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At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries这里我觉得不能这么并列，你可以说体育运动和读书一样中样，但是不能说体育运动和图书馆一样重要对吧。 and should receive equal financial supports.
It is, indeed, indisputable that the quality of courses and the number of useful books in libraries are the determinant aspects of a school. However 这个词要加逗号 more and more students and prospective employers have been stressing on the importance of sports and social activities in college in the last few decades. This rapid change brings about a question and a pragmatic problem : how crucial are sports and social activities for student and how much money should be expended on them. In my view, the importance of sports and social activities is no less than that of classes and libraries so that the funds should be equally divided into the four subjects.
我不知道文章的题目是什么，如果是How crucial.... 这句的话，那么跟class 和 library 就没有直接关系？而且你的论点是，费用应该均匀花在这四项设施上，但是你下文只写了花在sports和social activity的好处，没有涉及到class和library，不知道这样算不算偏题
In the first place, sports and social activities can effectively shape students' physical fitness and communicating skills,这里我倒觉得可以写成两段，一段写physical 一段写communication the key factors that will determine students' potential of success.Nowadays, when human resources managers consider whether candidates are qualified for a position or not, they will observe not only how far the candidates have achieved in the field of their specialties, which are mostly trained in the classes, but also their abilities to deal with people and their physical appearances; so participation in social events and adequate exercise will facilitate students to find jobs. Moreover, the benefits of sports and social activities are not merely restricted to employment: Except for expertise and knowledge, communicating skills is also a necessary quality of an entrepreneur since, in the modern business process, a pleasant communication with clients can undoubtedly foster turnover and, in turn, increase profits. In short, the schools can help students' career by ensuring that their students have enough chances to exercise and to practice social skills.
Secondly, sports and social activities should be funded as adequately as courses and books.Like the costs of paying salary for professors,of purchasing valuable books, and of providing necessary facilities for classes, the expense of holding a social events and of building a playground or a gym can also be immense. Thus a school with adequate funds for sports and social activities can always do better in promoting students' physical fitness and social skills. In my own experience, I was educated in an university that has plentiful resources of funds to build all kinds of sports utilities and always funds a variety of social activities. On the other hand, Eric, my classmate in high school, graduates from a school where funds are largely spent on classes and books. Before we entered into college, Eric and I had been exactly the same in physical build and social communication. Four years later, I became noticeably more fit and sociable than him. And because of these advantages, I found much more opportunities than Eric in the job market. In conclusion, the financial supports can impose remarkable effects on the construction of sports facilities and the organization of social activities and can provide students more chances to develop social skills that will help them find better jobs.
我觉得这段意思跟上一段有一点重复，不如开拓思维，写一点跟career无关的好处什么的。
In a nutshell, sports and social activities can have profound impact on a student's career,so the university should guarantee sufficient funds for them.
文章的用词都挺丰富也没什么语法错误，学习了很多用法。
结构上我觉得结尾可以再写长一点。
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楼主
的一篇文章你还没改喔
发表于 2014-8-4 20:42:53
