9-28 追梦CY的作文帖，希望和大家一起进步！

追梦CY

0909 独立
The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes,  are more important to younger people than to older people.
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Celebrities currently contact with ordinary people more frequently via social network, such as Weibo, Wechat and blogs, spreading their personal views or comments on heated-discussed affairs. Thus a new releationship exists since the novel interreactions between celebraities and young fans has led to an increasing importance to their opinions. Young people, as the majority of these crazy fans, tend to attach greater significance to the words of celebrities rather than older adults do.

Nowadays, it is not rare to see a high school student who is willing to abandon her right to receive a higher level education just for the purpose of pursuing her unrealistic dream-meeting a star for only one time. I still remember such a crazy girl who consider every word of her star Andy, the famous singer and actor in Hong Kong, as her directions of life without judging those words independently. Older people, however, usually have experienced much in their life and developed a highly sensitive mind when faced with opinions of celebrities. Therefore, an independent way of thinking drives older people away from being misled by unproper words.

The media also create a pushing force to advocate the positive attitude of celebrities as well as their stories of chasing dreams. Liu Xiang, for instance, was highly spoken of by a variety of media as he had broken the world records. Furthermore, words of Liu Xiang had been widely quoted in kinds of advertisements, newspapers, and even in the textbooks in elementary schools. No wonder the young are influenced by words of famous people than older people do since they are closely attached to those information in their life. Meanwhile, a rapid development of social network is another driving force that contributes to an even wider-spreaded range of populations who receiced such opinions in an unwitting way. Therefore, it is so common that some of their notions could be reposted by the young for over 1 million times in only a few hours!

Since the information and topics concerning the celebrities are displayed more frequently and their ideas have instilled in young people's mind more deeply, obviously we could draw a conclusion that the young are more easily than the old to be influenced by words spreaded by famous stars, like entertainers and athletes. On a whole, the society are obligated to advocate those positive words in order to affect young people in an effective and encouraging way.

虫虫爱吃菜

Celebrities currently contact with ordinary people more frequently via social network, such as Weibo, Wechat and blogs, spreading their personal views or comments on heated-discussed affairs. Thus a new releationship exists since（感觉这个插入怪怪的，since此处表因为的话要接原因状语从句，不能这么用吧？） the novel interreactions between celebraities and young fans has led to an increasing importance to their opinions. Young people, as the majority of these crazy fans, tend to attach greater significance to the words of celebrities rather than older adults do. Nowadays, it is not rare to see a high school student who is willing to abandon her right to receive a higher level education just for the purpose of pursuing her unrealistic dream-meeting a star for only one time. I still remember such a crazy girl who consider every word of her star Andy, the famous singer and actor in Hong Kong, as her directions of life without judging those words independently. Older people, however, usually have experienced much in their life and developed a highly sensitive mind when faced with opinions of celebrities. Therefore, an independent way of thinking drives older people away from being misled by unproper words. 很喜欢这句！

The media also create a pushing force to advocate the positive attitude of celebrities as well as their stories of chasing dreams. Liu Xiang, for instance, was highly spoken of by a variety of media as he had broken the world records. Furthermore, words of Liu Xiang had been widely quoted in kinds of advertisements, newspapers, and even in the textbooks in elementary schools. No wonder the young are influenced by words of famous people than older people do since they are closely attached to those information in their life. Meanwhile, a rapid development of social network is another driving force that contributes to an even wider-spreaded range of populations who receiced such opinions in an unwitting way. Therefore, it is so common that some of their notions could be reposted by the young for over 1 million times in only a few hours!这个观点很有力而且楼主举得例子很好！感觉外国人对刘翔的了解会多一点，所以这个例子应该算是他们熟知的了。

Since the information and topics concerning the celebrities are displayed more frequently and their ideas have instilled in young people's mind more deeply, obviously we could draw a conclusion that the young are more easily than the old to be influenced by words spreaded by famous stars, like entertainers and athletes. On a whole, the society are obligated to advocate those positive words in order to affect young people in an effective and encouraging way.

其中红色标注的是我觉得需要改进的地方，黄色标注的是我觉得楼主表达的很好的地方。
整体来说感觉文章很好，没有什么大问题。但是楼主的句式大多都是长难从句类型的，缺少变化，所以建议楼主加些短句在其中，长短句一起用会让文章生动不少。
在结构上建议楼主在加一个支持的理由或者做一个让步，个人感觉两个观点还是有点偏少。
要向你学习！

追梦CY

910 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement ：It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.  
講到休閒活動的話，你覺得"運動"會比"看電影"或"看書"更好嗎?  
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Different people choose various ways to relex themselves. For people who have to exhaust their mental work all day, doing some physical exercise is an excellent method to refresh and recharge themselves. For people who work depended on hard physical workload, otherwise, it seems that a movie of a book will be the very choice! Since living a healthy life needs a balance between mental work and physical work, I have no prevalence for any side of these relaxations.

Currently, the white-collar young people are unwittingly becoming a group whose health are at risks. Satisfied with a decent salary, these people have to be exposed to an ever heavier workload, which contributes to a weak body that cannot defend diseases. In order to strengthen themselevs, the white-collars realize that physical exercise is the automatic doctor and begin to do areobics in the gyms, go swimming in pools, as well as climb the mountains. Beyond their expectations, an exhaustion of energy gradually frees them from heavy pressure addressed from their higher-manager, colleages, and employees. Furthermore, sports like marathone is crucial to help cultivate many qualities, such as perseverance, determination and concentration. Greatly beneifted from physical exercises, people who over-use their brain during work time can improve their immune system, develop many characters and obtain a perfect relax!

On the other hand, however, workers who devote their energy and efforts on the farm, in the construction site and so on, dream about relaxing via other ways. Just imagine, after a hard day's work, their arms and legs are too tired to do any physical exercise. Under this circumstance, reading a book or watching a movie on sofa is more than comfortable. My grandfather, a worker in a manufacture factory, is such a fan of relaxing by reading books after work, though the books are not sophiscated or professional. As he says, the words in books is helpful to release all his tiredness from work as well as deepen his insights. For these reasons, relaxing by reading books or watching a movie is plausible, too.

Heavy exposure to the workload, there is an increasing importance for people to search for different ways of relaxing themselves. From my perspectives, we cannot compare which way of relaxation is better, but we can match its benefits to different requirements of modern people.

追梦CY

911
父母應該多陪孩子玩遊戲或體育運動，還是陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情
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Currently, parents nearly devote all their endeavors to taking care of their chidlren(children), companying them with doing homework, picking up children on the way to school and back home, and so on. While a majority parents attach more importance to the academic performance of children, I suggest that parents should do some sports or play games with children, which both benefit their children mentally and physically.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Obviously, heavy exposure to the assignments, especially the boring tasks like reciting some poems, repeating some words again and again, and doing some sophisticated calculations, etc., children will gradually feel exhausted and hard to continue their work. In this case, if parents shouted at children that "You must finish your homework before dinner!", stress will definitely knock the children down. Under their parents' watch, they go on with their unfinished homework. Unfortunately, parents will never know that the tiredness and unhappiness have already driven their intelligence and efficiency away! Why not the parents stop to relax by doing some exercise with children? Since children are refreshed by the fresh air after a jogging or a slow walk, I bet they can better recover from an exhausted brain to become an ever talent boy!

A companion with children on academic performance is also a potential killer to the affinity between parents and children. As pressure from parents are around children everywhere, no wonder they will develop a defensive emotion. Actually, a long-lasting supervision for children is no good but easily causes children's resistance. When it happened to my little cousin, he just referred to the answer keys in the reference book and finished all his tasks in a quick way under my aunt's nose. He hated the companion of my aunt so much that he had to fill up those blanks as quickly as he could in order to enjoy his own free time - playing basketball with his neighbours. Hence, it is wise for parents to spend more time on doing some exercises with their children. Meanwhile, an interaction with parents and children in playing sports really helps build a more stable relationship!

Nowadays parents have incorrectly focus too much on children's study and schoolings, as well as neglected the significance of their physical development. As a suggestion of parents, setting aside more time playing games and sports with children is the best way to boost children's academic study and cultivate a harmonious relationship.

（规定时间实在是写不到三段了，二指渣功桑不起！）

和善大叔

加油加油！开学了事情有些多~

sherryv

追梦CY 发表于 2013-9-11 20:01
911
父母應該多陪孩子玩遊戲或體育運動，還是陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情
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改好啦。我的也写好了有空去看噢 http://forum.chasedream.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=871250&page=4#pid18671869

追梦CY

09.12 [TODAY]
是否同意政府不应该给艺术家(musician, filmmaker, artist...) 任何 financial support.
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Under the current economic situation, our government are puzzled with which area it should first give some financial support to and how to realize a balanced development in different areas with mininum(minimum) cost. Some people propose that it is necessary for the government to set aside some fundings in the field of art to support the living and practicing of musicians, filmmakers, and artists. Yet I vote against this notion for the following reasons.

Artists are well-known as their extraordinary imagination and migical(magical) inspiration, which help them make the fantasy things into artisians(art of work) with high aesthetic values. But inspirations can also disappear during the period of creating their workpieces, ceasing the unfinished work to become a valuable artisian(art of work). That is to say, no artist can proof that the money our government devoted to them will be paid off. While a supportive fund is to artists what water is to fish, there is still no necessity for the government to take such risks to invest in an area which cannot promise the future rewards. Furthermore, every year filmmakers are too active in produce new films or soap operas, regardless of the quality of their productions. Hereby, it is hard for us to imagine that with the "lubricant" of our government, the directors's(directors’) engine will power more productions with low quality in an irresponsible attitude. More than a waste of money, the filmmakers actually live up to the expectations of both the government and the tv viewers.

What's more, the development of art should be grown in a free market with less disturbance of the government. Just imagine, even if every artist has access to the financial support from government, who will finally pay for the number of those penniless art work? Artists whose art work is not welcomed by the public still have some money to produce boring work pieces, as well they still compete with other talent artists. Obviously, the support from government does not play an effective part in boosting the improvement of art field, but actually does harm to preserve a rule in the free market and in turn pays all the junk work pieces all by its own. From my perspective, money from sponsers(sponsors) is the very source which could promise gifted artists sufficient resources to complete their art works, and also alarm other artists to improve the quality of their productions. Meanwhile, the government can make use of their money in ways that brings a promising rewards.

The development in cultural area is an essential contribution to a country's GDP, however, the government should be prudent in investing its money to the field of art. I bet a free policy and a competitive system will help the artists to create more novel works.

sherlock1992

09.12 [TODAY]
是否同意政府不应该给艺术家(musician, filmmaker, artist...) 任何 financial support.
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红色修改 蓝色建议 高亮表赞
Under the current economic situation, our government are puzzled with which area it should first give some financial support to and how to realize a balanced development in different areas with mininum(minimum) cost. Some people propose that it is necessary for the government to set aside some fundings（fund可以用复数，貌似funding不行） in the field of art to support the living and practicing of musicians, filmmakers, and artists. Yet I vote against this notion for the following reasons.

Artists are well-known as their extraordinary imagination and migical(magical) inspiration, which help(helps) them make the fantasy things into artisians(art of work) with high aesthetic values. But inspirations can also disappear during the period of creating their(建议去掉，当然从语法角度可去可不去） workpieces, ceasing the unfinished work to become a valuable artisian(art of work). That is to say, no artist can proof that the money our government devoted to them will be paid off. While a supportive fund is to artists what water is to fish, there is still no necessity for the government to take such risks to invest in an area which cannot promise the future rewards. Furthermore, every year filmmakers are too active in produce(producing) new films or soap operas, regardless of the quality of their productions. Hereby, it is hard for us to imagine that with the "lubricant" of our government(好形象的比喻！）, the directors's(directors’) engine will power more productions with low quality in an irresponsible attitude. More than a waste of money, the filmmakers actually live up to the expectations of both the government and the tv（TV) viewers.（这句好像说反了。。。）

What's more, the development of art should be grown in a free market with less disturbance of the government. Just imagine, even if every artist has access to the financial support from government, who will finally pay for the number of those penniless（pennliless只能形容人） art work? Artists whose art work is not welcomed by the public still have some money to produce boring work pieces(workpieces), as well they still compete with other talent artists. Obviously, the support from government does not play an effective part in boosting the improvement of art field, but actually does harm to preserve a rule in the free market and in turn pays all the junk work pieces all by its own. From my perspective, money from sponsers(sponsors) is the very source which could promise gifted artists sufficient resources to complete their art works, and also alarm other artists to improve the quality of their（wordy) productions. Meanwhile, the government can make use of their money in ways that brings(bring) a promising rewards(reward).

The development in cultural area is an essential contribution to a country's GDP, however, the government should be prudent in investing its money to the field of art. I bet a free policy and a competitive system will help the artists to create more novel works.(很不错的建议！）

小结：1.这篇文章的语句连贯，所表达的意思很清晰，所提的建议也很有建设性，些许语法错误和拼写错误，也许是小丸子赶作业赶的太急，没怎么检查的缘故，总之，这篇文章挺好的。
,fighting!!!

追梦CY

914作文
DO you agree or disagree with the following statement? The rapid growth of cities in today's world is a mostly positive development for the society.

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Modern people are crazily rushing into cities, making cities become bigger and busier. Some people speak highly of the quick enlargement of cities, addressing the significance of many positive developments. However, a number of social problems like the population growth in cities, the constructions of an increasing number of skyscrapers, the heavy traffic jams, and so on are brought to current citizens as well with the booming of cities.

Rural people now are losing their capital of living a healthy and luxury life. Instead, they have encountered with several problems, and the air pollution is the first to blame. In this year, the PM 2.5 has suddenly turned up in people's visions and threatened public health. People who live in big cities like Beijing are so panic that part of them begin to plan a move to another city. Even some citizens choose to live in the suburbs, the places which are far to their workplaces, only for fresh and clean air. Unfortunately, the heavy air pollution is attributed to the enlargement of cities, and it will definitely spread among other cities in the future if the government doesn't make any effort to stop it.

Subsequently, because of the need for living by a large number of people in the city, the city governors have to destroy old and historic buildings in order to make more space for supermarkets, schools, parks, and apartments. Ironically, the government in my hometown recently regrets for destroying the Germany style train station a few years ago, and decides to rebuild that station in modern materials. Obviously, the rapid growth of cities causes great damages to the preservation of historic buildings.

What is worse, the over-crowded cities are forcing people to live in a competitive life. Due to an expansion of city population, children have to compete fiercely for the admissions to elementray(elementary) schools; the white-collars have to fight for the limited positions in big companies; and elderly people have to worry about the beds in hospitals if they get ill. It seems that every person who lives in the city are too concerned for personal affairs and dares not to slow down their steps to keep up with others.

In conclusion, the continuous expansion of city in today's society has led to a variety of social problems and become a big headache of rural people. Apart from some positive influences, we should take effective measures to find solutions to these problems brought by the city development.

今天有幸能得到鹤鹤女神的朱批，还交的这么晚，该打！

超级无敌小鹤鹤

DO you agree or disagree with the following statement? The rapid growth of cities in today's world is a mostly positive development for the society.
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Modern people are crazily rushing[感觉用pouring会更加的形象，pour into 如潮水般涌入] into cities, making cities become bigger and busier[contributing to larger and busier cities]. Some people speak highly of the quick enlargements of the cities, addressing the significance of many positive developments. [这儿这句话我觉得可以改一下，不要再用~ing分词作定语，而且我觉得speak highly of跟significance更加好~~ 我觉得可以这么来: Some people speak highly of the significance of many positive developments, becuase they believe these lead to the quick enlargements of our cities.] However, a number of social problems like the population growth in cities[这个cities太多了，可以省略], the constructions of an increasing number of skyscrapers[increasing constructions of skyscrapers更好], the heavy traffic jams, and so on are brought to current citizens as well with the booming of cities[这个介宾结构建议放到开头会比较好~~~]. [补充一下~~这儿，我习惯用破折号来分割，"...social problems- like A, B, C and D-are brought to...." ]

Rural people now are losing their capital of living a healthy and luxury life[, and it seems to take away their rights to live a healthy and luxury life]. Instead[Moreover], they even have encountered with several problems, and the air pollution is the first to blame[可以用个倒装结构：the first to blame is the air pollution] . In this year, the PM 2.5 has suddenly turned up in[哈哈，这儿可以用rushed into了] people's visions and threatened public health. People who live in big cities like Beijing are so panic that part of them begin to plan a move to another city. Even some citizens choose to live in the suburbs, the places which are far to their workplaces, only for fresh and clean air. Unfortunately, the heavy air pollution is attributed to the enlargement of cities, and it will definitely spread among other cities in the future if the government doesn't make any effort to stop it. [后面三句话我觉得改成这样会更好：It threatened a lot of people to choose another city for living and working, and especially for people in some big cities like Beijing. Some are lucky and they began their life in a new city, but most ones are poor. They could only choose to ive in the suburbs to enjoy some fresh air, and then spent much more time to thier workplaces.  if the government doesn't make any effort to stop it, such state will definitely spread among other cities in the future with the rapid growth of modern cities.]

Subsequently, because of the need for living by a large number of people in the city[这个我感觉可以不写], the city governors have to destroy old and historic buildings in order to make more space for supermarkets, schools, parks, and apartments.[用个被动，many old and historic buildings have been destroied only because to make enough space for some supermarkets, schools, parks and apartments, even though these old ones may share great historical roles.] Ironically, the government in my hometown recently regrets for destroying the Germany style train station a few years ago, and decides to rebuild that station in modern materials.[前面的recently和a few years ago有问题哟~~~] Obviously, the rapid growth of cities causes great damages to the preservation of historic buildings.

What is worse, the over-crowded cities are forcing people to live in a competitive life. Due to an expansion of city population, children have to compete fiercely for the admissions to elementray(elementary) schools; the white-collars have to fight for the limited positions in big companies; and elderly people have to worry about the beds in hospitals if they get ill.[这儿应该用逗号~~~] It seems that every person who lives in the city are too concerned for personal affairs and dares not to slow down their steps to keep up with others. [哈哈~~ 这段不错~~~]

In conclusion, the continuous expansion of city in today's society has led to a variety of social problems and become a big headache of rural people. Apart from some positive influences, we should take effective measures to find solutions to these problems brought by the city development.[Great！]