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超级无敌小鹤鹤 发表于 2014-6-12 23:29
亲，我是企鹅，不要焦虑哈，放轻松，加油，祝考试顺利哟！

考完一定去给你改。。不好意思 拖延批改了

sweetyecho

错误修改好

6.12 独立 Parents should help children do their work rather than encouraging them to do the work on their own.

Nowdays , people in growing number attach much more importance to children's education as the competition awaiting them is fierce （前面是比较级，为了意思一致，这里的fierce是不是也要比较级）and perhaps only through eduaction can they get a favorable  position in the job market . To get their children achieve  high scores , parents are now beginning to assist their kids on their homework  which is abused by （感觉这里abuse被动用的不对，因为换个顺序就变成教育专家abuse辅导孩子功课。换成criticize之类的词吧）many educational experts who believe that parents should encourage their children to finish the homework all by themselves.


Though many hold the opinion that  through the help of parents children can grap more knowledge as （亲很喜欢as呀，可适当替换一些连词：since……）parents are always more knowledgeable than kids which can help the children further understand their learning materials .However, I am cling to the view that the ability of independence in the process of learning is more paramonut as it is a good habit that one should cultivate from an early age,for it'll help in the later years of his life. Take myself for example , I sitll remember when I was a young child , I always cried my parents  for help , every time my father would gladly offered his help , so I was used to the help he gave .However, when I came across a examination I failed because there is no one available to  ask for help in a exam . Ever since, I would （时态错误：ever since搭配完成时）learn to do homework all by myself, though at first it was a little tough  task for me, but with time passed by, I learned to solve the problems all by myself, and this habit exert a great influence on my later study .


Perhaps , parents may help you when they are knowledable enough , but  one day they we may gradually realise that parents are not available to know new knowledge you comeacross as （as在这里应该以连词形式，所以as后面应引导完整的一句话）the  science and technology rapidlly progressing , the knowledge our parents posessed is totally out-of-date .Take my little sister for example , she is 5 years old  attending a extra curriculum class , every time she returns home , with several questions to ask , her parents would be annoyed as the questions are quite difficulty for them and they haven't come across the question before. Thus , parents sometimes do have some updated knowledge and can be misleading to their children , were they answer the questions that out of their knowlege scope .

From the discussion above , I can safely draw the conclusion that parents had better not help their kids on their homework as they are not knowledgeable to be a tutor , what's more , it is pretty vital for them to form a habit of independence.

楼主，请原谅我轻微的强迫症：在我看来，一个完整的句子，即主谓宾完整了，就应该用句号，而不是逗号。但在楼主的文章里，经常出现两个完整的句子只有一个句号，比如：最后一段，I can safely draw the conclusion blablabla已经是一个完整句子了，理应用句号，可是你却逗号直接连了it is vital blablabla， 这又是一个完整的句子，所以，出现了问题。其他的内容、用词我找不出啥毛病了，很赞很赞～～～加油呐！

yagiliang

由于不太清楚你想我改哪一篇，我就随便挑了一篇。周日考试加油

xhbhxhbh

sweetyecho 发表于 2014-6-13 21:36
错误修改好

6.12 独立 Parents should help children do their work rather than encouraging ...

谢谢echo 同时 先道个歉。。。你的作文 我明天考完再给你改了亲， 请原谅我吧~~~

xhbhxhbh

yagiliang 发表于 2014-6-13 22:44
由于不太清楚你想我改哪一篇，我就随便挑了一篇。周日考试加油

嗯嗯， 谢谢啦亲。。。诶今天早晨起床都开始有错觉了。。。总觉得是今天考试然后起床晚了。。。
我也觉得我的文章很chinglish 不管我怎么用句子 和 比较高级的词。。。。而且  我的作文水平会跌宕起伏的。。。如你所看到的两篇。。
诶， 不管了， 拼了， 反正明天考试，wish 一战胜利~~