TWE 061 谢谢哪位高手帮我修改~另祝新年快乐~

ariel_cheng

061 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older (15 to 18 year-old) teenage children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

The first thing I would like to talk about is I am an 18 year-old Chinese teenager, and numerous important decisions of mine are made my by parents, or at least they interfered with those results because of traditional reasons.  I am always wondering if parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for me or other teenage children.

Generally speaking, parents are experienced.  There is an old Chinese saying that the quantity of salt eaten by an adult is larger than the amount of rice eaten by a teenager.  The Chinese tradition advocates teenagers should always listen to their parents’ decisions.  If someone does not obey that, others may consider him/her as a discourtesy and rude person.  Therefore, in ancient China, all of juveniles’ decisions such as education and marriage were made by their parents or other adult relatives.

However, in modern society, the orthodox culture seems out of date.  arents and the other adults are the previous generation, certain ethics and believes may no longer be suitable for those teenagers.  For instance, being tightly related with the future life, choosing a major is the most significant decisions teenagers will have.  Started from decades of years ago, parents encourage their children to study business as their major in universities, because they think business graduators will find lucrative jobs conveniently.  But the reality is it will be easier to find profitable jobs for graduators from other unpopular faculties than those from business since there are overloaded business graduators.

Furthermore, grown up to 15 or even older, teenage children can be independent with their education and organized thinking.  They are able to figure out what kind of decisions is best for them.  If parents still meddle with their important decisions such as choosing major, university, etc.  Children may start feeling that their parents are too nosy and begin to dislike them.

In summary, I disagree it should be parents or other adults to make decisions for their teenage children while holding firm support that it is wiser to let teenagers make their own decisions particularly when they are stick to those decisions.

tomato

以下是引用ariel_cheng在2005-1-2 8:32:00的发言：

061 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older (15 to 18 year-old) teenage children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

The first thing I would like to talk about is I am an 18 year-old Chinese teenager, and numerous important decisions of mine are made my by parents, or at least they interfered with those results because of traditional reasons.  I am always wondering if parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for me or other teenage children.

Generally speaking, parents are experienced.  There is an old Chinese saying that the quantity of salt eaten by an adult is larger than the amount of rice eaten by a teenager.  The Chinese tradition advocates teenagers should always listen to their parents’ decisions.  If someone does not obey that, others may consider him/her as a discourtesy and rude person.  Therefore, in ancient China, all of juveniles’ decisions such as education and marriage were made by their parents or other adult relatives.

However, in modern society, the orthodox culture seems out of date.  arents and the other adults are the previous generation, certain ethics and believes may no longer be suitable for those teenagers.  For instance, being tightly related with the future life, choosing a major is the most significant decisions teenagers will have.  Started from decades of years ago, parents encourage their children to study business as their major in universities, because they think business graduators will find lucrative jobs conveniently.  But the reality is it will be easier to find profitable jobs for graduators from other unpopular faculties than those from business since there are overloaded business graduators.

Furthermore, grown up to 15 or even older, teenage children can be independent with their education and organized thinking.  They are able to figure out what kind of decisions is best for them.  If parents still meddle with their important decisions such as choosing major, university, etc.  Children may start feeling that their parents are too nosy and begin to dislike them.

In summary, I disagree it should be parents or other adults to make decisions for their teenage children while holding firm support that it is wiser to let teenagers make their own decisions particularly when they are stick to those decisions.

高手的不敢， 不过这个语法错误真的不少

ariel_cheng

没办法啊,我最讨厌语法了~具体的错误呢???

likui

The first thing I would like to talk about is (As) I am an 18 year-old Chinese teenager, numerous important decisions of mine (about me) are made my by (by my) parents, or at least they interfered with (时态和之前are made有冲突)those results because of traditional reasons(不解，是不是有点口语化？).  I am always wondering (always wonder) if parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for me or (parents or other adult relatives都是泛指，怎么对了“你”这个特指？)other teenage children.

Generally speaking, parents are experienced.  There is an old Chinese saying that the quantity of salt eaten by an adult is larger than the amount (比较句要符合比较三原则，前面是quantity后面也应该是quantity，虽然amount可以算是一个同义词；建议改成that of，简洁漂亮)of rice eaten by a teenager.  The Chinese tradition advocates teenagers should always listen to their parents’ decisions.  If someone does not obey that, others may consider him/her as a discourtesy and rude person.  Therefore, in ancient China, all of juveniles’ decisions such as (about；education and marriage=kinds of decisions?) education and marriage were made by their parents or other adult relatives.

However, in modern society, the orthodox culture seems out of date.  arents and the other adults are the previous generation, (and) certain ethics and believes (beliefs) may no longer be (be no longer) suitable for those (若是泛指就不要用冠词)teenagers.  For instance, being (being 又是choosing两个动名词做什么成份?自然，我是知道后者是主语)tightly related with the future life, choosing a major is the most significant decisions (that,不要省，怎么说也能充字数的) teenagers will have (face). Started from decades of years ago, parents encourage their children to study business as their major in universities, because they think business graduators will find lucrative jobs conveniently.(这种情况不是能这样普适的，你说take myself as an example that---这样不是更好?)  But the reality is it will be easier to find profitable jobs for graduators from other unpopular faculties than those from business since there are overloaded (这个词是你查字典的吧，这是【超载】的意思呀；用surplus吧)business graduators.

Furthermore, grown up to 15 or even older, teenage children can be independent with their education and organized thinking.  (这句话有逻辑和语法问题)They are able to figure out what kind of decisions is best for them.  If parents still meddle with their (children’) important decisions such as choosing major, university, etc.  Children may start feeling that their parents are too nosy and begin to dislike them. (甚是中文化)

In summary, I disagree it should be parents or other adults to (that adults should) make decisions for their teenage children while holding firm support that it is wiser to let teenagers make their own decisions particularly when they are stick to those decisions. (这不是娇生惯养吗？Once I was stick to beg my father for a BMW series 7 car as my 22 years old birthday present ，and then我爸只说了一个字，意思是在地上呈旋转状。)

1.   托福作文，开门见山，第一段都没有指出自己立场。

2.   作文行云流水，但是展开段都没有明晰的分论点的来支撑。

3.   语法，拼写错误层出不穷；口语化，中文化，只能说明一个问题：需要多加练习。

4.   要学上乘的TWE就要从模仿结构开始，那，有【逵逵写作文】合集在固顶，下载了参看。

新年快乐!

                    likui

ariel_cheng

I am always wondering (always wonder) if parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for me or (parents or other adult relatives都是泛指，怎么对了“你”这个特指？)other teenage children.

因为我想要不要跟开头联系上.

particularly when they are stick to those decisions. (这不是娇生惯养吗？...

不能理解为坚持自己的决定吗?就像朝着自己的理想勇往直前~~~~

1.   托福作文，开门见山，第一段都没有指出自己立场

我看了下载的资料说可以在首段或者尾段表明自己的观点啊~

my by (by my)   笔误啦...

THANK YOU VERY MUCH

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-1-3 9:26:57编辑过]

likui

以下是引用ariel_cheng在2005-1-3 8:51:00的发言：

I am always wondering (always wonder) if parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for me or (parents or other adult relatives都是泛指，怎么对了“你”这个特指？)other teenage children.

因为我想要不要跟开头联系上.

me不用就联系不上吗？主要是泛指之后，是所有的parents and other adult relatives 都for you了？

particularly when they are stick to those decisions. (这不是娇生惯养吗？...

不能理解为坚持自己的决定吗?就像朝着自己的理想勇往直前~~~~

就因为stick就能说明问题了？stick也有坚持正确的和错误的之分呀。

1.   托福作文，开门见山，第一段都没有指出自己立场

我看了下载的资料说可以在首段或者尾段表明自己的观点啊~

阅卷人读到最后，豁然发现，哦～你的观点是blablabla～他还要回视你的reasons，对于日理万机的他们，这可能吗？

更何况你这篇文章写的reason隐晦。

英文的写作方法就是开门见山，开诚布公，不仅是首段表明观点，每段的第一句也是你reason的中心句。

my by (by my)   笔误啦...

大家都忙，自己先要好好修改。