M酱的作文帖 {8.27已更新} 让砖块来的更猛烈些！！

Mint静默

laneesherry 发表于 2013-8-23 02:13
关于格式的问题建议在从word复制过来之前先在记事本上复制一次，在从记事本把文章复制过来，这样基本上就 ...

哇~真的，粘到记事本保存后再粘过来就不会格式出错了！

你的意见对我来说很有用，其实字数太多也容易跑题，我待会把我修改后的作文贴上来，你能再帮我看看吗？~~

Mint静默

kellyzhou0000 发表于 2013-8-23 12:44
没有找到8.22独立...
http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-836738-2-1.html 这个是我的...

822
你同不同意 that  學生參加學校的 organization 和activities club is as important as   their academic class.  
Students get benefit from student organization or club activities  是不是  as much as their academic studies.  

这篇计时写的，超时了，写了40min= =

[428 words]
Students tend to weigh the benefits between taking a part in activities club and attending their academic class. On one hand, attending academic classed lays a solid foundation for students’ knowledge. On the other hand, participating extracurricular activities enlarges their outlook. So people may wonder whether these sports and social activities are as important as classes and libraries. I definitely agree that extracurricular activities are supposed to be attached the same importance as academic classes.

Admittedly, it seems reasonable for students to emphasize the significance of academic classes. There is an adage that says, “Knowledge is power,” the implication being that the more knowledge you grasp, the more successful you will be. Given the fierce competition, it is not surprising that students increasingly study hard. Knowledge tends to play an indispensable role in job hunting competition. If you had an interview with the manager, he or she would probably ask you some questions about specialized knowledge. Also, Chinese education is test-oriented education. Examinations accompany you from primary school to university. Once failing an important examination such as College Entrance Examination, you need to prepare this examination for one more year without doubt.

However, other activities should also be paid enough attentions by students such as organizations, clubs, etc. In the school club, you are able to make acquaintance with many elites. The more elites you make acquaintance with, the more excellent you will be. Take me as an example. I participated in an international non-government organization called Enactus when I was a freshman. In the organization, I meet with a lot of people who are visionary and wise. Thanks to their suggestions, I avoid some obstacles in my campus living. Moreover, I find out many shining points on those people, which leave me a deep impression. I see them as my role models and learn a lot from them.

Further, it is not uncommon that students who live a sedentary lifestyle get ill more frequently than those who often participate in extracurricular activities. Heath is the prerequisite to maintain the normal function of all other activities. Which option would you like to choose--- spending $1 in the gym and $1 million in the hospital, or spending $1 million in the gym and $1 in the hospital? Only if we have healthy bodies, can we chase our dreams.

Taking a part in organizations and clubs will not only shape our values but also improve our health. Considering those reasons discussed above, we can safely make a conclusion that participating organizations and clubs is as important as attending academic classes.  

laneesherry

Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-23 12:56
哇~真的，粘到记事本保存后再粘过来就不会格式出错了！

你的意见对我来说很有用，其实字数太多也容易跑 ...

不过可能要等到今天晚上了。。。白天有其他事。。。

Mint静默

laneesherry 发表于 2013-8-23 13:00
不过可能要等到今天晚上了。。。白天有其他事。。。

木的事！先完成你自己的任务哦！

Mint静默

laneesherry 发表于 2013-8-23 13:00
不过可能要等到今天晚上了。。。白天有其他事。。。

修改完了~~~看看我有没有跑题的地方，或者在结构上提供些建议。thx！！

Parents tend to weigh the benefits between playing games with children and helping them do homework. On one hand, they understand the children’s tiredness after studying for several hours in school. On the other hand, they arrange more assignments to children at home. To cultivate a well-rounded child, I do not agree with parents on this issue.

Admittedly, it seems reasonable for parents to help students do homework after school. There is an adage that says, “Knowledge is power,” the implication being that the more knowledge you grasp, the more successful you will be. Given the fierce competition, it is not surprising that students increasingly study hard. Employers tend to attach importance to knowledge. If you had an interview with the manager, he or she would probably ask you some questions about specialized knowledge. Also, Chinese education is test-oriented education. Examinations accompany you from primary school to university. Once failing an important examination such as College Entrance Examination, you need to prepare this examination for one more year without doubt.

However, the most effective parenting is to cultivate children as doers rather than to bury them in the homework. Only parents give more room for children, can they promote children’s physical, mental and emotional development. Take me as an example. My mother helped me do assignments day and night in summer holidays. Although preparing the knowledge that will be taught in the next semester lays a solid foundation for my specialized knowledge, I lost a bunch of great internships, which will definitely enrich my experience. As an accounting student, I should give the priority to practice rather than knowledge.

Further, playing games and doing physical exercise with children strengthen the family bonds. Nowadays, some children do not like to talk with parents. There is a huge gap between two generations. It is not uncommon that most parents have nothing in common with their children. Nonetheless, parents can improve interactivity with children in some gateways such as doing physical exercises with them. For children, they can relax themselves by doing physical exercise, which both stretches bodies and builds muscles. For parents, it is an effective way to communicate with children. As for me, the memories about riding bikes to the park with my father are the most precious at the bottom of my heart. In a nutshell, playing games and doing physical exercises with children can benefit both children and parents.

What needs to be clarified is that students should not be treated as passive receptacles of predigested ideas. Extracurricular activities are indispensable for children and parents should not deprive them of such rights. Considering those reasons discussed above, we can safely make a conclusion that parents should not bury their children in the homework but play games and do physical exercises with them.

kellyzhou0000

Students tend to weigh the benefits between taking a part in activities club and attending their academic classes. On one hand, attending academic classes lays a solid foundation for students’ knowledge. On the other hand, participating extracurricular activities enlarges their outlook. So people may wonder whether these sports and social activities are as important as classes and libraries. I definitely agree that extracurricular activities are supposed to be attached the same importance as academic classes.
开头段落开门见山，简洁直接

Admittedly, it seems reasonable for students to emphasize the significance of academic classes. There is an adage that says, “Knowledge is power,” the implication being that the more knowledge you grasp, the more successful you will be. Given the fierce competition, it is not surprising that students increasingly study hard（可以用harder么？）. Knowledge tends to play an indispensable role in job hunting competition. If you had an interview with the manager, he or she would probably ask you some questions about specialized knowledge. Also, Chinese education is test-oriented （education）. Examinations accompany you from primary school to university. Once failing an important examination such as College Entrance Examination, you need to prepare this examination for one more year without doubt.

However, other activities should also be paid enough attentions by students such as organizations, clubs, etc. In the school club, you are able to make acquaintance with many elites. The more elites you make acquaintance with, the more excellent you will be. Take me as an example. I participated in an international non-government organization called Enactus when I was a freshman. In the organization, I meet with a lot of people who are visionary and wise. Thanks to their suggestions, I avoid some obstacles in my campus living. Moreover, I find out many shining points on those people, which leave me a deep impression. I see（regard） them as my role models and learn a lot from them. （我觉得后面的例子可以稍微展开说一下，比如什么校园生活问题或者哪些优点）

Further, it is not uncommon that students who live a sedentary lifestyle get ill more frequently than those who often participate in extracurricular activities. Heath is the prerequisite to maintain the normal function of all other activities. Which option would you like to choose--- spending $1 in the gym (when you were young) and $1 million in the hospital(when you got old )（不知道作者是说这句话么？）, or spending $1 million in the gym and $1 in the hospital? Only if we have healthy bodies, can we chase our dreams.

Taking a part in organizations and clubs will not only shape our values but also improve our health. Considering those reasons discussed above, we can safely make a conclusion that participating organizations and clubs is as important as attending academic classes.  

作者这篇整体思路逻辑很清晰，语句的形式很很很多样化~赞！就是有的句子如果讲完道理再展开顺带说两句例子会更充实~
向作者学习！！！

Mint静默

kellyzhou0000 发表于 2013-8-24 12:33
Students tend to weigh the benefits between taking a part in activities club and attending their aca ...

谢谢kelly修改！！~我再自己琢磨琢磨

p.s.
increasingly study hard应该为study increasingly hard，写错了~~
其实也有see as的用法。。。

kellyzhou0000

Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-24 12:51
谢谢kelly修改！！~我再自己琢磨琢磨

p.s.

哝！我还是词汇量太少了！~嘿嘿~见笑了~

Mint静默

kellyzhou0000 发表于 2013-8-24 13:19
哝！我还是词汇量太少了！~嘿嘿~见笑了~

一起努力！~

Mint静默

23 Aug
學校或工作 Presentation 你習慣一個月前就開始準備或有 idea 後才晚一點開始進行

看到这个题目，我首先想到的是Procrastination拖延症= =

真的不知道临场发挥怎么翻译。。找了下是play spot ，求指正！）

单词从word里粘过来的，可能又会挤在一起了，我修正了下，有漏网之鱼请见谅

正文：

[400+ words]

People tend to weigh the benefits between preparing the presentation early and preparing it until when we have ideas. There are a thousand Hamlets in a thousand people's eyes. Some people claim that preparing presentations until when we have ideas is the most efficient way to utilize ourtime. Others hold a view that we can prepare better over a longer time. I definitely agree with the former.

Admittedly,（一直想换了这个词，还没找到替代词） there is an adage that says, “No great thing is created suddenly,” the implication being that the earlier you begin to prepare, the better results will turn out to be. Suppose you do not review your textbooks until the night before final examinations. It is impossible for you to get a good grade. Moreover, presentations are usually teamwork. Finishing your part in the presentation as soon as possible will quicken the team’s steps, contributing to the success of the presentation.

Although we may not prepare well if we set about presentations late, playing spot（“临场发挥”不知道要如何翻译） can come with remarkable performance. For instance, Gettysburg Address is universally acknowledged. However,such a famous address was prepared in limited time and lasted only for two or three minutes. In just over two minutes, Lincoln reiterated the principles ofhuman equality espoused by the Declaration of Independence and proclaimed the Civil War as a struggle for the preservation of the Union sundered by thesecession crisis. Lincoln also redefined the Civil War as a struggle not just for the Union, but also for the principle of human equality. This address makes a deep influence on the following political lecturers. It is not difficult to conclude that preparing the presentations until we have ideas makes us perform better.

Further, the efficiency is ascending near the deadline. Considering the limited time, it is indispensable for us to balance between efficiency and quality. Take me as an example. In every semester, I have to participate in different activities held by a non-government organization called ENACTUS and in presentation competitions. Also, I need to prepare the TOEFL examination and final exams. If I prepare them at the same time, failing all these tasks is of high possibility. So I give priority to the one of which deadline tends to expire. Then I will move on after finishing one task. Thanks to this work style, I can deal with multi-tasks.

Preparing the presentation until we have ideas can not only make us perform better but also save a lot of time. For those reasons discussed above, we can safely make a conclusion that it is better for us to prepare the presentation until we have ideas than to prepare it early.

附录：从海棠君那粘来的林肯的演讲一篇Gettysburg Address

Gettysburg Address Delivered on the 19th Day of November, 1863 Cemetery Hill, Gettysburg,Pennsylvania.  

Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth upon this continent a new Nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men arecreated equal. Now, we are engaged in a great Civil War, testing whether that Nation,or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on agreat battle field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting-place for those who gave their lives that Nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it far above our power to add or detract. The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us, the living, rather to be dedicated to the great task remaining before us; that from these honored dead, we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion; that this Nation, under GOD, shall have a new birth of freedom; and that government of the People by the People and for the People shall not perish from the earth."