倾海的作文贴

corneliaflower

It is important to understand what happened in the past when we want to deal with some specific and current problems.A(An) issue related to the above subject is discussed among our classmates.Since it is(it在这里有点指代模糊的感觉） caught such attention,some people claims that we should just focus on the ambitious goal in the future and do not care the relative past events.According to my experience,I have to mention that the past is extremely important for us to handle the problem,and provide three specific dimensions to support my statement.

First of all,when coming to cope with the problem,the initiate step is to collect some statistics from the magazines or internet,and then analyze and summarize such statistics scientifically and logically.In this case,the statistics we collect come from the past events.For example,last year,I have a（an) internship in a investment bank,my supervisor require me to draw a price chart about a biological stock,and I should collect(用should不好） a lot statistics and background information about this stock and specific industries,so beneficial on such past information that I can achieve a desirable results.

What’s more,enough staff is one of key factors for us to make our  research results more reliable and reasonable because we should quote some facts that happened in the past times to present in the public and persuade what happen时态 in the past and the way how we look for solving the problem in that case they can be attracted and recognize our research results.

Moreover,in order to address the current problem perfectly,even the future problem,we should take a SWOT analysis method to find some disadvantage or advantage单复 of the current situation or this issue.Therefore,there is a vital method that we should learn something from the past,analyzing what is the postive influence or what is the negative factors for us to solve the problem.In my university life,my economic teacher always ask my to collect enough information first and then utilize the SWOT analysis method to analyze in different aspects related to the economic problem.

Admitedly,it is inevitable that some tiny problem that never happen in the past can be solved by exploiting the creative way,but when facing some important problem,the past information is obviously convenient for us.

To sum up,considering above factors,i would like emphasize that overlooking the past events is not a best way and we should come up with a plan that analyze and summarize what happen in the past and then fully solve the current or future problem when we face.


PS 之前标的高亮句子没显示出来哎，还有一些错误也没显示T.T 被CD编辑功能折腾死了！
从结构来说，五段式最为经典，你的有些观点可以融合一下成为一段，个人觉得你每一段说的有点短不太具有说服力。
语法方面小错误很多，例如冠词的使用、时态等等，一定要注意，行文比较中式，建议多积累一些地道的搭配。
加油吧！

corneliaflower

貌似综合也是改你的   在哪里呀？

倾海比目鱼

这是我的综合
The reaching passage concentrates on the subject of planting genetically modified trees on a large scale promises to bring  a number of benefits.However,the professor in the lecture claims that genetic modification will cause a series of serious problems ,and then provdies three specific dimensions to support her statement.
First of all,although the reading passage suggests that genetically modified trees are more hardier than nature trees, the professor argues that genetically modified trees will not be insured to survive,because when climate changes or new pests invade,such trees will be threaten or even all die.
Moreover,dispite the statement of the reading that genetically modified trees promise to bring a number of economic benefits for farmers,the professor mentions that the farmers should pay much money for the companies to purchase such trees gradually ,which even the purchase in the first time is free.
Lastly,to counter the statement that the use of genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild trees.the professor considers that since genetically modified trees need more water and nutrition,these negative influence will crowded out natural trees.
In conclusion,the professor clearly identified the weak links and impressively revealed that the points mentioned in the reading passage is inaccurate.

corneliaflower

综合我明天来改哦。建议你多背一些好句子，然后试着让自己在今天的作文里融入这些句子，加油！

corneliaflower

The reaching reading passage concentrates on the subject of planting genetically modified trees on a large scale promises to bring  a number of benefits.这句话有两个动词了However,the professor in the lecture claims that genetic modification will cause a series of serious problems ,and then provdies three specific dimensions to support her statement.

First of all,although the reading passage suggests that genetically modified trees are more hardier than nature trees, the professor argues that genetically modified trees will not be insured to survive,because when climate changes or new pests invade,such trees will be threaten or even all die. 少了一个关键词diversity

Moreover,dispite the statement of the reading that genetically modified trees promise to bring a number of economic benefits for farmers,the professor mentions that the farmers should pay much money for the companies to purchase such trees gradually ,which even the purchase in the first time is free. 还有pay to the company every time you plant

Lastly,to counter the statement that the use of genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild trees.the professor considers that since genetically modified trees need more water and nutrition,these negative influence will crowded out natural trees.

In conclusion,the professor clearly identified the weak links and impressively revealed that the points mentioned in the reading passage is inaccurate.

总体来说很不错，有部分听力还是抓的不够仔细。
句式方面还可以有更多的变化，每段的理由再丰富一点就跟好了。

倾海比目鱼

严重超时还写得不好，求学习求借鉴。
Nowadays,because we are always not as perfect and isolated individuals in the modern society,the criticism in the aspects of mistakes will be provided by our teammates .A issue related to above subject is discussed among our classmates presently.Since the issue is caught such attention,some people claims that any suggestion would be reject if  we consider our behaviors is absolutely correct in the workplace.However,according to my experience,receiving some necessary advices is crucial for us to develop our future life,and provides three specific dimensions to support my statement.
First of all,if some flaws occurred or some mistake we made,it would be very difficult to be detect by ourselves.Oppositely,our close friends and our co-workers could witness timely and remind us frankly.Under such complex but vital circumstances, accepting such precious suggestions is a valuable opportunity for us to improve our mentally healthy and also enhance our comprehensive capabilities.For example,when i was young,my natural learning ability limited me to explicitly understand what my teachers taught in the class,and my learning method also deviated the scientifical and efficient orbit.at that time,I almost totally loss my confidence in the academic field,but my team partners find my terrible situations and what dilemma i faced and then they offered some key studied direction for me and told me how to deal with those problems.From that on,I always utilize the method my teammates taught and reverse the bad influence.Therefore,it definitely important for us to receive the criticism in the team work.
Moreover,in order to build a solid team spirit and deeply understand each other,the best way that how to make our teamwork perfectly and effectively is always given and taken by some responsible teammates and supervisors.Meanwhile,taking some useful criticism also will beneficial for us to recognize  that who help and take care us seriously.because if someone ignore our work capabilities ,they could not say anything about our mistakes and even think that talking the criticism is a kind of waste of time.For instance,when taking a internship in a international corporation,my supervisor always indicate my tiny work flaws and require me to modify immediately,due to his right direction,I grow very quickly and due to my humble attitude,he provide a formal work opportunity for me.
Admittedly,identifying and refusing some painstaking criticisms are necessary for us in the workplace because some colleagues will  attack us intentionally when they think us to be a career competitors.
To sum up,considering above factors,I would like emphasize that rejecting the criticism is a good way under some situation,but not the best way.Tinking the whole experiencing factors to come up with a well-rounded plan is the primary direction.

倾海比目鱼

8.29的独立 写得不多 只有346字 是不是太少了
Nowadays,there are several factors located in the core competitive position for a company to success,including attractive products,suitable corporate strategy and excellent and loyal staff.A issue related to above subject is discussed among the public and authorities presently.Since the issue is caught such attention,some people claims that employees could be invested most by a big company to improve.However,according to my experience,others’equivalent elements should be take into implementing for a big company,and I provide three specific dimensions to support my statement.
First of all,the attractive products is a extremely decisional factors for a large corporation to take a competitive advantage under such fiercely compete market.Therefore,majority of companies always put numerous capital into R$D just in order to manufactural a fantastic product and earn a high margin profits.For example,Apple company launce a new concept of product named ipad and then such revolutional product seize most of market share in the same industries.Meanwhile,keeping to design varies of new products will make the large company get a leading role in the market.
Moreover,choose a suitable corporate strategy is also very important for a large corporation to achieve its desirable outcome.when integrating and coordinating a series of core competencies to excess of what the corporate expections,such companies can take their advantages to overcome any terrible circumstances and competitors.For instance,Lenovo becomes a international corporation by acquiting IBM’s PC department so that dramatically enhance its brand image.this market activities all give the credit to the accurate corporate strategy.
Admittedly,investing a large part of revenue to improve the staff is also one of the key elements for the big company.the skilled and experienced staff can largely improve the productivity in the product line and create more profits for company.but the company should consider other’s equivalent factors at the same time.
To sum up,considering above factors,i would like emphasize that improving the efficiency and proficiency of employee is a good way for a large company to success but not the best way.Thinking the whole experiencing factors to come up with a well-rounded plan is the primary direction for the executors.

倾海比目鱼

TPO 24  综合
The reading passage concentrates on the subject of openning the T.rex'leg bone.However,the professor in the lecture claims that this activities is no so reasonable,and then provides three specific dimensions to support his statement.
First of all,although the reading passage suggests that the breaking revealed many small branching channels inside,the professor argues that no evidence to show small braching channels could be remained because when animals died,their bone would be empty.
Moreover,dispite the statement of the reading that the various parts of the inner bone revealed the presence of spheres,the professor mentions that the remains of red blood cells could not be found in other animals.so it is possible for scientists to comfirm that T.rex have red blood.
Lastly,to counter the assertion of the reading that the dinosaur leg bone contained collagen,the professor mentions that collagen never be found in other animals and also explicitely contradict with the time that collagen can lasts.he take a example that collagen found by scientists might be the skin of recent animals.
In conclusion,the professor clealy identified the weak links in the reading passage and impressively revealed that seveal elements in the reading passage are inaccurated

carmensh

Nowadays,there are several factors located(这个是不是要用locating啊？) in the core competitive position for a company to success,including attractive products,suitable corporate strategy and（这个换成as well as是不是更好，可以和后面的and区分开） excellent and loyal staff.A(an) issue related to the above subject is discussed among the public and authorities presently.Since the issue is caught(不应该是被动吧，很奇怪，改成has drawn会不会更好？） such attention,some people claims(people的谓语应该用复数） that employees could be invested most by a big company to improve(这句话会产生起义，most可以修饰invest，也可以修饰by a company，而且improve是vt，后面要加宾语的）.However,according to my experience,others’（这里应该是others，不应该是others'，表示其它的，而不是其他人的）equivalent elements should be take(taken) into implementing（这里用implement的名词形式是不是更好？） for a big company,and I provide three specific dimensions to support my statement.

First of all,the attractive products is（前面是products，后面就不应该是is了） a (an)extremely decisional factors(这里应该是单数） for a large corporation to take a competitive advantage under such fiercely compete （这里是形容词）market.Therefore,（the)majority of companies always put numerous capital into R$D(R&D-,-) just in order to manufactural(??) a fantastic product and earn a high margin profits.For example,Apple company launce(launch) a new concept of product named ipad and then such(a) revolutional product seize(单数） most of market share in the same industries.Meanwhile,keeping to design（有keep to do这个短语嘛？要表达什么？？） varies of new products will make the large company get a leading role in the market.

Moreover,choose(改成to choose或者choosing) a suitable corporate strategy is also very important for a large corporation to achieve its desirable outcome（可以加上by investing on...来表明choose strategy是和invest有关的）.when integrating and coordinating a series of core competencies to excess of what the corporate expections(这句话没看懂=。=）,such companies can take their advantages to overcome any terrible circumstances and competitors（overcome不应该和competitors对应吧，可以在competitors前加上beat之类其它的动词）.For instance,Lenovo becomes a(an) international corporation by acquiting IBM’s PC department so that dramatically enhance（三单） its brand image.this market activities all give the credit to the accurate corporate strategy.（这段再来一句总结的，点名investment和strategy的关系）

Admittedly,investing a large part of revenue to improve the staff（注意，improve的不适staff，使他们的efficiency&proficiency) is also one of the key elements for the big company.the skilled and experienced staff can largely improve the productivity in the product line and create more profits for company.but the company should consider other’s equivalent factors at the same time.

To sum up,considering above factors,i would like emphasize that improving the efficiency and proficiency of employee is a good way for a large company to success but not the best way.Thinking the whole experiencing factors to come up with a well-rounded plan is the primary direction for the executors.

以前没有改过，所以有些地方提的也不知道对不对，一起讨论一起进步吧~
有几点小建议：
1.字数不够我感觉是因为例子描述不够详细，其实例子很好，但是没有很好地点明和分论点的关系，逻辑连接不够；
2.感觉你总是有些主谓不一致的问题，建议可以写完作文后先放在word里看下这些小错误，先自行改正过来，而且写的时候一定要格外注意呀；
3.亲，一定要分段呀！
4.句式语言还挺多变，我要多向你学习~
5.平时练习的话我觉得可以适当放宽时间，达到精炼精写的目的（个人建议，可不予理睬~）

carmensh

对了，还有记得全文写的时候一定要注意是不是的点个题啥的~就是重复下主题句（这是一个NN告诉我的）