王大叔的作文贴

solde

wanggang0411 发表于 2013-9-8 21:02
9月7日独立写作
In the past young people are more dependedon their parents in making decision. Today, ...

不好意思，刚改好~

wanggang0411

9月8日 综合 TPO 3

The passage casts doubt on the originality of the painting by pointing out several flaws of it. However, the lecture stands on the opposite side by referring a recently examination on the painting.

To begin with, from the examination, the fur collar wore by woman is not in the original painting, it was added by some people hundred years later after the painting had been painted to increase its value. Therefore, this result explained the inconsistent of the painting raised by passage.

In addition, because some elements of the painting do not fit together in terms of light and shadow, and Rembrandt are unlikely to make such mistake, the passage doubts the authenticity of the painting. From the lecture, however, , if we remove the fur collar from the painting, we could see the simple and light cloak, which is completely consistent with the light and shadow in the other sides of the painting.

Finally, the original was indeed painted on a single wood panel, and other wood pieces were glued by other people who would like to make the painting more grand and valuable. Furthermore, from the result of recent examination, the wood used in this painting does same with that used by another artwork painted by Rembrandt.  Thus, all these explanations together refute the argument made by the lecture.

sherlock1992

wanggang0411 发表于 2013-9-9 12:52
9月8日 独立
School always collect information of the teaching performance of teachers and according  ...

9月8日 独立
School always collect information of the teaching performance of teachers and according to it, give teacher who has efficient  teaching rewards. So which is more useful: evaluation by students or by other teachers?  
红色修改 蓝色建议 高亮表赞
正文
When I was in the campus, I had to fill the teaching performance form for each course I had taken. And to be frankly, the information delivered from my side was contaminated(好形象） by personal preference and even the emotion, positive and（or) negative. Therefore, when I see this question about who is more objective to evaluate the performance of teachers, as an adult, I believe teachers themselves are more qualified to evaluate each other’s performances.

To begin with, I could still remember a course I took named chemistry. Because I was and I am(去掉) quite not engaged in this course, and believed such knowledge has no benefit for my future to become a business man, so I ranks(rank指物理位置的排列,这里与抽象化的performance搭配有些不恰当，用appraise/evaluate都比较保险) the performance correspondingly lower at the end of the term. However, now, as an audlt with objective vision, I really want to say sorry to this teacher, because he encouraged me many times when I felt frustrated and bored in this class, and he really did a good job.
大叔，建议每段开头提出一个论点，之后开始引用detail来support，最后呢，再加一句总结性的话会比较完整。
In contrast, there was another course named 'Business management' in which I was extremely interesting(interested), and I got a very high score at the final exam, so it was not surprised that I ranked(同上) his education performance very high. However, when I recall the whole term of studying this class, actually, the teacher was absent many times because he had so many personal business need to deal with, and he rarely took care his students seriously. The only reason he gave me a good score was not because I studied well, but because(可去，于前面重复了) he wanted to be ranked higher.
该段问题和上段相同，都是只写例子没有中心论点，且结构不完整。
Therefore, after many years seriously consideration, I believe teachers rather than students could evaluate each other usefully and objectively. First, since they are professional on teaching, teachers know their job, such as what is good for students and what is not. Secondly, as adults, they are less inclined to be impacted by personal preference or emotion, because whether they are majoring on the specific field will not impact their decision-making power.("whether" in this sentense is misused, you can change this sentense like that" because these negative sentiment will have no impact for them in the area they major in".)
I'm sorry my Chinese input board occurs some problem, so I can only revise correct your essay with English put board.
Admittedly, some people would say that it is the students(this is a stress sentense, so you should use "it is the students that...".) who join the class, experience the class, and benefit from the class, thus, students should be the people evaluating the teaching performance, because they know what they learned from class. However, I believe before we make the judgment, other factors, just as examples I mentioned above, should be considered.

Thus, from what have been discussed I could confidently draw the conclusion that it's too arbitrary to say that students are better than teachers to evaluate teaching performance.

summary:
1.you each paragraph should have a point, and use some details to support it.
2.you diction is a relatively simple, which will cause some influence on your grade of essay. Thus, you are better to diverse your diction and improve it to a high-level.
3.Third, some grammar mistakes occured, please pay attention to the grammar problem.

GOOK LUCK! KEEP FIGHT!!!

wanggang0411

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-9-9 19:48
9月8日 独立
School always collect information of the teaching performance of teachers and according ...

谢谢啊, 我一定想办法提高语言造诣~~~~

sherlock1992

wanggang0411 发表于 2013-9-9 21:29
谢谢啊, 我一定想办法提高语言造诣~~~~

diction更准确的意思是措辞。， 加油

sherryv

综合看啦，没什么大问题，写的挺好滴~

追梦CY

不好意思今天有事情 答应你修改结果才放上来 希望你不要介意哦

wanggang0411

9月9日独立写作:
哎... 一开始审题错误
The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes,  are more important to younger people than to older people.  

For my father, he rarely knows any celebrities, and maybe the only celebrity he knows was the leader of the whole country. So it is not surprised that you cannot hear any gossip about any movie star or sports star from my father. So when I see this question whether celebrities are important to old people? My answer is that compared with today's young generation, older generation were less impacted by celebrities.

To begin with, with the development of technology, today's young generation like myself has width spectrum of ways to receive information outside daily circumstance, so the event or activity of celebrities have more impact than ever before. For example, internet, such important innovation in human history linked the life of everybody in this world, no matter who you are, where you from, we can easily find each other through internet. Therefore, all information of any specific celebrities could be retrieved by young people easily.

In contrast, my father, who is 70 years old, has no idea about how to use computer, thus has limited way to get information beyond his current society. And even if he receives many information about celebrities on TV, as a matured adult, he has the judgment to distinct between good and bad. Therefore, people in my parents generation had rarely been impacted by celebrities.

Admittedly, some people would argue that unique celebrity has deeper influence on young people than many celebrities. I agree with them since everybody has a hero or star in the mind and follow the criteria just as their heroes. However, we should not ignore the impact of the biggest information burst since 20th century. Not only the good side, but also the bad side of any celebrity could be retrieved by young people, so young people could consciously or sub-consciously copy everything from their celebrities.

Therefore, from what have been discussed I could confidently draw a conclusion that celebrities are more important to younger people than to older people.

wanggang0411

9月9日 综合 TPO4

The passage shows several considerable evidences to provethat dinosaur were endotherms. However, the lecture refutes all evidences thepassage provides and believes that dinosaur could not necessarily beendotherms, and reasons are listed below.

To begin with, because the polar region in which thedinosaurs fossils were discovered could be much warmer million years ago thannow, so dinosaurs did not necessarily have the ability to maintain atemperature well above that of the surrounding environment. Therefore, theevidence raised by passage about discovery place of dinosaur fossils does notstand on this point.

In addition, the passage believes that the only reason forthe legs underneath body is to support fast running which is the important characteristicof endotherms. However, several possible purposes could explain why the positionof the legs was underneath the body. For example, it could be used to supportthe great weight of dinosaur rather than fast running.

Furthermore, besides the Halverson canals, the fossilizedbones of dinosaurs also come up with Growh Ring which could limit the growth ofdinosaurs during cold climate, while endothermy animals could keep constantgrowth rate during cold climate. Therefore, dinosaurs could not necessarily bea type of endotherm.

solde

改好啦~