9-28 追梦CY的作文帖，希望和大家一起进步！

追梦CY

超级无敌小鹤鹤 发表于 2013-9-16 10:26
DO you agree or disagree with the following statement? The rapid growth of cities in today's world i ...

看到鹤鹤的细心修改+改写真心感动，而且很膜拜啊！
我写的里面有一些地方意思容易理解错，还有很多表达用的也不到位，学习了呀！
而且一看鹤鹤就是花了很长时间和很多精力帮我改的，也学到了很多好的东西，真心感谢鹤鹤！

追梦CY

09.16 [TODAY]
Agree/disagree: The purpose of television should be all educative, not entertaining.
===================
Television now is no more a rare object to the public as it was 30 years ago. With a rapid development of entertainment, a variety of television programs are rushing into people's eyes. While some people criticize the entertaining programs on TV, I vote against that all TV programs must be educative, rather than entertaining.

On the one hand, we are no longer living in an era that ordinary people have no choice but observe the rules made by governors. Hence it is the development of different kinds of TV programs that brings TV viewers their own rights to choose what they would like to see, whether educative programs or entertaining programs. In other words, the preference for different kinds of programs vary among person to person, for they share various backgrounds and have special needs in life. For example, my grandama, a retired teacher, tends to watch operas concerning about crime, marrige and social problems. Unlike other educative programs, these operas could not only bring to her excitement in vision, but also provide a way for her rethinking the society and her own life. To conclude, the purpose of TV is to satisfy the needs of different people, instead of only uniforming and educating people.

On the other hand, a majority of TV programs currently are boring and dull, directly leading people, especially who are in badly need for education, like children and students, to lose interests in these kind of programs. We could imagine how tough could a grade-one student endure a one-hour long lecture on the TV! Not to mention taking notes or reviewing those key points that lecturer proposed. If the producer could put in some special elements to make the programs more interesting and attractive, students are sure to listen to the lecture carefully. The appearance of educative programs are good indeed, but the criteria of successful program is the mix of excellent content and broad viewers. Therefore, amusement can offers TV programs a wider range of TV viewers as well as not destroying the purpose of education.

In the end, education is one of the purposes of TV programs, but not the only purpose. The producers should provide TV viewers with programs that both satisfy their needs and make them relaxed and entertained.

sherlock1992

追梦CY 发表于 2013-9-17 17:17
09.16 [TODAY]
Agree/disagree: The purpose of television should be all educative, not entertaining.
= ...

09.16 [TODAY]
Agree/disagree: The purpose of television should be all educative, not entertaining.
===================
红色修改 蓝色建议 高亮表赞
Television now is no more a rare object（这里使用commodity更贴切些） to the public as it was 30 years ago. With a rapid development of entertainment industry, a variety of television programs are rushing into people's eyes. While some people criticize the entertaining programs on TV, I vote against that all TV programs must be educative, rather than entertaining.

On the one hand, we are no longer living in an era that ordinary people have no choice but observe the rules made by governors.(这里的因果关系似乎有那么一些牵强） Hence it is the development of different kinds of TV programs that brings TV viewers their own rights to choose what they would like to see, whether(whether处于conj. 用于连接连个句子） educative programs or entertaining programs. In other words, the preference for different kinds of programs vary（varies) among(这里用from比较合适） person to person, for they share various backgrounds and have special needs in life. For example, my grandama（grandma), a retired teacher, tends to watch operas concerning about crime, marrige(marriage) and social problems. Unlike other educative programs, these operas could not only bring to her excitement in vision, but also（可去） provide a way for her rethinking（to rethink) the society and her own life. To conclude, the purpose of TV is to satisfy the needs of different people, instead of only uniforming and educating people.

On the other hand, a majority of TV programs currently are boring and dull, directly leading people, especially who are in badly need for education, like children and students, to lose interests in these kind of programs. We could imagine how tough could a grade-one student endure a one-hour long lecture on the TV!(这句赶脚改为how tough it is that a grade-one student endure a one-hour long lecture on the TV会比较好） Not to mention taking notes or reviewing those key points that the lecturer proposed. If the producer could put in some special elements to make the programs more interesting and attractive, students are sure to listen to the lecture carefully. The appearance of educative programs are good indeed, but the criteria of successful program is the mix of excellent content and broad viewers. Therefore, amusement can offers(offer) TV programs a wider range(推荐你一个词来代替range---spectrum) of TV viewers as well as not destroying the purpose of education.(赶脚这句拆成...TV viewers, meanwhile, not destroy the purpose of education.会更好读些~）

In the end, education is one of the purposes of TV programs, but not the only purpose. The producers should provide TV viewers with programs that both satisfy their needs and make them relaxed and entertained.

小结：这篇文章思路很清晰，结构很工整（话说小丸子一直都是这样的。。。），但是呢，，，出现了一些不该粗线的语法错误，建议在实际考试中，小丸子童鞋一定要在最后留下些时间检查一下，另外词汇使用稍显简单，建议把系统再升级到高点的version，其他的我感觉也没什么了（本人水平有限 ing). Fighting!

追梦CY

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-9-17 21:11
09.16 [TODAY]
Agree/disagree: The purpose of television should be all educative, not entertaining.
...

谢谢Sherlock！要是我自己改这个作文要批死了，我得努力提高打字速度了，老是没时间检查啊！
还有很羡慕你的词汇量啊，这么多好的表达，快快copy一份给我叭~~~

sherlock1992

追梦CY 发表于 2013-9-17 22:18
谢谢Sherlock！要是我自己改这个作文要批死了，我得努力提高打字速度了，老是没时间检查啊！
还有很羡慕 ...

友情推荐《10天突破新托福essays》，论坛里有下的。PS：我绝非广告党

超级无敌小鹤鹤

追梦CY 发表于 2013-9-17 10:32
看到鹤鹤的细心修改+改写真心感动，而且很膜拜啊！
我写的里面有一些地方意思容易理解错，还有很多表达用 ...

哈哈 作文就是比较出来的 慢慢比较各种表达 然后学习一些好的~~

perfectends

追梦CY 发表于 2013-9-15 22:49
914作文
DO you agree or disagree with the following statement? The rapid growth of cities in today's ...

这么有福气啊。。。