菜鸟solde作文贴，求拍砖！

wanggang0411

solde 发表于 2013-9-10 17:56
The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes,  are more important to younge ...

改完了, 写的很好, 加油.

solde

谢谢大叔指导，语法神马的还得多加注意呢，用词什么的也亟待提高，写作速度更是要严格控制，自己加个油！
The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes,  are more important to younger people than to older people.  

In a rapid (rapidly) developing information explosion, people are bombed by a variety of messages from distinct sources through all kinds of media, such as newspaper, radio, television and more. The opinions of celebrities who are highly spoken of by common persons and often utter their own thoughts through common media play a more crucial role in younger people than older people for the following reasons. (这句我想改个185上的句式A)
A: There are widespread testimonies for it and the primary ones are listed as follows.

First of all, the younger people are staying in a developing stage and they have not built up their wholesome view of world yet. Since they maintain curious (curiosity) about the world they live in and enjoy exploring the society they are unfamiliar with, so they have the inclination to receive various views and absorb the most terrific and glaring ones among these views. Older people, however, have already formed mature view of world and have developed a habit of looking all the things from a critical perspective, accepting opinions of others difficultly. So the opinions of celebrities influence younger people more than older people.

In addition, (From another perspective) younger people take couples of celebrities whom they admire and respect as their idol. Their life just begin, they pursue exploration and success. Vigorous and enthusiastic younger people always take their first step not only by learning new things and then putting them into their job or life to make a better achievement but also by imitating the celebrities who achieve fantastic performance during their lives. All they want is to do something to make the world a little different just as what the celebrities have done. As a result, they read the development of the celebrities and concern the latest speeches made by the celebrities. With this in mind, ((with 要有主语)young people take the opinions of celebrities more seriously ) we can sum up that the opinions of celebrities are more important for young people than older people.

Finally, younger people have more access to the opinion of celebrities because they have the better ability to operate the high technology with which they are able to encounter with more news all over the world and communicate daily happenings with friends, colleagues and customers frequently while older people just enjoy themselves at home or exercise for health. Plus, older people do not concern what the celebrities say and what they think. From all discussed above, the opinions of celebrities play a bigger role in the lives of younger people than of older people for they have been part of lives of younger people.
To sum up, considering that younger people who handle the high technology well stay opener to the world than older people and regard the celebrities as their guider of their life and work, we can reach the conclusion that the opinions of celebrities affect younger people more than older people

sherlock1992

solde 发表于 2013-9-11 16:57
910
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement  
It is better to relax by watching a movi ...

910
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement  
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physicalexercise.  
講到休閒活動的話，你覺得"運動"會比"看電影"或"看書"更好嗎?  
红色修改 蓝色建议 高亮表赞
Mao Tse-tung（American people 喜欢亲切的称我们的伟大领袖为"Mao",that's all!), the founder of the People’s Republic of China and the chairman of the CommunistParty of China, once said only the person who knows how to relax is able to(赶脚这里用can更合适，can表示客观能，而be able to表示主观能）learn or study well. With the rapid development of the society, modern peoplehave to bear more pressure and complete much more work than the people in thepast, causing a series of health issue. The most useful way to solve theproblems is to relax in a beneficial way. From my perspective, it is better forpeople to combine mental exercise and physical exercise to relax themselves.

Taking mentalexercises, such as watching a movie, reading a book, listening to music andmore, helps people to enjoy themselves by providing funny speeches, telling a fascinatingstory and playing gentle music(这句中的蓝色部分二者取其一会较好，否则显得太wordy) A number of people also invite their friends tooperate(这个词和exercise搭配很不协调，换个吧） mental exercises together in a comfortable environment, thus they mayexchange latest happenings and thoughts with each other in the meantime. So itis a wonderful way to relax ourselves by adopting mental exercises.

Although mentalexercises help you to relax your mind efficiently, it cannot improve yourhealth status which is the most essential concern you have to focus on duringall your life. Health is the most significant factor in people’s lives nomatter who they are, where they come from and which age they stay. We canassimilate heath as 1 and use 0 to present other factors and（去掉）， then health mustbe put in the first place, otherwise the other factors make no sense. With thisin mind, we have to add other（去掉）physical exercise to make our leisure activities complete（这部分不太恰当，可改为to our leisure activities and make our relaxing way more complete).

With the help ofphysical exercises, people are able to enhance their healthy condition andresist the invasion of diseases which bring pain and sorrow to people. Nowadayslots of people advocate aerobic activities with which you can enhance yourcardio-pulmonary function and promote the velocity of your metabolism. Theseadvantages are also parts of the distinctive characteristics which can be usedto distinguish them with anaerobic activities. From all discussed above,physical exercises can help you not only relax yourself but also make you stronger.

All in all,integrating the mental exercises and the physical exercises assists us to relaxbetter than only choose(choosing) either one of them since they two are mutual andcomplementary. It is better for us to achieve a balance between them to make useof our spare time to the greatest extent.        

小结：solde的这篇文章很有进步，只是在个别处有些wordy和语法错误，词汇也有了些升级，段落最后也有相应的总结，很棒呢，赞一个！
                                                                                                                                                               晚安~

solde

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-9-11 23:00
910
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement  
It is better to relax by watching a mo ...

谢谢sherlock，收到你的肯定很开心呢~继续加油！

solde

感谢sherlock，每次都能从你的批改中学到好多东西~要注意用语精练、地道，减少语法错误，多积累多运用~

MaoTse-tung（American people 喜欢亲切的称我们的伟大领袖为"Mao",that'sall!), the founder of the People’s Republic of China and thechairman of the Communist Party of China, once said only the person who knowshow to relax is able to(can）learn or study well. With the rapiddevelopment of the society, modern people have to bear more pressure andcomplete much more work than the people in the past, causing a series of healthissue. The most useful way to solve the problems is to relax in a beneficialway. From my perspective, it is better for people to combine mental exerciseand physical exercise to relax themselves.

Takingmental exercises, such as watching a movie, reading a book,listening to music and more, helps people to enjoy themselves A number of people also invite their friends to operate have mental exercises together in acomfortable environment, thus they may exchange latest happenings and thoughtswith each other in the meantime. So it is a wonderful way to relax ourselves byadopting mental exercises.

Althoughmental exercises help you to relax your mind efficiently, it cannot improveyour health status which is the most essential concern you have to focus onduring all your life. Health is the most significant factor in people’s livesno matter who they are, where they come from and which age they stay. We can assimilate heath as 1 and use 0 to presentother factors and（去掉）， then healthmust be put in the first place, otherwise the other factors make no sense. Withthis in mind, we have to add other（去掉）physical exerciseto make our leisure activities complete（toour leisure activities and make our relaxing way more complete).

Withthe help of physical exercises, people are able to enhancetheir healthy condition and resist the invasion of diseases which bring painand sorrow to people. Nowadays lots of people advocate aerobicactivities with which you can enhance your cardio-pulmonaryfunction and promote the velocity of your metabolism. These advantagesare also parts of the distinctive characteristics which can be used todistinguish them with anaerobic activities. From all discussed above, physicalexercises can help you not only relax yourself butalso make you stronger.

Allin all, integrating the mental exercises and the physical exercises assists usto relax better than only choose(choosing) either oneof them since they two are mutual and complementary. It is better for us toachieve a balance between them to make use of our spare time to the greatestextent.        

solde

911
父母應該多陪孩子玩遊戲或體育運動，還是陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情

Parents are to children what soil is to fruit. The love of parents to children is the greatest love in the world since parents who play the role of angels always back up their children no matter where the children are and how circumstances the kids stay in. They are willing to give the most significant goods, even the single one, to their children as long as children turn to them to require these goods. Not only do they guide the direction of the life of their children as teachers, but they also accompany their children as sincere friends who share the happiness and sorrows with each other. Since parents have limited time spending with their children, from my perspective, it is better for them to share more time with their children to do things in favor of study.

Just as the saying goes: "Being excellent is a habitat". Learning skills are one of the most important things of their life for it will accompany them from birth to death and can give them a hand to attain what they pursue. Parents have to impart the sound learning methods which are essential during all the learning experience to their children since they are young. For example, parents should teach their children how to read and write in a more efficient way and educate them how to better concentrate on what they are doing. So it is beneficial for parents to take more time to guide the learning of children.

Children, or people, are born to take interest in playing and moving. Although it is better for parents to play with them more to build their characteristics and temperament, parents have no enough time to play with them as well as guide their studies since parents must work to support the familiy. If parents are necessary to achieve a balance between these things, they would better choose to spend more time acting as a guider for their children.

Absence of the parents pushes children to play with the contemporary, resulting a fact that the children learn how to get along with others and to develop their own circle which will do favor for them in the future. Furthermore, the fellows can play the new games with them and bring them to the fashion that parents are not able to. What's more, since parents cannot stay with them all the time, it is helpful to make them learn to be independent by letting children alone or stay with others in some time.

From all discussed above, we can reach the conclusion that choosing to apply more time to direct their children in the learning areas than to play or exercise with them would do a better job.

fj99564

这是你的批改哟

solde

9.12
是否同意政府不应该给艺术家（musician、filmmaker、artist…）任何的financial support

Have you ever listened to the Bach Symphony? Have you ever seen the sunflower of Van Gogh? Have you ever watched the Shawshank Redemption? If you have never had such experiences, you would never know what changes art will bring you. Art is the nourishment for the mind which can take you to explore the beauty of the world and appreciate the soul of the art. Just for these reasons that show art is an indispensable and meaningful part in people’s lives, from my view of point, government are necessary to give artists an amount of financial support.

Art is not only a way to mould temperament but also a life way people choose. As a result, government can lead citizens to behavior in a better way and improve the qualities of them under the help of art. So it is a fine investment for government to putting money in art. By this way, government may also guide the attitude of people to art and enhance the status of the artists, thus promoting the construction of spirit and civilization. Considering these points, government can make an achievement by providing financial support for artists.

As we all know, income of artists fall into two extreme categories. That is to say, artists either earn a large amount of money with which they have not to worry about their rest life or earn such a few coins that they are not able to make a living. As a matter of fact, most artists have experienced the stage of poverty when they just begin to create the work of art since people pay more attention to the renowned artists and prefer to buy the works of these artists which have been proven to possess high value. So it is better for government to put found in the support of artists to assist them to go through the gloomy time successfully.

Furthermore, the development of art might also influence the growth of tourism and economy which is the basement of the city. If a government can cultivate couples of excellent artists, it will appeal more tourists to travel to the city and thus it can improve the enhancement of other industries that are directly or indirectly related to the tourism. With this in mind, supporting artists with capital is beneficial to the city.

From all discussed above, it is obvious for us to conclude that government would benefit from providing financial support for artists.

solde

谢谢fj99564童鞋，看来还是存在怕字数不够而故意啰嗦的问题，习惯搭配记的不准确，用词的多样性神马的也亟待提高，继续提高速度！加油！

Parents are to children what soil is to fruit. The love of parents to children is the greatest love in the world since parents who play the role of angels always back up their children (应该是back their children up)这个地方好像没有错，都可以的吧？ no matter where the children are and how circumstances the kids stay in. （They are willing to give the most significant goods, even the single one, to their children as long as children turn to them to require these goods.） Not only do they guide the direction of the life of their children as teachers, but they also accompany their children as sincere friends who share the happiness and sorrows with each other. Since parents have limited time spending with their children, from my perspective, it is better for them to share more time with their children to do things in favor of study. 很优美的文笔呢，但是感觉开头还是有一些不够直接，说的是家长应该多花时间在孩子身上，并没有和突出帮助他们学习的重要性。的确，自己写完也觉得有点啰嗦了。

Just as the saying goes: "Being excellent is a habitat". Learning skills are one of the most important things of their life for it will accompany them from birth to death and can give them a hand to attain what they pursue. Parents have to impart the sound learning methods which are essential during all the learning experience to their children since they are young. For example, parents should teach their children how to read and write in a more efficient way and educate them how to better concentrate on what they are doing. So it is beneficial for parents to take more time to guide the learning of children.

Children, or people, are born to take interest in (注意哟，惯用法师interest前面加不定冠词或者形容词的，可改为take an interest in) playing and moving. Although it is better for parents to play with them more to build their characteristics and temperament, parents have no enough time to play with them as well as guide their studies since parents must work to support the family. If parents are necessary to achieve a balance between these things, they would better choose to spend more time acting as a guider for their children.

Absence of the parents pushes children to play with the contemporary(个人感觉这个词是不是有点大，会不会用peers比较好呀？), resulting a fact that the children learn how to get along with others and to develop their own circle which will do favor for them in the future. Furthermore, the fellows can play the new games with them and bring them to the fashion that parents are not able to. What's more, since parents cannot stay with them all the time, it is helpful to make them learn to be independent by letting children alone or stay with others in some time.

From all discussed above, we can reach the conclusion that choosing to apply more time to direct their children in the learning areas than to play or exercise with them would do a better job.

北极的企鹅123

Solde亲，改好啦，你看看