新人作文。。求批改。。

liaxiaowanzi

Professional athletes who receive high salaryies,such as football or basketball players,deserve what they get.

提纲（1）贡献大，唯一性。工作辛苦，风险高。

（2）低薪产生一些问题，例如参与者少。

(3) 过高也会引起一些问题

      In the age of national fitness, Not only does sports become more and more popular but also the professional athletes gain enough attention, such as football or basketball. We are confronted with an heated debate: whether the professional athletes who receive high salary deserve what they get ? In my own viewpoint, the professional athlete should receive high salaries because of their value to country. Several point in different dimentions will be demonstrated and explained to verify my view.

       To begin with, Considering the contribution to society and the risky, the professional athletes who receive high salaries deserve what they get. For the sake of wining glory for their country in the international game, they devote themselves to the sports and put in the effort that others can’t. Even the most professional athletes began receive a full professional and hard training in their childhood. At the same time their work is irreplaceable. On the other hand, compared to average workers, any professional athletes confronted with physical risky, because hurt is inevitable in the training. It is common phenomenon that the athletes get hurt so that become physical disability in the competition. For instance, the Chinese gymnast Sang Lan has gone from an excellent athlete to a cripple in Olympic Game competition. To sum up, it is no exaggeration to say that the professional athletes who receive high salary deserve what they get.

      If the professional athletes ware paid for low salaries, it will throw up lots of negative effect to sports. One of the important effects is that participants will be dwindled. Virtually, it is a realistic issues that the less salaries appeal to the less participants, the less participants may bring about the appearance of sports. A survey released by BBC show that the high salaries of the professional basketball athletes have an positive effect on the popularity of basketball. Thus, the high salaries will attract more participants, more participants lead to the popularity of the sports event.

In addition, a saying told that one coin has two sides, too high salaries will be twist the spirit of sports. It is sound that salaries should reflect an athlete’s contribution to society on the base of fairness.

      From the discussion above, it is reasonable that the professional athletes who receive high salary deserve what they get.

liaxiaowanzi

自己先顶一个。。求猛戳。。。8.25考试了。。水平还是那么烂。。

liaxiaowanzi

这是  8月 12 日的独立作文


Independent Writing：
你同不同意that 學生參加學校的organization 和activities club is as important as their academic class.
Students get benefit from student organization or club activities as much as their academic studies.

提纲（1）学习需要动力及兴趣，如果加入一些与自己学科相关的organization将会对自己专业的学习很有帮助的。
（2）学科之间不可避免的有联系。
（3）参加学生组织可以开拓视野，提高自己的交流能力，扩大朋友圈。但是要合理安排时间。


With the improvement continually of university educational level, we hve to confronted with an heated dabete: Do students get benefit from student organization or club activities as much as their academic studies? In my personal viewpoint, students can take advantage of student organizations or club activities as much as academic class. Several point in different dimentions will be demonstrated and explained to verify my view.
Motivation and interest is the foundation of academic studies. If students only concentrate on their academics studies , they will feel so boring and tired that lost their interest and distracted. Virtually, it will be helpful to participated in student organization related to their academic studies. In the club or organization, you can find some solution about your puzzles of your academic studies with the instruction of others. A survey by ICUL shows that about 30% students think joining an organization is helpful to their academic studies. virtually, it is not exaggeration to say that students can take advantage of student organizations or club activities as much as academic class.
Secondly, with the development of technology, various disciplines are related. For example ,physicals is the foundation of all subject, learning physical knowledge will be more effective to exploring our academic studies. I have no illustration than my own experience that joining an physical club in my college is beneficial to my academic studies of mathematic . To sum up, the university should participate in some student club after class.
Finally , the student organizations can broaden our vision and friend circle. However, if you can’t balance the time distribution of the club activities and academic studies, the demerits what participated in club activities will overweigh the merits to you.

From the discussion above, it is reasonable that students get benefit from student organization or club activities as much as their academic studies.

liaxiaowanzi

liaxiaowanzi 发表于 2013-8-12 16:12
这是  8月 12 日的独立作文

由于时间不够用   草草写了结尾  再补充一下
From the discussion above, it is reasonable that students get benefit from student organization or club activities as much as their academic studies. on the other hand, Learning how to balance the time-share of the club or organization activities and acdemic studies will be improve my learning effeciency.

xiaxiaya

liaxiaowanzi 发表于 2013-8-12 16:12
这是  8月 12 日的独立作文

With the improvement continually of university educational level, we hve to confronted with an heated dabete: Do students get benefit from student organization or club activities as much as their academic studies? In my personal viewpoint, students can take advantage of（换词，学习了） student organizations or club activities as much as（我就一直想不起equal有什么词可以换的） academic class（换study，学习了）. Several point in different dimentions will be demonstrated and explained to verify my view.

Motivation and interest is the foundation of academic studies. If students only concentrate on their academics studies , they will feel so boring and tired that lost ( lose) their interest and distracted (become distracted). Virtually, it will be helpful to participated in student organization related to their academic studies. In the club or organization, you can find some solution about your puzzles of ( in) your academic studies with the instruction of others. A survey by ICUL shows that about 30% students think joining an organization is helpful to their academic studies.（例子举得很好呀~把数字改一改也许会更显得有说服力^^。。不过这是偏门） virtually ( 两句连用，有些重复~), it is not exaggeration to say that students can take advantage of student organizations or club activities as much as academic class.
【本段说积极性和兴趣是学习的基础 + 反说 + 正面详细描述 + 例子 构成本段说理结构。稍有不足的是，论证内容不太能 reasonable 过渡到本段最后一句的总结】

Secondly, with the development of technology, various disciplines are related. For example ,physicals is the foundation of all subject, learning physical knowledge will be more effective to exploring our academic studies. I have no illustration than my own experience（这个句型没见过哎，请教楼主什么意思） that joining an physical club in my college is beneficial to my academic studies of mathematic . To sum up, the university should participate in some student club after class.
【本段阐述学科关联性越来越显著。具体的解释性语言+个人例子 构成本段说理结构。结构感觉很清晰。要说建议的话，楼主可以将说理和总论点的联系再论述一两句，并且把例子改成数学是基础，但你学的是物理专业，参加了数学club，对你的专业很有帮助，这样感觉会更好地支撑论点。】

Finally , the student organizations can broaden our vision and friend circle. However, if you can’t balance the time distribution of the club activities and academic studies, the demerits what participated in club activities will overweigh the merits to you.
【可能时间不够了吧^^就两句话。论点：扩展朋友圈和开阔眼界，一句让步。这段感觉如果不写，用来丰富第二个论点和写结尾，效果可能会更好，毕竟也不一定非要1+3+1的结构】

From the discussion above, it is reasonable that students get benefit from student organization or club activities as much as their academic studies. on the other hand, Learning how to balance the time-share of the club or organization activities and acdemic studies will be improve my learning effeciency.
【觉得后面的on the other hand，因为没有怎么论述，还是不要写的好。而且整片文章看起来是一边倒的结构，让步段也没写起来，所以，结论还是不要两头端的好~】

liaxiaowanzi

xiaxiaya 发表于 2013-8-12 22:22
With the improvement continually of university educational level, we hve to confronted with an hea ...

I have no illustration than my own experience（这个句型没见过哎，请教楼主什么意思）
我少打了一个单词，应该是 I have no better illustration than my own experience.....

大谢xiaxiaya...之前只知道写的很不好，但又不知道问题出在哪里。。。。。Fighting...Fighting....

xiaxiaya

liaxiaowanzi 发表于 2013-8-12 22:44
I have no illustration than my own experience（这个句型没见过哎，请教楼主什么意思）
我少打了一个单 ...

对了~I can think of no better illustration of this idea than the following example这个句型，搜了一下，好像只有新东方的四六级范文里有，查英语国家的网站，都搜不到。。所以，建议楼主还是换个句型吧~

另外，文章里出现的两个virtually， 韦氏词典解释有两个，1 : almost entirely : NEARLY  2 : for all practical purposes <virtually unknown>
也就是“几乎地” 和 “事实上地，实际上地，实质上的”。一般我们用后面的意思的话，语境是 ----前面说了XXX看起来是怎么样的, virtually XXX 是怎么样的，用来更正一个错误的看法或认识

liaxiaowanzi

xiaxiaya 发表于 2013-8-13 09:18
对了~I can think of no better illustration of this idea than the following example这个句型，搜了一 ...

谢谢xiaxiaya的的补充( ⊙ o ⊙ )啊！   不小心暴漏出了我四六级作文的水平    看来词还是不能乱用的。。。。

liaxiaowanzi

8.13 独立作文 38分钟 330 word  

--Independent Writing：
學校或工作Presentation 你習慣一個月前就開始準備或有idea 後才晚一點開始進行
Integrated Writing
观点：同意提早做准备。
提纲（1）好的idea会在准备过程中或做好准备工作后涌现，消耗时间等待不一定会有好的idea
（2）提早准备减少了工作出错的机会。但提早准备也不是意味着盲目实施，，要制定合理科学的计划。


With the increasing of competition in our sociaty, people confronted with more stress so that always want to do everything perfectly in their work. In this pre-condition, A heated debate be given: When you are assign an important presentation for work or school, you prefer to work or school,you prefer to work on it right now or wait until your inspiration come on about the presentation? In my personal, I prefer to work on it right now in order to working on it everyday a little bit.
      To began with, writing good idea or inspiration isn’t best way to aheive your goal. In other word, it may gain your inspiratin or good ideas in the procession of preparation. When you are in preparation, you may be learn more information, this information can be the foundation of your good idea. For instance, in the stage of my high school, I always have push my homework  in the excuse of that I have not a good idea. it lead to my failure in my study. Thus, we should be good at regulating our time to do the assigment and told us three words: just do it.
      Secondly, it is indispensible that we should keep some time to examine our assignment, because was should consider that we are inevitable to make a mistake. I think that it is unluky to found the mistake you have done when you have to hand your work. A survey by BBC told that almost 90% elites prefer to work on their assignment at time when they know the work. However, “Just do it” don’t mean you haven’t aim to do your work, it is helpful to regulate your plan scientifically.in this way can we achieve our plan perfectly.
       To sum up , In the premise of having an plan scientifically, Iwill choose to work on it right now. what’s more,we should work on it at time and never push the assignment on the excuse of writing my inspiration.

liaxiaowanzi

今天的作文写着很纠结，写着写着就觉得词穷了，不知道还能写些什么了。写完后想一想，觉得有可能从另一个观点出发可能会好写一些那。。。。