【求助】两个曼哈顿句子的狗血改法是否正确

过熊

正在看Manhattan中。。第十章，odds & ends，有两个例子中的错误句子我想到另外的改法，不能确定是否正确，搜索无果，前来求教各位大神，盼解答，不胜感激！！

【Manhattan原例】

WRONG: The term “Eureka”, meaning “I have found it “in ancient Greek and famously uttered by Archimedes, AND ever since then, scientists have exclaimed the same word upon making important discoveries.

RIGHT: The term “Eureka”, meaning “I have found it “in ancient Greek， WAS and famously uttered by Archimedes, AND ever since then, scientists have exclaimed the same word upon making important discoveries.

一点问题都没有，我想问：

【如果我这样改，是否是正确的独立主格形式】

The term “Eureka”, （删掉逗号）meaning “I have found it “in ancient Greek and famously uttered by Archimedes, AND ever since then, scientists have exclaimed the same word upon making important discoveries.

【另外一个例子】

WRONG：Citizens of many countries are expressing concern about the environmental damage caused by the widespread release of greenhouse gases may be impossible to reverse.

RIGHT: Citizens of many countries are expressing concern THAT about the environmental damage caused by the widespread release of greenhouse gases may be impossible to reverse.

OR:

Citizens of many countries are expressing concern about the environmental damage caused by the widespread release of greenhouse gases,(加上个逗号) DAMAGE THAT may be impossible to reverse.

【如果我这么改：】

The widespread release of greenhouse gases may be impossible to reverse, citizens of many countries expressing concern about the environmental damage caused by it.

是否是正确的独立主格？it的指代有没有pronoun ambiguity的嫌疑？

求各位大神赐教，再次感谢！

Ps.明显的曼哈顿给出的改法更好，我只是想求证一下我的狗血改法是否正确（过于发散思维真糟糕= =）