资深少女作文贴~~~我写我写我写写写老子不信你的邪！

jiajy930809

717 独立 原始稿
Perhaps no issue is talked as commonly as healthy by people throughout the world. As the sub-healthy problems have been spread these years, topic upon whether advertising is the main cause of unhealthy eating habits has triggered an intense discussion. In my point of view, either of the aspect has its own merits and demerits. Nevertheless, after taking all the elements into account, I assert that advertising should not be blamed for causing unhealthy eating habits.

First and foremost, advertisements would not help customers to decide which to purchase. As the advertisements are becoming increasingly attractive, it appears that it is the ads that persuade people to consume fast food. However, there are still some other food-related ads that broadcast balanced diets as well, which would oppositely promote the healthy lifestyle. For instance, my aunt insisted on having organic vegetables after watching the organic food advertisements, which promotes that organic food would benefit your health and prevent malnutrition. Actually, it is the people’s mindset that decides which kind of food you would choose instead of advertisement. Even if the ads were really tempting but unhealthy, you would not choose it since your diet standard is to be extremely healthy.

In addition, other causes may also lead to an unhealthy eating habit. Under the high pressure and fast-pace lifestyle, people were forced to eat in a rush so that more time would be saved to improve individual performance. This is another main reason that most people ignore healthy diet. A recent survey conducted by New York university indicates that the long-last exposure to high pressure would cause irregular eating habit, causing stomach illness in the end. Therefore, advertisement is not the main factor to be blamed for.

Admittedly, some fast food advertisements did mislead targeted consumers to develop an unhealthy eating habit. However, it is the greedy mind that plays an important role in determining which kind of food to take in. For most of us who can control ourselves from overeating, food on advertisements are just fresh choices to try instead of main food to rely on.

After ruminating all the elements, although some food advertisements are attractive, the incentives to choose food, the other causes like high pressure and fast pace are all compelling justifications for denying advertisements as the main factor to cause unhealthy eating habit. It’s high time that we should select balanced diets ourselves to embrace a healthy lifestyle.

xiaofan0205

修改稿

Perhaps no issue is talked as commonly as healthy by people throughout the world. As the sub-healthy problems have been spread these years, topic upon whether advertising is the main cause of unhealthy eating habits has triggered an intense discussion. In my point of view, either of the aspect has its own merits and demerits. Nevertheless, after taking all the elements into account, I assert that advertising should not be blamed for causing unhealthy eating habits.
改成 as common as health 的话句子理解起来比较通顺，其他部分都很好

First and foremost, advertisements would not help customers to decide which to purchase. As the advertisements are becoming increasingly attractive, it appears that it is the ads that persuade people to consume fast food. However, there are still some other food-related ads that broadcast balanced diets as well, which would oppositely promote the healthy lifestyle. For instance, my aunt insisted on having organic vegetables after watching the organic food advertisements, which promotes that organic food would benefit your health and prevent malnutrition. Actually, it is the people’s mindset that decides which kind of food you would choose instead of advertisement. Even if the ads were really tempting but unhealthy, you would not choose it since your diet standard is to be extremely healthy.
1、still 和 as well 表达意思重复，用其中一个就可以
2、which的指代不明确，从句义上来看，既可以指代other food-related ads，也可以指代balanced diets，或者是指代前面整个句子？
3、having也可以用，但是感觉不是最贴切的，可能用taking或者eating更好？这里可以再想想
4、the可以去掉，这里不用特指
5、you would和前面people's mindset不匹配，可以用they would，或者直接用to 更简洁
整个句子的结构很好，逻辑比较充分

In addition, other causes may also lead to an unhealthy eating habit. Under the high pressure and fast-pace lifestyle, people were forced to eat in a rush so that more time would be saved to improve individual performance. This is another main reason that most people ignore healthy diet. A recent survey conducted by New York university indicates that the long-last exposure to high pressure would cause irregular eating habit, causing stomach illness in the end. Therefore, advertisement is not the main factor to be blamed for.
整个段落表达流畅，但是如果能把中心句在句首提炼一下会更好。

Admittedly, some fast food advertisements did mislead targeted consumers to develop an unhealthy eating habit. However, it is the greedy mind that plays an important role in determining which kind of food to take in. For most of us who can control ourselves from overeating, food on advertisements are just fresh choices to try instead of main food to rely on.（这句话用的挺好）

After ruminating all the elements, although some food advertisements are attractive, the incentives to choose food, the other causes like high pressure and fast pace are all compelling justifications for denying advertisements as the main factor to cause unhealthy eating habit. It’s high time that we should select balanced diets ourselves to embrace a healthy lifestyle.
1、like改成such as更适合表达举例
2、embrace这个用词很好，很形象。

sweetyecho

错误修改好

Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of working time option. In the reading passage, the writer demonstrates that a four-day weekday benefits both the company and the employee. The professor in the lecture, however, holds a totally disparate view. The lecture unqueationably casts doubt on the reading part.（不算错误，但与前面一句话意思相近，读起来有点累赘）

First and foremost, the writer contends that a four-day weekday could benefit the economy because the shortened workweek would help emplyees make fewer mistakes and then increase the whole profits. The same work load could be spread（spreaded） to more workers. On the contrary, the listening part asserts that hiring new stuffs（员工是staff） would spend more because of the training and medical benefits. What's more, more office space and computers are also needed. In that case, less profits could be made as a whole. Therefore, the lecture is opposite to the writer's expectation.

Furthermore, running counter to the belief in the passage that more jobs could be created without increase（increasing） the total cost and employees would feel less stressed because of the reduced work load, the professor points out that less working time could raise the employer's expectation that the same amount of work could be completed within 4 days, which would lead to working overtime and make employees unpleasant as a result. In addition, no additional jobs would be created as well. Thus the claim is at odds with the reading part.

Finally, the writer claims that the option of a four day work could improve the life quality in that it provides more extra time to enjoy private time. This idea is refuted by what is stated in the listening material - -  working 4 days a week would reduce the chances for grasing more working skills. Therefore, those who choose this option would be the first to loose（lose） job when economy crisis comes. Besides, they would be passed over for promotion since the company wants the one with consitant （consistent）supervision.

To sum up, the standpoints in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.

写的很好！注意拼写即可。

jiajy930809

先占楼，改717独立：

修改稿

Perhaps no issue is talked as commonly as health by people throughout the world. As the sub-healthy problems have been spread these years, topic upon whether advertising is the main cause of unhealthy eating habits has triggered an intense discussion. In my point of view, either of the aspect has its own merits and demerits. Nevertheless, after taking all the elements into account, I assert that advertising should not be blamed for causing unhealthy eating habits.
改成 as common as health 的话句子理解起来比较通顺，其他部分都很好
这里我觉得commonly副词才能修饰talked 不知道common可否用在这里

First and foremost, advertisements would not help customers to decide which to purchase. As the advertisements are becoming increasingly attractive, it appears that it is the ads that persuade people to consume fast food. However, there are some other food-related ads that broadcast balanced diets as well. These ads would oppositely promote the healthy lifestyle. For instance, my aunt insisted on taking organic vegetables after watching the organic food advertisements, which promotes that organic food would benefit your health and prevent malnutrition. Actually, it is people’s mindset that decides which kind of food to choose instead of advertisement. Even if the ads were really tempting but unhealthy, you would not choose it since your diet standard is to be extremely healthy.
1、still 和 as well 表达意思重复，用其中一个就可以
2、which的指代不明确，从句义上来看，既可以指代other food-related ads，也可以指代balanced diets，或者是指代前面整个句子？
3、having也可以用，但是感觉不是最贴切的，可能用taking或者eating更好？这里可以再想想
4、the可以去掉，这里不用特指
5、you would和前面people's mindset不匹配，可以用they would，或者直接用to 更简洁
整个句子的结构很好，逻辑比较充分

In addition, other causes may also lead to an unhealthy eating habit. Under the high pressure and fast-pace lifestyle, people were forced to eat in a rush so that more time would be saved to improve individual performance. This is another main reason that most people ignore healthy diet. A recent survey conducted by New York university indicates that the long-last exposure to high pressure would cause irregular eating habit, leading to stomach illness in the end. Therefore, advertisement is not the main factor to be blamed for.
整个段落表达流畅，但是如果能把中心句在句首提炼一下会更好。

Admittedly, some fast food advertisements did mislead targeted consumers to develop an unhealthy eating habit. However, it is the greedy mind that plays an important role in determining which kind of food to take in. For most of us who can control ourselves from overeating, food on advertisements are just fresh choices to try instead of main food to rely on.（这句话用的挺好）

After ruminating all the elements, although some food advertisements are attractive, the incentives to choose food, the other causes such as high pressure and fast pace are all compelling justifications for denying advertisements as the main factor to cause unhealthy eating habit. It’s high time that we should select balanced diets ourselves to embrace a healthy lifestyle.
1、like改成such as更适合表达举例
2、embrace这个用词很好，很形象。


感谢修改！ 真的改的很好！

jiajy930809

sweetyecho 发表于 2014-7-18 22:20
错误修改好

Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of working time opti ...

先占楼，感谢队长修改

Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of working time option. In the reading passage, the writer demonstrates that a four-day weekday benefits both the company and the employee. The professor in the lecture, however, holds a totally disparate view，which unqueationably casts doubt on the reading part.（不算错误，但与前面一句话意思相近，读起来有点累赘）

First and foremost, the writer contends that a four-day weekday could benefit the economy because the shortened workweek would help emplyees make fewer mistakes and then increase the whole profits. The same work load could be spreaded to more workers. On the contrary, the listening part asserts that hiring new staff（员工是staff） would spend more because of the training and medical benefits. What's more, more office space and computers are also needed. In that case, less profits could be made as a whole. Therefore, the lecture is opposite to the writer's expectation.

Furthermore, running counter to the belief in the passage that more jobs could be created without increasing（increasing） the total cost and employees would feel less stressed because of the reduced work load, the professor points out that less working time could raise the employer's expectation that the same amount of work could be completed within 4 days, which would lead to working overtime and make employees unpleasant as a result. In addition, no additional jobs would be created as well. Thus the claim is at odds with the reading part.

Finally, the writer claims that the option of a four day work could improve the life quality in that it provides more extra time to enjoy private time. This idea is refuted by what is stated in the listening material - -  working 4 days a week would reduce the chances for grasing more working skills. Therefore, those who choose this option would be the first to loose（lose） job when economy crisis comes. Besides, they would be passed over for promotion since the company wants the one with consistent （consistent）supervision.

To sum up, the standpoints in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.

jiajy930809

722 综合：
TPO 9
Both of the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of automobile's main source power. The writer in the reading passage demonstrates that hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine is the most promising alternative source so far. The professor in the lecture, however, holds a totally disparate view that this engine is not the best solution, which casts doubt on the reading passage.

First and foremost, the writer contends that petroleum is a finite resource while hydrogen, which can be derived from natural gas or water, cannot be easily depleted. On the contrary, the professor claims that even if hydrogen can be derived from various sources, it is not easily available as imagined. For example, only pure state water used to derive, which is expensive to produce and store. Therefore, the reading passage is opposite to the lecture.

In addition, running counter to the belief in the reading passage that hydrogen-based cars will solve the pollution problems in that the byproduct of fuel-cell engines is water, the professor explains that the producing procedure of hydrogen includes burning a large amount of coal or oil, which harms the environment as well. Thus the lecture is at odds with the writer's expectation.

Furthermore, the writer points out that operating a fuel-cell engine spends less since it is more efficient in the energy to power the car. However, this idea is refuted by what is stated in the lecture that the fuel-cell engine requires an expensive metal to produce and only this kind of metal will work, which would rise the cost as a result.

To sum up, the reading passage is totally jeopardized by the lecture.

jiajy930809

jiajy930809 发表于 2014-7-22 17:05
722 综合：
TPO 9
Both of the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of automobile's main so ...

修改贴： TPO9 综合

TPO 9

Bothof the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of automobile's mainsource power. The writer in the reading passage demonstrates thathydrogen-based fuel-cell engine is the most promising alternative source sofar. The professor in the lecture, however, holds a totally disparate view thatthis engine is not the best solution, which casts doubt on the reading passage.

First and foremost, the writer contends thatpetroleum is a finite resource while hydrogen, which can be derived fromnatural gas or water, cannot be easily depleted. On the contrary, the professorclaims that even if hydrogen can be derived from various sources, it is not easily usable asimagined since only pure liquid hydrogen can be used as energy, which is difficult to produce and store. . Therefore, the reading passage isopposite to the lecture.

Inaddition, running counter to the belief in the reading passage thathydrogen-based cars will solve the pollution problems in that the byproduct offuel-cell engines is water, the professor explains that the producing procedureof liquid hydrogen includes burning a largeamount of coal or oil, which harms the environment as well. Thus the lecture isat odds with the writer's expectation.

Furthermore, the writer points out thatoperating a fuel-cell engine spends less since it is more efficient in deriving energy to power the car. However, this idea is refuted by what is stated inthe lecture that the fuel-cell engine requires an expensive and rare metal to produce   and only this kind of metalwill permit hydrogen to undergo chemical reactions, which would rise the cost as a result.

Tosum up, the reading passage is totally jeopardized by the lecture.

感谢小伙伴修改，这篇我是真的看到自己听力的弱点了，最后蓝色标注的地方我又去看了听力原文，觉得是这个engine 制造而不是装 liquid的容器贵，这个容器在文中没有讲到。
今天开始洗心革面换场子了~