泥鳅吃土豆的toefl writing，请狠批，谢谢帮忙！

Whoolwhop

对不起，14:47- 15:44 ，写的太兴奋了，没掐时。。。
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
To improve the quality of education, universities should spend more money paying salaries to professors.

  "Mr. Stevens, my university Biochemistry teacher, is my key totoday's Nobel Prize, here, I really want to say thankyou even though hewas..." By examining the speech of Robert Price, one can see how importantthe professors, or we can infer as our mentors are! It seems logic that withmore salaries, comes the better professors, in other words, better educationquality for this university. However, I don't agree with that. By examining theelements to a high standard education program, motivated students; betterequipments (circumstance); dedicated professors are why high salaries aren'tthe solution to improve education quality directly.

Motivated students who long for learning are quite rare, as I can tell.However, they are the fundamental element for a better education quality. Let'spicture ourselves with universities students who go to parties all day long,and high-salary professors sighing for not enough students in class. Evenworse, students do show up but are sleep, drunk and pay no attention to whatthese intelligent professors say, but texting and chatting... Although this isthe worst situation as I can see, but that shows that it is important to have athrong of students who are motivated and really love studying. Looking at thecases of World War Two, a lot of Jewish scholars, such as Albert Eistain, fledto America. After the war, most of them settled down. Princeton Universityhired them as professors (Eistan; Turling; and etc), meanwhile, a policy thatindicated soldiers who went to war could go to universities for free forfurther education was out. A lot of young men with enthusiasm went to learn,which made Princeton and many other universities better and better. Of course,it was these young men that finally changed the world with waves and waves ofinnovations! I would never forget what Adam Harris wrote in his diary, "Ilong for Princeton, not because of how much they offer, but for these talentedstudents who always ask me questions after class and ask for more work..."This piece of diary shocked me, and allowed me to realize that professors wouldlove to stay with excellent students! Unfortunately, the statistic collectedfrom CHIP shows that 59.4% of the motivated students come from poor ormiddle-class families. Yet universities like Stanford; UCLA; Wheaton are soexpensive! They would most likely to choose universities that offerscholarships or those that are inexpensive for tuitions. In short, in order toimprove education quality, universities should attract better students! Bydoing so, provide more scholarships or better circumstances!   

Speaking of circumstances, I mean equipments, latest textbooks and thingsprofessors ask for. When the university is covered with wifi; the resources inlibrary is numerous; eqiupments or fund for professors are required, who don'twant to come? As an old Thai saying goes, "A cozy enviornment with everything needed is well-prepared are places where you double your efficiency andquality! " Although Thai are somethimes lazy, but this is true! When I amwriting my essay in a messy place, I can't even have ideas! When i change intolibrary with other people who study, at the same time, I am motivated, and withthe immense resources, I will be filled with brilliant ideas. Better physicalsubstances can help with our emotions; universities with high technology oradvanced labs or equipments are places where we want to put ourselves intostudy. And when most of us are motivated (students; staffs; professors andetc), here comes better education quality!

Last but not least, professors who really dedicate themselves ineducation are also element of high education quality. With a good mentorleading us to knowledge we can't conquer ourselves, this special he or she,also inspires us and provides us details we miss... Or else, why should we needteachers? We can learn knowledge ourselves! Professors don't think money as themost essential, but perhaps someone who can follow their thoughts, and discusstheir oponions about a specific topic are enough. Both my grandparents areprofessors: granddad is expert in nuclear and grandmother is master inPhilosopy. I once heard my grandmother said that students she had only wereinterested in the credits they earned for picking this not-popular subject,that's why she left for AIT. No matter where my grandma went in the eighties,she would always get a job. However, she chose AIT in Thailand because of theenthusiasm she received! Professors don't lack money, they lack true-heartedlisteners!

  Toconclude, motivated students; high-tech equipments; dedicated professors arefundamental elements for better educaional quality! universities should focusmore on thes criterias but not high salaries for professors, unless theseelements are already achieved. I don't approve the method listed in thestatement to achieve better education quality by raising professors' salaries.

Whoolwhop

Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Compared with the people who live in cities, the people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families.


Many believe that people who live in rural areas take better care of their families. I, however, don't agree with this statement, the reasons are as follows.

It is true that the speed of life in city is fast. There isn't enough time for family member to take care of each other. But, as a saying goes, "If you truly want to accomplish it, you can do it by putting your heart to it." As can be seen, time is like sponge: the harder you chews(chew), the more it flows. With these(this) "extra" time you receive, you may be able to spend some time with your family. My father always goes walking with my mother after dinner, meanwhile, my brother Chris and I do the dishes and spare the TV. We talk about our plans during every breakfast. Of course, we have a duty list, so we follow the rules made by every single member of our family stricly and make no complaints. We do live in this fast-speed city but we know each other as if we are in a body.

Another reason is for the well-developed meditation. I don't mean that living in rural areas don't have any good doctors or teachers, but looking at the broad side, cities do have more hospitals and better schools with the development of science and technology. One time, my grandmother got very sick during our visit in rural area of a poor village in Hunan,China(Hunan, China). She got a "enormous" fish bone stuck in her throat. We tried to get it out with chopsticks, but failed. We called the doctor, but all he did was trying to convince us to let my poor grandma swallow a full mouth of rice and made the bone go with it. It also didn't work out very well because my grandma had dentures and the rice sutck(stuck) with them. She nearly went out of breath. We gave up and managed to book a ticket back to Bangkok, Thailand that night. Poor grandma went on a(an) unpleasant trip. By examining this fish bone cas(case), it clearly indicates that even if we try our best in rural areas (the part that without good conditions), we still fail to actually look after our family. We want to but the condition doesn't allow it.

Last but not least, there are a lot of farmers in Thailand give up farming and become mechanics for the rapid imporvment(improvement) of salaries, mostly. Same things happen in China, India, Laos, and many other Asian countries. Why? The reason is simple: a family may be united. As one sees through the statistic of the human population of China in 2009, when workers gets a job, within 2 years, his whole family, including his wife, children, sisters, brothers, parents, even great grandparents coming along with him. There are 49% of these people doing the same thing, and as the Population Controlling Office in China predicts, the numerous will double till 2020. Why? The whole family are together again. The condition must be better, too, compared to the life in rural areas.

In short, although different people have various point(points) of views, I still firmly believe that citizens in cities can take better care of their families than those who live in rural areas. Or else, why do people constantly immigrate to cities? Perhaps it is because of better jobs, environments, cares for family...

Whoolwhop

我写完还有8分34秒呢？请问我还有哪里可以改进呢？

TPO12: integreted writing

According to the professor, he doubted that the portrait was indicating Jane Austen by arguing from 3 aspects: the liability of Austen family members’ authorization, similarity of the appearance between Jane and her “immense” relatives, and the style of Mr. Humphrey.

In the reading material, Austen’s family firmly believed it as the portrait of Jane. The professor, however, only agreed that the portrait did connect to the one of the family member. He stated that when the Austen family first authorized the portrait, Jane was dead for 70 years! Not one family member here ever saw Jane in his own eyes! They were just assuming by looking at the sketch drawn by Cassandra. It wasn’t convincing, not to mention the immense Austen family!

The professor stated that this portrait belonged to Marian, a relative of Jane, proven by the advanced technology nowadays. That explaint the similar appearance between the sketch and this portrait, because relatives somehow always have similar looks. Of course, this also proved the second paragraph of the reading material was wrong.

Last but not least, the reading material mentioned the style of the portrait was same as Mr. Humphery’s. The professor did mention that there was a date signed at the back of the portrait and it probably did belong to Mr. Humphery. However, when Mr. Humphery first started portraiting as a living in England, Jane was already 27! There was absolutely no way the teenage gilr in this portrait was Jane!

Whoolwhop

TPO 13:integrated writing

The professor stated that the advantages of selling fossils outweighted the disadvantages from 3 aspects: general public’s to scientists’ beneficiary and finally, beneficiary of more fossils’ being found.

First, the professor indicated that selling fossils provided more people to see fossils. It was opposite with the view from the reading material. With more and more sellings going on, the prices of some fossils would be lower. Therefore, the professor argued that public schools and etc could be able to routinely buy some fossils and displayed them. The professor stated that it would not be a decline in public interest in fossils at all, as written in the first paragraph of the passage.

Secondly, the professor argued that before each selling, these fossils must be scientifically identified first. And the only ones who could give detailed examinations and tests were scientists! Unlike what  reading material stated, these wait-to-be-sold fossils would always pass though scientists hands. In short, scientists wouldn’t miss out potentially crucial discoveries about the extinct life forms!

Last but not least, the professor argued that it was a lot better to have more fossils being found than most of them go undiscovered. Professor didn’t exactly deny the view from reading material: commercial fossil collectors may destroy fossils and valuable scientific evidence. However, she did explain that most universities didn’t have enough money to dug every fossil out, so why not allow these collectors did it? It was better to have fossils than fossils being unearth!

Whoolwhop

Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Two people can become good friends even if one of them has much more money than the other.

"With similar goals comes solid friendship!" Karl Marx, the establisher of Communism, once wrote in his famous work. Marx and Engel were best friends. However, Engel was wealthier and alsos supported Marx with funds to finish his extraordinary "Utopia" (his books, his advanced ideas were precious!). By examining his saying, with some of the brief introduction of Marx, one can learn that two epople do can become good friends even if one of them has much more money than the other. As for me, examples from Rosa Parks and Senater Robert, to well-loved Thai King, and finally Claire Chan are how I will try to state this statement in the following paragraphs.

To begin with, the definition of friendship is people who understand and support each other, in my perspective. Friendship is much more valuable than physical stuffs.People do love money and need money in a way or another, but the rich and the poor can still become friends! For example, Rosa Parks and Senate Robert were good friends! During the period of Segregation, Rosa Parks was even in jail because of refusing to give out her seat! Senater Robert, secretly provided her 100 dollars to bail her out of jail, and later even provided her a job! They were friends ever since. True friends are people who actually care about you, instead of your money, status.

Furthermore, as a citizen of Thai, King D is friends with a lot of monks. According to the statistic from Forbs, Thai King D was the fourth wealthiest kings (including queens in England and so on) in the world. Interestingly, the tradion for Thai men in their eighteenth is that all of them must be monk for 1 year, or else, they can never be considered as true men! So, once in a while, the spectacular view happens. Although the King's Palace is forbidden for us normal citizens to come, these "one-year-monk" stay there and learn! Who can be so sure that wealth, or high status interrupts the bondings between the rich and we normal citizens?

Last but not least, unless normal one is so jealous of the one with more money, in other words, jealousy is functioning, friendship will always last, as long as the richer one also don't jeer at the latter. Friendship works only when two of them really want to be friends! No substances in the world can stop it. Lokking to the case of my friend, Claire Chan, whose father is one of the CEOs in silicon valley, and also owns a villa in Beverly Hills, she never shows off! Instead, she cares about us and is always modest. Most of the class loves to be friends with her, evern though we later realize that it is her mother who donates the money to our school every year! We never think of flattering her, or being friends with her for benifits. Even after graduation, we still contact one another and visit each other for most of us are seperated in different part of the worl. Our life experience prove a famous quote in Animak Farm wrong, "All animals are created equal, but some animals are better..."

In brief, the difference in wealth won't stop two people from becoming friends. But once it does, both of them need to relax and change into a positive attitude. Remember, money is a necessity for living, but friends who may confort and encourage you when you are in troughs are the pearls you need to tressure forever!

32min, I must learn to minimize my words!!!!!!!!!

Whoolwhop

没人看得默默飘过。。。。。

不写了

Whoolwhop

Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

I agree that parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes. By examining the quote from "Catcher in the Rye", "That's all I have to do, I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all." Holden directly indicates that parents should allow kids to explore the unknown and make mistakes.

To begin with, children learn and grow by realizing the mistakes they make. As in "The Catcher In The (in the)Rye", Holden's sister was pissed with Holden for he was leaving without her. Instead, on the carrousel, she tried to grab the golden ring like anybody else. Although She (she) was almost falling to the floor, Holden said nothing, but watched her silently. "The thing with kids is, if they want to grab for the gold ring, you have to let them do it, and not say anything. If they fall off, they fall off, but it's bad if you say anything to them". It touched me when I first read this part. Whenever I look at my left knee, the darkened skin always brings back my memery (memory). In Bangkok, Thailand, motorcycles can be seen everywhere. I was always curious about it, but I was warned by my parents not to touch the motorbikes, not to even mention riding on it. It was my eighth birthday, (;) even my grandparents flew back from China to celebrate! After most of my friends left, I sneaked out with one of them, Praew, whose father owned a fansy (fancy) motorbike. When I begged Praew to make her father wait for her upstairs, I went and got the key and fired the engine. I was so delighted that I immediately jumped on it, without realizing how hot the engine was and how high the seat was. "Ouch, ouch, ouch" brought throng's attention, I was burned by the engine when I tried to crossed my right leg high. From that day, I would always leave these vehicles with engines alone, meanwhile, little me understood that parents' words were always somehow right. Interestingly, from that "life altering" moment, I was still very naughty, but had patient to listen to my parents' instructions!

Furthermore, parents should let their kids to explore the world! Edison was a famous inventor. When he was small, he was fasinated (fascinated) by how eggs turned into chickens. So he once imitated the hens and sat on these eggs. However, unlike most of the Asian parents, Edison's mother asked him with smile about what he observed and his opinion about it. Innovation is established step by step with these explorations. Sometimes, during these explorations, we make mistakes, but, in my perspective, parents should be like the watcher in the rye. Supporting us only when we are near the dangerous cliff is a way I deeply approve off.

Last but not least, children aren't parents' color books, you don't get to paint or fill their colors for them! As is paraphrasing from "The Kite Runners", Amir's father finally accomplished this difficult task by allowing his beloved son major in English literature. Perhaps you might think what this relates to how parents should allow kids make mistakes and learn from them. My father always wanted me to become a physician like him, and he always "tortured" or forced me to learn more about human's structure. I personnaly (personnally) hated it and always made mistakes in spelling the words. Mr (My) father, on the other side, was a perfectionist. When I tried to reason to him now that I really want to major in Theology, he creeped out! My mother tried to calm him down by telling him that during the learning period, if it was so boring and difficult, she would change the subject herself. What I am trying to say is, sometimes, kids like me will only turn around when we make mistakes ourselves and can't find the way out from going straightly! We stubborn only learn during the process of making mistakes and fixing it.

In brief, making mistakes and learn from them is a circle that parents shouldn't break. It is natural for kids to make mistakes, but parents should support them when they are finding the solutions. At the same time, grabbing them back from some really dangerous cliffs before they fall in is perhaps also parents' responsibility!

Whoolwhop

huajiali 发表于 2013-7-15 10:02
红色表示错误，蓝色表示建议，黄色表示精彩
Two people can become good friends even if one  ...

对不起，我在大本营中说的话不是指你啦，我指的是第一次写的文章到现在还没被批。。。悲剧

Whoolwhop

"With similar goals comes solid friendship!" KarlMarx, the establisher of Communism, once wrote in his famous work. Marx andEngel were soul mates. Engel was wealthier who supported Marx in regard tofinancial aids. With these conditions, Marx was able to finish hisextraordinary "Utopia" theory. Byexamining his saying, with some of the brief introduction of Marx, one canlearn that two people do can become good friends even if one of them has muchmore money than the other. Iwould like to take examples from Rosa Parks and Senator Robert, well-loved ThaiKing, and Claire Chan to support the statement. in the following paragraphs.选哪一个好呢？
As for me,examples from Rosa Parks and Senater Robert, to well-loved Thai King, andfinally Claire Chan are how I will try to state this statement in the followingparagraphs.

To begin with, the definition of friendship is peoplewho understand and support each other, in my perspective（像马后炮一样！）.Friendship is much more valuable than physical（material） stuffs（stuff是不可数的哦）. People do love money and needmoney in a way or another, but the rich and the poor can still become friends!For example, Rosa Parks and Senator Robertwere good friends! During the period of Segregation, Rosa Parks was even injail because of refusing to give out her seat! Senator Robert, secretlyprovided her 100 dollars to bail her out of jail, and later even provided her ajob! They were friends ever since. True friends are people who actually careabout you, instead of your money, status.

Furthermore, as a citizen of Thai, King Bhumibol Adulyadej is friends with a lot ofmonks. According to the statistic from Forbs, Thai King Adulyadej was the fourth wealthiest king in the world. Interestingly,all of the Thai men in their eighteenth must become monks for 1 year, or else,they can never be considered as true men in Thai’s tradition! So, once in awhile, the spectacular view happens. Although the King's Palace is forbiddenfor us normal citizens to visit, these "one-year-monk" stay there andlearn! When King Adulyadej returned from America, he also became aone-year-monk and till these days, the relationship between him and these monkfriends stayed closed. Who can still be so sure that wealth, or high statusinterrupts the bondings between the rich and we normal citizens?（感觉叹号用的有点多）

Last but not least, unless normal one is so jealous of the one with more money,in other words, jealousy is functioning (functions),friendship will always last, as long as the richer one also don't jeer at thepoor. Friendship works only when two of them really want to be friends! Nosubstances in the world can stop it. Looking atthe case of my friend, Claire Chan, whose father is one of the CEOs in Silicon Valley, and also owns a villa in BeverlyHills, she never shows off! Instead, she cares about us and is always modest. Every one in our class is willing to be a friend of her.Most of the class loves(love) to befriends with her, evern though we later realize that it is her mother whodonates the money to our school every year! We never think of flattering her,or being friends with her for benefits. Even after graduation, we still (keep contact even though )(建议删去one another and visit each other for ）mostof us are seperated in different parts of the world. Our life experienceproves a famous quote in Animal Farm wrong, "All animals are createdequal, but some animals are more equal than others."

In brief, the difference in wealth won't stop two people from becoming friends.But once it（这个it指代有些不明确呢） does, both of them need to relaxand change into a positive attitude. Remember, money is a necessity for living,but friends who may comfort and encourage youwhen you are in tough times are the pearls youneed to treasure forever!