青葱的TOEFL作文贴

qingcongll

第一次写，貌似超时了，很没有状态啊！！望大家狠批

8.15题目：Young peopletoday more likely to give time and effort improving the world than young peoplewere at the past.

    When reading a news about Mark ElliotZuckerberg, who launched Facebook in 20, or Taylor Wilson, building a fusion reactor when he was 14, do you notice a very interesting phenomenon that current young people seems to spend more time or effort to improve the world than before ? While some opposite opinions may be raised up, I think it is an inevitable trend, which will be discussed and explained in following parts.

    Admittedly, comparing with the past, young people today have more time and effort to do things they like. Owing to superior living conditions and welfare system provided by our society, current children and teenagers, at least many of them, do not have to worry about food, education,even opportunity of jobs. Thus, they can spend more time on what they dream of. This will be obvious when you look back, say 70 years ago. Imagining that you were in the time of the Great Depression, starvation and hysteria would overwhelm you because of unemployment and poverty. How would you spend time on some new things, such as inventing a new device?

     Besides, the wide accessibility of public education makes improving the world possible among the youth. Unlike past time,more and more teenagers today can gain normal education, which set up a basis for them to create new stuffs. Some children, for example, get musical training at their young age, which is conductive to dig up their potential in music so that they can compose new type of music. This may explain the rapid development of modern music. So, popularity of normal education creates a requisite for theyouth to improve the world more.

     In addition to those, the introduction of more advanced technology products nowadays also arouses young people’s interest to improve the world. One can find a supporting example no rather than the internet. By using the internet, teenagers today can achieve information in multi-dimensions, from reading to seeing and hearing. As a result, the youth have bigger interest to do research in depth than ever, which will undoubtedly impulse development of society.

    Although admitting the significant contributions to the development of the world by the youth at the past, as I mention above, I think current young man seems more likely to spend time and effort to improvethe world.  

Word：388  Time:40min   

小镜儿爱木子

葱叔高才，在下许久不改作文，兼之水平有限，谬误之处请见谅

qingcongll

8.17独立题目：School always collect information of the teaching performance ofteachers and according to it, give teacher who has efficient teaching rewards.So which is more useful: evaluation by students or by other teachers?

Teachers’ performance in class is a key factor to the  improvement of teaching quality. Owing to its crucial position in modern education, how to evaluate the teaching performance has been a long heatedly discussed issue. Some educators propose this evaluation should be provided by other teachers, however,in my view, asking students to assess the performance may be more useful.

   First, an evaluation based on students can help teachers find a more effective teaching method. Obviously, the final purpose of the education is to impart knowledge to the students. In otherwords, only if the students gain knowledge, can a process of teaching be calledsuccessful. Nevertheless, the opinions about how to teach between teachers andstudents may be totally different, which may lead to persistence from some students. For example, one my friend majoring in physics prefers to do many interesting experimentsin class, but all teachers generally seem to emphasize theory more. So they always imbue him with overwhelming theory and formulas, which make him feels really bored and lost interest about the class at last. Thus, allowing students to assess the teacher’s performance and choose the teaching method they prefer may be more useful to improve the level of education.

   Besides,assessment by students may stimulate some new ideas about teaching. Because of less limitation of conventional opinions, students may issue some new ideas about how to teach in class, which may improve the teaching efficiency greatly. One can find a supporting example no further than my experience. When I was junior,I found my philosophy teachers’ nearly cramming style of teaching so boring that nearly half of students often sleep in class. So, I emailed him to ask to add some discussion among the students. Initially, the teacher thought it’s ridiculous, but after some trials, it turned out to work and more students seemed to be interested in the class. Hence, students’ evaluation may impulse the development of new teaching.

   On the other hand, Comparing with these benefits above from students’ assessment, asking teachers to evaluate each other may lead to some negative results. In virtue of competition, some teachers may intend to depreciate the others in order to win the rewards. As a result, some false information is considered during the evaluation and thus do harm to development of education. Though a little cynical, the phenomenon should not be omitted.

   Admittedly, I do not deny that teachers’ evaluation may also bring some merits. After all,teachers generally own rich experience about teaching. But I believe that somestudent-dominated assessments may be more useful.

words :428 time:30 min

qingcongll

8.17综合
The reading passage raises an issue that the young people today seem to read less literature than before, which has a negative effect on reading public, general culture and the development of literature itself. However, this statement is strongly questioned by the lecture with different opinions and evidence as follows.
  First, the professor believes that in addition to literature, other books also can bring us intellectual stimulation and exercise our imagination, such as scientific writing, history, political analysis. All of these related books can benefit us as the literature does. So, the assumption in the passage that less reading on literature means less reading books is totally wrong from the perspective of professor.
  Then, the view in the passage that less reading literature will decrease culture also be cast doubt. The professor refers that culture has changed and thus there are plenty of forms of culture today, other than written materials. A good movie or music, for example, can also increase the level of the culture. Maybe some of them even can stimulate more contemporary concern than literature does. This is another part that directly contradicts what the passage indicates.
  Finally, some other explanations are given in the lecture on the decrease of modern literature. The professor states that the author should also be blamed for this decrease, since literary works today generally are hard to understand, which leads to the dilemma, at least partly, that less readers are willing to buy them.   
   
   Words: 243  Time: 20 min

mk314400

Teachers’ performance in class is a keyfactor to (the) improvement ofteachingquality. Owing to its’(its) crucial position in modern education, How(how) to evaluate the teachingperformance has been a long heatedly discussed issue. Some educators proposethis evaluation should be provided by other teachers, however,in my view,asking students to assess the performance may be more useful.

   First, an evaluation based onstudents can help teachers find a more effective teaching method. Obviously,the final purpose of the education is to impart knowledge to the students. Inotherwords, only if the students gain knowledge, can a process of teaching becalledsuccessful. Nevertheless, the opinions about how to teach betweenteachers andstudents may be totally different, which may lead to persistencefrom some students .Assuming that a student majoring in physics prefers to domany interesting experimentsin class, but all teachers generally seem toemphasize theory more. So theyalways imbue him/her with overwhelming theory andformulas, which make the student feels(feel) really boring(bored) and lost interest about the class at last. Thus,allowing students to assess the teacher’s performance and choose the teachingmethod they prefer may be more useful to improve the level of education.

(建议可以把全说理的内容加入例子会更生动。也可以把这部分说理的内容转换成一个朋友的真实经历之类的)

   Besides,assessment by studentsmay stimulate some new ideas about teaching. Because of less limitation ofconventional opinions, students may issue some new ideas about how to teach inclass, which may improve the teaching efficiency greatly. One can find asupporting example no further than my experience. When I was (a) junior,I found myphilosophical(philosophy) teachers’ nearlycramming style of teaching is（去掉） so boring that nearlyhalf of students often sleep in class. So, I emailed him to ask to add somediscussion among the students(改成in class回更好). Initially, the teacher thinks（thought） it’sridiculous, butafter some trials, it turned out to work and more students seemedto beinterested in the class. Hence, students’ evaluation may impulse thedevelopment of new teaching.

(这个例子硬要说是evaluation也可以，但是比起evaluation更像一个suggestion)

   On the other hand, Comparingwith these benefits above from students’ assessment, asking teachers toevaluate each other may lead to some negative results. In virtue ofcompetition, some teachers may intend to depreciate the others in order to win therewards. As a result, some false information is considered during theevaluation and thus do harm to development of education. Though a littlecynical, the phenomenon should not beomitted.

   Admittedly, I do not deny thatteachers’ evaluation may also bring some merits. After all,teachers generallyown rich experience about teaching. But I believe that somestudent-dominatedassessments may be more useful.

优点：逻辑清晰。句式和词汇丰富。
缺点：有些许模版痕迹。例证可以更生动。拼写错误应避免。

whom123

8.17批改

The reading passage raises an issue that the young people today seem to read less literature than before, which has a negative effect on reading public, general culture and the development of literature itself. However, this statement is strongly questioned by the lecture with different opinions and evidence as follows.
  First, the professor believes that in addition to literature, other books also can bring us intellectual stimulation and exercise our imagination, such as scientific writing, history, political analysis. All of these related books can benefit us as the literature does（语法有误，前面应该改为benefits...as ... does）. So, the assumption in the passage that less reading on literature means less reading books is totally wrong from the perspective of professor.
  Then, the view in the passage that less reading literature will decrease culture also be cast doubt （on）. The professor refers that culture has changed and thus there are plenty of forms of culture today, other than written materials. A good movie or music, for example, can also increase the level of the culture. Maybe some of them even can stimulate more contemporary concern than literature does. This is another part that directly contradicts what the passage indicates.
  Finally, some other explanations are given in the lecture on the decrease of modern literature. The professor states that the author should also be blamed for this decrease, since literary works today generally are hard to understand, which leads to the dilemma, at least partly, that less readers are willing to buy them.   

信息点大部分都听到了，比我听得更全。。 只是有些小错，其他的地方应该没什么大问题。
加油~
   

熏衣草之梦

      
不好意思，这么晚才看有时间修改作文，请看红色字体：
             为写得好的句子
              修改意见

When reading a news about Mark ElliotZuckerberg, who launched Facebook in 20, or Taylor Wilson, building a fusion reactor when he was 14, do you notice a very interesting phenomenon that current young people seems to spend more time or effort to improve the world than before ? While some opposite opinions may be raised up, I think it is an inevitable trend, which will be discussed and explained in following parts.
    Admittedly, comparing with the past, young people today have more time and effort to do things they like. Owing to superior living conditions and welfare system provided by our society, current children and teenagers, at least many of them, do not have to worry about food, education,even opportunity of jobs (改为Job opportunities是不是更加简洁一点？）. Thus, they can spend more time on what they dream of. This will be obvious when you look back, say 70 years ago. Imagining that you were in the time of the Great Depression, starvation and hysteria would overwhelm you because of unemployment and poverty(修饰部分与主语不匹配，改成you should be overwhelmed更合适）. How would you spend time on some new things, such as inventing a new device?

     Besides, the wide accessibility of public education makes improving the world possible among the youth. Unlike past time,more and more teenagers today can gain normal education(修饰语和主语不匹配), which set up a basis for them to create new stuffs. Some children, for example, get musical training at their young age, which is conductive to dig up their potential in music so that they can compose new type of music. This may explain the rapid development of modern music. So, popularity of normal education creates a requisite for theyouth to improve the world more.

     In addition to those, the introduction of more advanced technology products nowadays also arouses young people’s interest to improve the world（改为of improving the world修饰interest，而不是跟to 这里可以理解为interest来improve）. One can find a supporting example no rather than the internet. By using the internet, teenagers today can achieve information in multi-dimensions, from reading to seeing and hearing. As a result, the youth have bigger (more)interests to do research in depth than ever, which will undoubtedly impulse development of society.

    Although admitting the significant contributions to the development of the world by the youth at the past, as I mention above, I think current young man seems more likely to spend time and effort to improvethe world.  

总体结构清晰，主要就是定语从句,主谓一致性问题；再者，如果能加上what is the significant contributions by the youth at the past在最后一段前面整体结构就更严密了。

qingcongll

8.19 独立， 又一篇不T不G的作文新鲜出炉。。。 。。。

When reading news about Mark Elliot Zuckerberg, who drop out of school to launce Facebook, or Steven Jobs, who proposed to develop the first tabletcomputer, do you notice a very interesting phenomenon that many successors in various fields tend to be different from others? Although some disagreements may be raised up, in my opinion, one should purse difference in order to succeed.

   Understandably, owing to the difference in individual disposition, experience, even the living context, everyone has their own ways to succeed. In other words, one’s methods or experience may not be suitable for others. Thus, always following others’ step may be misleading. One can find a supporting example no further than Bill Gates. Had Bill chosen tocontinue his university study as others rather than dropping out to start his business, the Microsoft Corporation might never exist. On the other hand, will all the students following the Bill’s way be bound to succeed? The answer undoubtedly should be “no”. Hence, in order to be successful, one should find their own best way instead of copying others’.

   Besides, keeping difference can stimulate some new ideas, which is absolutely important to success. Obviously, creativity is a key element of success. Only by pursuing difference, can one take effort to dig up new ideas and thus keep creative. A quick reflection on history may support the opinions above. Copernicus found heliocentric theory because he dared to question the authority of the church; Edison could invent bulbs owing to unwilling to use candles as the average. Therefore, in virtue of stimulating creativity, keeping difference can contribute greatly to one’ssuccess.

   Finally, always pursuing difference can give people a positive feedback to study and thus encourage them to step forward. This reminds me of one of my friends, who learns painting in an art school. In order to keep his work different from other classmates, he always wants to apply various painting techniques to his homework, even some of them are not taught in class. In turn, that mind impulses him to learn more techniques or knowledge about painting, which will pave his way to success.

   Admittedly, I do not deny the important role of referring other successors’ methods. After all, those people have rich experience which can avoid waste of time and energy. However, I believe pursuing difference can contribute to one’s success more.  

Words: 389   Time:27min

qingcongll

8.19综合

The reading passage puts forward the claims that the subject in aportrait of young girl, which is owned by Jane Austen’s family members, shouldbe this famous English novelist herself. However, this statement is stronglyquestioned by the lecture with different opinions and evidences as follows.

   First,the professor believes that the evidence in the passage about the permission touse the portrait as an illustration of Austen’s letters is unconvincing. Becausethe family gave this about 70 years after Austen’s death, all the members hadnot seen Jane. Thus, the family members might make a mistake by themselves whenthey recognized the subject as Jane, which weaken the validation of the proof.

  Then, the inference according to resemblance between the portrait and trueJane Austen  is also cast doubt on. The professor refers that Austen’s extended familywas so large that there might be many female members who looked like Austen.Hence, it is totally like that the girl in the portrait is merely a distantniece of Jane. This is another part that directly contradicts what the passageindicates.

Finally, someother evidences are given by the lecture to question the views in the passage. Thepassage states that the portrait should be Jane according to the Humphrey’spainting style. But it is not the case. Because other evidences reveal that thecanvas in this portrait is sold by a merchant named William, who never soldthis canvas until Jane’s 27 years old. So, the time when the painting was finished may be later. As a result, the girl in the portrait isimpossible to be Jane Austen.   

Words: 261  Time:20min

olivershui

When reading news about Mark Elliot Zuckerberg, who drop out of school to launce Facebook, or Steven Jobs, who proposed to develop the first tablet computer, do you notice a very interesting phenomenon that many successors in various fields tend to be different from others? Although some disagreements may be raised up, in my opinion, one should pursue difference in order to succeed.
Understandably, owing to the difference （differences） in individual disposition, experience, （and ）even the living context, everyone has their own ways to succeed （way to success）. In other words, one’s methods or experience （experiences） may not be suitable for others. Thus, always following others’ step （steps） may be misleading. One can find a supporting example no further than Bill Gates. Had Bill chosen to continue his university study as others （did） rather than dropping （drop） out to start his business, the Microsoft Corporation might never exist （might have never existed）. On the other hand, will all the students following the Bill’s way be bound to succeed? The answer undoubtedly should be “no”. Hence, in order to be successful, one should find their own best way instead of copying others’.
Besides, keeping difference can stimulate some new ideas, which is absolutely important to success. Obviously, creativity is a key element of success. Only by pursuing difference,（去掉 ）can one take effort （efforts） to dig up new ideas and thus keep creative. A quick reflection on history may support the opinions above. Copernicus found heliocentric theory because he dared to question the authority of the church; Edison could invent bulbs owing to unwilling to use candles as the average （did）. Therefore, in virtue of stimulating creativity, keeping difference can contribute greatly to one’s success.
Finally, always pursuing difference can give people a positive feedback to study and thus encourage them to step forward. This reminds me of one of my friends, who learns painting in an art school. In order to keep his work different from other classmates, he always wants to apply various painting techniques to his homework, even some of them are not taught in class. In turn, that mind impulses him to learn more techniques or （and） knowledge about painting, which will pave his way to success.
Admittedly, I do not deny the important role of referring （to） other successors’ methods. After all, those people have rich experience which can avoid （the） waste of time and energy. However, I believe pursuing difference can contribute to one’s success more.