菜鸟solde作文贴，求拍砖！

solde

In thepast young people are more depended on their parents in making decision. Today,young people are better able to make decisions in their own lives.

With thedevelopment of society, an increasing number of young people have theinclination to make decisions on their own under the help of information tools.While someone think that parents can make better choices than young peoplebecause they think experience is the best instructor that may guide the youngpeople to a terrific way. From my point of view, young people can make moresuitable choice by themselves.

In thefirst place, we live in a world which is surrounded by a large amount ofinformation. It is convenient for us to search for what we need by variousmedia, such as internet, newspaper, and more. Last semester, I encountered adifficult problem which I could not work out by myself when I was writing myterm paper. Then I turn to the Internet to look for help. Finally I found a perfectsolution on a website.

In addition,many parents think it is beneficial for young people to learn to make decisionby themselves and create opportunity to help them . Parents understand that theycan not always stay with their children. Young people have to learn to solveall the problems on their own. Parents assist them to develop their all kindsof capabilities, such as cooking, learning and getting through adversity, byproviding relative books for them and put them into the practical living. Forexample, many young people learned to do housework when they still was aprimary student, such as washing dishes, feeding the pets, selling newspapersand so forth.

Althoughwe can learn a lot from experience of our parents, the background become highlydifferent from the old ages. A number of experience will not be suitable inthis environment. For example, most people thought that saving money is thebest way to make money in the past while the majority advocate investing moneyin stocks and bonds in the present with the development of the finance.

All inall, I agree with the statement that the contemporary young people are betterable to make decisions in their own lives than the ones in the past. Becausethey live in an information age and their parents provide them with opportunityto practice and impart living skills to them.

sherlock1992

In thepast young people are more depended on their parents in making decision. Today,young people are better able to make decisions in their own lives.
红色修改 蓝色建议 高亮表赞
With thedevelopment of society, an increasing number of young people have theinclination to make decisions on their own under the help of information tools.While someone（some) think that parents can make better choices than young peoplebecause they think(这里最好换个词，与前面的think重复了） experience is the best instructor that may guide the（去掉） youngpeople to a terrific way.(注意前面这句话以while开始表让步，但后面却没有主句） From my point of view, young people can make moresuitable choice by themselves.  感觉这段最后总结的话有些偏题，题目是现在的年轻人更多时自己做决定而不像以前依赖父母做决定，是比较客观的，但楼主最后总结的这句话稍显主观。
In thefirst place, we live in a world which is surrounded by a large amount ofinformation. It is convenient for us to search for what we need by various media（medias), such as internet, newspaper, and more. Last semester, I encountered adifficult problem which I could not work out by myself when I was writing myterm paper. Then I turn to the Internet to look for help. Finally I found a perfectsolution on a website. 建议楼主在段落末尾在加一句总结性的话。
In addition,many parents think it is beneficial for young people to learn to make decisionby themselves and create opportunity（opportunities) to help them . (两个句子之间最好加连词来凸显其逻辑关系,下同）Parents understand that theycan not（cannot) always stay with their children. Young people have to learn to solveall the problems on their own. Parents assist them to develop their（去掉） all kindsof capabilities, such as cooking, learning and（去掉，后面的举例并不是最后一个） getting through adversity（这个抽象的例子与前面连个相对不抽的例子放在一起并列不太合适吧？）, by（去掉，与前面保持一致）providing relative books for them and put them into the practical living. Forexample, many young people learned（learn) to do housework when they still was(still应放在系动词后，实义动词前） aprimary student, such as washing dishes, feeding the pets, selling newspapersand so forth. 结尾需小结，这段有偷换概念之嫌，题目是make decision,而本段楼主却多是the ability of solving problems.
Althoughwe can learn a lot from experience of our parents, the background become highlydifferent from the old ages(这句表达的有失偏颇，不如改成the generation gap is still a solid wall that cannot get through completely如何？）. A number of experience will not be suitable inthis environment. For example, most people thought that saving money is thebest way to make money in the past while the majority advocate investing moneyin stocks and bonds in the present with the development of the finance.d断尾总结ing...
All inall, I agree with the statement that the contemporary young people are betterable to make decisions in their own lives than the ones in the past. Becausethey live in an information(information explosion会更恰当) age and their parents provide them with opportunityto practice and impart living skills to them.

小结：楼主文章写得稍短，有些许语法错误，每段结尾如果加个总结性的句子看起来会比较完整，另外感觉楼主有些小偏题啊，且论据不是太丰富，但总体来看，还是有很大提升的空间。
           加油！

solde

非常感谢sherlock认真给我改作文，辛苦了！这次写得的确有点偏题，稍稍改动了一下。另外你提的总结的事很对，我以后会改正的，论据什么的也会学着多增加。还得多多努力呢！

Withthedevelopment of society, an increasing number of young people have theinclination to make decisions on their ownunder the help of information tools.While someone（some) think that parents can make better choicesthan young peoplebecause they claim that(这里最好换个词，与前面的think重复了） experience is the best instructorthat may guide the（去掉） youngpeople to a terrific way，(注意前面这句话以while开始表让步，但后面却没有主句） from my point of view, young peoplecan make moresuitable choice by themselves.（youngpeople have better capability to make decisions than the ones in the past.） 感觉这段最后总结的话有些偏题，题目是现在的年轻人更多时自己做决定而不像以前依赖父母做决定，是比较客观的，但楼主最后总结的这句话稍显主观。
In thefirst place, we live in a world which is surrounded by a large amountofinformation. It is convenient for us to search for what we need by various media（medias,media貌似已经复数了吧),such as internet, newspaper, and more. Last semester, I encountered adifficultproblem which I could not work out by myself when I was writing myterm paper.Then I turn to the Internet to look for help. Finally I found a perfectsolutionon a website. 建议楼主在段落末尾在加一句总结性的话。So we are betterable to make decisions with plenty of information.
In addition,many parents think it is beneficial for young people to learn tomake decisionby themselves and create opportunity（opportunities) to help them . (两个句子之间最好加连词来凸显其逻辑关系,下同）Furthermore, parents understand that theycan not（cannot) always stay with their children. Young people have to learn tosolveall the problems on their own. Parents assist them to develop their（去掉） allkindsof capabilities, such as cooking, learning and（去掉，后面的举例并不是最后一个.这里其实是最后一个啦，我是用such as做插入语的，应该没有问题吧） getting throughadversity（这个抽象的例子与前面连个相对不抽的例子放在一起并列不太合适吧？）, by（去掉，与前面保持一致）providing relative books for themand put them into the practical living. Forexample, many young people learned（learn)to do housework when they still was(still应放在系动词后，实义动词前） aprimary student, such as washingdishes, feeding the pets, selling newspapersand so forth. 结尾需小结，这段有偷换概念之嫌，题目是make decision,而本段楼主却多是the ability of solvingproblems.

Parents teach them to analyze what theyface in active and positive ways and make the better decision. For example,when I chose my university, my parents told me to compare several universitiesthat I had chose in distinct ways, such as geological environment, city economyfaculty and so forth. Ultimately, I chose this university on my own afterserious comparison between the several universities. With all above in mind, itis easier for contemporary young people to make decisions.

Althoughwe can learn a lot from experience ofour parents, the background become highlydifferentfrom the old ages(这句表达的有失偏颇，不如改成the generation gap is still asolid wall that cannot get through completely如何？）. A number of experience will not be suitable inthis environment. Forexample, most people thought that saving money is thebest way to make money inthe past while the majority advocate investing moneyin stocks and bonds in thepresent with the development of the finance.d断尾总结ing...Consideringthis drawback, young people in these days are better able to make decisionwithout depending on their parents.
All inall, I agree with the statement that the contemporary young people arebetterable to make decisions in their own lives than the ones in the past.Becausethey live in an information(informationexplosion会更恰当) age andtheir parents provide them with opportunityto practice and impart living skillsto them.

小结：楼主文章写得稍短，有些许语法错误，每段结尾如果加个总结性的句子看起来会比较完整，另外感觉楼主有些小偏题啊，且论据不是太丰富，但总体来看，还是有很大提升的空间。

solde

Schoolalways collect information of the teaching performance of teachers andaccording to it, give teacher who has efficient  teaching rewards. Sowhich is more useful: evaluation by students or by other teachers?  

To encourageteachers to improve their teaching skills, school always collects informationof the teaching performance of teachers and gives efficient teachers rewardsaccording to it. Some people advocate adopting the evaluation by other teachersbecause teachers would be more professional and serious. From my point of view,however, evaluation by students is more helpful.

To begin with, theperson who listens to and benefits from the lectures is student, so it isbetter to investigate the attitude of the students to the teachers. And theteachers who can make his or her students understand the lecture are the most fabulousteachers no matter how much they know. Last semester, I received a lesson froma professor who acquires compliments from numbers of teachers, but she cannotuse the understandable language to explain clearly the important point of thelesson for us. So school may collect more useful information from the studentsrather than other teachers.

Furthermore, ifschool use the evaluation of other teachers to measure the teaching performanceof a teacher, the teacher may gather together to give fine evaluation to eachother because they do not want to hurt the feeling of their colleagues and hopeto attain a perfect evaluation from other teachers by exchange like we studentsdo when we rally to elect our monitors every year. With this in mind, schoolcannot make sure that teachers stay honest in the evaluation.

Last but notleast, teachers make their evaluation depending on barely several lessons whilestudents reach their conclusion with the experience of all the semester. As weall know, several points cannot represent the whole points. Because teachersmay prepare sufficiently before this couples of lessons and do not take otherlessons seriously. For example, my geology teacher let students join him in theclass by asking us question and answer the question we put up with when otherteachers come to listen to the class. However, he always enjoys himself in theclass and put us aside in the regular classes. From all discussed above, we canconclude that it is not a representative evaluation by other teachers.

To sum up, schoolwould better to collect information of the teaching performance of teachers byadopting the evaluation by students rather than by other teachers. Becausestudents is the receptor of the lecture and they will tell you the trueteaching performance of the teacher with their abundant experience.

追梦CY

不好意思改晚啦~加油

solde

追梦CY 发表于 2013-9-9 23:35
不好意思改晚啦~加油

谢谢追梦，你提的关于开头要attractive的问题我记下了，下次练习会改进的！另外，还会多看多积累好的用词用法，写完检查，不能再偷懒了~~

School always collectinformation of the teaching performance of teachers and according to it, giveteacher who has efficient  teachingrewards. So which is more useful: evaluation by students or by otherteachers?  

To encourage teachers to improvetheir teaching skills, school always collects information of the teachingperformance of teachers and gives efficient teachers rewards according to it.Teachers are to schools what wateris to fish. So it can never be too much for schools to pay attention to theteaching performance of teachers.

Some people advocate adopting the evaluation byother teachers because teachers would be more professional and serious. From mypoint of view, however, evaluation by students is more helpful.Whilesome people advocate adopting the evaluation from other teachers for their commenting in a more professional andserious way, I, however,consider the students’ evaluation more helpful.）

To beginwith, the person who listens to and benefits from the lectures is student, soit is better to investigate the attitude of the students to the teachers. Andthe teachers who can make his or her (their)students understand the lecture are the most fabulous teachers no matter howmuch they know. Last semester, I received alesson from a professor who acquires (acquired)compliments from numbers of teachers, but she cannot(couldn’t)use the understandable language to explain clearly the important point of thelesson for us. So school may collect more useful information from the studentsrather than other teachers.

Furthermore, if school use(uses)the evaluation of other teachers to measure the teaching performance of ateacher, the teacher may gather together to give fine evaluation to each other because they donot want to hurt the feeling of their colleagues and hope to attain a perfect evaluationfrom other teachers by exchange like we students do when we rally to elect ourmonitors every year. With this in mind, school cannot make sure that teachers stay honest in the evaluation.

Last but not least, teachers make theirevaluation depending on barely several lessons while students reach theirconclusion with the experience of all the semester. As we all know, severalpoints cannot represent the whole points. Because teachers may preparesufficiently before this couples of lessons and do not take other lessonsseriously. For example, my geology teacher let(lets) studentsjoin him in the class by asking us question and answer(answering)the question we put up with when other teachers come to listen to the class.However, he always enjoys himself in the class and put(s)us aside in the regular classes. From all discussed above, we canconclude that it is not a representative evaluation by other teachers.

To sum up, school would better to collect information of the teaching performanceof teachers by adopting the evaluation by students rather than by otherteachers. Because students is(are) the receptor(receptors) of the lecture and they will tellyou the true teaching performance of the teacher with their abundantexperience.

solde

The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes,  are more important to younger people than to older people.  

In a rapid developing information explosion, people are bombed by a variety of messages from distinct sources through all kinds of media, such as newspaper, radio, television and more. The opinions of celebrities who are highly spoken of by common persons and often utter their own thoughts through common media play a more crucial role in younger people than older people for the following reasons.

First of all, the younger people are staying in a developing stage and they have not built up their wholesome view of world yet. Since they maintain curious about the world they live in and enjoy exploring the society they are unfamiliar with, so they have the inclination to receive various views and absorb the most terrific and glaring ones among these views. Older people, however, have already formed mature view of world and have developed a habit of looking all the things from a critical perspective, accepting opinions of others difficultly. So the opinions of celebrities influence younger people more than older people.

In addition, younger people take couples of celebrities whom they admire and respect as their idol. Their life just begin, they pursue exploration and success. Vigorous and enthusiastic younger people always take their first step not only by learning new things and then putting them into their job or life to make a better achievement but also by imitating the celebrities who achieve fantastic performance during their lives. All they want is to do something to make the world a little different just as what the celebrities have done. As a result, they read the development of the celebrities and concern the latest speeches made by the celebrities. With this in mind, the opinions of celebrities are more important for young people than older people.

Finally, younger people have more access to the opinion of celebrities because they have the better ability to operate the high technology with which they are able to encounter with more news all over the world and communicate daily happenings with friends, colleagues and customers frequently while older people just enjoy themselves at home or exercise for health. Plus, older people do not concern what the celebrities say and what they think. From all discussed above, the opinions of celebrities play a bigger role in the lives of younger people than of older people for they have been part of lives of younger people.

To sum up, considering that younger people who handle the high technology well stay opener to the world than older people and regard the celebrities as their guider of their life and work, we can reach the conclusion that the opinions of celebrities affect younger people more than older people

sherlock1992

solde童鞋，今天你不用改我的作文了（我要总结一些错误，所以今天就不写了，虽然已经占座了，虽然这多么像一个偷懒的借口，等你写好后我会帮你改的，再见！

solde

910
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement  
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physicalexercise.  
講到休閒活動的話，你覺得"運動"會比"看電影"或"看書"更好嗎?  


Mao Tse-tung, the founder of the People’s Republic of China and the chairman of the CommunistParty of China, once said only the person who knows how to relax is able tolearn or study well. With the rapid development of the society, modern peoplehave to bear more pressure and complete much more work than the people in thepast, causing a series of health issue. The most useful way to solve theproblems is to relax in a beneficial way. From my perspective, it is better forpeople to combine mental exercise and physical exercise to relax themselves.

Taking mentalexercises, such as watching a movie, reading a book, listening to music andmore, helps people to enjoy themselves by providing funny speech, telling a fascinatingstory and playing gentle music. A number of people also invite their friends tooperate mental exercises together in a comfortable environment, thus they mayexchange latest happenings and thoughts with each other in the meantime. So itis a wonderful way to relax ourselves by adopting mental exercises.

Although mentalexercises help you to relax your mind efficiently, it cannot improve yourhealth status which is the most essential concern you have to focus on duringall your life. Health is the most significant factor in people’s lives nomatter who they are, where they come from and which age they stay. We canassimilate heath as 1 and use 0 to present other factors and then health mustbe put in the first place, otherwise the other factors make no sense. With thisin mind, we have to add other exercise to make our leisure activities complete.

With the help ofphysical exercises, people are able to enhance their healthy condition andresist the invasion of diseases which bring pain and sorrow to people. Nowadayslots of people advocate aerobic activities with which you can enhance yourcardio-pulmonary function and promote the velocity of your metabolism. Theseadvantages are also parts of the distinctive characteristics which can be usedto distinguish them with anaerobic activities. From all discussed above,physical exercises help you not only relax yourself but also make you stronger.

All in all,integrating the mental exercises and the physical exercises assists us to relaxbetter than only choose either one of them since they two are mutual andcomplementary. It is better for us to achieve a balance between them to make useof our spare time to the greatest extent.        

solde

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-9-11 13:59
solde童鞋，今天你不用改我的作文了（我要总结一些错误，所以今天就不写了，虽然已经占座了，虽然这多么像 ...

好的哈，sherlock加油哦！本来等着拜读你的大作，顺便偷个师神马的，看来只有等下次了~