倾海的作文贴

倾海比目鱼

第一次写，没有思路，很差劲。麻烦ceder的牛牛指点下方向啊。工作忙，九月1号考

The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than to older people.

Celebrities,such as famous entertainers and athletes are greatly influence our modern society due to they always express a energic and powerful image for young people to some agree.From this perspective,i would like to said,some celebrities like famous entertainers and atheletes are actually more important to younger people than to older people.There are two dimensions to testify my hypothesis.

Firstly,celebrities like famous entertainers and athletes are very noising and chaos in the current audorium so that many youth like this atmosphere while badly influent older people.For example,in a pop conceits,so many mental music will largely damage older people’s heart ,it is so dangerous if some older people have a heat attack.

Furthermore,celebrities about famous entertainers and athletes are a symbol of fashion in our modern society so that majority of younger people think it fascinating for them to join in and gain some exciting information for their immature dream,while older people are more like to focus on some quiet traditional culture such as Bejing opera or gardening and so on.For example,as  students in university,we more like to listen pop music and talk some gossips about famous entertainers and athletes such as Liuxiang or Jackie Chan,However,my grafhther and gradmother more always focus on gardening that how to cultivate orchids better.

In addition,older people is difficult to follow the rapid change in such fashion society and also no interested in this trecency.the youth can spend more time in such issues and also broaden their horizons.

In conclusion,the opinions of celebrities are more important to younger people than to older people.

pyivy

第一次修改，不知道是不是这样传附件

FrancisEvens

再发作业时最好把作业日期和题目粘贴过来哦  差点以为木有呢。。。

The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than to older people.（开头段最好再完整一些，先叙述背景，接着列出两种观点，最后说支持哪一种）

Celebrities,such as famous entertainers and athletes are greatly influence(influencing) our modern society due to(due to后面常接名词或名词短语，要连句子的话可以用because) they always express a energic and powerful image for young people to some agree(这个用法没有见到过，想表达什么意思？最好还是换种说法）.From this perspective,i would like to said,（去掉逗号用that连接宾语从句）some celebrities like famous entertainers and atheletes（这个组合貌似在此处是第三次出现了，建议频繁更换同义近义词） are actually more important to younger people than to older people.There are two dimensions to testify my hypothesis（用“假说”这个说法是不是不太合适，毕竟假说是一种没有被证明的猜测）.

Firstly,celebrities like famous entertainers and athletes（同样是用词重复的问题） are very noising and chaos(这个词貌似不能形容人，只能说环境） in the current audorium so that many youth like this atmosphere while badly influent older people.（这句话语法有些问题，是想表达年轻人喜欢嘈杂所以嘈杂的名人会被喜欢？但是“many youth like this atmosphere”不能成为“celebrities are noising”的原因，"so"“that”使用不当while后面要省略的话前后逻辑主语至少必须一致,可以改为while older people are badly influenced）For example,in a pop conceits（楼主是否想说“concert”) ,so many（many只能形容可数名词） mental music will（would) largely damage older people’s heart ,(到这里这句话应该截止了，因为后面出现了第二个主语，并且这两句之间没有连接词）it is so dangerous if some older people have a heat（heart） attack.（感觉本论点不是很有说服力，运动员也并没有很noisy/chaos）

Furthermore,celebrities about（不当） famous entertainers and athletes are a symbol of fashion in our modern society so that（建议楼主查一查so that 的用法，它表达的是因果关系，此处不适用） majority of younger people think it （is）fascinating for them to join in and gain some exciting information for their immature dream,while（这个while用得很好） older people are（此处like是动词，不要加are) more like to focus on some quiet traditional culture(不能叫文化，用activities) such as Bejing opera（京剧是Peking Opera，就像北京大学是Peking University) or(去掉or) gardening and so on.For example,as  students in university,we more like to listen pop music and talk(这里若一定要用talk就要变成词组talk about因为talk当谈论什么讲时是不及物动词。考虑到后面“about”的重复，可以用discussion替代） some gossips（gossip作绯闻讲时感觉不可数，这点我不是很确定） about famous entertainers and athletes such as Liuxiang or Jackie Chan,（句号哦）However,my grafhther（grandfather) and gradmother(grandmother)  more always(“更经常”不能这么表达） focus on gardening that（删去） how to cultivate orchids better.

In addition,older people is difficult（it is difficult for old people) to follow the rapid change(加s) in such (a) fashion society and also no(Not to mention they are not) interested in this trecency.the youth can spend more time in such issues and also broaden their horizons.

In conclusion,the opinions of celebrities are more important to younger people than to older people.(同样和开头一样，结尾最好重复一下之前的几个论点，再重申结论句）

本人非牛，说得不对请见谅

整体感觉上语言偏Chinglish，多读一读native speaker写的文章，不要学偏口语化的句子。语法方面加强下句子结构~

倾海比目鱼

FrancisEvens 发表于 2013-8-20 17:00
再发作业时最好把作业日期和题目粘贴过来哦  差点以为木有呢。。。  

感谢FrancisEvens的耐心改正。向你学习！

倾海比目鱼

第一次发综合。超时了。听的内容也少 来不及做笔记
The disadvantages of private  collectors selling and buying fossils are revealed in the reading passage.However,the professor in the lecture considers that even though there are lot of bad influences of trading fossils,some important possive factors have to be point out.which challenges what the reading states,and she provides three specific points to support her statement.
First of all,the reading claims that private collectors not allow the public to appreciate the fossils after they possessed and then lead the public interests about fossils decline.the professor argues that this phenomenon is exagerated because when more fossils be traded in the open marker,it means more opportunities for some instuments such as scholl's library to buy and exhibit such fossils..
Moreover,the professor indicates that fossils should pass scientific experts hand before such fossils to be traded and that means more data and information about fossils can be collected by those scientists.whereas the reading sugests that some information about fossils may be lossed by scientists will lose access to them.
Lastly,dispite the statement in the reading that fossils collectors might distroy the valuable scientific evidence during collecting fossils,the professor indicates that when fossils collectors discover the fossils ,it is means that more and more fossils can be unearth and provide more valuable imformation about the fossils that can be rearch by scientists.

倾海比目鱼

8.19独立
How to succeed is a heated topic related to the different directions is discussed by the public and authorities.As this issue caught such attention,some people claims that if we want to succeed, we should be more different from everyone else than be like others.However,according to my experience,I insists that being like others is more important.Viewpoints from two dimensions as follow will testify my statement.
First of all,when someone lack enough experience,or even no learn the necessary skill and knowledge,obviously,the first step is to observe and imitate others that are sophisticate with the tasks those fish have to fulfill.On the other hand,making sure the right direction is extremely important for someone to achieve their desirable outcomes,so if those people like to be different from everyone, it is impossible for them who never tough practical or learn anything to obtain great accomplishments.For instance,when I take a TOFEL examination but I is no farmilliar with the structure and content about it ,it is impossible for me to get a satisfied score at once.
Moreover,if we possessed some skillful and experienced about the distinction we want to locate,we still have to learn some shortcut from others.Nowadays society with intense competition,time is a explicitly decisional element for someone to defeat others and get successful results.Steve jobs,one of greatest men in the modern world,is become a monument that numerous person is imitating and urging to be a notable people like he.Meanwhile,admitting other’s value that facilicate access to the successful way is a resolution for someone who want to securely gain succeed.
To sum up,considering above factors,be different from everyone may be a good way but no the best way.As I mentioned,thinking the whole experiencing factors to come up with a well-rounded plan is the primary direction for those person who want to succeed.

xiaxiaya

倾海比目鱼 发表于 2013-8-20 21:55
8.19独立
How to succeed is a heated topic related to the different directions is discussed by the pu ...

是Francis童鞋gaining的哦~~有时候安排是互改，有时候是交叉改~
基本上综合作文是互改的，人少的时候独立作文才是互改。。大概是这样的我刚来的时候也老看错^^

pyivy

倾海比目鱼 发表于 2013-8-20 21:09
第一次发综合。超时了。听的内容也少 来不及做笔记
The disadvantages of private  collectors selling and ...

见附件                                                                          

whom123

童鞋你20号的作文捏？

倾海比目鱼

whom123 发表于 2013-8-22 14:23
童鞋你20号的作文捏？

不好意思 来晚了。这是我的独立，请指教！
There are different methods to relax our mind and enjoy a harmonious life,such as watching a movie , reading a book or practicing physical exercise. It is as a heated topic that which relax method is better to be discusseda  in the public and authorities.As it is caught such antention,some people claim that watching a movie or reading a book is better than practicing physical exercise.However,as my experience,doing hysical exercise is better than watching movie or reading a book,and I will take two dimensions to support my perspective.
First of all,when doing physical exercise such as playing badminton,jogging,playing soccer,our metal pressure will be explicitly alleviated and refresh our mind.as a scientific research shows on the internet,more aerobic exercise and more oxygen input will enhance our body’s patience and make our more happy to some degree.Meanwhile,doing exercise will make our mind and distract our concentration from worried about works or assagments to other things such as how to win the game or enjoying others’ practical gestures.Oppositely, even though watching a delicate movie or reading a useful book will attrack us in its wonderful and magic world, the efficiency about the relax is a temporary effects and never far-reaching improves our worried mind and deeply solve our heavy pressure. Nevertheless,doing physical exercise not only make our body strength and shape our body that make someone more confident for herself or himself,but it also improves our body’s metabolism and build a long-run healthy environment.
In addition,unlike reading a book or watching a movie alone,when playing in a football team,it need allocate task and duty to everyone team member and cooperate smoothly to gain the game,which also help us to develop our team spirit and coordinate capability for our future life. Moreover,it also provide a credital and precious opportunity for us to broaden our friend cycle when playing in a football team or basketball team.it is easily for us to face a lot people who’s favorite sports are same to us,which obviously is a great channel to make our life more wonderful.
To sum up,considering above factors, watching a movie or reading a book is a good way to relax our mind,but not a best way actually,and focusing one a long-term way to build a heather body is a better way .