sisyphus的独立写作，大家一起努力！

sisyphus1110

8/21 独立写作
父母應該多陪孩子玩遊戲或體育運動，還是陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情？

As our society gets more and more competitive, parents want to build up the intelligence of their kids as early as possible, and they don't want to miss any chance to help their kids to be a bit smarter than any other potential competitors of their children.

There is a great debate that whether parents should spend more time with children playing games or sports, or parents should dedicate more in their studies. My vote is aboslutely for games and sports!

In my country, due to great peer pressure from school and high academic expectations from family, a great number of students are good nothing but studying. We usually spend long hours at school learning a dozen of subjects with classmates and teachers. Afrer years and years of repeated systematic trainings, it seems that everyone is a expert at studying. What's more, most of our parents cannot provide us with effective assistances anymore especially when we enter our high school. In my opionion, I would suggest that parents should stay away from their children's study as far as possible. From my a bit extreme experience, after a full day hardworking at school, I don't really want to hear my parents talking about my study when I get home, at all. School is the place where we have a number of choices seeking learning resource and academic help. I would like to spend some relaxed time with my parents if they want to help. Most times, students do need some help to stay away from pressures and anxieties.

Here is an example of my classmate from high school. She was always the best student in our class and finally she got in the best university in my country. I don't remember that she was the most hardworking student, but rather that she was more energetic and happier than most of us. Everyone in our class knew one of her secrets of success - she has very supportive parents. I can't say that her parents were more supportive than most of ours. It was the way how her parents supported her mattered. It was a famous story that her dad ran with her every night after compulsory self-studying at school. Everyone admired her that her family would play wii together at weekends. She is not only the best student in the aspect of academics, but also showed a great more advanced development of cognitive abilities than most of us did.

I do appreciate that generally we have the most supportive parents in the world. However, if I had a chance to grow up again and if I were the one to make a choice, I would say to my mom and dad that please make more effort to help me with doing sports, playing games, or doing anything but study!

kellyzhou0000

高亮是赞的地方~红色是需要修改的地方~

As our society gets more and more competitive, parents want to build up the intelligence of their kids （这个改成develope  intelligence for kids）as early as possible, and they don't want to miss any chance to help their kids to be a bit smarter than any other potential competitors (of their children.)

There is a great debate that whether parents should spend more time with children playing games or sports, or( parents should )dedicate more in their studies. My vote is aboslutely for games and sports!

In my country, due to great peer pressure from school and high academic expectations from family, a great number of students are good at nothing but studying. We usually spend long hours at school learning a dozen of subjects with classmates and teachers. Afrer years and years of repeated systematic trainings, (个人很喜欢这句话~)it seems that everyone is a expert at studying. What's more, most of our parents cannot provide us with effective assistances anymore especially when we enter our high school. In my opionion, I would suggest that parents should stay away from their children's study as far as possible. From my a bit extreme experience（这句翻译有点中式了）, after a full day hardworking at school, I don't really want to hear my parents talking about my study when I get home, at all. School is the place where we have a number of choices seeking learning resource and academic help. I would like to spend some relaxed time with my parents if they want to help. Most times, students do need some help to stay away from pressures and anxieties.

Here is an example of my classmate from high school. She was always the best student in our class and finally she got in the best university in my country. I don't remember that she was the most hardworking student, but rather that she was (a girl who is) more energetic and happier than most of us. Everyone in our class knew one of her secrets of success - she has very supportive parents. I can't say that (whether) her parents were more supportive than( most of )ours.(,) It was (but) the way how her parents supported her (mattered). It was a famous story that her dad ran with her every night after compulsory self-studying at school. Everyone admired her that her family would play wii together at weekends.(我觉得这两句可以用for example 之类的并列一起说一下) She is not only the best student in the aspect of academics, but also showed a great more advanced development of cognitive abilities than most of us did. （not only 和 but also 两句的谓语动词不一致）

I do appreciate that generally we have the most supportive parents in the world. However, if I had a chance to grow up again and if I were the one to make a choice, I would say to my mom and dad that please make more effort to help me with doing sports, playing games, or doing anything but study!
整体逻辑很好，一遍倒的论证~有的用词稍有重复~

sisyphus1110

kellyzhou0000 发表于 2013-8-22 12:13
高亮是赞的地方~红色是需要修改的地方~

As our society gets more and more competitive, parents want to ...

谢谢kelly！你的我的改好啦：）