M酱的作文帖 {8.27已更新} 让砖块来的更猛烈些！！

Mint静默

vincytao 发表于 2013-8-20 19:59
可能改的不好，见谅

我忘了。。。

thx~~！！其实我也觉得写到后面越来越偏题了= =
其实如果没有例子估计只有100多字
大道理什么的脑补无能，所以最后一段完全是写不下去了。。
Anyway，谢谢你那么认真帮我修改~~~

vincytao

Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-20 20:33
thx~~！！其实我也觉得写到后面越来越偏题了= =
其实如果没有例子估计只有100多字
大道理什么的脑补无能 ...

也谢谢你帮我认真的修改~
其实你觉得例子很不错！
再改改就无敌了
hiahia

Mint静默

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-20 20:18
M酱姐姐是在规定时间里面完成的吗？ 这篇写的还是很不错的哟！学习之~

是哟，用tpo写的，但是贴上来之前修改了下打错的单词，嘿嘿~

vincytao

有时间去看看我今天的作文吧~~
互相取经之。。。

Mint静默

vincytao 发表于 2013-8-20 23:16
有时间去看看我今天的作文吧~~
互相取经之。。。

好的~~！

ni_kate

8.20不是TPO14？

Mint静默

ni_kate 发表于 2013-8-21 11:54
8.20不是TPO14？

yes!!!!!!!!!!!

Mint静默

8.20
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.
现在写作文巨慢，思路很少，怎么破！

[409 words] 终于破400了，感动~~
With the increasing pressure and burdens, people have yearning to relax themselves. Some people claim that sofa is their sanctuary and they tend to watch movies or read books on sofa to relax. There is nothing wrong with watching movies or reading books themselves. For the best possible results, though, doing physical exercise is the biggest help to relax.

First and foremost, suppose you are watching a movie, you will definitely eat some snacks such as popcorn and fired chips, creating undue pressure on your stomach. Then watching a movie is not a gateway to relax but a gateway to gain weight. It is noted that obesity has become one of the most serious problems in America. The obesity rate has hovered at high levels for many years. What’s more, not all movies can give you relieves. Take me as an example. Horror movies saturated with blood and violence keep me in suspense, which run contrary to the situation that I feel relaxed by watching movies. I suffer a lot from watching horror movies and even cannot fall asleep at night.

Admittedly, we can gain mental relief from reading books. However, it does not mean that reading books is better than doing physical exercise to relax. Every time after I do exercises in the gym, there is no burden on myself any more. Also, doing physical exercises should be given the credit for the fitness of my body. Only if we have a healthy body, are we able to watch a movie or read a book. In a nutshell, doing exercise can not only relax ourselves but also keep us healthy.

Further, it is not uncommon that working people or students are sedentary for at least six hours every day. Doing physical exercise is a gateway to abandon this sort of living style. A recent research shows that the expectancy of lives is in negative relationship with the hours for which you are sedentary. So the need to do physical exercise has beyond the problem---which way is more effective to relax.

In old days, ancients have no access to televisions and books. Doing physical exercise is the only method to relax. However, they still live meaningful and productive lives. Maybe the most original method to relax is the best choice. For the reasons discussed above, we can safely make a conclusion that doing exercise is better than watching a movie or reading a book to relax.

修改后
[430 words]

With the increasing pressure and burdens,people have yearning to relax themselves. Some people claim that sofa is their sanctuary and they tend to watch movies or read books on sofa to relax. There is nothing wrong with watching movies or reading books themselves. For the best possible results, though, doing physical exercise is the biggest help to relax.

First and foremost, suppose you are watching a movie, you will definitely eat some snacks such as popcorn and fired chips, creating undue pressure on your stomach. Then watching a movie is not a gateway to relax but a gateway to gain weight. It is noted that obesity has become one of the most serious problems in America. The obesity rate has hovered at high levels for many years. What’s more, not all movies can give you relieves.Take me as an example. Horror movies saturated with blood and violence keep mein suspense, which run contrary to the situation that I feel relaxed by watching movies.(这句话我自己觉得有点奇怪，不知道要怎么改) I suffer a lot from watching horror movies and even cannot fall asleep at night.

Admittedly, we can gain mental relief from reading books. However, it does not mean that reading books is better than doing physical exercise to relax. Every time after I do exercises in the gym,there is no burden on myself any more. Also, doing physical exercises should begiven the credit for the fitness of my body. I used to catch a cold when temperature drastically declines. Thanks to the physical exercise, the frequency that I fall ill has been decreased. Only if we have a healthy body, are we ableto watch a movie or read a book. In a nutshell, doing exercise can not only relax ourselves but also keep us healthy.

Further, it is not uncommon that working people or students are sedentary for at least six hours every day. Doing physical exercise is a gateway to abandon this sort of living style. A recent research shows that the life expectancy is in negative relationship with the hours for which you are sedentary. So the need to do physical exercise has beyond the problem---which way is more effective to relax.

In old days, ancients have no access to televisions and books. Doing physical exercise is the only method to relax. However,they still live meaningful and productive lives. Maybe the most original method to relax is the best choice. For the reasons discussed above, we can safely make a conclusion that doing exercise is better than watching a movie orreading a book to relax.

Mint静默

Tpo14
[280 words]

The speaker argues that salvage logging mentioned in the reading passage may be beneficial at some extent but can result in longer damage to forests. Also, the economic benefits are questionable.

First of all, the speaker points out that removing the dead trees does not necessarily create the right condition for growth of newtrees. The natural decomposing process will enrich the soil, contributing to the growth of new trees. Removing the dead trees may result in the lack of nutrients in the soil. So, the speaker totally disagrees with the view made in the reading that salvage logging is likely to help forest to recover.

In addition, the speaker argues that the spruce bark beetle has inhabited in spruce trees for hundreds of years without damaging to those trees. That spruce trees provide habitats to not only the spruce bark beetle but also other animals such as birds should be noted. Birds are definitely beneficial to forests. It is not hard to conclude that removing rotting wood will do more harm to forests than to insects. This is in direct contradiction with the reading passage that removing rotting wood contributes to the health of the forest.

Last but not least, the speaker holds a view that the economic benefits brought by salvage logging are small and temporary. Admittedly, the trees damaged by natural disasters can provide wood that is usable by industries. However, the vehicles to transform dead trees to useful wood are very expensive. It is not economical to do so. Moreover, the additional jobs created by salvage logging are only in short term. And outsiders who are more experienced and trained are more likely to get these jobs.

ni_kate

The speaker argues that salvage logging mentioned (应断开，名词复数)in the reading passage may be beneficial at some extent but can result（应分开） in longer damage to forests. Also, the economic benefits are questionable.

First of all, the speaker points out that removing（应分开） the dead trees does not create the right condition for growth of new trees. （听力文章刚开始应该说的是“清理树木是不必要的”，我认为这句话没能准确的表达原文的意思吧）The natural decomposing process will enrich the soil, contributing tithe growth of new trees. Removing the dead trees may result in the lack of nutrient sin（应分开） the soil. So, the speaker totally disagrees with the view made in the reading that salvage logging is likely to help forest to recover.

In addition, the speaker argues that the spruce bark beetle has inhabited in spruce trees for hundreds of years without damaging to those trees. That spruce trees provide habitats to not only the spruce（应分开） bark beetle but also other animals such as birds should be noted. Birds are definitely beneficial for forests. It is not hard to conclude that removing rotting wood will do more harm to forests than to insects. This is in direct contradiction with the reading passage that removing rotting wood contributes to the health of the forest.

Last but not least, the speaker holds a view that the economic benefits brought by salvage logging are small and temporary. Admittedly, the trees damaged by natural disasters can provide wood Latisha usable by industries. However, the vehicles to transform dead trees to useful wood are very expensive. It is not economical to do so. Moreover, the additional jobs created by salvage logging are only in short term. And outsiders who are more experienced and trained are more likely to get these jobs.

文章主要的问题，就是出现了很多没有断开的词语，也许是因为笔者打字太快的缘故吧。很佩服笔者的听力，很多细节记得很详细。我听的最清楚的还是第一句....
新人很惭愧~~我的那篇已经在帖子里了，请查阅，多提宝贵意见噢
http://forum.chasedream.com/foru ... tid=870746#lastpost