求改一篇综合写作!!29号就考了跪谢!!

sandefia

The professor completely refutes the statements made in the passage. It is said in the lecture that the vessels were actually used as electric batteries in ancient times.

To begin with, the writer suggests that absense of evidence of some electricity conductors shows that the vessels were not used as batteries in the past. Contrary to what the passage says, the professor argues that the evidence was overlooked by local people. That is because, these people were not professionally trained, which means, they considered these metal wires invaluable so they threw the wires away. Therefore, this reason is unsound.

Additonally, the professor refutes the fact that the copper cylinders were used for holding scrolls. In fact, researchers admit that the cylinders were intially used for holding scrolls, but inventors at that time found the copper cylinders can produce electricity when they were mixed with iron. Hence, this might become the first battery.

Lastly, the professor claims that, on the contrary of the reading, ancient people uses electricity in many aspects. On one thing, they used batteries to produce mild shock to convince other people they had magical power. Also, they used electricity to heal deseases and relieve pains. The vessels actually were useful to them.

考了三次托福,前两次综合写作都是good,最后一次fair,是因为最后一次考试换了模板，考试时纠结模板，出了些问题！
这是我最近新凑的模板，请大家帮我看看有没有什么问题？
这篇是tpo25那个电池的，用不用过去时很纠结阿！！求指教！！！谢谢啦1！！