新人托福作文帖~~~

slhtzbpxz

新人托福准备上路！

slhtzbpxz

八月七日独立

With the unprecedented development of the society, we are confronted with a heated debate: whether it is easier now for people to maintain health than past? A majority of crowd hold the viewpoint that we can now much more easily stay healthy than our ancestors. In personal view, I strongly advocate this statement. Among mountains of reasons accounting for this, here three most conspicuous ones will be illustrated here.
To begin with, the first contributing point has to do with the increased living standards generated by the rapid development of economy. Undoubtedly, in all aspects of our lives blooming economy imposes fundamental effect to reduce poverty and promote people’s living standards comprising complete infrastructures, recreational venues, theatre or shopping mail. It should be admitted that the skyrocket of the economy enables enormous citizens to get rid of poverty and obtain a better material life, as now there is a substantial decline of hungers and diseases in the whole world. This point is best demonstrated with by the report released by a British agency claiming that people’s income has doubled during past 50 years, while their cost of living increased only by fifty percent. To sum up, economic growth produces favorable effects on people’s living conditions.


To add more credibility, another compelling reason lies in the rapid advance in technology. In the entire human history, the paucity of techniques in medical treatment, as we all know, is regarded as a milestone of human’s longevity. With the advanced technology products, we are able to bask higher longevity which is prevented by various diseases. Think about the society within our reach: a society where smallpox is no longer existed; a society where even cancer can be cured; a society with a future where we’re in total control of our own body. In short, it is by modern technology we can cure some illness which can never be treated before, obviously people nowadays are more advantageous to live longer.
Another aspect should never be ignored is the mental fitness. In the past people were usually lack of friendship, those lonely people who were swamped by their livelihood usually immerse themselves in endless work, thus feeling lost and helpless. In contrast, concerning the millstone around their necks, people usually choose to join in social clubs or participate in a diversity of activities aiming at self-relaxation and entertaining, which drives away the lassitude of overloaded work. Consequently, it is more available now to get away from the daily grind, which enables to achieve a vigorous mentality
To put it into a nutshell, based on through analysis above, we can reasonably conclude that people in this age can maintain their health more easily. Although there exist some problems like pollution which causes damage to our health. However, they pale before the indisputable   advantages that are high living standards, advanced medical technique and mental fitness offered by modern society.

slhtzbpxz

八月八日独立
With the unprecedented development of the society, we often ask ourselves: Are we more respectful to our elders than past? A majority of crowd hold the viewpoint that people in this era of extremely extradinary sophistication are woefully lack of respect for elders. On the other hand, this statement is strongly opposed by numerous people who reckon that  individuals today elders still hold high esteem by youngers. In personal view, I would advocate the former one, among mountains of reasons accounting for this, here three most conspicuous ones will be illustrated.

To begin with, the first contributing point is people in this age are too busy to pay attention to the aged. Admittedly, the young toady faces an amount of pressure unseen by any previous generations The competition for good schools, good internships, good jobs immerses individuals in endless job tasks. Contriving to obtain acceptance and opportunities for promotion, young people stay up and keep working until midnight, or even spend weekends and holidays on career issues to boost their competitiveness and derive favor from superiors. Consequently, it will be surprising to see, as the young are exhausted, that they still dedicate themselves as wholeheartedly to elders as before. This point is best illustrated with a survey released by BBC, indicating that among responders, seventy of them agree elders are left alone because of their children’s do not have sufficient time to accompany with them. In short, with such insurmountable stress, how can we still consider caring about the aged？

To add more credibility, another compelling reason lies in the growing self-centeredness of social mentality. It seems, especially during the last decade, people began to value individual gain much more heavily than feelings of others. As a result, when planning their spare time, an overwhelming majority of the younger do not take account into the presence of their old parents. Consequently, with the decline of moral standards, sadly few young people would feel that they have redundant time for old people

Another aspect should never be ignore is the counter- productive effect of social welfare. Undoubtedly the strength of nation leads a rapid development of social security, especially in the aging industry. However, people now tend to live under the illusion that more and more modern, beautiful old people’s houses mean more attention are paid to the aged. Obviously they fail to take into account that this so-called security system facilities young people to cut the old loose. With the help of old people’s house, the young get an excellent vehicle for throwing the old away with any effort; and never would they be worried about taking care of their parents. Thereby the failing apart between the young and the old becomes more tragic.

To put it into a nutshell, based on through analysis above, we can reasonably conclude this issue painfully reflects an on-going trend that people in this age are not as respectful to the old as before. Of course there still exist many young people who are reverent to old people. However, it pales in strength compared to mountains of facts among which the high level of stress, the lost of kindness and the counter-productive effect of social securities.

ChristinaJuris

哥们，对不起，我刚交作业。。。我智力有问题，之前没看懂公告，于是比截止时间晚了一个多小时才交。
求原谅！
祝你下战T顺利118！
Best wishes！

ChristinaJuris

亲的作文很赞！
以下仅为个人意见，大红为疑似病句/词，黄色高光为我喜欢的用法，其他颜色为我的混乱想法。

With the unprecedented development of the society, we are confronted with a heated debate: （这句似乎模板气息过重。现在首句套模板的人太多，考官可能会反感）whether it is easier now for people to maintain health than past? A majority of crowd hold the viewpoint that we can now much more easily stay healthy than our ancestors. In personal view, I strongly advocate this statement. Among mountains of reasons accounting for this, here （这个here多余了）three most conspicuous ones will be illustrated here.
（第一段有“万能模板段”的感觉：4个模板句+ topic sentence & key words。我对托福作文了解甚少，不知道独立写作中套模板段落会不会对分数有影响）
（建议每段之间空一行）

To begin with, the first contributing point has to do with（这个用法我喜欢）the increased living standards generated by the rapid development of economy. Undoubtedly, in all aspects of our lives（这里少了一个逗号）blooming economy imposes fundamental effect to reduce （1. “imposes effect——强加影响”的搭配在逻辑上怪怪的。在google查了一下，也没能搜到有impose effect 短语的文章或表述。要不咱还是用 “ have fundamental effect on ” 的表述吧。2. effect on, 不是effect to，因此应写作 effect on reducing）poverty and promote (promoting) people’s living standards comprising (这里是想说”由基础设施、娱乐场所和大规模购物中心构成的生活水平“吗？1. ”由。。。组成“应写作 comprised by。2. 我认为这里用 living standards promoted by ...会更好些。因为我认为”由XX、XX和XX构成的水平“ 的表述很奇怪 ) complete infrastructures, recreational venues, theatre or （应用and）shopping mail.

ChristinaJuris

刚才有几个字没打完。
shopping mail （大规模购物中心是 shopping MALL）. It should be admitted that the skyrocket of the economy enables enormous citizens to get rid of poverty and obtain a better material life, as now there is a substantial decline of hungers and diseases in the whole world. This point is best demonstrated with (删除 with )by the report released by a British agency claiming that people’s income has doubled during past 50 years, while their cost of living increased only by fifty percent. (引用数据的长句子，我很喜欢) To sum up, economic growth produces favorable effects on people’s living conditions.

对不起，我今晚吃海鲜过敏了。吐得很厉害，胃痛。等我好一点了再把后半部分的批改发给你，好吗？

ChristinaJuris

To add more credibility, another compelling reason lies in the （喜欢）rapid advance in technology. In the entire human history, the paucity of techniques in medical treatment, as we all know, (插入语插的位置我喜欢啊) is regarded as a milestone of human’s longevity（人类寿命的固定搭配是human longevity）. With the advanced technology products, we are able to bask （楼主的各种阳光小词，表述很丰富的说）higher longevity which is prevented by various diseases（没能理解这半句，这半句，以我的智力，会译成“被疾病所组织的更长的寿命”，怪怪的。“be prevented by”：被阻止。eg，Working to death should be prevented by law，法律应阻止过劳死。预防疾病可以直接说prevent disease）. Think about the society within our reach: a society where smallpox is no longer existed; a society where even cancer can be cured; a society with a future where we’re in total control of our own body. (还有排比句啊，真心膜拜楼主) In short, it is by modern technology we can cure some illness which can never be treated before, obviously people nowadays are more advantageous to live longer.

ChristinaJuris

Another aspect should never be ignored is （楼主起承转合的表达方式很丰富，值得我认真学习）the mental fitness. In the past（少了一个逗号） people were usually lack of friendship, those lonely people who were swamped by （我觉得自己好土鳖啊，一看到你用的小词就鼓掌）their livelihood usually immerse themselves in endless work, thus feeling lost and helpless. In contrast, concerning the millstone around their necks, people usually choose to join in social clubs or participate in a diversity of activities aiming at self-relaxation and entertaining, which drives away the lassitude of overloaded work. Consequently, it is more available now to get away from the daily grind, which enables to achieve a vigorous mentality.

To put it into a nutshell, based on through analysis above, we can reasonably conclude that people in this age can maintain their health more easily. Although there exist some problems like pollution which causes damage to our health. However, they pale before ( “相形见绌”的表述是 be pale before ) the indisputable advantages that are high living standards, advanced medical technique and mental fitness offered by modern society.

l楼主的作文很赞！
鼓掌！！！
撒花！！！

slhtzbpxz

0809  写了点什么都不知道。。对不起帮我改作文的同学了~
In this age with our society has a considerable leap in living standards, thus, education, as an essential topic, has caused a grave concern: Should a government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities? A majority of crowd hold the viewpoint that universities are more worthwhile than kindergartens. On the other hand this statement is strongly opposed by numerous people who reckon that young children education outweighs than those colleges. In personal view, I would advocate the former one. Among mountains of reasons accounting for this, three most conspicuous ones will be illustrated here.

To begin with, the first contributing point is the fierce competition faced by our university students. Nowadays our students are confronted with an amount of pressure unseen by any before generation. The competition for reputable schools,good internerships, promising jobs immerse individuals in endless tasks and does harm to their physical and mental fitness. All of this was caused by the scarcity of famous schools cannot afford the exceed demand of students; Consequently, if more financial support can be developed by government to bring up more good schools, this problem would be substantially mitigated.

To add more credibility, another compelling reason lies in the maintainece of professors in universities. Nowadays there is accumulating evidence indicating that universities professor contributes the most in the advance of technology. However woefully we see a large number of schools are not able to afford the wage of professors because of the paucity of money, thus leading a great outflow of talent. It is hard to image a school without substantial schoolers for the simple reason that those figures, who are the backbone of the whole research, cannot be substituted by anyone else. A survey released by BBC recently claiming the number of teachers who quit from universities doubled in last year as they cannot obtain sufficient wages. In short, it is no exaggeration to say that government ‘s financial support can enable colleges to maintain more talented people.

Another aspect should never be ignored is the value of universities compared with kindergartens. In this age with mislead of some medias, a host of people tend to live under the illusion that it is kid who is the hope of the society; it is the kid who hold the future of the human. Obviously they fail to take into account that children still have a long way to go before they become adults; there are still many changes can be made. In addition, parents toady usually pay much more attention on their children than before, putting kids in a favorable position to be good-cared. In contrast, students in colleges carry the future of the world, more and more burdens are thrown upon their shoulders. Never should we forget the essence of those young hopeful people, and the responsibilities of government to lend credence to universities.

To put it into a nutshell, based on through analysis above, we can safely conclude finanice universities is superior to finaniace very young children education. Admittedly there exist some arguments stressing the significance of young children education. However they pale in strength compared with facts among which competition faced by our university students，the maintainece of professors in universities, and the value of universities compared with kindergartens

slhtzbpxz

0810 独立

In this age, we are facing an era where the teamwork becomes unprecedently essential; Inextricabliy, we are confronted with a heated debate: Is the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is the ability to take responsibility for mistakes? A majority of crowd hold the viewpoint that confessing fault is not the panacea for leadership whereas this statement is strongly opposed by numerous people who stress the significance of admitting mistakes. In personal view, I would advocate the former one since there are countless qualities which are weight more than being responsible to mistakes. Among mountains of cases accounting for this, three most conspicuous ones will be illustrated.

To begin with, the first contributing point has to do with the wide range scope of knowledge. It is in disputable that only people with a full range of spectrum are more able to integrate various information and proceed from the whole situation when they make decisions. We can hardly image a leader without any knowledge while the only thing he is adept as is admitting his mistakes. This point is best demonstrated with the case of Alexander III, had Aristotle not educated Alexander III on philosophy and political science, the latter would have been Alexander III instead of Alexander the great. It is a complete knowledge reserve Alexander obtains enables him to gain insights into the complex world outside the campus, and to found a way out of his personal dilemma and confusion. To sum up, an abundance of knowledge is far more superior to admitting responsibility.

To add more credibility, another compelling reason lies in the social ability of leaders. Admittedly, social network is a beneficial to a person’s sustained leadership development. In this era of extraordinary sophistication and versatility, it is no exaggeration to say that a harmonious relationship with some powerful figures is undoubtedly needed for those leaders who are in charge of such big teams. Every time these leaders face difficulties, as an old saying vividly mentioned；‘The hero always appears at the critical point’.; then come their friends who can give a hand to and help them to overcome problems. For instance, Ida B wells, a famous human-rights campaigner, avoid multiple assassinations with the help of her friends instead of acknowledging faults. In short, social circle of friends is another element weighting more than confessing mistakes.

Another aspect should never be ignored is the comprehensive skills to solve the problem. Nowadays a large number of people tend to live under the illusion that honest and courage to confess faults mean a good leader. Obviously they fail to take into account that real wise leaders would not make the problem at all. If leaders can solve problem in the first place, never need they expose to the public. In conclude, a person who can fix his mistakes is far better than a person who only knows to admitting his mistakes.

To put it into a nutshell, based on through analysis above, we can reasonably conclude that ability for take responsibilities is not the most important characteristic of an outstanding leader. Although there exist some reasons backing confessing faults for the core of leadership. However , they pale in strength compared with favorable facts among which knowledge, social ability and coping capacity.