TWE066

nuli

请大侠帮我看看.

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's
success in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your
answer.



I disagree with the statement. When a child goes to school, two kinds
of people influence him greatly: his classmates and parents. I think
they have equal important influence on his success in school.



Undoubtedly, classmates have great impact on children. For example, in
school, the students excellent in studying are often praised by
teachers. Teachers grant them all kinds of privileges such as being
leaders of class, being more concerned. Children often envy these
students very much, imagining they will become them also. So they will
work hard, thus more possible to get progress. In school, outstanding
students are usually surrounded by their classmates, no matter they
excel in studying, sports or in dancing, singing. Because of their
eminence, other children are willing to follow their actions and words.
When children have these in mind, they will walk towards right
directions and will get improvement.



However, parents also have significant functions on their child's
success in school. People may believe what children do in school is
beyond the administration of parents', on the contrary, parents have
great influence on their children in success. The most important point
is that parents create circumstance for their children. Parents should
guarantee a comfortable, relaxed, warm, and harmonious conditions for
their children. If parents often blame their children or they fight
with each other, it will distract their children's attentions when they
are in class.



Parents can encourage their children in spirit aspects. When children
are in difficulty or upset because of school's experience, parents can
inquire for reasons and work on these problems with them. For example,
children may feel disappointed at the failure of one exam, or they may
be under huge stress of the possible criticism of their parents'.
Parents should show extra (additional) care for their child at this
time, helping analyze wrong questions, concluding the causes of
failure, and encouraging them to work hard for good scores at the next
time.



Parents can care for children's morality. Parents can instruct children
to pursue good characters such as loyalty, open-mind, kindness,
diligence and optimism. For instance, children may show hostility or
envy to some classmates since their grades are better than theirs or
they spoil their pens or something else. Parents should help them keep
right minds to others' successes and tell them their successes are from
industrious work. Parents can tell their children that if they want to
get success, they must pay out efforts. Additionally, parents can tell
their child that they should forgive their classmates when they damage
their stationery by accident. By doing this, they can make more good
friends and are more welcome in school.



In conclusion, classmates will influence children because there is
competition among them. On the other hand, parents will affect their
child on spirit and morality. Parents should try to build a warm family
atmosphere to keep their child growing healthily.

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-3-3 9:07:34编辑过]

nuli

第一次贴, 不巧铁成这样

一时找不到删除按钮,请大侠们多多包涵
另外应是TWE066

brace

用帖子左边下面的

进去编辑修改自己的帖子。

nuli

我改好了.

beautywawa

1.我想樓主打字應該很快,不然30分鐘要打出這些,有點吃力

2.第一段的開頭,可以先來個開場句子再講自己的論點,這樣有點突戊

pengstone

Since you use most the words to explain the influence of parents, I will assume you put more weight on parents' influence on children. So, to make your essay a more consistent one, why not articulate your stand point in the beginning that parents have more influence on children than students do.  Just my two cents.

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-3-3 20:10:06编辑过]

nuli

我没有限时些，， 所以写得很多，
pengstone, 我也想过这篇文章我也许有些偏题了，我想问一下，toefl里的是不是作文尽量要观点鲜明，偏向一方？象这种中庸的最好少点？这篇文章我内心觉得同学和家长的作用很难分出高下，所以说他们的作用一样。

pengstone

以下是引用nuli在2005-3-4 12:34:00的发言：
我没有限时些，， 所以写得很多，
pengstone, 我也想过这篇文章我也许有些偏题了，我想问一下，toefl里的是不是作文尽量要观点鲜明，偏向一方？象这种中庸的最好少点？这篇文章我内心觉得同学和家长的作用很难分出高下，所以说他们的作用一样。

任何一种形式都可以的，只不过偏向一方的写法容易掌握。按照你文章的思路，应该将classmates部分再充实些，这样看上去平衡一些。