angla 姐姐的作文楼

loverony713

angla 发表于 2014-9-11 22:50
9.10日
独立：政府应该在医疗保障还是环境治理上花更多精力

9.10日 独立：政府应该在医疗保障还是环境治理上花更多精力 As the industry society develop(动词后面最好加上副词修饰), the living standard is improving(加上correspondingly\simultaneously).Unfortunately, accompanying with this change, the problems of environment pollution and the health care become hot topics. The landfill causes damage to soil structure;the chemical pollution led to the scarcity of water resource; the fog and haze weather threatens the people’s health at every moment. Meanwhile,in this century, the demographic structure of the whole world has changed. Especially in developed country(总感觉应该和前一句是同一句话), the aging population is a vital problem that cannot be neglected.it is no denying that aging population will result in health problems. Cardiovascular disease and Oncology are prevailing nowadays. All these issues need government’s attention. However, compared to the health problems, the situation of pollution is more severe. (开头好长 在考场上我感觉没时间写这么多 哈哈) To begin with,  many diseases was cause by pollution. Solve(ing) the pollution issue will solve(settle\conquer) the heath problems indirectly. For instance,only in 40% days of one year, the air condition fulfill(S) (感觉动词搭配不对..) the quality standard. There are many particles, WHAT WE CALLED PM2.5,(我觉得写个插入语比较好) generated by industry factory—we called PM2.5. Which(不是新的一句吧 应该限定修饰N.) form fog and haze in the city. When people active(我觉得breath和air是搭配的呀..) in such a poor quality air, respiratory diseases break out. In the same time, people refuse to exercise in such environment, impelling the high occurrence of Cardiovascular disease, obesity, and diabetes. Similarly, pollution of water and soil lead to human cells mutation, which caused oncology. Only(后面不是倒装么?) we prevent the occurrence of pollution, we can solve the health problem at root. Furthermore, curb(ing) environment pollution benefits the local economy. Soil remediation can contributes to increasing crop area. More health lands are used to plant crops, greatly increasing the agriculture revenues. Controlling water pollution can restrain the decrease of water resource. Once the water is deficient, the living cost (WOULD) increase, which is seriously harm(detrimental) to local economy. Likewise, air condition improvement can increase the tourists from other country(不太懂 直接说simultaneously不就好了), which increase fiscal revenue. Admittedly, health care also can bring about (enhance?) GDP growth, nonetheless, the effect is slower than that from pollution controlling. In addition, the pollution problems are more urgent to settle. Science progression itself is a slow process.health care problem is not a overnight thing, needing(总觉得用的不太好...) long-term efforts. Whereas people can not endure to live in a polluted environment more than one minute.Procrastinating more to resolve it(不知道这样对不对), more loss will be caused. Therefore,the government should settle the pollution problem with no time to delay and regard health care as a long-term objective. 我觉得最后一段相比较于前两段逻辑展开不是很好 细节不够多。而且论据的urgent没有体现出来 应该用具体的事例支撑。 In a nutshell, both health care and the pollution are matters vital to national well-being(高级) and people’s livelihood, yet currently pollution issue is extremely urgent. Government should pay more attention to(感脚着直接加N会比较好) how to resolve the problem, and eventually (主语)give the national people a beautiful blue sky and white cloud , a green hill and clear water. 逻辑清晰 主题句很好。语言有很大提升，但是你所查的词 还有那些疾病神马的 自己都得记住 并且没有拼写错误。 相比之下我觉得我那篇文章的论述就不太有层次感。我参考你的再修改一下~~

loverony713

loverony713 发表于 2014-9-12 20:05

啊对了！~ mm把文章改好发我一份吧 当做范文保存 哈哈 我是认真的！！！

angla

loverony713 发表于 2014-9-12 20:05

mm
疾病的词，俺不用查的哦。天生就会的。。。。。。。。在下是医学硕士。。。。嘿嘿嘿(●ˇ∀ˇ●)

angla

9.11综合

The reading Passage argues that the ethanol is not a good replacement for gasoline for three reasons how ever, the professor of the lecture points out that the reasons stated by passage are unconvincing and concludes that the ethanol is a good alternative to gasoline.

   First, the professor indicates that the passage ignore the advantage of growing plants about carbon dioxide removal. Event though, as the passage stated that burning the ethanol would generate carbon dioxide in the same way as burning gasoline. And the carbon dioxide is the greenhouse gas,which can lead to global worming. Nonetheless,growing plants also can absorb the carbon dioxide. The removal can counteract the release of carbon dioxide.

  In addition, the professor reveals that passage neglect the original production of ethanol. Unlike the passage’s idea that producing ethanol with plants would dramatically reduce the food and animals, the professor’s opinion is that the ethanol is generated by the cellulose of plants, which is not eaten by animals. As the result, the amount of animal feed that is available will not be reduced.

Finally, the professor rejects the statement of lecture that the price of ethanol will increase once the government abolish the tax-subsides giving. Although currently, the government gives tax-subsides for growing ethanol every year for 11 billion and this policy will not continue, the price of ethanol will not has a increase trend. Because if there is enough people start buying the ethanol, the producer will increase. More supply generally lead to drop in its price. The studies shows that if the ethanol production is 3 time than it now, the cost of producing ethanol will drop by 40%.

loverony713

angla 发表于 2014-9-13 18:32
mm
疾病的词，俺不用查的哦。天生就会的。。。。。。。。在下是医学硕士。。。。嘿嘿嘿(●ˇ∀ˇ●) ...

高大上！！小会计膜拜一下么么哒！！~~~~~ ps 快发来范文 哈哈

chasedreamabc

Nowadays,the student’s education became the worldwide challenge for every country. How to motive student’s interest in study? How to cultivate them to be talents? What kind of education system would most contribute to nation’s human resource force? A series of question need us to answer. For pedagogies, many countries, especially some western countries, insist on quality-oriented education, which advocates that teacher should make efforts to stimulate the student’s interest, give children and youth a happy life, refute to constrain student’s creativity, suggest that student study hard while playing hard.Oppositely, some Asian countries, their national ethic is hardworking. They encourage students study hard and constantly. china is a typical example.in ancient china, there was a story about a student, who hang his head on the beam and stab his thigh by cone when he studied in the night to prevent him from sleeping, and who became the highly praised role model of all students. In addition, in present china, there is also a well0known concept—don’t let children lose on the the starting line.parents are enthusiastic for put their children in dazzling courses. They even wish students can study in school more than 11 months each year. For my perspective, these parents exaggerate the importance of school’s education for students growing up. Students shouldn’t spend so much time on studying in the school.

To begin with, the effect of education is not just related to the time of the study. The education quality is determined by many factors. First, the teaching contents of school.today’s students are inevitably superior to the students in ancient times. Because the current students study many curricula,such as science, history, literature etc.the syllabus is most important for the quality of education. Furthermore, the excellent teaching skills will probably cause a sound quality of education. Teacher who specialized in stimulating student’s study interest and using variety of effective teaching method would certainly give a good result. Finally, government’s regulation of education system is also play a critical role for education quality. For instance, the college entrance examination of present china is referred to the single-log bridge to the university.many high school spend most their time to teach students how to do exam but not the real knowledge and the skill. As a result, the students who get the high score but eventually  lose the competence in university and society. In the nutshell, just make student study in the school more than 11 months will not improve the education quality radically.

On another way, allowing more time for students to execute extra-curricula activities is more beneficial for student’s growing up. Except for the knowledge in textbook, the students should study the knowledge of the society: how to cooperate with others, how to foster the sense of responsibility, and how to build personal leadership, and so on. Only participate more society activities, students can become a well-rounded person. For example, a prevailing dream of some students now is that traveling around the world in their one or two year’s free time. Travel will not only give direct knowledge about the world to student, but also nurture the independence of children. And another example, many families in US encourage their children to do the inventions by their own interests. You can see a 10 years old child has software programmed by himself. And you can see many students create their company when they are studying college, like Zack Burke, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. All their achievements are got outside the school. If they spend more than 11 months in their school’s study, don’t you see those famous and great miracles?

Aside from what I mentioned above, there are many other reasons to prove that the strategy of spending such many times in the school is suck. We should give children more chance to motivate their creativity and arose their imagination to make them become the person they really wanted.

我承认，今天写得太多了，有点不切实际，实际考试需要删减。辛苦mm改了。。。。

angla

我去，晕死，不小心用队长号发了作文。。。。。。。。冏

loverony713

Angela作文修改

loverony713

angla 发表于 2014-9-13 18:38
9.11综合

The reading Passage argues that the ethanol is not a good replacement for gasoline for th ...

9.11综合 The reading Passage argues that the ethanol is not a good replacement for gasoline for three reasons how ever, the professor of the lecture points out that the reasons stated by passage are unconvincing and concludes that the ethanol is a good alternative to gasoline.    First, the professor indicates that the passage ignoreS the advantage of growing plants about carbon dioxide removal. Event though, as the passage stated that(两个从句?) burning the ethanol would generate carbon dioxide in the same way as burning gasoline. And the carbon dioxide is the greenhouse gas,which can lead to global worming. Nonetheless,growing plants also can absorb the carbon dioxide. The removal can counteract the release of carbon dioxide.   In addition, the professor reveals that passage neglectS the original production of ethanol. Unlike the passage’s idea that producing ethanol with plants would dramatically reduce the food and animals, the professor’s opinion is that the ethanol is generated by the cellulose of plants, which is not eaten by animals.(写的太好了 跪拜) As the result, the amount of animal feed that is available will not be reduced. Finally, the professor rejects the statement of lecture that the price of ethanol will increase once the government abolish the tax-subsides giving. Although currently, the government gives tax-subsides for growing ethanol every year for 11 billion and this policy will not continue, the price of ethanol will not has a increase trend. (感觉这两个句子内容不是although的关系呀) Because if there is enough people start buying the ethanol, the producer will increase. More supply generally lead to drop in its price. The studies shows that if the ethanol production is 3 time than it now, the cost of producing ethanol will drop by 40%. 看了你的评价才发现自己写的综合内容有多屎 这大概就是G作文永远都是4分的原因吧 我这综合确实需要提高一下了- - 一起加油=v=

angla

独立：一个大学为了吸引好学生，花很多钱给学生组织社会实践

Nowadays, the students have chance to choose their dream school.they usually select one after comparing it with many others.the university also improve their fame through many ways. To attract the excellent students, they prefer to spend enormous sum of money to organize the social practical work.for my perspective, this strategy is beneficial for both students and the university.

To begin with, social practice can improve the competence of the students. In the inter job, the students can use the knowledge studied in college courses to the practical work. This experience can help students to apply for a appealing formal job or apply for a higher education chances. In my experience, before I graduated from the college, the university give us a inter job chance to work in a famous hospital for half a year. In that period, I used the knowledge to my daily work, which enhance my skills greatly. After my graduation, I took part in the interview of a Top 500 company. The chief valued my working experience in this period, and eventually gave me the chance to join Pfizer.

On the other hand, university also can take advantage of practical job chance to keep a good cooperation relationship with companies.university need chance to sent their students to remarkable companies. Meanwhile, the company need outstanding talents to work for them. This relationship will benefit the both sides. For instance, UIBE,a finance university which is not very famous, has a frame agreement with Big Four that all the students can be sent to Big four to be intern and if the students have a excellent performance in their intern period, they can get formal job chance after graduation. that means, students who choose to study in UIBE has almost already entered the Big Four. For such a good job chance, many preeminent students choose enter UIBE with no hesitate.this cooperation greatly increase the attraction of the university.

In the nutshell,organizing the practical work for students will both improve the skills of the graduated students and influence the students’ employment chances directly. Universities who wanted to attract more outstanding students can use this strategy.