sallygreen的T作文文 before 0825

sallygreen

8.19 independent

Doyou agree or disagree with the following statement?In order to succeed, youshould be more like others than be different from everyone else.

Time: 45mins
Words; 503 w

“Not be the second who, but be the first you” they say. Success, atopic started from human civilization arose, stirs up myriad of controversy,whether is regarding to the concept of define that or the method to achievethat. I prone to stand in the oppose side with the title statement that aperson in pursuit of success is supposed to do as others do rather than do as himself.

Undeniably, to the start with, being unique is an essential quality onthe way to success, after all, there is no the second Einstein in the world. Alwaysdoing behind others, a person will be accustomed to follow someone else, histhoughts, his behavior, or even his habits. No wonder that imitating asuccessful person, if ignoring the element of intelligence acquired from god, wecould achieve the same height through endeavor. However, is that allegedsuccess? I hold the different view. Granted that the person copying others maywell achieve goal to simulate, but do others admit this kind of “success”?There is an old Chinese saying going “If two men ride on a horse, one must ridebehind”. Taking a company as an example, a boss will not hire two identicalemployees who possess the same skills, ideas, and power in one certainposition. Hence, distinguishing from others is paramount for a person tosucceed.

Subsequently, it is of great significance that a personbehaves following his heart, which is also conductive to make a hit. When itcomes to interests and hobbies, particularly referring to success hinging onthat, nobody will deny that it will be a tremendous felicity. Needless to say,obviously, the easiness rises as interests conform to success, considering the boundlessenergy and motivation accompanied with fondness. To make it clear, forinstance, one of my friend, Brain, who is keen on basketball considerably. Inspite of his innate condition does not preponderate regardless of his height,his endurance and his strength, yet, holding on his zealotry to basketball,ultimately, he becomes one member of city team. By contrast, in order tosucceed, going behind of others without thinking about own dream and love, oneeither losses his way further in this tinsel world or becomes an unhappy winner,which I do not think it is the true success.

Someone would like to assert that only by following otherswill one have a helm in life navigation, for the sake of all-encompassedsociety and various temptations. Admittedly, being more like others will sound easierto succeed, however, how to imitate others and what is the extent to resemblethem should be taking into account. Plus, as we all know, opportunity andchance also exert a rival effect on success although we have already made thesame efforts as others do. In this sense, going behind others definitely is anunwise decision.

On account of the above-mentioned reasons, I still giveprior favor to point that a person, in terms of true success, should followhis/her heart instead of others’ traces.

lyslj001

送上修改~ 一起努力！

sallygreen

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-20 22:10
送上修改~ 一起努力！

么么哒～点的真到位，我一直找不到问题所在，００１一下有点醒很多哎～　我自己在好好想一下绕来绕去这个问题

sallygreen

8.20的综合：

The reading and the lecture both discusssalvage loggings, a way to deal with remains caused by forest fires and severestorms. The reading passage gives credence to three theories as likelyexplanation of legitimation to take this measure. The lecture, however, pointsout the inaccuracies in each these theories, directly challenging the readingpassage.

First and foremost, the professor contradictsthe issue of removing the remains of dead tree as soon as possible for the sakeof make space for growth of new trees. He says that, the decomposition of thesedead trees will nutrient the soil, furthermore be beneficial for nextgeneration of tree. The reading, however, declares that through salvagelogging, the forest might recover as before as the increasing number of newtrees appear.

It is mentioned in the passage that pests are fondof decay woods, leading that keeping these wood stay at forest will attract suchinsects, which, with no doubt, will exert a detrimental influence on othertrees then threat the health of the whole forest. But the professor demursabout this idea. According to him, these decaying woods not only can bringharmful insects but also birds and other insects. He points out that theseanimals, indeed play a vital role for the health of forests. In the long term,compared to these possible harmful insects, salvage logging may take moredisadvantages.

The issue of goodness from conducting salvagelogging regarding to economic benefits does not please the professor either.The professor acknowledges the this kind of natural catastrophe do provideextra resource such as wood, but also points out that the amount of wood providedis small. As he says, the transfer is in need of helicopters, which definitelycost much. Moreover, job positions offered by salvage logging usually open toworkers outside with more job experience and training.

In conclusion, the reading strongly believesthat salvage logging benefits a lot for local community; however, the professorreveals the flaws and provides his own proofs of this very fact.

sallygreen

8.20独立：　
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.

People in these days are more concerned about balance between job and relaxation, causing heatedly controversy in which whether people should do inside relaxation or take physical exercise to relax himself/herself comprehensively. Obviously, with the popularization of modern media, such as computer, increasing number of people feel it convenient that see a film or read a book. Yet, I totally stand that physical exercise, a kind of original relaxation way will preponderate in terms of the effectiveness and efficient of getting out of chaos stuffs.

I cannot help to imagining these two scenes where a person is reading a book sitting on a chair in front of a desk, and another person is jogging around a garden full of grasses and flowers with sport shirt. Frankly, enjoyable as people’s brains while swimming in the ocean of book, their nerve, undeniably locates in the state of tension. Otherwise, people will obtain nothing from the book. Siting on the chair and using brain is considerably not a leisure way to enjoy the life. However, when it comes to physical practice, such as playing tennis with friends, jogging, climbing, and what not, it really makes a point to throw oneself into a total releasing state after keeping one-whole-day stiff body in front of computer with watching screen.

The easiness degree to which relaxation can be achieved is regarded as an essential element of taking options. Benefits the fast development of science and technology brings to us, obviously, include of changes of pattern to spare leisure time. Computer and internet is such productions from technology revolution. With those, it is convenient to watch a movie inside room without moving out. I concede that people do get much fun from that, for the sake of interesting scenes, conversation between characteristics or just familiar stuffs appearing in the screen. However, it is this sedentary that exert a detrimental effect on people’s health, especially for this office workers. One of my friends, who work as a programmer, is a hundred-percent computer fan. Two third of his time is spent in front of computer whether work or watch a movie while eating. It is not a bit exaggerated that his life has already tie to computer except sleeping time. The result is that he is getting fatter and fatter until he had to see a doctor when obesity disturbs his daily life. So, the thing people can achieve easily may not be the best.

In addition, people who devote themselves to physical exercise can be closer to nature, needed by human as a member of creature family. In most cases, people feel that lying with doing nothing is the best way to have a rest, yet, one of doctor said that the most effective method to truly relax is stay in the nature, and that is why someone still feels tired after almost one-day sleep, let alone reading a book or watching a movie. Some people may demur that physical exercise will exhaust one’s energy, leading to a more tired status. However, the happiness from playing with friends, the pleasure from touching nature, and deep sleeping after exhaustion is unparalleled. Merits will overweight the demerits if taking this way.

Finally, I will emphasize my viewpoint that doing physical exercise is a good way to relax oneself after a busy job. It is myriad of pleasure from physical exercise that pale the necessity of other measures, such as reading books and watching movies.  

　

lyslj001

送上今天的批改~

laneesherry

0820 批改

蓝色的地方是个人意见及建议
黄色高亮是个人认为用的很好的词句

The reading and the lecture both discuss salvage loggings, a way to deal with remains caused by forest fires and severestorms. The reading passage gives credence to three theories as likely explanation of legitimation to take this measure.（虽然说知道大概意思但是实际上这句话我看得不是很懂……as是句间连词？还是说“作为”用来修饰前面的theories？如果是前者的话读起来有些不通顺，后者的话explanation应该是它的复数“explanations”） The lecture, however, points out the inaccuracies in each these theories, directly challenging the readingpassage.

First and foremost, the professor contradictsthe issue of removing the remains of dead tree as soon as possible for the sake of make space for growth of new trees. He says that, the decomposition of thesedead trees will nutrient（没有见过nutrient的这种用法，如果sally同学觉得这样OK的话可以无视掉这一条） the soil, furthermore（furthermore是副词，不能起到连词的作用。如果是想把前后两句话连在一起的话应该在前面加and，或直接把这后半句话断开成完整的一句） be beneficial for next generation of tree. The reading, however, declares that through salvage logging, the forest might recover as before as the increasing number of new trees appear.（此处阅读部分的主题是枯死的树木会挡住新树的生存空间，这里这样说感觉有点偏）

It is mentioned in the passage that pests are fond of decay woods, leading that keeping these wood stay at forest will attract such insects, which, with no doubt, will exert a detrimental influence on othertrees then threat the health of the whole forest. But the professor demurs about this idea. According to him, these decaying woods not only can bring harmful insects but also birds and other insects.He points out that these animals, indeed play a vital role for the health of forests. In the long term,compared to these possible harmful insects, salvage logging may take more disadvantages.(这一段的关键点已经抓住了，但是用词方面读起来稍微有些纠结不是很顺）

The issue of goodness from conducting salvagelogging regarding to economic benefits does not please the professor either.The professor acknowledges the this kind of natural catastrophe do provide extra resource such as wood, but also points out that the amount of wood providedis small. As he says, the transfer is in need of helicopters, which definitely cost much. Moreover, job positions offered by salvage logging usually open to workers outside with more job experience and training.(这一段的点也已经基本抓住）

In conclusion, the reading strongly believesthat salvage logging benefits a lot for local community; however, the professorreveals the flaws and provides his own proofs of this very fact.

整体印象：
全篇读起来有些刻意追究华丽词汇结果反而显得有些堆砌的感觉，请注意在这个过程中一定要用词自然，不然会适得其反

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下面附上来自无老师的满分范文：

Thelecturer and the reading passage hold completely different views toward thepractice of salvage logging, which is the removal of dead trees from a forestafter a fire or a storm.  

First,the lecturer states that removing dead trees is not good for the health of aforest because it deprives it of the nutrients necessary for future treegrowth, which dead trees release into the soil as they decompose. In contrast,the reading passage states that removing old trees provides more space in whichnew generations of fresh trees can grow more healthily.  

Second,the lecturer argues that some insects and birds that inhabit dead trees arebeneficial for tree growth, and a few that are thought to be harmful have shownno evidence of causing significant damage to the forest. So by eliminating bothharmful and beneficial birds and insects, salvage logging may cause unwanteddamage to the forest in the long run. The reading, however, mentions onlyharmful insects and the spruce bark beetle in particular. It points out thatbecause clearing the forest of dead trees also destroys the habitat of theseharmful insects, it ensures the healthy recovery of a forest after a fire.

Finally with regard to economic impact, the lecturer argues against salvage loggingbecause the dead trees can only be salvaged at a very high cost, and theemployment associated with salvage logging is often temporary and taken bynon-native residents. On the other hand, the reading argues that this practiceprovides many industries with the wood necessary to sustain their productionand offer employment opportunities to local people.  

sallygreen

laneesherry 发表于 2013-8-22 03:50
0820 批改

蓝色的地方是个人意见及建议

灰常感谢Sherry滴修改，很到位！这个问题困扰很久了，要努力去改！！
附了满范文不错~~

ni_kate

综合完成，还木有改
http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-870746-1-1.html

sallygreen

ni_kate 发表于 2013-8-22 18:14
综合完成，还木有改
http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-870746-1-1.html

今天家里停电了，呃，我要晚一点补上昨天的，可能也会晚一点改，sorry~