for 615

xhbhxhbh

6.6  综合作文 TPO23  最后一段听的 有点饶啊。。。。
The population of the yellow cedar has been declined steadily for more than a century, the scientist advanced several explanations for the decline. However, the professor in the lecture contradicts what the passages asserts in all aspects as follows:

First , the reading passages claims that the  decline may be caused by insect parasites .As a matter of fact , they are much more resistant to the insect. Because the tree barks have a kind of chemical , which is poisonous for insects. And the trees are unlike suffered from such damages .We can conclude that  insect is not the fundamental cause responsible to the damage.


Second, the passage asserts that the brown dears contribute a lot  to the decline, since the tree barks contains much sugar that the provide dears a staple diet. While , according to a survey , whether or not with the dears  the trees are still decline , it has nothing to do with the dears. For example , in a island there are no exist of any such dears , but the trees are still decline. This is another point varies from what the passage claims.

Third, when it comes the climate, the reading passages believes that the seasonal and temperatures have all contributed to the decline, since the growing habits are changed accordingly, and  roots are sensitive and may suffer damage. While in the lecture  ,the professor thinks that it may not take account some other reasons. If the they are more like to live in the warm places than live in the cooler places then the warm places will have more trees ,while ,in fact , it isn't the case . so this again refutes what the passage asserts .279

xhbhxhbh

6.6 综合 TPO23
The population of the yellow cedar has been declined steadily for more than a century, the scientist advanced several explanations for the decline. However, the professor in the lecture contradicts what the passages asserts in all aspects as follows:

First , the reading passages claims that the  decline may be caused by insect parasites .As a matter of fact , they are much more resistant to the insect. Because the tree barks have a kind of chemical , which is poisonous for insects. And the trees are unlike suffered from such damages .We can conclude that  insect is not the fundamental cause responsible to the damage.


Second, the passage asserts that the brown dears contribute a lot  to the decline, since the tree barks contains much sugar that the provide dears a staple diet. While , according to a survey , whether or not with the dears  the trees are still decline , it has nothing to do with the dears. For example , in a island there are no exist of any such dears , but the trees are still decline. This is another point varies from what the passage claims.

Third, when it comes the climate, the reading passages believes that the seasonal and temperatures have all contributed to the decline, since the growing habits are changed accordingly, and  roots are sensitive and may suffer damage. While in the lecture  ,the professor thinks that it may not take account some other reasons. If the they are more like to live in the warm places than live in the cooler places then the warm places will have more trees ,while ,in fact , it isn't the case . so this again refutes what the passage asserts .279

超级无敌小鹤鹤

xhbhxhbh 发表于 2014-6-6 19:08
谢谢企鹅 ， 我经常 找不到去哪里改 队友的文章。。。 找到的时候也都晚了很久了。。 ...

不客气哈，你去队友占座的地方看他是否将自己作文帖的链接粘上去，或者直接在他的资料里点帖子找他的作文帖，如果没有写就催下他们，有的队友是工作党比较忙

xhbhxhbh

6.7 综合作文TPO 24 （写的最糟糕的一次了， 竟然看错行了把第二个观点放到第一个写了 还好中途发现了结果时间就不够用了，于是 写出了有史以来字数最少的， PS 其实 几个观点没区别好，还是阅读的时候 走神了诶。。。）
It is rare for scientist to find fossils with animal tissues, but recently scientists were excited to find a type of fossil that contains remains of actual tissues of a animal. However , in the lecture the professor disagree with what the passage deems .


First , small branching channels . The reading passage claims that the small branching channels inside the bone reveals the remains of actual blood vessels .It doesn't necessary mean it is the blood vessel  , they maybe something else. Since there are so many bacterial colonized the bones after the death of the animal. And the bacterial lived there so long that the remains  may  have to be left by the bacterial .

Second, the spheres that could be red blood cells  . The passage believes that the spheres found inner bone maybe red blood cells. In fact , the  sphere  doesn't necessary mean the it is animal's tissue. Since there are some other findings in which animals didn't have such red blood vessels are  also found the same remains  , as a matter of fact the "blood vessel" is a reddish mineral.

Third , the leg bone contains  collagen, which makes the passages associate it with bone tissue. However  , a collagen would never survive that long . It is possible that the collagen comes from much more recent creatures. It also maybe come from the researchers who handling the bone.237

sweetyecho

6.6 综合 TPO23

错误修改意见好

The population of the yellow cedar has been declined steadily for more than a century, the scientist advanced several explanations for the decline. However, the professor in the lecture contradicts what the passages asserts in all aspects as follows:

First , the reading passages claims that the  decline may be caused by insect parasites .As a matter of fact , they are much more resistant to the insect. Because the tree barks have a kind of chemical , which is poisonous for insects. And the trees are unlike suffered （没有见过这种用法be unlike do，一般都是be unlikely to do吧）from such damages .We can conclude that  insect is not the fundamental cause responsible to the damage.


Second, the passage asserts that the brown dears contribute a lot  to the decline, since the tree barks contains much sugar that the provide dears a staple diet（provide据我所知只有两种用法1.provide sb. with sth.2.provide sth. for sb.）. While , according to a survey , whether or not with the dears  the trees are still decline , it has nothing to do with the dears（这句话语法存在问题，可以改成whether or not there are dears in this area, the trees are still decline. From this survey, we can conclude that it has blabla）. For example , in a island there are no exist of any such dears , but the trees are still decline. This is another point varies from what the passage claims.（这一段是dear还是bear啊？我的TPO是bear唉，不过没关系，哈哈）

Third, when it comes (加上to) the climate, the reading passages believes that the seasonal and （加上day-to-day）temperatures have all contributed to the decline, since the growing habits are changed accordingly, and  roots are sensitive and may suffer damage. While in the lecture  ,the professor thinks that it may not take account (take account用法错误，一般两种用法吧：1.take account of sth. 2. take sth. into account)some other reasons. If the they are more like to live in the warm places than live in the cooler places then the warm places will have more trees ,while ,in fact , it isn't the case . so this again refutes what the passage asserts .279


亲的内容写的比我的全多了，好羡慕～
有些词的用法，如果是我错了，还麻烦亲回复一下我，多谢啦～～～

xhbhxhbh

sweetyecho 发表于 2014-6-7 21:20
6.6 综合 TPO23

错误修改意见好

十分谢谢。  修改意见都很中肯， 诶， 20分钟 真的是一紧张 就犯各种错误， 尤其是语法 和介词短语。 总是 把介词丢掉。。。
话说 我去哪里找你的作文？ 我看你的帖子里都是3 月的啊  还是我找错地方了。。

xhbhxhbh

6.8 独立TPO 25
In the reading passage , it believes that the clay jars excavated couldn't have been used as electric batteries in ancient times ,but the professor in the lecture thinks the evidences they  give is not convincing .


First of all , the passage maintains that  there isn't any evidence indicates the existence of wires which serves as electricity conductors ,so the clay jars mustn't have been used for electric purpose. In fact , since the clay jars were  first found by villagers who are not familiar with certain knowledge ,and they may omit the other material that serves as conductors ,and they even overlooked such thing and just threw them away .

Second, it is likely that the copper cylinders inside the jars were used for holding scrolls rather than for generating electricity . While the professor explains that they maybe design for that purpose , but later on , they applied it into another field . In fact , it has a large possibility that it is first designed to be used for holding scrolls , but occasionally ,they found it can also produce electricity , so they used it for generating  electricity.


Third, the reading passage claims that it is useless for the ancient people produce electricity . While  , the professor believes that there do exist the motivation to produce electricity . For example , since the jars could make some small shock , people of ancient times may just produce it to act as if they have magic power. In addition, they also can be used for heating , and maybe the ancient doctors could use it for this purpose.259

xhbhxhbh

6.8 独立people care more about public recognition. Even though more money is given, public recognition can still make people work harder.
两天不写 作文都到这个Level 了 。。。 615 就要考试了 看来还是老老实实完成作业吧。。。
With the rapid economic growth, people cares more about their social status  than before . Today ,  more people want  to work harder not for money but for public recognition . Even the money is given , people still work hard just for public recognition . According to the latest survey  ,this is more dominant nowadays than before.  I will explain this phenomenon as follows.

First , were one get  public recognition , he  will definitely feel a great honor , actually it's the honor that drive the person to do a splendid job. As mentioned before , with economy progressing ceaselessly  , people earn more money that before , and salary is not the most vital  factor they consider when doing a job, they cherish the praise from the public more. Take my old brother for example , graduated from a famous university in China, he choose to start his own career , asking why , he said since the air pollution is sever , he want to contribute a bit to our planet ,even though the work could only brings him much  less money than any job he would get ,he still feels good  ,only because the compliment he received. Thus , I think to be honored by other people is the a key factors one chose to work hard.

Second, some may maintain that  life is short , they want to make full use of their lives  ,and even exert positive influence on other people. Take my mother as an example , she is a respectful teacher , even though  teaching brings  the  modest income , she still work hard . I often see her staying up late into night, especially when a examination is coming .I didn't understand her at first , but she told me that when she witnessed a  young man get a good result in his college entrance examination , she really feels a great relief , and I finally understood after my vital examination. Since in China , the college examination is much paramount for an young adult, and  my mother do quite a good job, through her tutoring numerous young adult have accomplished their dreams  .

From the discussion above, I can safely come to the conclusion that people now care more about what other would say about them, and they would contribute more to their jobs , not for money  but for a recognition .  378

sweetyecho

xhbhxhbh 发表于 2014-6-8 11:18
十分谢谢。  修改意见都很中肯， 诶， 20分钟 真的是一紧张 就犯各种错误， 尤其是语法 和介词短语。 总 ...

哈哈，明显是找着了呀～～～谢谢！

elleven806

tpo25综合
问题修改意见不确定good

新人哒  第一次参加写作小组 共同进步！！！
亲的文章写得好好呀  条理清楚 我也只能看到些小问题 希望有帮助~
修改的都是我觉得有问题的地方 如果是我倒给你改错了的地方跟我讲声哒 我再学习学习！~

In the reading passage , it believes that the clay jars excavated couldn't have been used as electric batteries in ancient times ,but the professor in the lecture thinks the evidence they  give (这个从句头的they这里指代的是什么呀？Reading passage还是 archaeologists ? 前面的复数只有jars 和 batteries哟！如果是想指代reading material 应该也是单数it哒 建议可以改成被动或者定语后置） is not convincing .

First of all , the passage maintains that  there isn't any evidences (indicates) the existence of wires which serves as electricity conductors  (哇塞，这个serve用的好呀亲 我查了字典这种用法 serve as sth  感觉又学到了！  但是美中不足的是这句话有太多从句, 建议 *直接删掉indicates和which，evidence后面之间就是同位语啦对吧）
,so the clay jars mustn't have been used for electric purpose.  In fact , since the clay jars were first found by villagers who are not familiar with certain knowledge ,and they may omit the other material that serves as conductors ,and they even overlooked such thing and just threw them away .(这句话木有主语哒~~）

Second, it is likely that the copper cylinders inside the jars were used for holding scrolls rather than for generating electricity . While the professor explains that they maybe design for that purpose ,（还是第一段的问题， 这个they指代谁？是Cylinders么， 如果是，应该被动哒。 如果是指发明Inventor还是ancient people 那么第一， 要有宾语， 第二， 前面要提到Inventor or ancient people, 不然读者怎么知道THEY 指代谁哒~~）  but later on , they applied it (it 是说的cylinder, 但是注意前面亲提到的是 cylinders ，注意指代一致哟）into another field . In fact , it has a large possibility that it is first designed to be used for holding scrolls , but occasionally ,they found it can also produce electricity , so they used it for generating electricity.

Third, the reading passage claims that it is useless for the ancient people produce electricity . While , the professor believes that there do exist the motivation to produce electricity . For example , since the jars could make some small shock , people of ancient times may just produce it to act as if they have magic power. In addition, they also can be used for heating （是heat哇 我听得是heal 哈哈哈 晚上再切听一遍哒~）, and maybe the ancient doctors could use it for this purpose.259