资深少女作文贴~~~我写我写我写写写老子不信你的邪！

DearBug

DearBug 发表于 2014-7-12 17:14
Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic that whether Robert E. Peary has reached the ...

总结一下，感觉作文词汇，时态什么的都很准确。比我强太多了，有点拼写错误，也比我强。还有就是感觉听力内容听到的不多。加强听力吧。表达方式也很多样化。不错不错。继续加油。

DearBug

还要就是我语法不好。所以我检查过应该没啥语法错误。如果有我也帮不到忙了。不好意思哈。

jiajy930809

修改后成稿：
最后一段还是没有加到跟前面两段一样长。。。 功力还需修炼啊！！！


Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic that whether Robert E. Peary has reached the North Pole actually. In the reading passage, the writer demonstrates to support the truth of Peary's claim. The professor in the lecture, however, hosts a totally disparate view that the arguments provided are groundless, which, unquestionably, casts doubt on the reading passage.


First and foremost, the writer contends that the committee ensured the credibility of Peary's accounts according to his records and equipment. On the contrary, the listening part asserts that the investigators in the committee are Peary's friends, who contributed to fund the expedition. What's more, they spent just 2 days on the investigation, which is too less to get the thorough result. Therefore, the lecture is opposite to the writer's expectation.


Further more, running counter to the belief in the passage that the British explorer Tom Avery also made trek in less than 37 days usingd the same kind of dogsled as well as the same breed of dogs, the professor points out that the Tom didn't have to carry a load of food since the air plane would drop it along the road( dropped the food to reduce the loads )and encountered better weather condition compared to Peary, which made this trek within limited days possible. The claim is at odds with the reading part.


Finally, the writer claims that the shadows in Peary's photographs match exactly with the surf location that day. This idea is refuted by what is stated in the listening material -- the photograhs were taken more than one hundred years ago, which are  so faded and blurted that could be fake and cannot give solid envidence for Peary's reach.


To sum up, the standpoints in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.

jiajy930809

TPO 29 综合

Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of whether the edmontosaurs migrated south to survived the winter. The writer in the reading passage demonstrates that inhospitable environment in the North Slope urged the edmontosaurs to migrate. The professor in the lecture, however, holds a totally different view that they didn't have to migrate, which unquestionably casts doubt on the reading part.

First and Foremost, the writer contends that the edmontosaurs must move to the south to find food in the winter, when it is dark and cold in North slope. On the contrary, the listening part asserts that  summer time was such a favorable weather there that plants all grow prospectly. In that way, edmontosaurs could feed on dead plants to gain nutrition as well. Therefore, the lecture is opposite to the writer's expectation.

Furthur more, running counter to the belief in passage that edmontosaurs lived in herd, which helps animals coordinate their migration, the professor points out that some other reasons may also lead to living in herds, such as to gain protection from predators and so on. Thus the claim is at odds with the reading part.

Finally, the writer claims that edmontosaurs could use its locomotive power to migrating long distances up to 1600 kilometers southward. This idea is refuted by what is stated in the listening material -- how could juveniles move such a long distance?  Because adult edmontosaurs could never leave juveniles behind, who could not survive on their own, edmontosaurs were not able to reach the destination as hypothesized.

To sum up, the standpoints in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.

DearBug

Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of whether the edmontosaurs migrated south to survived the winter. The writer in the reading passage demonstrates that inhospitable environment in the North Slope urged the edmontosaurs to migrate. The professor in the lecture, however, holds a totally different view that they didn't have to migrate, which unquestionably casts doubt on the reading part.  

这个开头写得不错。感觉你动词，词组都用得挺好的。

First and Foremost, the writer contends that the edmontosaurs must move to the south to find food in the winter, when it is dark and cold in North slope. On the contrary, the listening part asserts that  summer time was such a favorable weather there that plants all grow prospectly. In that way, edmontosaurs could feed on dead plants to gain nutrition as well. Therefore, the lecture is opposite to the writer's expectation.
1.prospectly 这个词用错了，可以用flourishingly

Furthur more, running counter to the belief in passage that edmontosaurs lived in herd, which helps animals coordinate their migration, the professor points out that some other reasons may also lead to living in herds, such as to gain protection from predators and so on. Thus the claim is at odds with the reading part.

2.这个地方有个挺重要的听力细节就是那个植物，群居但是不迁徙的。不知道这个影响分数不

Finally, the writer claims that edmontosaurs could use its locomotive power to migrating long distances up to 1600 kilometers southward. This idea is refuted by what is stated in the listening material -- how could juveniles move such a long distance?  Because adult edmontosaurs could never leave juveniles behind, who could not survive on their own, edmontosaurs were not able to reach the destination as hypothesized.

To sum up, the standpoints in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.

总结：语法错误挺少的，比第一次来说感觉进步大大滴。然后楼主的独立作文应该写得挺好的感觉。因为词组运用，还有单词量都不错。替换词用得挺好。加油。

jiajy930809

TPO29 修改 Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of whether the edmontosaurs migrated south to survived the winter. The writer in the reading passage demonstrates that inhospitable environment in the North Slope urged the edmontosaurs to migrate. The professor in the lecture, however, holds a totally different view that they didn't have to migrate, which unquestionably casts doubt on the reading part.   First and Foremost, the writer contends that the edmontosaurs must move to the south to find food in the winter, when it is dark and cold in North slope. On the contrary, the listening part asserts that  summer time was such a favorable weather there that plants all grow flourishingly. In that way, edmontosaurs could feed on dead plants to gain nutrition as well. Therefore, the lecture is opposite to the writer's expectation. Furthur more, running counter to the belief in passage that edmontosaurs lived in herd, which helps animals coordinate their migration, the professor points out that some other reasons may also lead to living in herds, such as to gain protection from predators and so on.The professor just takes a kind of plant-eater as an example, saying that the animals live in herds but never migrate.Thus the claim is at odds with the reading part. Finally, the writer claims that edmontosaurs could use its locomotive power to migrating long distances up to 1600 kilometers southward. This idea is refuted by what is stated in the listening material -- how could juveniles move such a long distance?  Because adult edmontosaurs could never leave juveniles behind, who could not survive on their own, edmontosaurs were not able to reach the destination as hypothesized. To sum up, the standpoints in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker. 这篇还是使用的模板，现在最大的问题就是有时候听力里面会有举例，听不清楚但是大概能懂意思。以后还是写在作文里面吧

jiajy930809

7.15 独立写作：Agree or Disagree: Teachers were moreappreciated and valued by the society in the past than today.
Perhaps no issue is talked as commonly as education by people throughout the world. As the development of new teaching equipment and creative teaching method, topic concerning the status of teachers has triggered an intense discussion. There are reasons in support of both sides of the debate. In my point of view, I assert that teachers are more appreciated and valued by the society in the past than today.

First and foremost, access to knowledge has become increasingly various. In the past, teacher might be the mainly accessible way that most people use to acquire knowledge, leading to a highly appreciated status due to its essentiality. However, it is totally opposite nowadays. For instance, people can learn through video online, which contains wide scope of knowledge according to individual’s preference. What’s more, there even exist some online exams, which can test how much you grasped after learning. Those new teaching equipment and methods promote the progress of learning. Since the learner can grasp the knowledge without the teachers, the role they played is actually being impaired as a result. Therefore, the impact of teacher has been weakened today.

In addition, education opportunity could be gained easily nowadays. Compared to the scarce teaching resource in the past, when only the aristocrats could afford to hire a teacher, today’s educational resources can be available to almost everyone. Just take my grandfather as an example. He quitted school after primary school. When I was a naughty girl, my grandfather always required me to complete homework carefully even though the assignment was a bit boring. Because my grandfather thought it is a represent of respect to teacher, who was quite valuable when he was young since the chance to education is considerably rare. Just as a saying goes, when a thing becomes rare, it goes precious. However, teacher is a kind of common job position nowadays. Thus the teachers could be less valued today than in the past.

Further more, there are more other decent jobs that are appreciated and valued by people at the moment. Commonly, people tend to appreciate and value the one who grasp some specific intelligence or master some unique skills. In the past, teacher is such a sample that knows more than others. On the contrary, teacher nowadays seems not so professional since the information is spread so rapidly. Jobs like lawyer or scientist appear in the modern society, which could be more appreciated and valued compared to teachers in terms of replaceable.

After rumination all the factors, the easily gained access to knowledge, the available educational resource and other more decent jobs are all compelling justifications for teacher’s being less appreciated and valued nowadays. As a student, we should come up with the trend, using new methods to acquire the knowledge you are curious about.

slave918

修改稿

Perhaps no issue is talked as commonly as education by people throughout the world. As the development of new teaching equipment and creative teaching method, topic concerning the status of teachers has triggered an intense discussion. There are reasons in support of both sides of the debate. In my point of view, I assert that teachers are more appreciated and valued by the society in the past than today.
1.红色部分我觉得教学设备、方法的发展跟老师的地位之间的直接联系好像不那么明显。


First and foremost, access to knowledge has become increasingly various. In the past, teacher might be the mainly accessible way that most people use to acquire knowledge, leading to a highly appreciated status due to its essentiality. However, it is totally opposite nowadays. For instance, people can learn through video online, which contains wide scope of knowledge according to individual’s preference. What’s more, there even exist some online exams, which can test how much you grasped after learning. Those new teaching equipment and methods promote the progress of learning. Since the learner can grasp the knowledge without the teachers, the role they played is actually being impaired as a result. Therefore, the impact of teacher has been weakened today.
1.红色部分这个结构，学习了。但是有个小问题，不知道我说的对不对。leading的主语应该是前面整句话吧？ 我直觉leading后面要加一个宾语。改成：leading the teacher to a highly appreciated status.
2.橘黄的部分，我觉得怪怪的。 there exsit 可以吗？
3.总的来说，我觉得论证很好哦。


In addition, education opportunity could be gained easily nowadays. Compared to the scarce teaching resource in the past, when only the aristocrats could afford to hire a teacher, today’s educational resources can be available to almost everyone. Just take my grandfather as an example. He quitted school after primary school. When I was a naughty girl, my grandfather always required me to complete homework carefully even though the assignment was a bit boring. Because my grandfather thought it is a represent of respect to teacher, who was quite valuable when he was young since the chance to education is considerably rare. Just as a saying goes, when a thing becomes rare, it goes precious. However, teacher is a kind of common job position nowadays. Thus the teachers could be less valued today than in the past.
1.红色resource应为复数吧，因为对应的是today’s educational resources
2.总的来说吧，我会觉得例子讲得是：祖父的经历，他教育我要尊重老师，因为老师稀缺。 是不是这个例子没有论证到稀缺这件事？by the way 那句谚语很好啊。


Further more, there are more other decent jobs that are appreciated and valued by people at the moment. Commonly, people tend to appreciate and value the one who grasp some specific intelligence or master some unique skills. In the past, teacher is such a sample that knows more than others. On the contrary, teacher nowadays seems not so professional since the information is spread so rapidly. Jobs like lawyer or scientist appear in the modern society, which could be more appreciated and valued compared to teachers in terms of replaceable.
1.红色部分，我会觉得这句话说的不够明白，透彻。


After rumination all the factors, the easily gained access to knowledge, the available educational resource and other more decent jobs are all compelling justifications for teacher’s being less appreciated and valued nowadays. As a student, we should come up with the trend, using new methods to acquire the knowledge you are curious about.
1. 红色部分，这句话有点GMAT作文的意思，厉害厉害。但我有个疑问，teacher’s being less appreciated and valued  总觉得不太对呀

如有改的不对的地方，还请见谅。

jiajy930809

修改稿
Perhaps no issue is talked as commonly as education by people throughout the world. As the development of new teaching equipment and creative teaching method, topic concerning the status of teachers has triggered an intense discussion. There are reasons in support of both sides of the debate. In my point of view, I assert that teachers are more appreciated and valued by the society in the past than today.

First and foremost, access to knowledge has become increasingly various. In the past, teacher might be the mainly accessible way that most people use to acquire knowledge, leading them to a highly appreciated status due to its essentiality. However, it is totally opposite nowadays. For instance, people can learn through video online, which contains wide scope of knowledge according to individual’s preference. What’s more, there are even some online exams, which can test how much you grasped after learning. Those new teaching equipment and methods promote the progress of learning. Since the learner can grasp the knowledge without the teachers, the role they played is actually being impaired as a result. Therefore, the impact of teacher has been weakened today.


In addition, education opportunity could be gained easily nowadays. Compared to the scarce teaching resource in the past, when only the aristocrats could afford to hire a teacher, today’s educational resources can be available to almost everyone. Just take my grandfather as an example. He quitted school after primary school due to the scarce learning oppoturnity that time. When I was a naughty girl, my grandfather always required me to complete homework carefully even though the assignment was a bit boring. Because my grandfather thought it is a represent of respect to teacher, who was quite valuable when he was young since the chance to education is considerably rare. Just as a saying goes, when a thing becomes rare, it goes precious. However, teacher is a kind of common job position nowadays. Thus the teachers could be less valued today than in the past.

Further more, there are more other decent jobs that are appreciated and valued by people at the moment. Commonly, people tend to appreciate and value the one who grasp some specific intelligence or master some unique skills. In the past, teacher is such a sample that knows more than others. On the contrary, teacher nowadays seems not so professional since the information is spread so rapidly. Jobs like lawyer or scientist appear in the modern society, which could be more appreciated and valued compared to teachers since these job positions are less likely to be replaced by others.

After rumination all the factors, the easily gained access to knowledge, the available educational resource and other more decent jobs are all compelling justifications for less appreciated and valued teacher's status nowadays. As a student, we should come up with the trend, using new methods to acquire the knowledge you are curious about.

jiajy930809

Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of working time option. In the reading passage, the writer demonstrates that a four-day weekday benefits both the company and the employee. The professor in the lecture, however, holds a totally disparate view. The lecture unqueationably casts doubt on the reading part.

First and foremost, the writer contends that a four-day weekday could benefit the economy because the shortened workweek would help emplyees make fewer mistakes and then increase the whole profits. The same work load could be spread to more workers. On the contrary, the listening part asserts that hiring new stuffs would spend more because of the training and medical benefits. What's more, more office space and computers are also needed. In that case, less profits could be made as a whole. Therefore, the lecture is opposite to the writer's expectation.

Furthermore, running counter to the belief in the passage that more jobs could be created without increase the total cost and employees would feel less stressed because of the reduced work load, the professor points out that less working time could raise the employer's expectation that the same amount of work could be completed within 4 days, which would lead to working overtime and make employees unpleasant as a result. In addition, no additional jobs would be created as well. Thus the claim is at odds with the reading part.

Finally, the writer claims that the option of a four day work could improve the life quality in that it provides more extra time to enjoy private time. This idea is refuted by what is stated in the listening material - -  working 4 days a week would reduce the chances for grasing more working skills. Therefore, those who choose this option would be the first to loose job when economy crisis comes. Besides, they would be passed over for promotion since the company wants the one with consitant supervision.

To sum up, the standpoints in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.