pass the exams and get promotion. So, it is the habit of keeping the room tidy that benefits Ted’s success.

Admittedly, a good habit turns out to be an obstacle if one pays excessive attention to it. For example, what if a person spends majority of his or her time on cleaning the room and keeps anyone from ruining his room? It is impossible for this person to have a good management of time and strengthen social relationship. However, this problem would never happen if we keep the habit in a reasonable range. Therefore, I still believe that the habit of keeping rooms clean and organized has a lots to do with being successful.

Thus, with the benefits mentioned above, such as managing life in order and making students self-disciplined, keeping rooms tidy and well organized aids students achieving success.

Maximus1993

正在练习TPO22独立写作，麻烦楼主帮看看
topic: Teacher should not make their social and political views known to students in classroom

While it may be true that the teacher share his or hers view of society and politics in the class do have some benefits, its negative effects surpass its value. In fact, I would contend that it’s reasonable to refrain teachers to express their social and political view in the class.

Hardly could we deny that, teachers’ demonstrating their views over politic and society do have very good informative use. Especially when student now are largely focusing on the academic learning, sports and computer games, they should be kept informed about the issues of the society and political events. And the teacher’s expression and views regarding these issues are proper way to drag student’s attention from the recreation and help them to develop a good habit to care about the society and political issues. My math teacher usually gave his feeling about the political news in class, and he encourage us to spend more time on knowing the world rather than waste on the computer games.

However we can’t recklessly say that it is safe to make teacher to feel free to express their thought about the social issues. Such behaviors will take up the proper time originally should be used to teach and stress the knowledge and points on the class, which will help students better their understanding and help them get a good grades. In fact, according the recent research, about 65 percent of teacher and professors like to share their view about social issues during the class. And 80 percent of them has influenced the regular teaching process. At the same time, Classroom is a place mainly for academic learning. Teachers’ over devotion into expressing their feeling and view about social issues will definitely bother teaching efficiency. These talk and conversation are welcome after class.

Meanwhile, for students have not get enough judgement, the teachers’ view tend to bias their thought. Teacher’s expressions only stand for one kind of view, however it is easily accepted and agreed by the students. Students views their teachers to be authoritive, and actually being compressed to take the views they don’t even sense. Thus, the students abilities to think by themselves, which is the most precious virtue, will be harmed.

Based on the reasons I presented above, I hold the view that although with some benefits, teachers’ expressions about their views regarding political and social issues should be banned in class.

caspar_lee

TPO1 独立写作 “体育与社会活动应不应该得到与课程和图书馆同等的资助”
Nowadays, with the enrichment of sports equipments and social activities, the living standard on campus has been greatly improved. Students put their energy and passion not only on studying but also on other events, and among the most popular activities sports and social activities become more concerned than before for they enhance students' general quality for the future career. As a result, some people say that sports and social activities should receive the same amount of financial support as the classes and libraries do. However, I can't totally agree their opinion.

Firstly, the most important role the universities play is a resource of equal access to knowledges, which are mostly provided through classes and libraries. The university's budget is limited, if the financial support distributed to sports and social activities increases to the equal level of that distributed to classes and libraries, it means that the quality of classes and libraries will turn down. For example, my university once decided to renovate the campus gym; at first we are all excited, but later there was an announcement saying that the brand new software and database we planned to use that semester would not be available due to the inadequate financial aid.

Second, the over enrichment of sports and social activities can distract students from studying. The new things on campus can always draw people's attention, especially us students for our strong curiosty. Just take myself as an example, I remembered clearly that last year the university built a new photography studio for us and I stayed there day by day focusing on my photography project. By the end of the semester, when the final came, i was totally freak out and stayed up to nearly 3 am to make up the blank I left, which would not be so hard to cover if I didn't devote so much of my time in the studio.

Admittedly, sports and social activities should get certain amount of financial support, because they are major concerns now for people has paid more attention to their both physical and mental health, but they are still very personal things for not all the students join in these activities, even those who are really into sports and various social activities do not tend to do these on campus. For instance, out of all my friends, only one goes to the recently renovated campus gym everyday for bodybuilding, and he says there are always few people there taking exercise. As for social activities, we have better resource off campus such as acadeturesmic and career workshops, which not only provides excellent lectures but also helps broaden our social web.

caspar_lee

TPO 1 综合写作 （听力有缺东西，所以第三段好短）
The writer and the speaker are having a debate over the four-day workweek; the writer supports it and listed 3 possible benefits could be brought by the 4-day workweek strategy, which is rejected by the speaker.

First, the writer claims that the four-day workweek can help increasing the company's profits for the strategy decreases the workdays from 5 days to 4 days thus only four fifths of the salary should be paid by the company, though more employees would be recruited the payment would not increase. However, on accordance to the speaker's lecture, this claim can not hold water. In the lecture the speaker points out that though the salary decreases, but this strategy with more employing more freshmen probably increases the cost spent on medical care, computer purchase and adding workplace.

Moreover, the writer states that the four-day workweek strategy can lead to a higher employment rate. Somehow, the speaker also debates it by saying that the company may force the worker to extend their workweek to 5 days and place overtime on them.

Finally, the writer argues that the four-day strategy offers a better life to the employees for more free time will be available, while the speaker holds a different opinion. Considering job stability and chances to enhance
career will turn down, the speaker holds that for those who choose to work 4 days per week, not only will the promotion  be harder to get, but  the risk of being unemployed during the depression will be amplified.

nickynee

准备二战托福，一战托福22，套用了模板 ，这次尝试抛弃模板，感谢楼主，希望能帮忙修改
Question: Always telling truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people


Nowadays ,as more and more people live in the cities and we are much more closed with strangers than any previous time in the history. Then ,someone would make the question that the truth is not so much worthier than before, as people are strangers and have no responsibilities to always tell truth in order to maintain the relationship with other. However, no matter how the society trend has changed, the principle is still clear that telling lie will broke any social relationship , and the truth is precise like the gold. Therefore, this essay will tell the importance of telling the truth in the society aspect and in the family aspect.

First of all, the most serious consequence of telling a lie is that you will lose others trust. The trust of other people is definitely a key factor for living in the society. Once you tell a lie and the lie is exposed, you can never be back to the former state and no longer be the upright and trust-worthy person in their eyes. The criteria is quite important when people build relationship with others in the society such as the employee-employer relationship, the business relationship ,the partner relationship, etc. My father put his career in the decoration of buildings. He has built a good reputation in his field because he never tell a lie to his partners and clients. Since some of the project managers trust my father very well, they even never sign a contract with my father for a project that cooperate with my father. If my father had told a lie, he would lose many projects let alone get a project without contract. Therefore, telling the truth can help you won others trust, which is especially important in the business area.

Furthermore, telling truth is critical in any family relationship and love relationship. A good relationship with a family and between a couple is based on strong trust. Lying is especially harmful to any those relationship and will break the trust. To make things worse, the break of relationship will lead to the divorce of the couple and the separation of a family. As a survey shows that when those couple polled was told what is the most important factors in maintaining the relationship, containing trust, wealth, care, affection and so on, the trust ranks in the first place in the result. Therefore, we should always be careful in a family relationship to avoid tell a lie to those who we love and those who love us.

lavenderws

tianxiadiyiquan 发表于 2015-8-16 17:52
Some people think that it is an important part of a child's education to go on a field trip(for exam ...

整个题目跑题了啊～！！［这个是没有把题目看明白么？］


1. 词汇－估计是查字典了。但是字典没查明白，没有注意搭配，所以还是用错很多了。
2. 句型－句子一长，就暴露出问题了。说明对长句的掌握能力太弱了。


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Some people think that it is an important part of a child's education to go on a field trip(for example,museums),other people think a child's time is better spent learning in a classroom at school.Which do you prefer? Nowadays, the education of the youngsters has become increasly significant not only for the child and－删去［a, b and c ］ youth themselves as well as their parent but also for even the entire society as the youth has become the hope the the whole nation and[删掉] is well-related with the future of the nation even the entire globe[太多and了，说话简洁一点]. Hence, naturally, even the strifle concerning which kind of teaching methodology is better, the schooling in a narrow classroom or the parenting throughout a tarafic trip is also been argued.所以了？你的观点是？ As far as I am concerned, the parenting during the spelendid trip is , definately, weigh more than the other way.［这怎么跟父母扯上了？是不是题目理解错了？］ First and foremost, youngsters can easily experience the journey at ease just for the sake of [词语理解错了]the involvement of their parents, which will create a relaxed atmosphere for them to be integrated in the journey. As a result , they may learn knowledge more efficiently. On the other hand, to be a member of a schooling, in which force-feed 用词不对 the students is always a part of the teaching, the creativity could be dampened and the imagination might be constrained. That is to say, compared to the trip with the participation of the parents, the test-oriented education weigh less weight.画横线的地方才是没有跑题的 Additionally, to travel with parents, which is a well-aquainted way for the youth, will benefit them upon the soundness of their psychology. On the contrary, studing in a classroom will be harmful for the well-being of their mental due to the existance of the peer pressure, the test pressure and the homework pressure and so on so forth. Finally, it must be a fact that students in school must get touched with masses－be exposed to[搭配啊！] of compulsory courses , which might be disgusted by them, which in turn demostrates that the time devote－devoted to the courses that are really stimulating or interested by the youth must be constrained.[句式杂糅哦～太多谓语动词了] The abound of the umemployment rate in China with the well-spread of tertiary education has somewhat revealed that the increase of the compulsory course represents the homogeneous of the education itself, which will virtually do harm to the future of the graduates. On the other hand, travel with parents will create children such a chance for them to get touched with knowledge that they are really absorbed in, which will add to the difference between the graduates. As a result, more specialists can be touched in the society with the decrease of the homogeneous which is good for the decent of the employment level.