angla 姐姐的作文楼

angla

echosun2002 发表于 2014-9-27 09:22
In our lives,we frequently confront poverty, illness,and suffering.when we are forced to in those p ...

谢谢亲 啊。后面我也感觉很不充分，主要源于时间限制和字数限制，实际考试写不到那么多。我再努力连连码字吧。。。

angla

橙圆 发表于 2014-9-27 10:03
改好 姐姐平时写的时候可能没有注意标准和大小写这些小问题

first, even though the theory—the sound is used to call male and female by ocra whales, because this detected odd sound resemble the sound they attract a male in the research—sounds reasonable, professor points out that this theory is unwarranted. (这两句话不是很理解 第一句没有主句 如果第一句和第二句是一句 中间改成逗号？even though 后面that后面的从句也不是很理解 表语从句的话应该不加reasonable吧 加reasonable 应主语应该写成形式主语？)

这样改，好些了吧

angla

橙圆 发表于 2014-9-27 10:03
改好 姐姐平时写的时候可能没有注意标准和大小写这些小问题

work as that fast and that silent(觉得这里as的用法也略奇怪啊 as..as ?).

这个是听力原文吧。as，像那么快又那么安静。。。

echosun2002

angla 发表于 2014-9-27 11:04
谢谢亲 啊。后面我也感觉很不充分，主要源于时间限制和字数限制，实际考试写不到那么多。我再努力连连码 ...

是的呢，我现在都超时。

angla

The reading passage describes a strange sound called quakers and puts forward the possible reasons for this sound. （概括改写得很精彩）However, in the listening, the professor thinks that the reasons in the reading passage are not convincing.

First, the professor thinks that the ocra theory put up in the reading passage is plausible but unreliable. Although there is an ocra population inhabits the areas, ocras always appear on the sea surface. The submarines are on the deep sea, so it is hardly for them to detect the sounds made by ocra. Furthermore, if the ocra is near the submarine, the sonar could detect it.

Second, the fact could not support the statement in the reading passage that sounds are caused by giant squid. The first report about quakers was published in 1960s and continued 2 decades. However, the reports disappeared on 1980s. If giant squid caused the noises, the report should have not discontinued.

Third, the professor uses another fact to repute the theory in the reading passage that the sounds are made by foreign submarines. On one hand, the submarine could not change direction in that speed. （稍微改变了原意）On the other hand, with current technology, no country could build a submarine with that high speed and silent engine. （改写得很精彩）

我个人觉得perfect，可以打5分！我贴到我自己贴子里，学习学习。。。。

loverony713

9-24 独立 修改there is never a reason to be rude to another person

Please recall the the the plot of Princes Sisi,an elegant, gentle and vivid beautiful girl, has impressed many younger and is the dream lover(搭配不一致) of one generation. It is(我还以为是强调句) her graceful temperament(优雅的气质?) and polite manner win(三单) every one’s heart. However, nowadays, many young people lack of (建议查一下lack的用法 很容易用错)study about ritual(感觉用的不是很合适). In addition, the working stress makes people irritating(make sb + adj  irritating:刺激的；气人的；使愤怒的) and the information technology lets people indifferent to social relation(不知道这样写好不好). Thus, people became(时态 不应该用过去式吧) rude to another, the courtesy fade(三单) away.but, actually ,there is no benefit to be rude to others.【是不是和题目的意思不太贴近？？？】 To start with, rude attitude will inevitably hinder the development of congenial relationship with others. As a result, loose many good chance of cooperation or promotion(主谓是？？？). My friend, Jenny is a typical example.she is skilled and bright. When coping with every project, she amplifies(动词用的不太好) her efforts to accomplish it. unfortunately, she only has one weakness—(破折号后面加名词吧 你前面就是名词)can’t control her emotion, that (is) to say, sometimes be rude to others, who including customers, peers, bosses.(句子有点冗长 没啥美感 It’s frequent (可以把friquently, 放在句首) to hear the criticism related to her. This shortcoming largely impede(三单) her promotion.（这一部分是最应该重点说的啊mm！！！） Furthermore, there is a proverb that Thousands miles river levee collapse in ants. Sometimes when（两个在一起真的好么） you do everything perfect but(前后词性不对称) a rude manner, eventually, you will lose all（YOU WILL LOSE EVENTUALLY）. To build （最好用build吧）up friendship necessitate(三单？) several years.oppositely, destroy one just need 1 minute.（这个可以不说 因为destroy的方面有很多 这里说的也不是很明白） 这一段的重点应该是蓝色的部分---你仅仅说了受到批评 以及阻碍升值。具体的过程 如何影响没有说。而且事情的影响也不够大，阻碍升值以后的后果你也没说。而且你不是想说人际关系么？怎么感觉像落到事业方面去了呢？？这一部分真的应该详细写的。你就写了两句话 也不可能说清楚吧。可以说的再具体点，还有后面的lose all “all”是指什么？？难道就是前面的两个么？？？ 最后还得点题  因为rude有些个缺点 所以rude对人际关系很不好 所以我们不应该rude！！！！ On the other hand,a rude manner will surely broke one’s personal image. Rude manner, i.e. loosing temper（不一定啊 还有骂人啊 不尊重老幼病残啊 动作粗鲁啊之类的 不一定只在这个方面吧~~说的有点狭隘 而且ie后面是动名词 也不太好吧） usually, unavoidable reveals a image of（加名词） superficial, ill breeding, illiteracy etc. Once those who are labeled with these characteristics, they are easily isolated by others（这是rude缺点）.（代词过多）all the people want to make friends with someone bringing about happiness,but（rather than合适吧） arguments.no one is an exception. Moreover, if the rude manner happens（不能主动happen吧 只能说是人展现出来） in public place, especially in foreign country, national spirit（说image更好） will be destruct. several days ago, two Korea quarrel（时态） with a Chines shop assistant and abuse them with dirty word. Soon afterwards, a news report present in mass media（被动 was exposed to  the public）, （连词）the name of article is Rude Korea. （不能指代啊 指代前面也得有逗号吧....）Which seriously destroy the country’s image. （我觉得你的主题句可以直接写为：rude 影响个人形象&国家形象。更直接。最后总结 不能rude啊！点题） Besides, rude manner also make（三单） us loose（lose） the ethic and traditional virtue. Specifically, China is a country with ancient civilization and ceremony. Those（离指代太远） are cultural heritage from our ancestors.we should inherit these culture essence. Keeping away from rude manner is essential. 反正是大实话 大道理 可以加一句 如果我们抛弃传统美德将会.....+一系列恶果 列举一下 充字 Based on all reasons offered above,rude manner totally harm to everything.there is never reason to rude to another.

loverony713

看到一篇文章 写的不错 有老外的批注 你可以瞄一眼

10

Thereis no reason to be impolite (rude) to another person. Use specific examples andreasons to sport your statement.  

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Hi Karen, anotherexcellent essay. Only a few mistakes in verb tenses keeping you from perfectionon this one - I would rate it a 4.5 out of 5. Sorry for my delays, I have beenout of town and had limited computer access.

In the contemporary society,{here"society" means the world as a whole, not a particular society, so noarticle} interaction between people has become much more frequent than that inthe past. At the same time, as pressure arises from all aspects in people'slives, it does occur under certain circumstances that some individualscommunicate in a rude way to others. Behavior of that kind, unquestionably, isnot welcome and should be avoided[, without exception] .{I think you need to answerthe prompt a little more explicitly. Everyone would agree that rudeness is bad,but is it EVER ok to be rude?}

To begin with, being polite and respectful isnot only the first and foremost rule to obey in social behavior, but also theprerequisite of effective communication. You will surely lose the interest andmotivation for further communication if the person you speak to is rude. Thereis an old saying in my country that with a smile on the[your] face, you have grasped the success on[at] hand. Indeed, people who always show theirpoliteness and respect often get more opportunities from others, which,accordingly, lead[s ] to their success. For instance, interviewees that behav[e] in a polite manner are no doubt more likely to pass the interviews than thosewho do not.{avoid contractions}

In addition, rude behavior and disrespecttowards others can sometimes induce serious violence. There are numerousreports nowadays about how inappropriate speeches or behaviors between twostrangers have ultimately le[d ] to severe conflicts or even death. On theother hand, politeness and courtesy can usually help resolve the conflicts andfacilitate the development of mutual understanding. For example, when we happento step on another person’s feet unintentionally on a crowded bus, the bestsolution to solve the embarrassment and avoid trouble is a sincere apology.

Moreover, acting in a rude manner willjeopardize the impression one ma[kes] on others, which could lead to unpleasantresults. Indeed, behavior is a direct reflection of people's personalities andattitudes towards [their] lives.{or do you mean towards others' lives?}Actually, some of my friends told me how they felt disappointed about the dating [a date] because the one they met appear[red] to berude upon[to] {or "towards"} the restaurantwaiters.

In conclusion, politeness is a basic principlefor communication, as well as a fundamental quality for one to succeed. On thecontrary, offensive behavior will not only worsen the situation but also harmpeople’s social images, and therefore people should eliminate rude behaviorsfor their own good.

angla

loverony713 发表于 2014-9-29 11:11
看到一篇文章 写的不错 有老外的批注 你可以瞄一眼
10Thereis no reason to be impolite (rude) to another ...

哇，才看到。。。你真贴心！

loverony713

angla 发表于 2014-10-6 18:03
哇，才看到。。。你真贴心！

哈哈 么么哒

angla

10.5日 TPO24
the reading passage investigates the issue— whether the materials in fossils are the tissues remains of the T.rex.the professor's lecture focus on the same topic. However, he insists that  the identification of the research in the passage is doubtful. And in his lecture, he uses three specified points to buttress his viewpoint.

First of all, the professor points out that the channels inside the bone are probably not the location of blood vessels but the colonies of bacteria.even though the passage suggests that the finding of organic substance inside the channels possibly represent the remains of blood vessels, the professor argues that those organic materials can be the residuals of bacteria.this is because bacteria lived inside the bone and leave behind the trace of organic materials, which means the channels are the colonies of bacteria.


Moreover,the professor indicates that the spheres in the bone may not the remains of blood cells. despite the statement in the passage that the iron is a essential ingredient of blood cell, the professor asserts that the origin of the iron apparently is reddish mineral.he supports this point with the fact that some primate animals also have such kind of spheres while with no blood cells.in other words, the sphere with iron is not necessarily the blood cells.

Finally,the professor states that the collagen is likely from other resources not from the bone tissues. notwithstanding the fact in the passage that collagen is a component of living bone, the professor claims that the collagen in the bone has been 17 millions year old, which is contradict the fact that the collagen's longevity is only 10,000 years.according to this fact,the professor assume that the collagen probably originates from the researchers,whose skin also contain this component.that is to say the statement in the passage— the collagen is exactly the biochemical materials related to bone tissue is indefensible.