泥鳅吃土豆的toefl writing，请狠批，谢谢帮忙！

tsyxyss

Whoolwhop 发表于 2013-7-15 10:37
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Parents should allow th ...

IndependentWriting：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn fromtheir own mistakes.

I agree that parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let themlearn from their own mistakes. By examining the quote from "Catcher in theRye", "That's all I have to do, I'd just be the catcher in the ryeand all." Holden directly indicates that parents should allow kids toexplore the unknown and make mistakes.

To begin with, children learn and grow by realizing the mistakes they make. Asin "The Catcher In The (in the)Rye", Holden's sister was pissed withHolden for he was leaving without her. Instead, on the carrousel, she tried tograb the golden ring like anybody else. Although She (she) was almost fallingto the floor, Holden said nothing, but watched her silently. "The thingwith kids is, if they want to grab for the gold ring, you have to let them doit, and not say anything. If they fall off, they fall off, but it's bad if yousay anything to them". It touched me when I first read this part. WheneverI look at my left knee, the darkened skin always brings back my memery (memory).In Bangkok, Thailand, motorcycles can be seen everywhere. I was always curiousabout it, but I was warned by my parents not to touch the motorbikes, not toeven mention riding on it. It was my eighth birthday, (;) even my grandparentsflew back from China to celebrate! After most of my friends left, I sneaked outwith one of them, Praew, whose father owned a fansy (fancy) motorbike. When Ibegged Praew to make her father wait for her upstairs, I went and got the keyand fired the engine. I was so delighted that I immediately jumped on it,without realizing how hot the engine was and how high the seat was. "Ouch,ouch, ouch" brought throng's attention, I was burned by the engine when Itried to crossed my right leg high. From that day, I would always leave thesevehicles with engines alone, meanwhile, little me understood that parents'words were always somehow right. Interestingly, from that "lifealtering" moment, I was still very naughty, but had patient to listen tomy parents' instructions!（佩服楼主例子！！！！）

Furthermore, parents should let their kids （to去掉）make mistakes in order to explore the world! Edison was afamous inventor. When he was small, he was fasinated (fascinated) by how eggsturned into chickens. So he once imitated the hens and sat on these eggs.However, unlike most of the Asian parents, Edison's mother asked him with smileabout what he observed and his opinion about it. Innovation is established stepby step with these explorations. Sometimes, during these explorations, we makemistakes, but, in my perspective, parents should be like the watcher in therye. Supporting us only when we are near the dangerous cliff is a way I deeplyapprove off.(lz应该扯一扯扯到mistakes 上，毕竟我们要讨论是否同意父母让孩子犯错)

Last but not least, children aren't parents' color books, （you）parents don't get topaint or fill their colors for them! 腻害！As is paraphrasing from "The Kite Runners",Amir's father finally accomplished this difficult task by allowing his belovedson major in English literature. Perhaps you might think what this relates tohow parents should allow kids make mistakes and learn from them. There is not a better example than the thing of my father that can illustrate the point. My fatheralways wanted me to become a physician like him, and he always"tortured" or forced me to learn more about human's structure. Ipersonnaly (personnally) hated it and always made mistakes in spelling thewords. Mr (My) father, on the other side, was a perfectionist. When I tried toreason (to去掉 )him now that I really want to major in Theology, he creeped out! Mymother tried to calm him down by telling him that during the learning period,if it was so boring and difficult, （she）I would change the subject （herself）myself. What Iam trying to say is, sometimes, kids like me will only turn around when we makemistakes ourselves and can't find the way out from going straightly! Westubborn only learn during the process of making mistakes and fixing it.

In brief, making mistakes and learning from them are a circle that parentsshouldn't break. It is natural for kids to make mistakes, but parents shouldsupport them when they are finding the solutions. At the same time, grabbingthem back from some really dangerous cliffs before they fall in is perhaps alsoparents' responsibility!

楼主花多久写700多字啊，太腻害了！！！如果真是在半个小时内写完的就太帅了，因为毕竟字多还是有优势。不过一般最多大家也就写500多字吧。

楼主例子好厉害，只是有些小错误，总体不错。第二个观点略牵强，可以改下。

还有楼主想学Theology实在是太帅了！！O(∩_∩)O~

tsyxyss

Whoolwhop 发表于 2013-7-13 10:45
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Two people can become g ...

Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

I agree that parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes. By examining the quote from "Catcher in the Rye", "That's all I have to do, I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all." Holden directly indicates that parents should allow kids to explore the unknown and make mistakes.

To begin with, children learn and grow by realizing the mistakes they make. As in "The Catcher In The (in the)Rye", Holden's sister was pissed with Holden for he was leaving without her. Instead, on the carrousel, she tried to grab the golden ring like anybody else. Although She (she) was almost falling to the floor, Holden said nothing, but watched her silently. "The thing with kids is, if they want to grab for the gold ring, you have to let them do it, and not say anything. If they fall off, they fall off, but it's bad if you say anything to them". It touched me when I first read this part. Whenever I look at my left knee, the darkened skin always brings back my memery (memory). In Bangkok, Thailand, motorcycles can be seen everywhere. I was always curious about it, but I was warned by my parents not to touch the motorbikes, not to even mention riding on it. It was my eighth birthday, (;) even my grandparents flew back from China to celebrate! After most of my friends left, I sneaked out with one of them, Praew, whose father owned a fansy (fancy) motorbike. When I begged Praew to make her father wait for her upstairs, I went and got the key and fired the engine. I was so delighted that I immediately jumped on it, without realizing how hot the engine was and how high the seat was. "Ouch, ouch, ouch" brought throng's attention, I was burned by the engine when I tried to crossed my right leg high. From that day, I would always leave these vehicles with engines alone, meanwhile, little me understood that parents' words were always somehow right. Interestingly, from that "life altering" moment, I was still very naughty, but had patient to listen to my parents' instructions!（佩服楼主例子！！！！）

Furthermore, parents should let their kids （to去掉）make mistakes in order to explore the world! Edison was a famous inventor. When he was small, he was fasinated (fascinated) by how eggs turned into chickens. So he once imitated the hens and sat on these eggs. However, unlike most of the Asian parents, Edison's mother asked him with smile about what he observed and his opinion about it. Innovation is established step by step with these explorations. Sometimes, during these explorations, we make mistakes, but, in my perspective, parents should be like the watcher in the rye. Supporting us only when we are near the dangerous cliff is a way I deeply approve off.(lz应该扯一扯扯到mistakes 上，毕竟我们要讨论是否同意父母让孩子犯错)

Last but not least, children aren't parents' color books, （you）parents don't get to paint or fill their colors for them! 腻害！As is paraphrasing from "The Kite Runners", Amir's father finally accomplished this difficult task by allowing his beloved son major in English literature. Perhaps you might think what this relates to how parents should allow kids make mistakes and learn from them. There is not a better example than the thing of my father that can illustrate the point. My father always wanted me to become a physician like him, and he always "tortured" or forced me to learn more about human's structure. I personnaly (personnally) hated it and always made mistakes in spelling the words. Mr (My) father, on the other side, was a perfectionist. When I tried to reason (to去掉 )him now that I really want to major in Theology, he creeped out! My mother tried to calm him down by telling him that during the learning period, if it was so boring and difficult, （she）I would change the subject （herself）myself. What I am trying to say is, sometimes, kids like me will only turn around when we make mistakes ourselves and can't find the way out from going straightly! We stubborn only learn during the process of making mistakes and fixing it.

In brief, making mistakes and learning from them are a circle that parents shouldn't break. It is natural for kids to make mistakes, but parents should support them when they are finding the solutions. At the same time, grabbing them back from some really dangerous cliffs before they fall in is perhaps also parents' responsibility!

楼主花多久写700多字啊，太腻害了！！！如果真是在半个小时内写完的就太帅了，因为毕竟字多还是有优势。不过一般最多大家也就写500多字吧。

楼主例子好厉害，只是有些小错误，总体不错。第二个观点略牵强，可以改下。

还有楼主想学Theology实在是太帅了！！O(∩_∩)O~

Whoolwhop

tsyxyss 发表于 2013-7-16 22:20
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Parents should allow  ...

我这里面有200多字的麦田里的守望者的段落，应该不算吧！ 都是quotes-平时老师都不算我们字数的。你的文章才厉害，我的不行。。。我一直没掐30这个时间点，应该写了50分钟吧。。。

Whoolwhop

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Some people prefer to work for only three days a week with long hours. Other prefer to work for five days a week with shorter hours. Which way do you think is more enjoyable and why?

16:56-17:30


I used to enjoy working only for three days a week with long hours! However, after studying with this method for a month, I began to hate reciting vocabulary (vocabulary) all day long without rest; caught into swamp of the low in efficiency and even had a headache! Later, I realized that working five days a week is really more enjoyable! That's also probably why people keep on this "tradition"!

To begin with, boredom or hatred is being produced with large amount of time doing the same work. According to Discovery Channel, 65% of the interviewers admitted that they got tired repeating the same work for hours within a day. I personally (personally) experienced this kind of stress when I was preparing for SAT a month ago. With my friends hanging out all the time and having their photos put on facebook, I wanted to take a day off! A plan was made: finish Barrons'  (Baron’s)SAT Maths. Unfortunately, when I was half way through the process, I got stuck at one particular linear problem. I got furious and stressful, later, I even throwed (threw) the book I tore to pieces into the trash bin. As can be seen, working the same thing "all" day long didn't bring us a satisfies (satisfied) outcome!

Moreover, efficiency was reduced because of the loss of passion. "Making employees work whole day isn't...efficiency was the essential part of a good company!" According to Buffet's speech in 2012 shareholers' (shareholders’) meeting, Buffet emphasized that effiency (efficiency) was the core part of a company's standard. Coming back to the point of impacts on each individual, I firmly believe that Buffet's words can be paraphrase into these: Comparing to working hard for three whole days, it is a wiser choice to have efficiently with shorter hours per day, with less pressure.

In my perspective, the most devastating (devastating) harm for the former is health issues. The top three on the list of "Dangerous Jobs You Don't Want To Experience", by teenjobs.com, were plumbers working for petroleum companies (BP; Pemex); truck drivers and soldiers. The similarity of these three is that they work only 2-3 days a week, but every day they work for at least 12 hours! When we humans continue to distract our body system from working day to night and have no constancy at all, hypertention (hypertension), heart attacks, and other heart diseases will knock on your door! Will you risk your life for some high-salary and whole-day jobs? Beware!

To conclude, for me. , working five days a week with shorter hours is a wiser choice. Once you have a constancy enthusiasm and passion of this job; a high efficiency; good health, mostly a (an) enjoyable life God will later offers!

tsyxyss

Whoolwhop 发表于 2013-7-17 12:35
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Some people prefer to work for only three day ...

7,16 改。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

Whoolwhop

tsyxyss 发表于 2013-7-18 11:27
7,16 改。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

好吧，你一个人改两个人。。。牛！