第一次习作，求很批。多谢啦！

Whoolwhop

北美7.28 If you are assigned an important presentation for work orschool, you prefer to work on it right away so that you can work on it a littlebit every day, or wait until you have a good idea about the presentation?

As time flies, we are flooded in a society of greater pressure and fiercecompetitions: exams, paper (如果指论文，为papers), presentations, and etc! To standout, everyone has his/her own ability or way to deal with different challenges.Let’s assume that if you are assigned (to) animportant presentation, how will you accomplish this task, working on it immediatelyor begin until you have a good idea (唉，实力有限，不知道怎木改)? Personally, I am a bigfun (fan) of the latter method since until possessing a good picture of the wholepresentation in my mind, I can work it out efficiently and effectively. 这样怎么样？（Personally, I am a big fan of thelatter method. By processing a good picture of the whole presentation in mymind, I may work it out efficiently and effectively.）
  First and foremost, nothing is more importantthan a good beginning to open the gate of success. Only with a thorough plan, can we carry out ourtask step by step 喜欢倒装啊！. Let’stake drawing as a case, an accomplished artist, always pictures the whole workin his/her mind before he/she puts it on the paper, the outline, the structureand the main idea, all the factors should be taken into account as a whole. Soit is with the presentation. The main idea, the materials to support the idea,the structure to organize the material, all these aspects should be consideredcarefully and logically. （实际上，我个人觉得he/she 这样好麻烦，不过我也不清楚。。。）
  Further(more), if it is carried out with a good idea, the presentationcan be accomplished efficiently and orderly. With the guidance of the main structure 不要（a wholeidea, firstly, ）we should first make sure what our main idea is, once the mainidea is determined, the next step is to collect collectingproper materials to illustrate this idea. Then it is vital to make a logicalstructure to organize these materials and find a proper way to present ourviewpoints clearly. Obviously, possessing (不要of ) a good idea first can lead to greater efficiency and a betterresult.

Admittedly, working on the presentation immediately has its own merits thatcould not be taken place by finishing a presentation with a good idea since itcan do quickly at first，读那么长，憋死我了 andeveryday progress can encourage you to work harder. However, without a thorough thinking process, the presentation may lack a line of connecting all the materials together, thuscannot convey the whole idea effectively. (However,without a thorough thinking process, the presentation may lack the bondingamong all the materials or points, therefore, it cannot convey the whole ideaeffectively.)
In conclusion, instead of working on the presentation right now, it isbetter to consider more thoroughly which leads tohaving a good idea before beginning your presentation, for it can make yourwork in a definite orientation and with a successful ending.  (accomplish our work definitely and successfully)

你觉得怎么样？

LUCY小可

huajiali 发表于 2013-7-14 19:56
北美1.21Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: The opinions of celebrities, such as  ...

亲，你的这一篇和这个题目是不是没有对上？感觉题目是关于听明星建议的，下面的文字是关于health 的。

LUCY小可

红色表示错误；蓝色表示建议；黄色表示精彩
北美2.3Governments and companies should share their scientific discoveries with others
“Sharing happiness with others makes our world beautiful.” Assume that your happiness passes first from you to your friends（复数感觉效果好些，或者不加复数加一个冠词a), then from your friends to another people, how many people can enjoy a moment at the end,(建议加问号，然后从Maybe 这大写另起一句）maybe we cannot count the number precisely. But what we can ensure is that sharing happiness plays a pivotal role in our daily life. So it is with sharing the scientific discoveries conducted by governments and companies. I am a big fan of the viewpoint that governments and companies should share their scientific discoveries with others for the following demonstrations.
    From the perspective of the discovery itself, the very purpose of a scientific discovery, on a bigger scale, is to put it into practice and provide convenience to people. In other words, if possessed and used only by the company or government, the discovery is like the art work exhibited in the museum. Hence, nothing is (as) important is(改成as) to share the discovery with others and put it into use in diversity fields. Take the finding of oil in Daqing China as a convincing example. If the geologists such as Li Siguang had not share this surprising discovery with others, Chinese would have relied on exported(imported) oil （改成名词形式可能更好些 Oil importation from Middle East countries.) manufatured by Middle East countries. So vital it is that we would better share the discoveries with others.这个例子很棒哦！
   From the perspective of the government and the company conducting the discoveries, sharing can bring them great profit and affluence. On the one hand, if possessing a discovery, a company can apply for a patent . Once other companies want to make use of the granted discovery, they have to be permitted by paying the protected company amounts of money. Microsoft, the most famous and biggest computer software company in the world, can achieve mounting profits from patent protection. On the other hand, sharing the discoveries with citizens, government can gain popular trust and perfect its figure to some extent.
    From the perspective of the whole society, there is no denying that sharing with discoveries with others can enable the society to step into a new era. Let’s look back , we came through the age of electricity, then stepped into the era of information owing to the sharing of technological and scientific discoveries. How vital it is to sharing discoveries with others . (这一块好像没有前两块论证的那么扎实，大概是楼主想要略写？）
    To sum up, we can’t emphasize the important of sharing discoveries with others too much since it represents the very meaning of the discovery itself and can spark a new life.


总体意见：
1. 很喜欢你从不同的shareholders 的角度来论证，很全面！同时论证的内容也很饱满，尤其是前两个角度的论证，还有那个李四光的例子很新颖！
2. 多处用到了倒装句，多样化，我不太会写这种句子怕写错，向楼主学习。
3. 一些名词，单复数，固定短语，错误很少，就把一些些小的疏忽纠正就更好。

继续加油！！！：）